Comments | ivy_chan: and if i'm beheaded at least i was wedded- my thoughts on marriage in my life

ivy_chan

and if i'm beheaded at least i was wedded- my thoughts on marriage in my life

Jul 31, 2010 11:59

I've known I never wanted to get married long before I knew I was asexual. Asexuality is such an unknown quantity in the sexuality spectrum that I was long past high school before I even heard of the term- which is sad, because then it would have saved me at least two botched dating attempts. But marriage, well. The only windows I had into the ( Read more... )

feminism, racism, gay marriage, marriage, sexism

Comments 23

lvsinsanity July 31 2010, 16:36:00 UTC

Haven't read your post yet...just wanting to post this before I forget. There's a live chat happening on DeviantArt with Margaret Atwood. http://news.deviantart.com/article/123877/?utm_source=elnino&utm_medium=messagecenter&utm_campaign=DA_ELN_MK_MargaretAtwood_FL_073010&utm_term=link

ivy_chan July 31 2010, 16:53:41 UTC

OMG MARGARET ATWOOD JESUS CHRIST OMG OMG

lvsinsanity July 31 2010, 17:48:42 UTC

So I suppose if you don't have a DA account, you could sign up long enough to pop on and see the livestream chat! Maybe even ask her a question? (If they let you)

lye_tea July 31 2010, 16:39:49 UTC

ivy_chan July 31 2010, 16:55:16 UTC

I'm not sure if I'm aromantic or not. Sometimes I feel like I could be, but I've never been stimulated to be. So, jury's still out on that one.

Yep, and as Greek Mythology teaches us, anyone who promises us that is probably a lying bastard.

lye_tea July 31 2010, 16:57:33 UTC

ivy_chan July 31 2010, 16:59:56 UTC

Indeed. What would it be called? The Tiger or the Tiger? XD

lvsinsanity July 31 2010, 16:40:57 UTC

Now a comment regarding your post...

I admit that despite being in a long term, committed relationship, the thought of actual marriage terrifies me. Though that's another story that I won't get into unless asked.

I can understand your views, and in a sense, understand why your mom doesn't speak up or defend herself.

On the whole, I'm glad you're understanding (slowly) that marriage's aren't all like that.

(I'm sorry my reply is kind of all over the place.)

ivy_chan July 31 2010, 17:03:41 UTC

I try to keep in mind that my views are heavily influenced by my growing up in an unhealthy marriage with an emotionally abusive father, but it's easy to think of it rationally and hard to dismiss those emotional feelings. It's a process. I can understand why my mom won't speak up, because she's the peacemaker or likes to be the peacemaker and she doesn't like turbulence, or maybe she's just unsure of how stable her relationship is with my dad...it's just hard for me to watch. So it's more like 'how can you stand it?' rather than 'why do you do it?'

You and Tak are two of the people I know who make me feel better about long-term, healthy relationships. <3

lvsinsanity July 31 2010, 17:50:51 UTC

Yeah, I can understand the 'don't rock the boat' thoughts in abusive relationships.

Growing up in one myself has swayed me off ever getting actually married, but my thoughts on it are slowly starting to come around.

And I'm flattered beyond belief that Tak n' I help those observations. *blush*

lalachoy July 31 2010, 18:28:43 UTC

I sat here a while wondering how to reply to this because on one hand, I actually do know how you feel and on the other hand, I've always wanted marriage.

I guess what I want to say: I hear ya. I was never as bad as that, but I hear ya.

And I'm using this icon just for the irony.

ivy_chan August 1 2010, 14:32:09 UTC

*lol* The icon is quite ironically appropriate.

It's not that I hate marriage and want people to stop, it's that I've been given a nasty view of it and have a personal aversion towards it that's entirely emotionally/culturally based. Wanting marriage is fine, since I keep thinking there are at least some people out there doin' it right.

lalachoy August 1 2010, 14:56:37 UTC

I get what you mean. Thanks to my experiences, I think it's a waste of time because it just ends in unhappiness and divorce. The only part of marriage that appeals to me is wearing a big white dress. How many times do you get to wear one of those? But if that's the only reason why I'd want to get married, then I don't think it's a good idea.

celarania July 31 2010, 20:10:28 UTC

For a while I considered myself to be pretty asexual, particularly in my first year in college I definitely viewed myself as such. Now, I wouldn't say I'm an overly sexual person (I never notice boys when I'm out), but I'm not entirely opposed to getting married either. Pretty much, no matter what, my career is going to take precedence though. I have a lot of what you mentioned earlier, I'm very independent, and I really hated having a roommate my freshmen year. I don't know if I get married, how I'll handle that. Ideally maybe a big house so I have my own studio/office or something like that? Of course I'll probably have my job so maybe that will be enough of a break from family and vice versa. It's kind of silly to think about having such a big house, but hey, it's the ideal, right ( ... )