I'm nervous.  That wanting to pace around, run, walk, work-out for hours type of antsy.  Tuesday afternoon could be a rejection.  I have my grad school interview.  I'm not from their department so they don't know me.  Which means I'll be analyzed like a bug under a magnifying glass.  I have an idea of what they will ask.  But what if my answers ( Read more... )

Enigma.  That's what my councelor called me after our first meeting.  First she asked what brought me there, then about school and life.  Finally came the dreaded question about what my childhood was like.  And I told her-the moving, the beatings, the molesting.  She asked if I hated my mom for not protecting me.  I never did.  I was never angry ( Read more... )

I am finding the not knowing why to be the worst part of anxiety.  I am the type of person who color codes their planner, who writes down everything in it including grocery runs.  I keep notepads on the desk so I can keep mini-lists of things to do for the day, or things to do for the week that don't necessarily have anything to do with school.  I ( Read more... )

I don't celebrate New Year's.  I never really understood the whole standing around waiting for a ball to drop or making resolutions, which are most often broken inside a month.  That being said, while I sit in my pajamas at home, it is a good time to reflect on the past year and even look ahead to the coming year ( Read more... )

Dentist today.  Went very well.  Everything looks good.  He thinks I most likely have TMJ, which is overexertion of the jaw joint (mine is most likely incomplete healing of the joint from having my wisdom teeth removed combined with possible clenching or grinding from stress), and should try a mouth guard on my lower jaw for a couple of weeks at ( Read more... )

Today was a good day.  I woke up feeling better than I have for awhile.  I even went most of the day with minimal anxiety or symptoms.  It's been almost a month and a half since the anxiety started and it hasn't really gone away.  But today it was on the back burner which was awesome!  I also applied to my first grad program today!  The actual ( Read more... )

it's scary not knowing who you are anymore ( Read more... )

Wow.  So here we are, my senior year of college.  The last time I wrote here was my freshman year.  I've made some good friends.  And lost some people I thought were friends.  I've learned a few things, though I'll admit not as much as I had hoped.  I have become very disillusioned in the last year or so.  I've only had a few classes that I truly ( Read more... )

I do not understand the concept of paying for classes and then spending the time on your computer playing games, chatting, editing photos, etc.  Why waste money?  Why waste time?  Why be so disrespectful, not only to the teacher, but the other students trying to learn?  If you just want to play on the computer all day stay home!!  It's so fucking ( Read more... )

What is a tasket anyway ( Read more... )