Fic: Need you like an underwire
Title: Need you like an underwire
Authors: yourmomroxxs and severuslovesme
Summary: Jack/Liz/Boobs = OT3
Rating: PG-13. For gratuitous mention of boobs.
Disclaimer: We don't own them. Please don't sue us.
AN: Written for the drabble-thon at thoughtsicles
"I cannot believe I'm about to talk to you about this but..."
"Lemon, you call me six times a day, so I really find it hard to believe that there is a subject you have not yammered to me about."
"First, you call me, too. Second, this isn't about me - it's a personal story about Jenna that she doesn't want anyone to know but I mean everyone will find out eventually I mean it's not like-"
"Lemon, rambling!"
“Sorry. So Jenna was watching Sex and the City last night -“
“How is this news, Lemon? She watches it every night and then tells you about it the next day. Then you tell me about Jenna telling you about it - so, basically, nothing good can ever come of Jenna watching Sex and the City.”
“No, no it cannot... "
"..."
"Anyways, apparently Samantha, who Jenna identifies with because they're both 'bomb shells with a sex drive that won't quit,' - her words - wanted to get her breasts augmented."
"A boob job - Jenna wants to get a boob job?"
"I know, right - like why should women be forced to conform to what the patriarchal media's idea of what an ideal woman should look like?"
"I don't know about any ridiculous feminist ideologies, Lemon, but I do think that TGS's ratings and Jenna's self worth could only be improved by a surgically improved leading lady."
"That is so typical. I don't know why I even thought you would be helpful about this and like Jenna doesn't already suffer from delusions of grandeur."
"I am being helpful; you're just choosing not to realize it. A woman's breasts are an asset in the television business, which you seem to be the last person on earth to realize."
"Duh, Jack, boobs get viewers. I know that. I just don't think my best friend needs to become a victim of it. She's a great comedian without sacrificing herself on the alter of Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton."
"We agree on the efficacy of breasts, then. But Lemon, I think you're insulting women who've undergone breast augmentation. Many of them are intelligent, capable, fascinating women."
"Name one. Name me a senator who's had a boob job."
"Lemon, plenty of attractive women manage to overcome their self-confidence issues caused by large breasts and become powerful in their own right, with or without plastic surgery."
"You're thinking of Sarah Palin right now, aren't you?"
"I confess my thoughts may have been trending in that direction."
"Well, first I don't think Palin's problem was ever self-confidence. I mean have you ever met someone who's confidence so clearly outweighs her ability? Second, gross. You know your lusting after Caribou Barbie makes my skin crawl."
"Sarah Palin isn't the only powerful woman I know with a decent set."
"Really Jack, I do not want to hear about C.C. or Condi's rack"
"Actually, Lemon, I was referring to you."
"What?....Ew, are you picturing my boobs right now?"
“Lemon, it’s been empirically proven that you have decent set; though you really should get a bra that doesn't require you to tape it up every day. None the less, your previous relationships with men should have suggested that your breasts are attractive.”
“They liked me for my mind and my rocking ass, not my boobs!”
“I highly doubt that Dennis Duffy appreciated your keen wit and intellect.”
"Ok, shut up about Dennis. And wait, you just implied that you think I'm powerful."
"Well, powerful women turn me on, and you - well apparently powerful men did too a few weeks ago..."
"Wait, what? Are things still weird on the Cooter front? Haha, Cooter! What a horrible nickname, Jacker."
"Lemon."
"Shut up, I'm entertaining myself."
"I'll just wait patiently until you're done."
"Wait - do I really have a 'decent set?'"
“You should be glad of it, Lemon. A woman with your neuroses and pathological fear of commitment needs all the help she can get.”
“I cannot believe that I actually miss you.”
“You know, I - “
“What the what!”
"I'm guessing it's time to go exert some of that powerful authority-"
“Oh Boy - I have to go. Jenna is feeling up Salma Hayek and asking her for the number of her plastic surgeon. I'll call you tonight to get your lawyer's number."
-Click-
Authors: yourmomroxxs and severuslovesme
Summary: Jack/Liz/Boobs = OT3
Rating: PG-13. For gratuitous mention of boobs.
Disclaimer: We don't own them. Please don't sue us.
AN: Written for the drabble-thon at thoughtsicles
"I cannot believe I'm about to talk to you about this but..."
"Lemon, you call me six times a day, so I really find it hard to believe that there is a subject you have not yammered to me about."
"First, you call me, too. Second, this isn't about me - it's a personal story about Jenna that she doesn't want anyone to know but I mean everyone will find out eventually I mean it's not like-"
"Lemon, rambling!"
“Sorry. So Jenna was watching Sex and the City last night -“
“How is this news, Lemon? She watches it every night and then tells you about it the next day. Then you tell me about Jenna telling you about it - so, basically, nothing good can ever come of Jenna watching Sex and the City.”
“No, no it cannot... "
"..."
"Anyways, apparently Samantha, who Jenna identifies with because they're both 'bomb shells with a sex drive that won't quit,' - her words - wanted to get her breasts augmented."
"A boob job - Jenna wants to get a boob job?"
"I know, right - like why should women be forced to conform to what the patriarchal media's idea of what an ideal woman should look like?"
"I don't know about any ridiculous feminist ideologies, Lemon, but I do think that TGS's ratings and Jenna's self worth could only be improved by a surgically improved leading lady."
"That is so typical. I don't know why I even thought you would be helpful about this and like Jenna doesn't already suffer from delusions of grandeur."
"I am being helpful; you're just choosing not to realize it. A woman's breasts are an asset in the television business, which you seem to be the last person on earth to realize."
"Duh, Jack, boobs get viewers. I know that. I just don't think my best friend needs to become a victim of it. She's a great comedian without sacrificing herself on the alter of Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton."
"We agree on the efficacy of breasts, then. But Lemon, I think you're insulting women who've undergone breast augmentation. Many of them are intelligent, capable, fascinating women."
"Name one. Name me a senator who's had a boob job."
"Lemon, plenty of attractive women manage to overcome their self-confidence issues caused by large breasts and become powerful in their own right, with or without plastic surgery."
"You're thinking of Sarah Palin right now, aren't you?"
"I confess my thoughts may have been trending in that direction."
"Well, first I don't think Palin's problem was ever self-confidence. I mean have you ever met someone who's confidence so clearly outweighs her ability? Second, gross. You know your lusting after Caribou Barbie makes my skin crawl."
"Sarah Palin isn't the only powerful woman I know with a decent set."
"Really Jack, I do not want to hear about C.C. or Condi's rack"
"Actually, Lemon, I was referring to you."
"What?....Ew, are you picturing my boobs right now?"
“Lemon, it’s been empirically proven that you have decent set; though you really should get a bra that doesn't require you to tape it up every day. None the less, your previous relationships with men should have suggested that your breasts are attractive.”
“They liked me for my mind and my rocking ass, not my boobs!”
“I highly doubt that Dennis Duffy appreciated your keen wit and intellect.”
"Ok, shut up about Dennis. And wait, you just implied that you think I'm powerful."
"Well, powerful women turn me on, and you - well apparently powerful men did too a few weeks ago..."
"Wait, what? Are things still weird on the Cooter front? Haha, Cooter! What a horrible nickname, Jacker."
"Lemon."
"Shut up, I'm entertaining myself."
"I'll just wait patiently until you're done."
"Wait - do I really have a 'decent set?'"
“You should be glad of it, Lemon. A woman with your neuroses and pathological fear of commitment needs all the help she can get.”
“I cannot believe that I actually miss you.”
“You know, I - “
“What the what!”
"I'm guessing it's time to go exert some of that powerful authority-"
“Oh Boy - I have to go. Jenna is feeling up Salma Hayek and asking her for the number of her plastic surgeon. I'll call you tonight to get your lawyer's number."
-Click-