[004]

[itsfrench_bitch]

Now Wonderlandians, we face a serious threat within our borders.

That's right. Immigrants.

We have a fence, so just how are they getting in? Obviously, this fence needs a little upgrade. A firey moat with fireproof crocodiles and angry, costipated old men manning machine guns on top of guard towers, the whole shebang.

You may be saying, "But Colbert,

Comments

[azureflamegod]

............................

R@que$!ing d%fi#!ti*n o! t%^m 'G^EEN (@RD'. R%qu%$ting &urp*$e *f t%^m '&RE%# C#RD'.

(TRANSLATION: Requesting definition of term 'GREEN CARD'. Requesting purpose of term 'GREEN CARD'.)

[itsfrench_bitch]

No comprendo.

Green Cards can be found at a stand out front labeled "COLBERT'S CITIZENSHIP CARDS (EL CITIZENSHIP-O CARD-OS)" Get one. And buy yourself and English dictionary!

[azureflamegod]

D*$s n*t co#&ute.

L@#guag% fi!e '%ngl!$h' i$ in$!al*ed i* pr*&ram '@%ur^ K#t*'. A d!cti*#ary i$ u#n&*ded.

(TRANSLATION: Does not compute.

Language file 'English' is installed in program 'Azure Kite'. A dictionary is unneeded.)

[itsfrench_bitch]

Dear God in Heaven, boy, did you come from a world completely of World of Warcraft nerds?

Fear not, with my guidance, you will be a proper citizen in no time. I recommend starting off with getting off the computer, stop eating Hotpockets, and buying yourself a haircut.

[homicidexbarbie]

Mr. Colbert would you mind answering a few questions for me?

[itsfrench_bitch]

That depends. Who are you, what do you want, and do you have any connections to spambots?

[homicidexbarbie]

Detective Rush, Philadelphia Homicide. I want to ask you some questions about your arrival here.

[itsfrench_bitch]

AHA! A FELLOW AMERICAN! Why didn't you say so?

Ask away. All I can tell you is that I sure as hell did not fly first class here. What kind of service is that? They take me away from a very important meeting in my private home theater and don't even offer me a free salmon dinner!

[col_j_curtiss]

You have a very interesting point of view Mr. Colbert. But how do you explain the fact that the 'immigrants' don't choose to come here, but mysteriously appear here? Or, at least, that's what I've heard happens to most people.

[itsfrench_bitch]

But who wouldn't want to come here, if only for vacation? Think about it. Next to America and my private beach in Cancun, this place is one of the swankiest places I've lived in. Note to self: buy the Wonderland beach.

Everything's free, you can't die (shove the old people down the well when they ask for Social Security and no one punishes you!), and the property value is pretty high.

These new immigrants just want a slice of our Wonderland pie. But they're not gonna get it without working for it.

[col_j_curtiss]

If you consider this only a vacation, I believe you may be mistaken. Apparently people can't willing get out of here...And where is this 'America' and 'Cancun'... Never heard of them before.

And really, aren't you jumping ahead of yourself? You are just like me, we arrived here close to the same time...How come you're aren't considering yourself to be an immigrant?

[itsfrench_bitch]

I don't think you've ever been to downtown Boston then. You think this place is hard to get out of? Try getting out of that Wal-mart parking lot in time for your movie during Boston rush-hour.

As for where America is, I've found a convenient and useful map for you:

[he_of_paradise]

Lobsel thinks Mr. Colbert is silly!

[itsfrench_bitch]

Quite the contrary. I am very serious business. Even when I'm having fun, I'm always serious in a different manner. Seriously.

[becausewecancan]

That's certainly one way to draw someone's attention.

[itsfrench_bitch]

I could have tried rigging up strobe lights around the mansion and seizured the immigrants out, but then I wouldn't have anyone to hire to rig up future strobe lights.