Now Wonderlandians, we face a serious threat within our borders.
That's right. Immigrants.
We have a fence, so just how are they getting in? Obviously, this fence needs a little upgrade. A firey moat with fireproof crocodiles and angry, costipated old men manning machine guns on top of guard towers, the whole shebang.
You may be saying, "But Colbert,
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R@que$!ing d%fi#!ti*n o! t%^m 'G^EEN (@RD'. R%qu%$ting &urp*$e *f t%^m '&RE%# C#RD'.
(TRANSLATION: Requesting definition of term 'GREEN CARD'. Requesting purpose of term 'GREEN CARD'.)
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Green Cards can be found at a stand out front labeled "COLBERT'S CITIZENSHIP CARDS (EL CITIZENSHIP-O CARD-OS)" Get one. And buy yourself and English dictionary!
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L@#guag% fi!e '%ngl!$h' i$ in$!al*ed i* pr*&ram '@%ur^ K#t*'. A d!cti*#ary i$ u#n&*ded.
(TRANSLATION: Does not compute.
Language file 'English' is installed in program 'Azure Kite'. A dictionary is unneeded.)
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Fear not, with my guidance, you will be a proper citizen in no time. I recommend starting off with getting off the computer, stop eating Hotpockets, and buying yourself a haircut.
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@no#@ly i$ h!&hly !rr%g^!ar a#d d!%%ic^lt t* u#der$!an&. @nom@!y i^en*%fied $s 'u&ide&^@fi*d03'. A&^ma*y 'u*&dent*@ied03' i& f!led u#$er 'u&kn*#n' ...'b*g d@!a'.
(TRANSLATION: Anomaly is highly irregular and difficult to understand. Anomaly identified as 'unidentified03'. Anomaly 'unidentified03' is filed under 'unknown' ...'bug data'.)
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