and if i'm beheaded at least i was wedded- my thoughts on marriage in my life

[ivy_chan]

I've known I never wanted to get married long before I knew I was asexual. Asexuality is such an unknown quantity in the sexuality spectrum that I was long past high school before I even heard of the term- which is sad, because then it would have saved me at least two botched dating attempts. But marriage, well. The only windows I had into the

Comments

[redbrunja]

*nods*

Sadly, I have seen too many women who get into a similar situation, where they get married and give up way more autonomy than their husband does.

I have also seen some really loving, supportive, non-traditionally-gendered marriages and speaking personally, I dowant to get married someday, even though I think marriage is something to approach with EXTREME CAUTION.

[ivy_chan]

And if the woman doesn't give up autonomy, we get icky criticisms from society in general and even random strangers. Being a 'married woman' seems to come with a long list of restrictions. It's stuff like this that makes me roll my eyes at my guy friends whenever they talk about how getting married is somehow emasculating for men. Cry moar.

I hope you get hitched to an awesome, non-traditional person and have an amazing marriage.

[redbrunja]

It's stuff like this that makes me roll my eyes at my guy friends whenever they talk about how getting married is somehow emasculating for men.

Ew, no! Nothing could be worse than having a life partner who's culturally expected to make sure I always have clean socks!

[scdsam]

You bring up some very good insights that I'd never considered before. My childhood friend was vehemently anti-marriage, and she had an extremely abusive father and damaged home life

[ivy_chan]

First: I am very, very glad to hear about married couples sleeping separately! I think sometimes when people ar ein each other's space all the time it's easier to get annoyed by them. I know that happens to ME, and I'm not a special snowflake, so other people must feel this way, too

[scdsam]

LOL I agree with the personal space thing. I've claimed the office and my husband has claimed the living room and even though we love hanging out, there's also many happy evenings spent in our separate places doing separate things.

I agree your dad sounds like he's pretty bitter about your mother's successfulness. It's such a shame that you (marriage ideals aside) have to be exposed to such a toxic situation.

YES marriage needs a serious overhauling, and I agree that gay marriage would be an amazing start. The fact that so many religious nutjobs have claimed marriage as "god's gift to man + woman" is probably the base to a lot of present day marital issues anyway O_o

[scdsam]

...did I mention I agree a lot?

[batmarg]

I was always given a mixed view of marriage: my parents showed me how well it would work out, while my grandparents, especially dad's dad, showed me how it may not. My parents manage to compromise when they don't agree, though they tend to be on the same page.

Still, I'm not sure I want to get married, though I'm definatly heterosexual and definatly like men. I'm just not sure I'm ready to completely share my life and my space, as you said. I definatly understand not wanting to get married.

I'm sorry about your parents relationship being like it is, and I hope things improve for your mother.

I'm glad you are seeing that not all relationships are like that.

*hugs*