Silver Lining [7/7.5]
Title: Silver Lining
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn, mentions of past Rachel/Finn
Rating: PG-13 for angst, depression, more angst, and just general unhappiness
Length: ~1,370/~9,354
Author's Note: See Chapter 1's author's notes & summary for more details.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6
Um. You might want to get tissues. Just sayin'.
-Chapter 7-
What time told them was nothing but bad news. Quinn graduated. Rachel was still in the hospital. Quinn’s parents strongly suggested she move out of the house so she moved in to Rachel’s room. She got a job at the hospital on the cleaning staff that allowed her to see Rachel every day. Three weeks after the word “relapse” was uttered from Rachel’s lips Quinn heard another word come from the doctor that she hated equally as much.
“Hospice?!” Quinn hissed. “Bullshit! She’s just weak from the chemo. She’s going to be fine. It's only been three weeks!”
“Quinn,” the doctor said. “Her body is only responding negatively to the drugs. They’re not doing her any good anymore. Last time she responded positively almost right away but this time they're only hurting her. I'm sorry but we've done all we can do. I think it’s best now that she is made comfortable at home.”
“Do another transplant! I'll do it today!”
“Another transplant might buy us a little time, a few weeks at the most, but that's all. With the chemotherapy not working anymore the transplant won't do much.”
“So use different drugs! Why are you giving up on her like this?!”
Rachel's Dad put a hand on Quinn's shoulder and gripped tight.
The doctor sighed. “Quinn, sometimes the disease just gets too strong for us to do anything. Rachel's at the stage now where what she needs is love and comfort from her friends and family. She needs you to be strong right now, okay?”
“How…” Rachel’s Daddy choked. “How do we uh…who do we call for what you said?”
“I’ll get all of the information you need, Mr. Berry.”
Rachel went home a week later. Quinn quit her job to stay with Rachel. Without the chemotherapy she was feeling better and each day that she felt better than the previous one only gave Quinn hope. She argued with the hospice nurses saying Rachel was better and she was right.
The summer moved along and Quinn kept her smile up even when Rachel’s health started declining.
“It’s just a bad day,” Quinn told the nurse. “She’ll be better tomorrow.”
Rachel slipped more. Quinn’s denial transitioned to anger. Rachel started waking up in the night groaning from the pain and Quinn could only hold her and tell her it would all be okay.
Rachel started morphine on the first of August.
Quinn hadn’t been to church since her sophomore year but the day after Rachel started the painkillers she made her way to her old church and sat for an hour just staring up at the altar.
“Can I help you, miss?” the preacher said when he sat down. He wasn’t the same one that had been there the last time Quinn had attended a service.
“Ask Him to make my Rachel better,” Quinn mumbled. “He won’t listen to me.”
“God does listen.”
“Not to me.” Quinn sighed. “Is it true what the Bible says about loving someone of the same sex? I listened to the sermons for years and I know that’s always what was said but I don’t get it. I don’t get how feeling love for someone can be wrong.”
“It’s a complicated issue,” the preacher said. “But these times we live in, these times filled with hate and war…I don’t think God will punish anyone for loving because that’s what the world needs.”
“My girlfriend has cancer. She never did anything wrong to anyone and all I can think is that God is punishing me because I…I had feelings for her for a really long time. I don’t know how she felt about me but I know now that she loves me.”
“Her illness brought you together?”
Quinn nodded. “Kind of. I mean…I guess if she hadn’t…I don’t know that I would’ve ever had the courage to admit how I felt.”
“Perhaps that is the reason for it, then.”
“But why would He bring us together and then rip us apart like this?”
“That’s part of His plan, miss. Only He knows what the purpose of life is.”
Quinn nodded again and stood. “Thank you,” she said.
When she returned to the Berry house Quinn lay down next to Rachel in her bed and whispered to her what the preacher had said. Rachel only nodded and pressed her lips to Quinn’s chest.
“I could’ve told you that,” she whispered. “I figured it out the first time you told me you loved me.”
“We could’ve had so much more time if I hadn’t been a coward, though.”
“Maybe not. Don’t forget that I was with Finn until the end of junior year. I didn’t really get over him until the summer.”
“It doesn’t matter though, right?” Quinn sniffled. “You’re going to get better and we’re going to New York.”
Rachel smiled and nodded.
-*-*-*-*-*-
Rachel was pale and trembling. Quinn knew it was from the pain.
“Do something!” Quinn yelled at the nurse. “She’s in pain!”
“Honey, we’ve done what we can. She’s maxed out on morphine. You need to put on a happy face and go back in there, okay? You know what the doctors said. It's a miracle she's lasted this long, you need to spend every moment you can with her right now.”
“Don’t say that to me! She…she’s going to be fine!”
The nurse only sighed and patted Quinn’s shoulder. She turned the girl back to the bedroom door and gave her a gentle push in. Quinn took the hint and went back to Rachel’s bedside. She sat on the edge of the bed with the small body and she stroked Rachel’s forehead and pressed kisses to her cheek and temple.
“You’re going to be fine, Rachel. You just…you just have to get through this, is all. It’s just a speedbump, okay baby?”
Rachel swallowed. Her eyes remained closed but she nodded, indicating she knew.
“I love you,” she managed to barely whisper. “Be strong.”
“I will be. I’ll be strong for you, okay? But you have to be strong, too.” Quinn’s eyes filled with tears and she choked back a sob. “Don’t give up on me, Rachel Berry. Do you hear me? Don’t you even think for one second about giving up. We have plans, remember? You have to be with me for them. I can’t afford a New York City apartment all by myself.”
Rachel’s eyes fluttered open and she looked up at her girlfriend and smiled. “I’m going to miss you,” she said weakly.
“Rachel, don’t.”
Rachel shook her head. “It’s okay. I’ll be okay and so will you.”
Quinn looked up at Rachel’s dads on the other side of the bed. Both of them had tears cascading down their cheeks. Rachel turned her head to look at them and she smiled again.
“I love you, too.”
“And we love you, baby girl,” her Daddy said.
Her Dad was silent for a minute, choking back sobs.”I love you so much, Rachel,” he finally managed.
Rachel nodded and she gripped onto Quinn’s hand and Quinn leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Rachel’s lips. “I love you, Rachel.”
And then she was gone. She took a deep breath and then the bright, shining gold star that was Rachel Berry was gone. And so was a piece of Quinn.
-*-*-*-*-*-
It was September eighth. It had been exactly one year. Quinn stepped onto the platform of the train station and looked around. She ascended the staircase with her backpack and walked through the train station. When she was finally outside she took a deep breath. The air was heavy and thick with smog and she hailed a cab. When she got to her destination she simply stood and looked up. She was in the middle of Times Square, surrounded by billboards and marquees.
“I’m here, baby,” she whispered. “I’m here, and I’m going to make it. I’m going to make it just for you.”
Quinn pulled a bag out of her backpack, a handful of small gold stars. She grabbed the handful and tossed it up in the air. The wind picked up at that moment and Quinn was surrounded by gold stars and she knew, she knew that Rachel was with her.
-*-*-*-*-*-
Author's Notes: I know, I know. That was really, very depressing. I hate myself for writing it, honestly. So, to make myself feel better I wrote an Alternate Chapter 7.
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn, mentions of past Rachel/Finn
Rating: PG-13 for angst, depression, more angst, and just general unhappiness
Length: ~1,370/~9,354
Author's Note: See Chapter 1's author's notes & summary for more details.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6
Um. You might want to get tissues. Just sayin'.
-Chapter 7-
What time told them was nothing but bad news. Quinn graduated. Rachel was still in the hospital. Quinn’s parents strongly suggested she move out of the house so she moved in to Rachel’s room. She got a job at the hospital on the cleaning staff that allowed her to see Rachel every day. Three weeks after the word “relapse” was uttered from Rachel’s lips Quinn heard another word come from the doctor that she hated equally as much.
“Hospice?!” Quinn hissed. “Bullshit! She’s just weak from the chemo. She’s going to be fine. It's only been three weeks!”
“Quinn,” the doctor said. “Her body is only responding negatively to the drugs. They’re not doing her any good anymore. Last time she responded positively almost right away but this time they're only hurting her. I'm sorry but we've done all we can do. I think it’s best now that she is made comfortable at home.”
“Do another transplant! I'll do it today!”
“Another transplant might buy us a little time, a few weeks at the most, but that's all. With the chemotherapy not working anymore the transplant won't do much.”
“So use different drugs! Why are you giving up on her like this?!”
Rachel's Dad put a hand on Quinn's shoulder and gripped tight.
The doctor sighed. “Quinn, sometimes the disease just gets too strong for us to do anything. Rachel's at the stage now where what she needs is love and comfort from her friends and family. She needs you to be strong right now, okay?”
“How…” Rachel’s Daddy choked. “How do we uh…who do we call for what you said?”
“I’ll get all of the information you need, Mr. Berry.”
Rachel went home a week later. Quinn quit her job to stay with Rachel. Without the chemotherapy she was feeling better and each day that she felt better than the previous one only gave Quinn hope. She argued with the hospice nurses saying Rachel was better and she was right.
The summer moved along and Quinn kept her smile up even when Rachel’s health started declining.
“It’s just a bad day,” Quinn told the nurse. “She’ll be better tomorrow.”
Rachel slipped more. Quinn’s denial transitioned to anger. Rachel started waking up in the night groaning from the pain and Quinn could only hold her and tell her it would all be okay.
Rachel started morphine on the first of August.
Quinn hadn’t been to church since her sophomore year but the day after Rachel started the painkillers she made her way to her old church and sat for an hour just staring up at the altar.
“Can I help you, miss?” the preacher said when he sat down. He wasn’t the same one that had been there the last time Quinn had attended a service.
“Ask Him to make my Rachel better,” Quinn mumbled. “He won’t listen to me.”
“God does listen.”
“Not to me.” Quinn sighed. “Is it true what the Bible says about loving someone of the same sex? I listened to the sermons for years and I know that’s always what was said but I don’t get it. I don’t get how feeling love for someone can be wrong.”
“It’s a complicated issue,” the preacher said. “But these times we live in, these times filled with hate and war…I don’t think God will punish anyone for loving because that’s what the world needs.”
“My girlfriend has cancer. She never did anything wrong to anyone and all I can think is that God is punishing me because I…I had feelings for her for a really long time. I don’t know how she felt about me but I know now that she loves me.”
“Her illness brought you together?”
Quinn nodded. “Kind of. I mean…I guess if she hadn’t…I don’t know that I would’ve ever had the courage to admit how I felt.”
“Perhaps that is the reason for it, then.”
“But why would He bring us together and then rip us apart like this?”
“That’s part of His plan, miss. Only He knows what the purpose of life is.”
Quinn nodded again and stood. “Thank you,” she said.
When she returned to the Berry house Quinn lay down next to Rachel in her bed and whispered to her what the preacher had said. Rachel only nodded and pressed her lips to Quinn’s chest.
“I could’ve told you that,” she whispered. “I figured it out the first time you told me you loved me.”
“We could’ve had so much more time if I hadn’t been a coward, though.”
“Maybe not. Don’t forget that I was with Finn until the end of junior year. I didn’t really get over him until the summer.”
“It doesn’t matter though, right?” Quinn sniffled. “You’re going to get better and we’re going to New York.”
Rachel smiled and nodded.
-*-*-*-*-*-
Rachel was pale and trembling. Quinn knew it was from the pain.
“Do something!” Quinn yelled at the nurse. “She’s in pain!”
“Honey, we’ve done what we can. She’s maxed out on morphine. You need to put on a happy face and go back in there, okay? You know what the doctors said. It's a miracle she's lasted this long, you need to spend every moment you can with her right now.”
“Don’t say that to me! She…she’s going to be fine!”
The nurse only sighed and patted Quinn’s shoulder. She turned the girl back to the bedroom door and gave her a gentle push in. Quinn took the hint and went back to Rachel’s bedside. She sat on the edge of the bed with the small body and she stroked Rachel’s forehead and pressed kisses to her cheek and temple.
“You’re going to be fine, Rachel. You just…you just have to get through this, is all. It’s just a speedbump, okay baby?”
Rachel swallowed. Her eyes remained closed but she nodded, indicating she knew.
“I love you,” she managed to barely whisper. “Be strong.”
“I will be. I’ll be strong for you, okay? But you have to be strong, too.” Quinn’s eyes filled with tears and she choked back a sob. “Don’t give up on me, Rachel Berry. Do you hear me? Don’t you even think for one second about giving up. We have plans, remember? You have to be with me for them. I can’t afford a New York City apartment all by myself.”
Rachel’s eyes fluttered open and she looked up at her girlfriend and smiled. “I’m going to miss you,” she said weakly.
“Rachel, don’t.”
Rachel shook her head. “It’s okay. I’ll be okay and so will you.”
Quinn looked up at Rachel’s dads on the other side of the bed. Both of them had tears cascading down their cheeks. Rachel turned her head to look at them and she smiled again.
“I love you, too.”
“And we love you, baby girl,” her Daddy said.
Her Dad was silent for a minute, choking back sobs.”I love you so much, Rachel,” he finally managed.
Rachel nodded and she gripped onto Quinn’s hand and Quinn leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Rachel’s lips. “I love you, Rachel.”
And then she was gone. She took a deep breath and then the bright, shining gold star that was Rachel Berry was gone. And so was a piece of Quinn.
-*-*-*-*-*-
It was September eighth. It had been exactly one year. Quinn stepped onto the platform of the train station and looked around. She ascended the staircase with her backpack and walked through the train station. When she was finally outside she took a deep breath. The air was heavy and thick with smog and she hailed a cab. When she got to her destination she simply stood and looked up. She was in the middle of Times Square, surrounded by billboards and marquees.
“I’m here, baby,” she whispered. “I’m here, and I’m going to make it. I’m going to make it just for you.”
Quinn pulled a bag out of her backpack, a handful of small gold stars. She grabbed the handful and tossed it up in the air. The wind picked up at that moment and Quinn was surrounded by gold stars and she knew, she knew that Rachel was with her.
-*-*-*-*-*-
Author's Notes: I know, I know. That was really, very depressing. I hate myself for writing it, honestly. So, to make myself feel better I wrote an Alternate Chapter 7.