It's All Over But The Crying [Bam/Ryan, Ryan/Johnny]
Disclaimer: I don’t own them. Lyrics belong to Garbage.
AN: I honestly don’t know where this came from.
Pairing: Bam/Ryan, Ryan/Johnny
Summary: Everything you think you know, baby is wrong. And everything you think you had, baby is gone.
It's All Over But The Crying
It’s all over but the crying,
Fade to black I’m sick of trying.
Took too much, and now I’m done.
It’s all over but the crying.
I could never understand his callous nature. The way he was so self involved and yet still had so many friends. I’m not sure if I’m the only one who noticed it or if they were just too meek to call him on it. I wasn’t, but that’s what got me into trouble in the first place.
We’d just finished the first season of Viva La Bam, I’d pointed something out to him during the few weeks break we had before filming resumed. We’d been sitting on the half pipe in the back, just him and I, beers in hand. It was probably the alcohol that loosened my tongue enough that I commented on his lack of care. He’d looked at me with those deep blue eyes, what I thought was hurt flashing in them. I now realise it was fear, fear that one of us had finally grown a back bone and decided enough was enough.
When he pinned me to the skate ramp, his mouth attaching to mine and groin rubbing teasingly against me, all thought about how much he didn’t care, and how conceited he was fled from my mind. Which was what he wanted. A sure enough I did, for the next four weeks. Because he acted like he did care. He made it seem like he cared about me, with the smiles and the stolen kisses, the nights in each others arms and then when he breathed those three small words into my ear as he made love to me in the back of the Hummer. They were probably the best four weeks of my life, but they were a four weeks living in lies and deceit.
Those words he whispered were the best things in my life and simultaneously the key to my downfall, along with his. He thought he had a grasp on me again and was once more the same person I always knew, the one I saw and called him on, the one that played me for a fool and stole my heart. Whenever I got mad at him, whenever we got into an argument and it looked like I was going to walk, he played the seduction card, getting me into bed or a closet or against a wall or whatever was nearest. He’d pout and apologise before screwing me and bringing me back into the fold.
For as insincere as he may have been when he told me how much he loved me, I was completely honest when I confessed my own love back. And this he knew, this was his weapon against me.
By the third season of Viva I had had enough though. I couldn’t handle his constant lies, his self obsession, his complete bull anymore. Luckily enough that was round about when HE showed up.
The he in question being Johnny Knoxville.
Johnny and I weren’t the closest of buddies. To be brutally honest, even over the years of Jackass and the movie I was probably closer to Pontius than I was with Johnny. But we had our moments, the golf cart incident actually helping in that. We could sit in relative silence and be comfortable, which is the complete opposite of Bam. Bam can’t sit still for a minute let alone sit in silence long enough to just enjoy the company; he always has to be doing something. Something that he wants to do.
I think Bam noticed that his grip had been slackened a little on me when Johnny showed up. My pairing up with him allowed me the space to breath and the time to think on what Bam was doing to me. It also allowed for me to talk to someone, and Johnny being a neutral bystander assisted greatly in this matter.
By talking to Johnny, getting it all out there I managed to process most of what I was thinking. This is one of the reasons why I like to drink by myself, in a quiet corner away from people. I can think and not be disturbed. Funnily enough it was Johnny who was the voice of reason.
Why did I stick around then, if I knew what it was he was doing?
Because I was in love with him, that and the fact that I was too much of a pussy to really just turn my back on my best friend. But then I got thinking. Was he really my best friend anymore? He sure as hell wasn’t the person I first knew when Jess brought me home to introduce to his family, sure as hell wasn’t the feel good, fun loving, easy going skater kid that I knew way back when.
No, he wasn’t Brandon Margera anymore, he was Bam. Bam Margera who did whatever the fuck he wanted and didn’t give a toss who he hurt in the process. And that wasn’t who I knew, wasn’t who I was best friends with, sure as hell wasn’t who I fell in love with.
Those few days with Johnny were like therapy for the soul or some shit like that. It reminded me a lot about the Jackass days, also reminded me a lot of who I really was. I was taking shit from Bam left right and centre and I was sick of it. The result? Me breaking off whatever the fuck it was I had with Bam. No kissing, to cuddling, no touching and certainly no fucking.
I started to distance myself from the group, only showing up when everyone was there or if it was dearly needed for the show, which I intended on finishing. Bam bitched about it, April tried talking to me, asking what was wrong, why the sudden change. Hadn’t she noticed that her son was becoming a complete dick? Apparently not. I managed to shrug off April’s attempt to coddle me back into Bam’s good graces, but Dico and Raab tried the guilt trip thing. According to them I was making Bam unhappy, he felt like he was loosing me, I was upsetting him. Blah fucking blah. All Bam was upset about was the fact that he had to find someone else to fuck. And I sure as hell wasn’t missing that. Which was strange, because I thought I was in love with him. Turns out, I wasn’t. Well I was, and I still am, but it’s not Bam I’m in love with. At least not this Bam.
God I sound crazy.
Okay, so, I distanced myself and fended off the attack from everyone on how I was being mean and Bam was away pouting. I took a trip to LA, on my own and I had a blast. With Johnny.
Funny thing happened then. While in LA, hanging with Johnny and getting back to being Ryan Dunn, not Bam’s ass wipe, I ended up falling into bed with Johnny. And strangely enough it was nothing like being with Bam. You want to know why? Because I was an equal, I wasn’t just an ass to fuck. It wasn’t serious; it was fun, something I never got with Bam, because even when he’s doing you up the ass, Bam has to be in control, always. Which actually pissed me off a lot.
With Johnny I was more relaxed, and I didn’t get a piece of cock stuck up my ass either, no. Johnny was willing to let me take the lead and I enjoyed it. Thus the start of my ‘relationship’ with Johnny commenced.
At first it was it was simple. I went back to West Chester, continued filming and attempted to get things back to normal. I apologised for the disappearing trick, saying I had to get my head around a few things, and they accepted it. Even Bam strangely enough, who just seemed glad that I was back.
But I wasn’t really. Every second weekend I’d slip away. No one was told where I was going and no one was told when I’d be back. Sometimes I didn’t even know where I was going. Johnny would just call; ask if I could meet him. We’d hang out, chat, do those things that couples do that Bam and I never did because he wasn’t interested in actually doing those things with me. We went bowling, went to dinner, went to movies, and went to clubs that I actually wanted to go to. We did things together and had fun, like a normal couple. And then I’d go back to West Chester and he’d go off to where ever it was he was headed, a quick kiss, a see you later and a smile. It was all good.
I got used to that, and then it changed. The every two weekends was quickly becoming every weekend, more and more often we both found ourselves loathe to part and eventually we ended up spending a whole week together and finally those three words cropped up again. And this time it was bliss.
Because I could see that Johnny meant it, his warm pools of chocolate held more love and affection than I had seen in a long time. And it was directed at me. I cherished it and shared the feeling, deciding that once a week wasn’t enough.
We were on the fifth season of Viva when I told Bam I was moving. Not just because of the rock tour coming up that I’d agreed to, but also because I wanted a change. Raab and Dico were sitting there when I told Bam I was moving to LA after the tour was finished and that I was intending to stay there, for good.
It was a little traumatic, seeing him look like that. My best friend for all those years and he looked like that, dead eyes looking at me full of wonder. Like a kid watching you when you’ve taken away his favourite toy and told him he can’t have it anymore. Well that’s what I felt like sometimes, a toy and now Bam couldn’t play with me anymore, because I was moving on with my life.
Call me heartless but I think I did the right thing. Bam couldn’t love anyone more than he does himself, it’s too hard for him now. He’s just turned into someone else and I can’t take it anymore.
I’m leaving West Chester, doing this tour and then heading for LA, where I intend to stay as long as I can. I know I could’ve loved Bam better than anyone, but I need to be loved back, and Bam just can’t do it. So I’ll settle for Johnny loving me and me loving him, despite the fact that Bam holds more of my heart.
I’m not letting him abuse that anymore.
-
Wow…that…is so…not me…
OMG! I’ve just written Bam hate!!! Someone shoot me!
Anyway…feedback is food, feed the author.
(Seriously, I haven’t eaten since this morning, I need food!)
AN: I honestly don’t know where this came from.
Pairing: Bam/Ryan, Ryan/Johnny
Summary: Everything you think you know, baby is wrong. And everything you think you had, baby is gone.
It's All Over But The Crying
It’s all over but the crying,
Fade to black I’m sick of trying.
Took too much, and now I’m done.
It’s all over but the crying.
I could never understand his callous nature. The way he was so self involved and yet still had so many friends. I’m not sure if I’m the only one who noticed it or if they were just too meek to call him on it. I wasn’t, but that’s what got me into trouble in the first place.
We’d just finished the first season of Viva La Bam, I’d pointed something out to him during the few weeks break we had before filming resumed. We’d been sitting on the half pipe in the back, just him and I, beers in hand. It was probably the alcohol that loosened my tongue enough that I commented on his lack of care. He’d looked at me with those deep blue eyes, what I thought was hurt flashing in them. I now realise it was fear, fear that one of us had finally grown a back bone and decided enough was enough.
When he pinned me to the skate ramp, his mouth attaching to mine and groin rubbing teasingly against me, all thought about how much he didn’t care, and how conceited he was fled from my mind. Which was what he wanted. A sure enough I did, for the next four weeks. Because he acted like he did care. He made it seem like he cared about me, with the smiles and the stolen kisses, the nights in each others arms and then when he breathed those three small words into my ear as he made love to me in the back of the Hummer. They were probably the best four weeks of my life, but they were a four weeks living in lies and deceit.
Those words he whispered were the best things in my life and simultaneously the key to my downfall, along with his. He thought he had a grasp on me again and was once more the same person I always knew, the one I saw and called him on, the one that played me for a fool and stole my heart. Whenever I got mad at him, whenever we got into an argument and it looked like I was going to walk, he played the seduction card, getting me into bed or a closet or against a wall or whatever was nearest. He’d pout and apologise before screwing me and bringing me back into the fold.
For as insincere as he may have been when he told me how much he loved me, I was completely honest when I confessed my own love back. And this he knew, this was his weapon against me.
By the third season of Viva I had had enough though. I couldn’t handle his constant lies, his self obsession, his complete bull anymore. Luckily enough that was round about when HE showed up.
The he in question being Johnny Knoxville.
Johnny and I weren’t the closest of buddies. To be brutally honest, even over the years of Jackass and the movie I was probably closer to Pontius than I was with Johnny. But we had our moments, the golf cart incident actually helping in that. We could sit in relative silence and be comfortable, which is the complete opposite of Bam. Bam can’t sit still for a minute let alone sit in silence long enough to just enjoy the company; he always has to be doing something. Something that he wants to do.
I think Bam noticed that his grip had been slackened a little on me when Johnny showed up. My pairing up with him allowed me the space to breath and the time to think on what Bam was doing to me. It also allowed for me to talk to someone, and Johnny being a neutral bystander assisted greatly in this matter.
By talking to Johnny, getting it all out there I managed to process most of what I was thinking. This is one of the reasons why I like to drink by myself, in a quiet corner away from people. I can think and not be disturbed. Funnily enough it was Johnny who was the voice of reason.
Why did I stick around then, if I knew what it was he was doing?
Because I was in love with him, that and the fact that I was too much of a pussy to really just turn my back on my best friend. But then I got thinking. Was he really my best friend anymore? He sure as hell wasn’t the person I first knew when Jess brought me home to introduce to his family, sure as hell wasn’t the feel good, fun loving, easy going skater kid that I knew way back when.
No, he wasn’t Brandon Margera anymore, he was Bam. Bam Margera who did whatever the fuck he wanted and didn’t give a toss who he hurt in the process. And that wasn’t who I knew, wasn’t who I was best friends with, sure as hell wasn’t who I fell in love with.
Those few days with Johnny were like therapy for the soul or some shit like that. It reminded me a lot about the Jackass days, also reminded me a lot of who I really was. I was taking shit from Bam left right and centre and I was sick of it. The result? Me breaking off whatever the fuck it was I had with Bam. No kissing, to cuddling, no touching and certainly no fucking.
I started to distance myself from the group, only showing up when everyone was there or if it was dearly needed for the show, which I intended on finishing. Bam bitched about it, April tried talking to me, asking what was wrong, why the sudden change. Hadn’t she noticed that her son was becoming a complete dick? Apparently not. I managed to shrug off April’s attempt to coddle me back into Bam’s good graces, but Dico and Raab tried the guilt trip thing. According to them I was making Bam unhappy, he felt like he was loosing me, I was upsetting him. Blah fucking blah. All Bam was upset about was the fact that he had to find someone else to fuck. And I sure as hell wasn’t missing that. Which was strange, because I thought I was in love with him. Turns out, I wasn’t. Well I was, and I still am, but it’s not Bam I’m in love with. At least not this Bam.
God I sound crazy.
Okay, so, I distanced myself and fended off the attack from everyone on how I was being mean and Bam was away pouting. I took a trip to LA, on my own and I had a blast. With Johnny.
Funny thing happened then. While in LA, hanging with Johnny and getting back to being Ryan Dunn, not Bam’s ass wipe, I ended up falling into bed with Johnny. And strangely enough it was nothing like being with Bam. You want to know why? Because I was an equal, I wasn’t just an ass to fuck. It wasn’t serious; it was fun, something I never got with Bam, because even when he’s doing you up the ass, Bam has to be in control, always. Which actually pissed me off a lot.
With Johnny I was more relaxed, and I didn’t get a piece of cock stuck up my ass either, no. Johnny was willing to let me take the lead and I enjoyed it. Thus the start of my ‘relationship’ with Johnny commenced.
At first it was it was simple. I went back to West Chester, continued filming and attempted to get things back to normal. I apologised for the disappearing trick, saying I had to get my head around a few things, and they accepted it. Even Bam strangely enough, who just seemed glad that I was back.
But I wasn’t really. Every second weekend I’d slip away. No one was told where I was going and no one was told when I’d be back. Sometimes I didn’t even know where I was going. Johnny would just call; ask if I could meet him. We’d hang out, chat, do those things that couples do that Bam and I never did because he wasn’t interested in actually doing those things with me. We went bowling, went to dinner, went to movies, and went to clubs that I actually wanted to go to. We did things together and had fun, like a normal couple. And then I’d go back to West Chester and he’d go off to where ever it was he was headed, a quick kiss, a see you later and a smile. It was all good.
I got used to that, and then it changed. The every two weekends was quickly becoming every weekend, more and more often we both found ourselves loathe to part and eventually we ended up spending a whole week together and finally those three words cropped up again. And this time it was bliss.
Because I could see that Johnny meant it, his warm pools of chocolate held more love and affection than I had seen in a long time. And it was directed at me. I cherished it and shared the feeling, deciding that once a week wasn’t enough.
We were on the fifth season of Viva when I told Bam I was moving. Not just because of the rock tour coming up that I’d agreed to, but also because I wanted a change. Raab and Dico were sitting there when I told Bam I was moving to LA after the tour was finished and that I was intending to stay there, for good.
It was a little traumatic, seeing him look like that. My best friend for all those years and he looked like that, dead eyes looking at me full of wonder. Like a kid watching you when you’ve taken away his favourite toy and told him he can’t have it anymore. Well that’s what I felt like sometimes, a toy and now Bam couldn’t play with me anymore, because I was moving on with my life.
Call me heartless but I think I did the right thing. Bam couldn’t love anyone more than he does himself, it’s too hard for him now. He’s just turned into someone else and I can’t take it anymore.
I’m leaving West Chester, doing this tour and then heading for LA, where I intend to stay as long as I can. I know I could’ve loved Bam better than anyone, but I need to be loved back, and Bam just can’t do it. So I’ll settle for Johnny loving me and me loving him, despite the fact that Bam holds more of my heart.
I’m not letting him abuse that anymore.
-
Wow…that…is so…not me…
OMG! I’ve just written Bam hate!!! Someone shoot me!
Anyway…feedback is food, feed the author.
(Seriously, I haven’t eaten since this morning, I need food!)