Just Can't Get Enough [Ryan/Bam]
Disclaimer: As per usual, not mine. Neither is half the plot.
AN: Challenge from dothebullwinkle that I took up cause I had nothing else to do. Notice how often that happens? And can I just ask, who actually reads these author notes anyway? I could be admitting to…nevermind…
Summary: It hurts, Bam. It hurts.
It's another blooming Disney slash story! Why am I so Disney Writer???
Just Can’t Get Enough
You asked for this. With all the gentle touches, fleeting glances, and not-so-subtle flirting.
And now you’re pushing me away and saying you don’t want this. You’re calling me the crazy one. And all in these past five seconds, I know I’ve changed everything we’ve ever had.
It hurts, Bam. It hurts.
You can’t look at me anymore, not without that sad look in your eyes, the one that tells me this is all my fault. How do I carry all the blame? Why is it always me who screws up? It takes two to mess up a friendship Bam, not just me. You were part of it too, you were the instigator of most of the flirting, the slaps to my butt, the devilish smirk, the comments. It’s your fault too Bam.
Sometimes I think I could’ve stopped it. That I should’ve stopped after that first vodka, that I shouldn’t have continued drinking after Raab and Bran had left, that I should’ve stopped you from drinking as well. But then again, if you hadn’t kissed me back, hadn’t moaned just that way that made my spine tingle, hadn’t pushed me up against that wall, maybe none of this would’ve happened.
You were the one who started it, as always. I just wanted to kiss you once, at least that’s what I kept telling myself. But when you dropped to your knees in front of me, I didn’t want to stop you, I couldn’t have stopped you. And I didn’t want to after that. I wanted you in so many ways, wanted to have you in so many ways. But I knew we could never have that, so I would’ve been happy just keeping it to myself, but still having you in a way.
You were fine with it at first. We both agreed to keep it quiet, not let the others know for as long as possible. You weren’t with Jenn so I wouldn’t feel guilty over that, and it was one person less to lie to. I got too used to it though, having you creep into my room at night, sneaking about during the day. But you started to get distant.
You said you couldn’t do…whatever it was we were doing anymore. Said that it wasn’t you and that you didn’t want it. I was ready to scream. I had just admitted it to myself, I was enjoying being with you more than I should’ve been. I was finally opening my eyes and seeing that yes, I did want to wake up every morning and have you lying there, in my arms, hair trailing over my chest, snuggling into my neck and just clinging onto the fading sleep.
I had just admitted to myself that I was in love with you, and I mean really in love with you. Like life altering love, one and only love, always and forever. That kind of thing. But you just go and take a hammer to that.
I’m wrong, you said, I wasn’t thinking straight. You’re right, I wasn’t thinking straight. I shouldn’t have let you just walk away, turn your back on what we had because you couldn’t understand it, because you were scared. And now I have to sit here, I have to act like nothing’s changed. And I don’t know how much more I can take.
There are just so many times that I want to grab you and shake you, scream at you and ask why? Demand reasons and an explanation, because you never gave me one before.
And then there are those times when I want to hold you close, to just hug you and kiss you, make everything go away and just keep you as close to my heart as I can. But I can’t and it’s tearing my up inside.
We can’t hug anymore without an underlying tension, we both remember how it felt when we were tangled together, bedclothes everywhere and limbs heavy. You don’t smile at me anymore and I can’t even bear to look in your eyes, because when I do I can picture it so clearly, you above me, staring into my eyes as you pushed into my body.
I want what we had, I don’t want to go back to before I kissed you, back to before you got down on your knees, before we have sex that first time against the wall out the back of the bar. I want to go back to those nights where we lay together in my bed, where you snuggled into my chest and sighed happily.
I just want you to know I love you.
-
Oh…0_0.
Why do I make Ryan out to be such a girl? I just can’t understand that, and I honestly don’t mean it!
I might do a Bam…it’s 12:14am but I think insomnia has struck once more.
Feedback is food…you know the drill by now surely?
AN: Challenge from dothebullwinkle that I took up cause I had nothing else to do. Notice how often that happens? And can I just ask, who actually reads these author notes anyway? I could be admitting to…nevermind…
Summary: It hurts, Bam. It hurts.
It's another blooming Disney slash story! Why am I so Disney Writer???
Just Can’t Get Enough
You asked for this. With all the gentle touches, fleeting glances, and not-so-subtle flirting.
And now you’re pushing me away and saying you don’t want this. You’re calling me the crazy one. And all in these past five seconds, I know I’ve changed everything we’ve ever had.
It hurts, Bam. It hurts.
You can’t look at me anymore, not without that sad look in your eyes, the one that tells me this is all my fault. How do I carry all the blame? Why is it always me who screws up? It takes two to mess up a friendship Bam, not just me. You were part of it too, you were the instigator of most of the flirting, the slaps to my butt, the devilish smirk, the comments. It’s your fault too Bam.
Sometimes I think I could’ve stopped it. That I should’ve stopped after that first vodka, that I shouldn’t have continued drinking after Raab and Bran had left, that I should’ve stopped you from drinking as well. But then again, if you hadn’t kissed me back, hadn’t moaned just that way that made my spine tingle, hadn’t pushed me up against that wall, maybe none of this would’ve happened.
You were the one who started it, as always. I just wanted to kiss you once, at least that’s what I kept telling myself. But when you dropped to your knees in front of me, I didn’t want to stop you, I couldn’t have stopped you. And I didn’t want to after that. I wanted you in so many ways, wanted to have you in so many ways. But I knew we could never have that, so I would’ve been happy just keeping it to myself, but still having you in a way.
You were fine with it at first. We both agreed to keep it quiet, not let the others know for as long as possible. You weren’t with Jenn so I wouldn’t feel guilty over that, and it was one person less to lie to. I got too used to it though, having you creep into my room at night, sneaking about during the day. But you started to get distant.
You said you couldn’t do…whatever it was we were doing anymore. Said that it wasn’t you and that you didn’t want it. I was ready to scream. I had just admitted it to myself, I was enjoying being with you more than I should’ve been. I was finally opening my eyes and seeing that yes, I did want to wake up every morning and have you lying there, in my arms, hair trailing over my chest, snuggling into my neck and just clinging onto the fading sleep.
I had just admitted to myself that I was in love with you, and I mean really in love with you. Like life altering love, one and only love, always and forever. That kind of thing. But you just go and take a hammer to that.
I’m wrong, you said, I wasn’t thinking straight. You’re right, I wasn’t thinking straight. I shouldn’t have let you just walk away, turn your back on what we had because you couldn’t understand it, because you were scared. And now I have to sit here, I have to act like nothing’s changed. And I don’t know how much more I can take.
There are just so many times that I want to grab you and shake you, scream at you and ask why? Demand reasons and an explanation, because you never gave me one before.
And then there are those times when I want to hold you close, to just hug you and kiss you, make everything go away and just keep you as close to my heart as I can. But I can’t and it’s tearing my up inside.
We can’t hug anymore without an underlying tension, we both remember how it felt when we were tangled together, bedclothes everywhere and limbs heavy. You don’t smile at me anymore and I can’t even bear to look in your eyes, because when I do I can picture it so clearly, you above me, staring into my eyes as you pushed into my body.
I want what we had, I don’t want to go back to before I kissed you, back to before you got down on your knees, before we have sex that first time against the wall out the back of the bar. I want to go back to those nights where we lay together in my bed, where you snuggled into my chest and sighed happily.
I just want you to know I love you.
-
Oh…0_0.
Why do I make Ryan out to be such a girl? I just can’t understand that, and I honestly don’t mean it!
I might do a Bam…it’s 12:14am but I think insomnia has struck once more.
Feedback is food…you know the drill by now surely?