Oh believe me, this is something I have struggled with on a daily basis. I honestly am not that attached to the Reform movement as a whole (actually, I'm just not a huge fan of labels in general) in spite of converting with a Reform rabbi. I'm definitely not Orthodox, for various reasons, and am ideologically probably more in line with the Conservative movement, but honestly--the closest Conservative shul to my old place (we recently moved) was not really noticeably different from our Reform shul. There's such a huge spectrum of observance across both movements that I think it's a bit silly to try to fit any one of them into any sort of box, and what it comes down to for me is the community that you connect with. Our old shul felt like home, and so that's where I converted. Our new shul is more conservative in some ways although it's still affiliated with the Reform movement (it's Reform or Chabad in our new city or you can drive 40+ miles to shul every week, which is...no. We are totally down with doing Chabad events and stuff, but would never become Chabaniks), so I haven't had to jump through any hoops yet. I am happy here now but as it is I'd be totally down with converting "the right way" to make any future communities I decide to associate with feel less squicky about me. I know that I'm a serious and dedicated Jew, and it's that personal acceptance that I struggled to find before I was okay with everything else. I'm good enough for Hashem.
Anyway I don't take it personally. We all judge other people, even when we know we shouldn't. Honestly I have harshly judged other Reform converts and the Reform conversion process myself. But like you I would never tell a person that they're not Jewish. And most of the time it doesn't matter anyway. Just as long as your kids aren't trying to marry each other or something. ;)
And yeah, don't even get me started on Messianic "Jews." Argh.
Yeah, for me it really comes down to the fact that with so many people willing to tell any one of us we're not Jewish, we shouldn't be doing that crap to each other. Regardless of movement affiliation. The two words I hate more than any other two words together are "halachically Jewish". I've only ever seen them use to exclude someone.
I converted with rabbi who was traditional Conservative, which was a perfect fit for me. He helped me overcome some stuff I thought I could never do (made me actually consider going without electricity on Shabbos, which is still a goal of mine), but also kind of let me see that you can be non-traditional and still be a Good Jew(tm). The man worked Captain America into a Dvar Torah. He is made of awesomesauce.
I really wish I could find a decent congregation. The one I converted with kinda sucks, so much so that they ousted both the rabbi and cantor *over the phone* after a board meeting. And then had other clergy come do trial services while the originals were still there. And then installed interim clergy. It really put me off the whole place, and the only other shul in town (which is closer, but had no rabbi when I started my conversion process) has sold their building and is possibly merging with my current one. I'd almost go back to the Reform shul because their congregation is so friendly, but their rabbi uses the same intonation as every Catholic priest I've ever heard and it brings back memories of what I was trying to get away from.
tl;dr: We should be excellent to each other, because God knows other people can be douchebags. Also, finding a good shul is hard.
What a frustrating situation! I can also relate to having difficulty finding a good shul. Even when you have a lot of choices it can be tough finding a place that you really connect to. We went to I think 4 or 5 different shuls in our old area before we found the one that was a right fit for us. Even then it wasn't perfect. While we felt such a strong connection to the place, the people there were not amazing. It wasn't that they were unfriendly or anything, we just never really connected with other people in the congregation in a meaningful way (I wonder if I could say connection one more time? :p). Oddly enough, it wasn't until shortly before we had to move that I discovered a small Conservative congregation near our old place that would have been perfect for my next steps as a Jew. Oh well... We have been somewhat lucky in our new town in that we have experienced the opposite as our old shul--don't connect with the services as much (they use the Reform siddur, which I am actually not a huge fan of. Our previous shul, while reform, actually had their own siddurim and used more traditional cantillation for things) we have already made a great connection with people in the congregation.
Haha, I guess converts are the only people who can really appreciate that uncomfortable "church" feeling. I was raised a more "traditional" protestant and my thing is that I pretty much can't stand it if there's an organ accompanying anything. There have been a few instances where I didn't like something done at shul because it "felt too much like church," which I don't think my husband has ever fully understood.
Anyway I don't take it personally. We all judge other people, even when we know we shouldn't. Honestly I have harshly judged other Reform converts and the Reform conversion process myself. But like you I would never tell a person that they're not Jewish. And most of the time it doesn't matter anyway. Just as long as your kids aren't trying to marry each other or something. ;)
And yeah, don't even get me started on Messianic "Jews." Argh.
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I converted with rabbi who was traditional Conservative, which was a perfect fit for me. He helped me overcome some stuff I thought I could never do (made me actually consider going without electricity on Shabbos, which is still a goal of mine), but also kind of let me see that you can be non-traditional and still be a Good Jew(tm). The man worked Captain America into a Dvar Torah. He is made of awesomesauce.
I really wish I could find a decent congregation. The one I converted with kinda sucks, so much so that they ousted both the rabbi and cantor *over the phone* after a board meeting. And then had other clergy come do trial services while the originals were still there. And then installed interim clergy. It really put me off the whole place, and the only other shul in town (which is closer, but had no rabbi when I started my conversion process) has sold their building and is possibly merging with my current one. I'd almost go back to the Reform shul because their congregation is so friendly, but their rabbi uses the same intonation as every Catholic priest I've ever heard and it brings back memories of what I was trying to get away from.
tl;dr: We should be excellent to each other, because God knows other people can be douchebags. Also, finding a good shul is hard.
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What a frustrating situation! I can also relate to having difficulty finding a good shul. Even when you have a lot of choices it can be tough finding a place that you really connect to. We went to I think 4 or 5 different shuls in our old area before we found the one that was a right fit for us. Even then it wasn't perfect. While we felt such a strong connection to the place, the people there were not amazing. It wasn't that they were unfriendly or anything, we just never really connected with other people in the congregation in a meaningful way (I wonder if I could say connection one more time? :p). Oddly enough, it wasn't until shortly before we had to move that I discovered a small Conservative congregation near our old place that would have been perfect for my next steps as a Jew. Oh well... We have been somewhat lucky in our new town in that we have experienced the opposite as our old shul--don't connect with the services as much (they use the Reform siddur, which I am actually not a huge fan of. Our previous shul, while reform, actually had their own siddurim and used more traditional cantillation for things) we have already made a great connection with people in the congregation.
Haha, I guess converts are the only people who can really appreciate that uncomfortable "church" feeling. I was raised a more "traditional" protestant and my thing is that I pretty much can't stand it if there's an organ accompanying anything. There have been a few instances where I didn't like something done at shul because it "felt too much like church," which I don't think my husband has ever fully understood.
Amen!
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