and if i'm beheaded at least i was wedded- my thoughts on marriage in my life

[ivy_chan]

I've known I never wanted to get married long before I knew I was asexual. Asexuality is such an unknown quantity in the sexuality spectrum that I was long past high school before I even heard of the term- which is sad, because then it would have saved me at least two botched dating attempts. But marriage, well. The only windows I had into the

Comments

[celarania]

For a while I considered myself to be pretty asexual, particularly in my first year in college I definitely viewed myself as such. Now, I wouldn't say I'm an overly sexual person (I never notice boys when I'm out), but I'm not entirely opposed to getting married either. Pretty much, no matter what, my career is going to take precedence though. I have a lot of what you mentioned earlier, I'm very independent, and I really hated having a roommate my freshmen year. I don't know if I get married, how I'll handle that. Ideally maybe a big house so I have my own studio/office or something like that? Of course I'll probably have my job so maybe that will be enough of a break from family and vice versa. It's kind of silly to think about having such a big house, but hey, it's the ideal, right? ;)

That being said, I never viewed marriage as a negative for a woman. My mom's probably the one driving the marriage 90% of the time, my paternal grandmother was ultimately the one making more decisions (my grandfather is just getting to live in a retirement home now that she's dead), and my maternal grandmother was a single mother of four. Within my family I've seen a lot of different types of family relationships, so I guess I've seen lots of positive models of getting married, of getting married, then getting divorced/separated, and just staying single (though my one aunt did ultimately marry when she was about 50).

That being said, I feel like I have a very different view of marriage than the normal person. As I said, I'm the last person to notice a cute boy, and I might have been on a date or two, but that's never gone anywhere, and I've never been kissed, so take this as someone who does have limited experience. I guess I view marriage as bringing someone you love into your family, and having them bring you into theirs. You make your own family. To a certain extent, I don't know if I'd want to marry someone if his family hated me because it seems like that's asking for a lot of trouble. I guess my view is that every marriage will have some rough spots, but it's ultimately your family and you have to decide how to handle it. (Obviously you general here) That being said, I can understand a sexless marriage that way, whereas I think a lot of people wouldn't be able to comprehend that.

Ultimately I don't know if I want to get married or not, but I view it as a combination of dating and family. I think it deals a lot with how you were raised, what your family was like. My family was generally positive and there was an emphasis on family (I see each side about once a month), so I know that probably really effects me. That being said, only you can decide what's right for you. Maybe in 10 years you'll decide that you want a non-sexual marriage, or you might never get married, and of course kids is a completely different story. What do I know about what you know? Ultimately you'll make the right decision, because I don't think you can make the wrong one. :)

I might go into my family in a post in my live journal. It might be an interesting read.