and if i'm beheaded at least i was wedded- my thoughts on marriage in my life
I've known I never wanted to get married long before I knew I was asexual. Asexuality is such an unknown quantity in the sexuality spectrum that I was long past high school before I even heard of the term- which is sad, because then it would have saved me at least two botched dating attempts. But marriage, well. The only windows I had into the
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I was never the girl who dreamed of her wedding day. I didn't cry at my proposal or my ceremony...but I've never feared it at all, and after 6.5 years of marriage I've never felt more independent or empowered. Looking closer, it's quite possibly because in my family all the women are very much equal/slightly dominant in the marriages. We handle the finances, we make the house rules, we arrange the calendars. A right of passage for all the significant others in my family has been to attend the yearly Filipino Women's Club party. If one can survive 50+ women dominating a room from food to activities for an evening, they are suitable.
I'd like to think relationships are on a person-by-person basis. I've known same-sex relationships that were just as abusive and dysfunctional as hetero ones. I think the biggest mistake as far as marriage goes is people assuming that marriage is some magical cure-all that will fix whatever ails their relationship (I have known some people with this same outlook on having children too O_o).
I'm not saying marriage is for everyone (really, far too many people who SHOULDN'T get married do), but it stands to reason that if you can form a healthy relationship with a like-minded person, the marriage would also be pleasant.
**Also, there are surprisingly high statistics nowadays of married couples who sleep in separate rooms. Or even separate houses. My friend's parents have slept on opposite ends of the house for over a decade and never been happier.**
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What's weird is that my mother DOES arrange the finances, do the taxes, makes the house rules, arranges the calenders, fixes the computer, and otherwise runs everything. My dad sits on his chair, watches TV, mows the lawn, and is completely incapable of going to the bank for himself. He tries to order everyone around, probably because he knows my mom is awesome and runs everything and he's more dependent. Also, mom makes more money than him. In my family, the women typically are the loud, assertive ones, and the husbands are pretty silent. (So's my dad, in public family situations.)
It's why my mom's passive behavior to his douchebaggery just...boggles me.
I think marriage needs a really thorough revamp to be truly great, and of course it depends on individuals, but right now, it's just so restrictive and only works (imho) for a narrow group of humanity. I'm glad, though, when I see people working it out and having lovely marriages.
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I agree your dad sounds like he's pretty bitter about your mother's successfulness. It's such a shame that you (marriage ideals aside) have to be exposed to such a toxic situation.
YES marriage needs a serious overhauling, and I agree that gay marriage would be an amazing start. The fact that so many religious nutjobs have claimed marriage as "god's gift to man + woman" is probably the base to a lot of present day marital issues anyway O_o
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