Your daily SPAM!
Wow. Just. Wow. The only thing keeping me from grabbing the book right now and finishing the chase is the knowledge that it is ever so slightly more professional looking to type rather than read. Especially if the book has a big boat on the cover. And you work on computer texts.
But enough about me!
The Fortune of War
Okay, the last few updates were extremely Jack-centric, which was sort of a diservice to the book because it's really all about Stephen and his spyhat. So a quick as I can synopsis of what Stephen's been up to:
- Arrives in Boston with Jack.
- Looks up Herapath (the Tiny Spoon Stowaway) who is living with Mrs. Wogan (Female Spy who saw the Nude Rescue) and their bastard (but cute!) daughter who was born on their trip back to America.
- Mrs. Wogan had taken information with her that Stephen had planted. Mrs. Wogan thought they were valuable spy docs, but they were false information Stephen made up to wreak maximum havoc with the French intelligence system, and it totally worked. Because Stephen is mad smart.
- Mrs. Wogan thinks Jack planted the info, which is why everyone thinks Jack's the spy, so she's all "Blah blah blah State Secrets blah blah blah So glad I can trust you blah" with Stephen.
- The French are PISSED OFF, and one of their agents in Boston may or may not have recognized Stephen from a previous encounter in Catalonia.
- Diana, who Stephen was head over heels for, is living with Mr. Johnson, another American spy with ties to the French, but wants to get away.
- Stephen offers to marry her so she can regain her British citizenship.
- Herapath's Dad is an American but supports the British, and keeps trying very obviously and publicly to enlist Stephen's help in ending the war. Stephen won't commit to anything and just wants the hell out of Boston.
SO! To sum up: Everyone is *this*close* to knowing that Stephen's the badass!spy! who screwed the French over. And when they're sure, Stephen's as good as dead.
Jack didn't know anything about Stephen's activities regarding Mrs. Wogan and the French, but he knows something is up. So when Mr. Johnson comes for a visit and asks after Stephen it goes a little something like this.
Johnson: So, Jack, who is this Stephen fellow you go on and on and on about?
Jack: OH! He's my bestest best friend, and is soooper smart, and he studies all sorts of birds and fish and animals-
Johnson: But he's English?
Jack: Nah, Irish and Catalan, but don't let that turn you against him. Why, I spent a long time in his castle out in Spain after we were in France- *realizes he shouldn't have said that*
Johnson: Catalonia, eh? You know, I have some Catalan friends.
Jack: *puts on stealthycap, to be feared as much as the wittycap* I don't think we should talk about Catalonia. Or France. Or Spain.
Johnson: Really? Has Stephen been to these places?
Jack: Never in his life. Ever. *pleased with his stealthiness*
Johnson: *not even a little fooled*
Jack. You are the worst spy. EVER.
So, later that day Stephen goes to see Johnson and Diana and has a little chat with Johnson.
TEXT!Version:
Johnson: I saw Jack today.
Stephen: Really?
Johnson: He seemed remarkably well. Talked about my ships in the harbour.
Stephen: Lovely.
Johnson: How is the political state of Europe?
Stephen: I've been gone for years. Couldn't say.
Johnson: I hear Catalonia is in turmoil.
Stephen: I see. How does Spain feel about that?
Johnson: I'm not a Spaniard, but my French friends say they're rather upset. If only the Catalonians could follow the American example.
Stephen: I'm sure the situations are rather different.
SUBTEXT!Version:
Johnson: I can keep you and your friend here forever.
Stephen: Can you, now? How so?
Johnson: He won't shut up, and that's not good for your exchanges. Also, he is stupid.
Stephen: Your point?
Johnson: I know you have a spyhat. You're wearing it now aren't you?
Stephen: I am SOOOOO not a spy. Nope. Not me.
Johnson: I know you are. I even know you are from Catalonia. I know everything about you. You're caught.
Stephen: What part of SOOOOOO not a spy do you not get? I'm a meek, humble, dorky, little surgeon. Not a spy. But if I were, how would you know?
Johnson: The French told me. That's RIGHT! The FRENCH! The ones who pulled out your fingernails! But if you joined me and my buddies and spied for America, you might be okay. I might not even tell the French who you are.
Stephen: This would work if I were a spy, which I'm so not. And if I were, I would seriously fuck your shit up for even trying to make me go all double-agent. Prepare for fucked up shit.
Except it's sort of a bluff because Stephen has no shit fucking up resources at the moment.
He finds out from Jack where Johnson's info came from, gives Jack another warning about SHUTTING THE HELL UP, then runs for the American counsel and newspapers to make his complaints about being chased by "French hooligans". The plan is to make as much public noise as possible around himself and Jack to keep all the other intelligence agents away.
But before he can reach the counsel, he's chased by the French in their horse and carriage!
French Guys: Come back here, jerque!
Stephen: NO! *runs down alley*
FG: Stop running so fast! We are French!
Stephen: *hides behind pig, lets pursuers pass*
FG: We do not see behind pigs, for we are French!
Stephen: *runs back to their carriage, presses his pistol to the driver, and they take off*
FG: Eeeeey! Come back with our carriage! We are French!
Driver: I shall steer wildly and knock this villain off my carriage. *does so*
Stephen: *runs to Diana's hotel*
FG: He is hard to catch, no? But we are coming! We are French!
Stephen: *climbs handy rope*
FG: There is a handy rope here! I'll bet he is in the hotel. Let us in! We are French!
Stephen: Let me in, Diana! It's me!
Diana: Hide in my bed!
Stephen: *dives under covers*
FG: *knock* We are French, can we come in?
Diana: No. I'm asleep.
FG: Okay.
And that's where I had to stop.
Yeah. It's exciting!
But enough about me!
The Fortune of War
Okay, the last few updates were extremely Jack-centric, which was sort of a diservice to the book because it's really all about Stephen and his spyhat. So a quick as I can synopsis of what Stephen's been up to:
- Arrives in Boston with Jack.
- Looks up Herapath (the Tiny Spoon Stowaway) who is living with Mrs. Wogan (Female Spy who saw the Nude Rescue) and their bastard (but cute!) daughter who was born on their trip back to America.
- Mrs. Wogan had taken information with her that Stephen had planted. Mrs. Wogan thought they were valuable spy docs, but they were false information Stephen made up to wreak maximum havoc with the French intelligence system, and it totally worked. Because Stephen is mad smart.
- Mrs. Wogan thinks Jack planted the info, which is why everyone thinks Jack's the spy, so she's all "Blah blah blah State Secrets blah blah blah So glad I can trust you blah" with Stephen.
- The French are PISSED OFF, and one of their agents in Boston may or may not have recognized Stephen from a previous encounter in Catalonia.
- Diana, who Stephen was head over heels for, is living with Mr. Johnson, another American spy with ties to the French, but wants to get away.
- Stephen offers to marry her so she can regain her British citizenship.
- Herapath's Dad is an American but supports the British, and keeps trying very obviously and publicly to enlist Stephen's help in ending the war. Stephen won't commit to anything and just wants the hell out of Boston.
SO! To sum up: Everyone is *this*close* to knowing that Stephen's the badass!spy! who screwed the French over. And when they're sure, Stephen's as good as dead.
Jack didn't know anything about Stephen's activities regarding Mrs. Wogan and the French, but he knows something is up. So when Mr. Johnson comes for a visit and asks after Stephen it goes a little something like this.
Johnson: So, Jack, who is this Stephen fellow you go on and on and on about?
Jack: OH! He's my bestest best friend, and is soooper smart, and he studies all sorts of birds and fish and animals-
Johnson: But he's English?
Jack: Nah, Irish and Catalan, but don't let that turn you against him. Why, I spent a long time in his castle out in Spain after we were in France- *realizes he shouldn't have said that*
Johnson: Catalonia, eh? You know, I have some Catalan friends.
Jack: *puts on stealthycap, to be feared as much as the wittycap* I don't think we should talk about Catalonia. Or France. Or Spain.
Johnson: Really? Has Stephen been to these places?
Jack: Never in his life. Ever. *pleased with his stealthiness*
Johnson: *not even a little fooled*
Jack. You are the worst spy. EVER.
So, later that day Stephen goes to see Johnson and Diana and has a little chat with Johnson.
TEXT!Version:
Johnson: I saw Jack today.
Stephen: Really?
Johnson: He seemed remarkably well. Talked about my ships in the harbour.
Stephen: Lovely.
Johnson: How is the political state of Europe?
Stephen: I've been gone for years. Couldn't say.
Johnson: I hear Catalonia is in turmoil.
Stephen: I see. How does Spain feel about that?
Johnson: I'm not a Spaniard, but my French friends say they're rather upset. If only the Catalonians could follow the American example.
Stephen: I'm sure the situations are rather different.
SUBTEXT!Version:
Johnson: I can keep you and your friend here forever.
Stephen: Can you, now? How so?
Johnson: He won't shut up, and that's not good for your exchanges. Also, he is stupid.
Stephen: Your point?
Johnson: I know you have a spyhat. You're wearing it now aren't you?
Stephen: I am SOOOOO not a spy. Nope. Not me.
Johnson: I know you are. I even know you are from Catalonia. I know everything about you. You're caught.
Stephen: What part of SOOOOOO not a spy do you not get? I'm a meek, humble, dorky, little surgeon. Not a spy. But if I were, how would you know?
Johnson: The French told me. That's RIGHT! The FRENCH! The ones who pulled out your fingernails! But if you joined me and my buddies and spied for America, you might be okay. I might not even tell the French who you are.
Stephen: This would work if I were a spy, which I'm so not. And if I were, I would seriously fuck your shit up for even trying to make me go all double-agent. Prepare for fucked up shit.
Except it's sort of a bluff because Stephen has no shit fucking up resources at the moment.
He finds out from Jack where Johnson's info came from, gives Jack another warning about SHUTTING THE HELL UP, then runs for the American counsel and newspapers to make his complaints about being chased by "French hooligans". The plan is to make as much public noise as possible around himself and Jack to keep all the other intelligence agents away.
But before he can reach the counsel, he's chased by the French in their horse and carriage!
French Guys: Come back here, jerque!
Stephen: NO! *runs down alley*
FG: Stop running so fast! We are French!
Stephen: *hides behind pig, lets pursuers pass*
FG: We do not see behind pigs, for we are French!
Stephen: *runs back to their carriage, presses his pistol to the driver, and they take off*
FG: Eeeeey! Come back with our carriage! We are French!
Driver: I shall steer wildly and knock this villain off my carriage. *does so*
Stephen: *runs to Diana's hotel*
FG: He is hard to catch, no? But we are coming! We are French!
Stephen: *climbs handy rope*
FG: There is a handy rope here! I'll bet he is in the hotel. Let us in! We are French!
Stephen: Let me in, Diana! It's me!
Diana: Hide in my bed!
Stephen: *dives under covers*
FG: *knock* We are French, can we come in?
Diana: No. I'm asleep.
FG: Okay.
And that's where I had to stop.
Yeah. It's exciting!