Fic: What Aunt Dahlia Saw: Chapter Two - New Year's Day
Hullo, all! Here's a little fic. Actually, this is a sequel to my earlier fic, What Aunt Dahlia Saw - New Year's Eve.
Title: What Aunt Dahlia Saw: Chapter Two - New Year's Day
Pairing: Jeeves & Wooster
Rating: G
Summary: Aunt Dahlia decides it's time she had a talk with that nephew of hers.
What Aunt Dahlia Saw: Chapter Two
New Year’s Day
On New Year’s Day, Bertie joined his aunt in the afternoon for some tea.
‘So, young Bertie,’ she asked at length, ‘what are your plans for the remainder of the winter? You’re not stopping here much longer, are you?’
‘No; I don’t want to inflict too much of my society on you,’ he replied. ‘We Woosters are best taken in small doses. I believe Jeeves is rather keen on the idea of Cap d’Antibes, actually, so I expect that’s where I’ll be off to next.’
‘Is Jeeves deciding where you spend your winters now?’
Bertie frowned.
‘No, not at all. But I know he dislikes England at this time of year, and since I got my white Christmas, it only seems fair to let him have his sunshine.’
His aunt smiled. ‘Who’s idea was Cap d’Antibes, then?’
‘Well-Jeeves’s, actually. I don’t mind that. He has excellent taste in vacation spots. Besides, I have no particular desire to be in any particular place, but if he does, then I’m all for it.’
‘Bertie,’ Dahlia said, moving slightly closer to him to let him know that they were about to speak of a delicate subject. ‘I want to talk to you about Jeeves.’
His face was immediately tense. ‘About Jeeves?’
‘Yes, about Jeeves.’
‘What? What about Jeeves? What about him?’
‘It’s a rather delicate subject.’
His face seemed to clear somewhat. ‘Oh. I see. Shall I ring for him?’
‘No. I just want to talk to you.’
‘Me?’
‘Yes, you.’
‘I thought you wanted to talk to Jeeves.’
‘No. I want to talk to you about Jeeves.’
‘I thought you wanted to talk to him about something.’
‘No. That’s not what I said, is it?’
‘So, you don’t want his advice about something?’
‘No, you aggravating blot! I want to talk to you. I want to talk, to you, about Jeeves. All clear?’
‘Oh. Ah.’ He coughed. ‘Well, old flesh and blood, I’ve an idea of that this is about.’
‘Oh, do you?’
‘Yes,’ he sighed, ‘and-well, look here. I’d do plenty for you, old relative, as you know, but really, this is too much.’
‘What? What’s too much?’
‘I had an idea this might come up. I know Seppings is close to retiring, so I spoke to Jeeves about it, to get an idea of his point of view, don’t you know, and he assures me that taking a permanent position as a butler just doesn’t suit him.’
‘No, Bertie, listen.’
‘I’m sorry, Auntie, but you must know that I’d have to be certifiable before I’d let a gem like Jeeves go. Don’t think you’re the first, either-I’ve fought off many pirates who’ve given him the covetous eye and made him offers behind my back. I saw them off all right, and I’ll see you off too, beloved Aunt or no.’
‘Bertie, as it happens, Jeeves has already given me a few recommendations for butler of Brinkley Court.’
Bertie’s face broke into a sort of private smile. ‘Has he,’ he murmured, fondly. ‘When was this?’
‘This morning, if you must know. The point is, I’m not trying to steal Jeeves from you. Sterling fellow he may be, but I’ve always considered your need to be greater than mine. No, I’ve got something else relating to Jeeves to talk to you about.’
‘Oh? What’s that?’
‘Well, this.’ Her voice lowered. ‘Tell me: what is there between you and Jeeves?’
‘Between us?’
She was expecting him to blush, but instead, he had paled.
She patted his shoulder.
‘It’s all right. You’re on safe ground. No need to get the breeze up.’
‘I don’t understand. Between us, how? What?’
‘All right, you poor dumb-bell, I’ll make it easier for you. I know there’s something going on. I know that you and Jeeves are more than master and valet. I know that you’re more than friends, too, and I know that you’re both trying to hide it.’
Bertie was staring down at the floor, looking aghast, shaking his head slightly.
‘It’s all right,’ she repeated.
‘I don’t understand. Trying to hide what? How do you mean?’
‘You know exactly what I mean. Please don’t make me draw you a picture, there’s a good lad. I’ve seen you giving him funny looks, and I saw you grab his hand the other day-I know what’s happening between you.’
‘Nonsense. I mean, nothing. I mean, what? Between us? What do you mean? What’s happening between us?’
‘Fine. Since you refuse to understand me, I’ll be blunt. I know that you’re lovers.’
He was white as a sheet, but he gave a sort of hacking laugh.
‘Rot.’
‘Rot?’
‘Absolutely, rot. Utter rot. Where on earth did you get that idea? Jeeves and I?’ He gave another of those hacking laughs. ‘It’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.’
‘Bertie, I know.’
‘No, you don’t, aged A. Know what? You don’t know anything. There’s nothing to know, blast it.’
‘Just shut up, you fathead. Stop talking. Look, I didn’t want to tell you this, but the fact is I overheard you talking with him last night.’
‘Last night…’ he quavered.
‘Yes, last night. At midnight. I went to fetch something from my room,’ she lied smoothly, ‘and I heard voices. You and Jeeves.’
‘And… you listened?’ He looked horrified.
‘Yes, I listened. I’m sorry, young Bertie. I tend to be inquisitive when there are secret meetings in dark corners of my house.’
‘Oh, my lord,’ Bertie said abruptly, as though the whole point of the conversation had just become clear to him. ‘You know about Jeeves and I.’
‘That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.’
‘So, you know?’ he whispered.
‘Yes, blast you. How many times? I know.’
He gaped, gulped, shook his head dumbly and ran his hand through his hair. ‘Oh, my. Was I-were we-who else knows?’
‘No-one. And look-no-one will be hearing it from me, either.’
‘You’re not going to-’
‘Tell everyone? Alert the necessary authorities? Good heavens, no.’
‘Not anyone?’ he frowned, sounding slightly wary.
‘No-one, Bertie, dear. Not even Angela. Not even Tom. There are some items too delicate to gossip about, even with one’s nearest and dearest, and this is one of those items. This isn’t something you’d want generally known; I’m sure you know that, don’t you?’
‘I know.’ He looked at her, and a faint glimmer of determinedness crept into his pale face. ‘Look here,’ he said, in a lower voice, ‘you’re not going to ask me to-to give Jeeves up, are you?’
She shook her head, but he continued talking, his need to confide, perhaps, heartened by his defensiveness. ‘Because there’s no point. Don’t tell me to end this, because I simply can’t. I’ve the greatest respect for you, old relative, and as I said a moment ago, I’d do a lot for you, but if you expect me to call this off, I simply can’t do it. It’s impossible. I can’t possibly do without him. I’m-I have to have him near me, do you see? You might think this is all a bit silly, or perfectly revolting, but it’s not to me, and I love the man.’
‘I know,’ his aunt said, in a far gentler voice than she was accustomed to using.
‘And he loves me. Do you understand?’ He spoke in a low voice, still, but she had never heard him sound so forceful.
‘Calm down, fathead. I understand. And I believe he does. All right? I believe he does.’
Bertie sighed heavily, made to reach for his tea then abruptly changed his mind. His hands were shaking. His aunt reached over and touched his hand, holding hers over his, until he sighed again and laughed.
His aunt rose to her feet.
‘Come for a walk with me, Bertie dear. It’s a bit wet out there, but it has warmed up a bit for the time being. Come and blow the cobwebs away with me, and while we’re outside and free from prying ears and interruptions, you can tell me all. If you like.’
He looked up at her, his expression a mixture of doubt and relief.
‘Come along, Bertie.’
‘All right. I don’t promise to say much, but I wouldn’t mind a bit of fresh air.’
-o-o-o-
A quarter of an hour later, they were walking along one of the many gravel walks surrounding the house.
‘I’m sorry,’ Bertie said at last.
‘Whatever for?’
‘Not for anything to do with Jeeves. Just sorry if I got a bit rattled earlier.’
‘Don’t mention it. Awkward conversation. It would rattle anybody.’
‘Well-you took me by surprise, don’t you know. And to know that you found out is a bit concerning, I have to say.’
‘Don’t worry about that. It was little things that made me suspect. Little things that no-one but someone as close to you as I am would notice. And someone as close to you as I am, Bertie, would never wish you any harm.’
‘But you overheard us. I thought we were so careful to keep out of everybody’s way.’
She sighed.
‘Don’t be angry, Bertie, dear-but I was lying before. I sneaked after you. I was almost convinced, and when I saw you and Jeeves make your very careful exit from the drawing room last night, I sneaked after you to make sure that I was right.’
‘You mean-you spied on us?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, of all the-’ he spluttered indignantly, but she interrupted.
‘So, you don’t need to worry. You haven’t been indiscreet. No-one’s noticed anything.’
‘And-what did you hear, exactly? You-’ he broke off, and she saw that he was replaying the scene of the night before in his head. ‘Oh, gosh,’ he muttered.
‘Yes, yes. I heard it all. A soppy pair of blighters you were.’
He was no longer pale. Instead his cheeks had flushed a shade of pink.
‘Come, come. You were both very sweet.’
‘Please, please. Spare me. I don’t want to talk about it. Gosh, when I think of the things I said-especially just before we came back down-’
‘Well, I don’t know that I heard everything. I left you both about a minute after you’d said your Happy New Years and exchanged a few endearments. There seemed to be something intimate going on after that, and I didn’t want you to pop out and find me listening, so I buzzed off.’
‘Oh.’ He was blushing deeply, but looked relieved. ‘Then you didn’t hear-you didn’t-’
‘What?’
‘Oh-nothing.’
‘You don’t mean that the conversation got soppier still, do you?’
‘Perhaps. Upon my word-surely a chap can be permitted to exchange a few tender words with a loved one on New Year’s Eve in a discreet vestibule or alcove without expecting criticism?’
‘Of course.’
‘If you recall, no-one was supposed to be listening in.’
‘Well, in that case I’m delighted that I left when I did.’
‘As am I.’
They walked in silence for a few minutes.
‘So, tell me,’ she said at last, ‘when did all this happen?’
‘All this…’
‘Must I spell everything for you today? When did you and Jeeves get all cosy?’
He laughed awkwardly, wincing slightly. ‘Ah. Well. It would have been the twenty-eighth of October.’
‘I had a feeling it was fairly recent.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you look a mess. You have that dreamy, far-away look about you. I bet you can scarcely keep your hands off each other.’
‘I say, really, please!’ He was blushing furiously.
She laughed. ‘You’re so prim. I don’t know where you get it from-it can only have passed down to you somehow from your Aunt Agatha. I’m giving you the old sympathetic ear, authorising you to spill the beans, and do you spill? No, sir. For a typical young man about town, you’re frightfully stuffy. It’s your worst fault, really. Why all the fuss? Why, when Tom and I were first married-’
‘Please, old relation, have mercy. I have no interest in hearing the details of your courtship with Uncle Tom.’
‘Very well. But you’re missing a fascinating tale. All right, let’s get back to you, then. Who approached whom?’
‘Eh?’
‘Who was the first to bring the subject up? You or Jeeves?’
‘Subject?’
‘What’s the matter with you, you poor reptile? Did you receive a blow to the head recently? The subject of you and he becoming a pair of lovebirds, of course.’
‘Oh. Well, I suppose Jeeves was the one who took the first step.’
She raised her eyebrows. ‘Did he, now?’
‘Yes. You sound surprised.’
‘Well, I know Jeeves takes a few liberties, but I didn’t think he would ever exceed his position to that length.’
Bertie smiled.
‘Something amusing you?’
‘No, no,’ he said, in a dreamy sort of way. She had got him reminiscing, she realised.
‘What ever led him to take this leap of faith?’
Bertie tutted. ‘You needn’t sound quite so astonished. You might not think so, but to some I am positively fascinating and irresistible.’
‘Is that so?’ she enquired.
‘Besides-’ he bit his lip, and was silent again.
‘Besides what?’
‘Well-it wasn’t entirely a leap of faith for Jeeves. The fact is, I-well-I started to-well, it was a goodish while ago now, when I started to have-er-amourous feelings. For-for him, I mean to say.’ He blushed, but continued. ‘I didn’t pay it much mind, because it just seemed too silly to even think about, and it seemed to me that there might be a dozen reasonable explanations for it.’
‘How long ago was this?’
‘Oh-a long time ago.’ He waved a hand dismissively. ‘Several years ago. So I-’
‘Years?’
‘-I just tried not to think about it. But it was-well, the fact is that deep down, I knew it wasn’t silly at all, it was quite serious. Sometimes, you see, when I was alone, I’d find myself thinking about it and-well, daydreaming, I suppose, about what it would be like if I could only say-say something about it to him, and to hear him say something similar in return, and so on. But I made myself stop thinking about it, and thought it would just go away. I didn’t think there was any other choice, you see. Most of the time this was fine, but there were times-’ he broke off, swallowing.
‘There were a few awkward moments,’ he admitted at last. ‘I could only hope that he wasn’t aware of it, which was dashed silly of me-I mean, how could anyone, much less someone like me, ever conceal anything from Jeeves?’
‘Who indeed?’
‘He’s one of those Johnnies who always seems to know all.’
‘Quite so. A brilliant mind, that man has.’
‘Absolutely. And so of course, he spotted that there was something amiss.’
‘And guessed what it was?’
‘Eventually, he did. It seems he-’ he blushed, again, with a faint smile. ‘Well, he did sort of guess what it was, but he didn’t mention it for years because he thought that he might be mistaken. That might sound a bit silly, but when you think about it, mentioning something like that would be a pretty biggish risk for Jeeves. I mean, he had no idea how I might react. What if I gave him the sack and wrote him a real stinker of a reference? Or shrieked for the authorities and accused him of-’ he laughed- ‘of making a pass at me? He’s got a reputation to uphold.’
‘I see what you mean. Besides being pretty embarrassing, it could ruin a chap.’
‘Quite. Of course, I’d never have wished him any harm, even if he had been mistaken-but there you are. He’s a cautious fellow. And besides, he really did think that he might be imagining things. What did he say? He said that-that he feared he had been guilty of allowing his dreams to distort his perception of the truth.’
‘Jeeves said that?’
‘It was something like that.’
‘I never imagined he could be so sentimental. But you never thought he might have romantic feelings for you? That he dreamt that you might love him?’
Bertie laughed. It was a shy, embarrassed laugh, but nevertheless, a laugh of delight, and his cheeks seemed to be permanently tinged with a rosy hue. He was laughing with pleasure, she realised, partly to be reminded afresh of the notion that Jeeves had actually been pining for him, partly to hear her ask him so easily about Jeeves’s feelings for him-especially when she used the word ‘romantic’.
‘I had no idea, old blood relation. Not an inkling. I may have sort of daydreamed about it, in moments of solitude, as I said, but I never even dared to think about it in his presence, let alone hope for anything, or suspect anything. Gosh, no. It never occurred to me.’
‘I imagine if Jeeves wants something to be in the dark, then it will dashed well stay in the dark.’
‘Quite. You know how the fellow is. I used to think that if I were to be hit by a bus, or something, his reaction would be nothing more emotional than a regretful sigh.’ He laughed. ‘What an ass I am. But it’s not that I thought he didn’t care, you understand. On the contrary. People think he’s a bit of a cold fish, but if they knew him as well as I do, they’d know he is a man of deep emotions. He is. I’ve known him pretty dashed well for years now-better than anyone else, don’t you know, and I never saw him as devoid of feeling. He just keeps his feelings to himself, that’s all, because he’s so dashed professional, and he wears a jolly convincing mask. But I’ve always been able tell when he’s upset about something, or when he’s pleased. Not from anything he says, just from a certain something in his manner.’
He spoke with extraordinary fondness, looking down at the gravel path as he walked. She had never heard him speak this way before.
‘I never thought about the possibility of him being in love with anyone, though,’ he continued. ‘I don’t know why. Perhaps I just didn’t like to think of him paying attention to anyone but me. But if I had considered it, I would have expected it to be noticeable to me, if he was, that is.’
‘But you didn’t notice anything?’
‘Not really. I was wrong, you see. I thought he was an open book to me, but if he wanted to keep a few pages hidden, then he made sure I didn’t even notice that they were there. He kept it very much under his hat. I did notice a change, this year, or rather, last year, but that wasn’t him falling-’ he faltered, emotion momentarily overcoming speech. ‘That wasn’t him falling for me. I understand that particular miracle happened long ago. The change was him realising that I really might return his sentiments.’ He laughed. ‘Funny, to think that he could imagine anyone would not be over the moon to know that he had a special regard for them. He doesn’t realise what a gift from God he is.’
‘Quite.’ She smiled, glad that he was letting himself relax a bit. ‘What was it that tipped him off? Do you know?’
‘Ah.’ He fidgeted a bit, twisting his hands in his pockets. ‘Well. I think it was a few little incidents that got him thinking. I don’t really want to go into details. Sort of private, you understand.’
‘Absolutely.’
‘I think one key moment, actually, was after he got me out of the local jailhouse at Totleigh-in-the-Wold. It was on the occasion involving that black amber statuette, if you remember. He convinced old Watkyn Bassett to let me off the hook by offering to switch from working for me to working for him.’
‘Really? I told you that old buzzard had his eye on the man, didn’t I?’
‘Yes, and I was so horrified that he’d just coolly decided to leave me like that-especially after the last time he left-I suppose I reacted rather strongly. I’m not sure that I didn’t reel and totter in the street. I distinctly remember everything going black for a moment. But it was all just a ruse, and he told me he intended to work things so that he’d be back with me within a fortnight or so.’
Dahlia snorted with laughter. ‘I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when that happened. Serve him right, the old son-of-a-whatnot.’
‘Quite.’
‘But sorry, you were saying. That was when Jeeves realised, was it?’
‘Yes. I remember him smiling a bit at the way I reacted to the news, and he told me recently that this moment sowed a seed of hope in his mind.’
‘So then in October, he pitched the idea?’
‘Yes.’
‘What on earth did he say? I can’t imagine how he would broach the subject.’
‘Well, it wasn’t quite like that. What happened was, I was on my way home one night-we were in New York at the time, as you know-and it was a bit latish, and on the way I was mugged by a couple of youths who took the cash I had on me and roughed me up a bit. It was the first time that had ever happened to me, and it was all a bit thick, because they had a gun and everything. I staggered home with a bruised head and a sprained wrist, shaking like a leaf-and Jeeves took care of me.’ He coughed, and indicated a nearby seat. They moved over to it and settled there.
‘Hm.’ Bertie smiled, rubbing his head self-consciously. ‘Well; he was a bit cut up about it. He said a couple of things that he probably wouldn’t want me to repeat-nothing scandalous, just a bit sentimental, don’t you know. He seemed to feel that he’d let the young master down. I told him it was hardly his fault, but he said that my health and happiness were his responsibility, and that he felt protective and whatnot. That’s not quite what he said, but it was something along those lines, I think. Anyway, he was checking my wrist for broken bones, and being frightfully nice about it, and things got a bit tense, if you know what I mean. And- well-one thing sort of led to another.’
Dahlia didn’t say anything, but she gave his arm a squeeze. Bertie laughed softly, poking at a bit of lichen on their seat.
‘He kissed my hand,’ he murmured at last.
There was a pause while he ran his fingers along the curve of the stone seat. At length, he uttered a short laugh. ‘You know, to this day I don’t know if it was something he’d planned to do, or if it was the result of a sudden impulse. But then he kissed me. And, well, I’m dashed if it wasn’t the best thing that ever happened to me.’
He sat very still for a moment, looking uncharacteristically serious. Then he swallowed, rubbed his eyes and sniffed, and she realised that he was actually a bit choked up.
‘Anyway,’ he said presently, ‘I’m sorry if all this sounds frightfully strange. No, no-I know it does. It seemed frightfully strange to me, too-even though I knew right away.’
She patted his shoulder. ‘It’s getting less strange the more you tell me about it, actually,’ she said. ‘When I first realised, I was a bit shocked, to be honest, but the more I’ve looked at the two of you, the more plausible the whole thing seems.’
‘That’s rather how it was for me, in a way. After years of focusing one’s romantic notions on the ladies, it took a bit of mental agility to sort of shift gears and look at things from this new perspective, don’t you know. It was a bit of a jar.’
She guffawed. ‘I thought it was an effort for me to look upon the affair with a kindly eye-it didn’t occur to me that you might have had the same trouble.’
‘An effort for you, was it? How do you think I felt? It wasn’t just a philosophical idea for me, it was actually happening. I had all sorts of what you might call inner conflicts to deal with.’
‘All right. I’m sorry.’
‘Well, I wasn’t actually agonising over it for days. Actually, I think I was convinced of the soundness of the idea within a few hours.’
‘Gorblimey. So poor old Jeeves kissed you, then had to spend hours calming you down?’
‘Well, no, it wasn’t quite like that.’ He flushed. ‘It was the next afternoon when I sat and thought it all over. At that very first moment, the rumminess of the idea-the idea of two coves handing each other their hearts, I mean-it wasn’t really among the top five things that were whirling around in the old bean. I suppose there was the notion that this was rather unorthodox, but it hardly seemed to be the most pressing issue at the time.’
‘You must have been frightfully surprised, though.’
‘I suppose so. Actually, I thought I was dreaming. It was as though all those daydreams were coming true. I couldn’t believe it was really happening.’
‘But if he’d guessed how you felt as far back as Totleigh, why did he wait until that particular night to-?’
‘Well, up until that point I think he knew that I wasn’t-that I hadn’t really accepted it.’
‘But all that changed when you got mugged?’
Bertie blushed. ‘I can’t really explain, exactly. I don’t want to talk about it too much.’
‘Of course. But he knew, at that point, did he-that you were keen on the idea?’
‘Well, I was so frightfully glad to see him, and he was upset about what happened, and I suppose things started coming to the surface. Our eyes met a few times, and it was rather clear that something was up, so to speak.’
‘So, did you…’
‘Well, rather. I mean, we talked for a bit, as you may imagine.’
‘But after that, you must have…’
‘Well, you know. The circs. being what they are, there’s no asking the father or guardian’s permission, or announcing of the banns, and no chance of the affair being solemnized by the local curate. That being the case, well, there didn’t seem any point in waiting.’
‘I see.’ She sniffed, to suggest a faint disapproval, but followed it up with a clap on the back. ‘Well, young Bertie,’ she said at last. ‘Rather typical of you, I must say, to take the most awkward route, and the option least likely to please your Aunt Agatha. Not that I intend her to find out, of course.’
Bertie shuddered. ‘Please. Don’t even think of it.’
‘Well, for myself, I gave up on my plans to shower you with rice as you left the church with the young bride on your arm years ago; I’ve long hoped that Jeeves would stick with you, and really, when I consider all the unfortunate girls you’ve been engaged to, none of them can hold a candle to Jeeves. So all in all, I think you’ve done well.’
They began their walk back to the house. As they paced along, Bertie suddenly kissed his aunt’s cheek.
‘Thanks for being so understanding about all this.’
‘Don’t mention it.’
‘It’s rather a relief, don’t you know, to have someone else to talk to about it. Not that I’m planning on giving you a weekly bulletin, you understand-it’s just comforting to know that someone’s sympathetic.’
‘Well, you’ve always been my favourite nephew, you blot. Anything you care to tell me about, I’m always happy to lend an ear. Jeeves has helped me out of a dozen predicaments, now, so I owe him that much.’
‘Jolly decent of you.’
‘You are planning to stick with him, I take it? I mean, this isn’t going to end up fizzling out and going phut? I’ve rather warmed to the idea, and I don’t want my hopes to be dashed.’
‘It’s quite serious. I really am quite smitten, you see. And coming from me, that’s saying something. My pal Bingo will say something along those lines every other day, and you learn to regard it as old news regardless of who the girl is this time. But I don’t think you’ve seen me quite as dreadfully in love as this before.’
‘I can’t say that I have. The whole idea always seemed to leave you pretty cold.’
‘Well, that’s because I was looking in the wrong direction. If I’d only allowed myself to entertain the idea seriously before, I should have found the answer to all my prayers and dreams sitting in my kitchen cleaning the silver.’
Dahlia smiled. ‘Lord-love-a-duck. You really are dotty for the chap, aren’t you?’
‘I love him,’ he said in a low voice. He cleared his throat, watching a couple of ducks messing about on the lake. ‘He feels the same way,’ he added. ‘It would be hard to believe, that, but when Jeeves puts a fact to you, you don’t question it or doubt it. I can’t think what he sees in me, not for a moment, but he says his heart belongs to me, and so it must be true.’
They rounded a corner, having now reached the house, and suddenly, there was Jeeves, standing in the courtyard, smoking. Bertie turned pink once more. Jeeves, on seeing them, immediately removed the gasper from his lips.
‘Don’t put it out, Jeeves,’ Bertie said. ‘I shouldn’t mind touching you for a smoke, actually, if you have one to spare.’
‘Good morning, Mrs. Travers,’ Jeeves said. ‘Sir.’ He supplied his master with a cigarette, produced a lighter and lit it for him. Neither looked at the other as this action was performed. You’d think they’d had a row.
Dahlia spoke quite calmly. ‘Good morning, Jeeves,’ she said brightly. ‘How are the New Year’s dinner preparations coming along?’
‘We are making very satisfactory progress, madam.’
‘Good,’ Dahlia said, rubbing her hands. ‘In that case, would you happen to have fifteen minutes or so to spare? I should like to have a word with you.’
‘Certainly, madam.’
‘Run along, then, fathead,’ said Dahlia, to Bertie. ‘I’ll see you at dinner. I’m glad we talked things over.’
‘Wait a moment, wait a moment,’ Bertie said, choking on the gasper Jeeves had given him. ‘You’re not proposing to discuss this with Jeeves, are you?’
‘Certainly, I am. Think of me as the responsible guardian in this matter. If I have a duty as your aunt, it’s my duty to have a talk with both you and Jeeves.’
Jeeves raised an eyebrow.
‘But dash it,’ Bertie protested. ‘I don’t want you bothering Jeeves. Can’t you leave it to me? Or at least write him a note rather than discussing it in person?’
‘I have no intention of writing a blasted note, you human gumboil. I have a couple of questions to put to Jeeves, and if we do everything via written message, we’ll be here until Easter, and I am particularly hoping that you will be gone from my sight by the end of this week.’
‘Well,’ Bertie said, spluttering. ‘This is about the frozen limit. You agree, Jeeves, surely?’
‘I could not say, sir, since I am not in possession of the details of the matter at hand.’
‘I’ll give you three guesses, Jeeves.’
‘If Mrs. Travers has something particular to communicate, sir, I shall be happy to give her my undivided attention, provided that this is agreeable to you.’
‘Come along, Jeeves. You must know what this aunt of mine is currently fixated upon.’
‘Sir?’
‘Don’t ‘sir’ me, dash it. I’ve just had a frightfully gruelling interview with this blood relation and now she wants to subject you to the same thing.’
‘Indeed, sir?’
‘Both of you, stop this ridiculous conversation,’ Dahlia interrupted. ‘Bertie, you ass, if you hadn’t stuck your oar in, Jeeves and I would have concluded the discussion by now. Go away, please. Stop interfering. I’m sure Jeeves will tell you all about it later.’
‘All right. Fine,’ Bertie said, seeming somewhat dazed. ‘But for Heaven’s sake, keep it clean. Jeeves doesn’t like conversations that get indelicate.’
‘I shall be the soul of discretion. Now buzz off.’
‘All right, all right.’ He began to move away, then spun back around. ‘Everything’s all right, Jeeves.’
‘Sir?’
‘I mean, nothing to worry about.’
Jeeves nodded, abandoning his efforts to be courteously detached. He watched Bertie walk away, then turned to Dahlia Travers.
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End of Chapter Two. Chapter Three this way...
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Click here to read Chapter One
Title: What Aunt Dahlia Saw: Chapter Two - New Year's Day
Pairing: Jeeves & Wooster
Rating: G
Summary: Aunt Dahlia decides it's time she had a talk with that nephew of hers.
What Aunt Dahlia Saw: Chapter Two
New Year’s Day
On New Year’s Day, Bertie joined his aunt in the afternoon for some tea.
‘So, young Bertie,’ she asked at length, ‘what are your plans for the remainder of the winter? You’re not stopping here much longer, are you?’
‘No; I don’t want to inflict too much of my society on you,’ he replied. ‘We Woosters are best taken in small doses. I believe Jeeves is rather keen on the idea of Cap d’Antibes, actually, so I expect that’s where I’ll be off to next.’
‘Is Jeeves deciding where you spend your winters now?’
Bertie frowned.
‘No, not at all. But I know he dislikes England at this time of year, and since I got my white Christmas, it only seems fair to let him have his sunshine.’
His aunt smiled. ‘Who’s idea was Cap d’Antibes, then?’
‘Well-Jeeves’s, actually. I don’t mind that. He has excellent taste in vacation spots. Besides, I have no particular desire to be in any particular place, but if he does, then I’m all for it.’
‘Bertie,’ Dahlia said, moving slightly closer to him to let him know that they were about to speak of a delicate subject. ‘I want to talk to you about Jeeves.’
His face was immediately tense. ‘About Jeeves?’
‘Yes, about Jeeves.’
‘What? What about Jeeves? What about him?’
‘It’s a rather delicate subject.’
His face seemed to clear somewhat. ‘Oh. I see. Shall I ring for him?’
‘No. I just want to talk to you.’
‘Me?’
‘Yes, you.’
‘I thought you wanted to talk to Jeeves.’
‘No. I want to talk to you about Jeeves.’
‘I thought you wanted to talk to him about something.’
‘No. That’s not what I said, is it?’
‘So, you don’t want his advice about something?’
‘No, you aggravating blot! I want to talk to you. I want to talk, to you, about Jeeves. All clear?’
‘Oh. Ah.’ He coughed. ‘Well, old flesh and blood, I’ve an idea of that this is about.’
‘Oh, do you?’
‘Yes,’ he sighed, ‘and-well, look here. I’d do plenty for you, old relative, as you know, but really, this is too much.’
‘What? What’s too much?’
‘I had an idea this might come up. I know Seppings is close to retiring, so I spoke to Jeeves about it, to get an idea of his point of view, don’t you know, and he assures me that taking a permanent position as a butler just doesn’t suit him.’
‘No, Bertie, listen.’
‘I’m sorry, Auntie, but you must know that I’d have to be certifiable before I’d let a gem like Jeeves go. Don’t think you’re the first, either-I’ve fought off many pirates who’ve given him the covetous eye and made him offers behind my back. I saw them off all right, and I’ll see you off too, beloved Aunt or no.’
‘Bertie, as it happens, Jeeves has already given me a few recommendations for butler of Brinkley Court.’
Bertie’s face broke into a sort of private smile. ‘Has he,’ he murmured, fondly. ‘When was this?’
‘This morning, if you must know. The point is, I’m not trying to steal Jeeves from you. Sterling fellow he may be, but I’ve always considered your need to be greater than mine. No, I’ve got something else relating to Jeeves to talk to you about.’
‘Oh? What’s that?’
‘Well, this.’ Her voice lowered. ‘Tell me: what is there between you and Jeeves?’
‘Between us?’
She was expecting him to blush, but instead, he had paled.
She patted his shoulder.
‘It’s all right. You’re on safe ground. No need to get the breeze up.’
‘I don’t understand. Between us, how? What?’
‘All right, you poor dumb-bell, I’ll make it easier for you. I know there’s something going on. I know that you and Jeeves are more than master and valet. I know that you’re more than friends, too, and I know that you’re both trying to hide it.’
Bertie was staring down at the floor, looking aghast, shaking his head slightly.
‘It’s all right,’ she repeated.
‘I don’t understand. Trying to hide what? How do you mean?’
‘You know exactly what I mean. Please don’t make me draw you a picture, there’s a good lad. I’ve seen you giving him funny looks, and I saw you grab his hand the other day-I know what’s happening between you.’
‘Nonsense. I mean, nothing. I mean, what? Between us? What do you mean? What’s happening between us?’
‘Fine. Since you refuse to understand me, I’ll be blunt. I know that you’re lovers.’
He was white as a sheet, but he gave a sort of hacking laugh.
‘Rot.’
‘Rot?’
‘Absolutely, rot. Utter rot. Where on earth did you get that idea? Jeeves and I?’ He gave another of those hacking laughs. ‘It’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.’
‘Bertie, I know.’
‘No, you don’t, aged A. Know what? You don’t know anything. There’s nothing to know, blast it.’
‘Just shut up, you fathead. Stop talking. Look, I didn’t want to tell you this, but the fact is I overheard you talking with him last night.’
‘Last night…’ he quavered.
‘Yes, last night. At midnight. I went to fetch something from my room,’ she lied smoothly, ‘and I heard voices. You and Jeeves.’
‘And… you listened?’ He looked horrified.
‘Yes, I listened. I’m sorry, young Bertie. I tend to be inquisitive when there are secret meetings in dark corners of my house.’
‘Oh, my lord,’ Bertie said abruptly, as though the whole point of the conversation had just become clear to him. ‘You know about Jeeves and I.’
‘That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.’
‘So, you know?’ he whispered.
‘Yes, blast you. How many times? I know.’
He gaped, gulped, shook his head dumbly and ran his hand through his hair. ‘Oh, my. Was I-were we-who else knows?’
‘No-one. And look-no-one will be hearing it from me, either.’
‘You’re not going to-’
‘Tell everyone? Alert the necessary authorities? Good heavens, no.’
‘Not anyone?’ he frowned, sounding slightly wary.
‘No-one, Bertie, dear. Not even Angela. Not even Tom. There are some items too delicate to gossip about, even with one’s nearest and dearest, and this is one of those items. This isn’t something you’d want generally known; I’m sure you know that, don’t you?’
‘I know.’ He looked at her, and a faint glimmer of determinedness crept into his pale face. ‘Look here,’ he said, in a lower voice, ‘you’re not going to ask me to-to give Jeeves up, are you?’
She shook her head, but he continued talking, his need to confide, perhaps, heartened by his defensiveness. ‘Because there’s no point. Don’t tell me to end this, because I simply can’t. I’ve the greatest respect for you, old relative, and as I said a moment ago, I’d do a lot for you, but if you expect me to call this off, I simply can’t do it. It’s impossible. I can’t possibly do without him. I’m-I have to have him near me, do you see? You might think this is all a bit silly, or perfectly revolting, but it’s not to me, and I love the man.’
‘I know,’ his aunt said, in a far gentler voice than she was accustomed to using.
‘And he loves me. Do you understand?’ He spoke in a low voice, still, but she had never heard him sound so forceful.
‘Calm down, fathead. I understand. And I believe he does. All right? I believe he does.’
Bertie sighed heavily, made to reach for his tea then abruptly changed his mind. His hands were shaking. His aunt reached over and touched his hand, holding hers over his, until he sighed again and laughed.
His aunt rose to her feet.
‘Come for a walk with me, Bertie dear. It’s a bit wet out there, but it has warmed up a bit for the time being. Come and blow the cobwebs away with me, and while we’re outside and free from prying ears and interruptions, you can tell me all. If you like.’
He looked up at her, his expression a mixture of doubt and relief.
‘Come along, Bertie.’
‘All right. I don’t promise to say much, but I wouldn’t mind a bit of fresh air.’
-o-o-o-
A quarter of an hour later, they were walking along one of the many gravel walks surrounding the house.
‘I’m sorry,’ Bertie said at last.
‘Whatever for?’
‘Not for anything to do with Jeeves. Just sorry if I got a bit rattled earlier.’
‘Don’t mention it. Awkward conversation. It would rattle anybody.’
‘Well-you took me by surprise, don’t you know. And to know that you found out is a bit concerning, I have to say.’
‘Don’t worry about that. It was little things that made me suspect. Little things that no-one but someone as close to you as I am would notice. And someone as close to you as I am, Bertie, would never wish you any harm.’
‘But you overheard us. I thought we were so careful to keep out of everybody’s way.’
She sighed.
‘Don’t be angry, Bertie, dear-but I was lying before. I sneaked after you. I was almost convinced, and when I saw you and Jeeves make your very careful exit from the drawing room last night, I sneaked after you to make sure that I was right.’
‘You mean-you spied on us?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, of all the-’ he spluttered indignantly, but she interrupted.
‘So, you don’t need to worry. You haven’t been indiscreet. No-one’s noticed anything.’
‘And-what did you hear, exactly? You-’ he broke off, and she saw that he was replaying the scene of the night before in his head. ‘Oh, gosh,’ he muttered.
‘Yes, yes. I heard it all. A soppy pair of blighters you were.’
He was no longer pale. Instead his cheeks had flushed a shade of pink.
‘Come, come. You were both very sweet.’
‘Please, please. Spare me. I don’t want to talk about it. Gosh, when I think of the things I said-especially just before we came back down-’
‘Well, I don’t know that I heard everything. I left you both about a minute after you’d said your Happy New Years and exchanged a few endearments. There seemed to be something intimate going on after that, and I didn’t want you to pop out and find me listening, so I buzzed off.’
‘Oh.’ He was blushing deeply, but looked relieved. ‘Then you didn’t hear-you didn’t-’
‘What?’
‘Oh-nothing.’
‘You don’t mean that the conversation got soppier still, do you?’
‘Perhaps. Upon my word-surely a chap can be permitted to exchange a few tender words with a loved one on New Year’s Eve in a discreet vestibule or alcove without expecting criticism?’
‘Of course.’
‘If you recall, no-one was supposed to be listening in.’
‘Well, in that case I’m delighted that I left when I did.’
‘As am I.’
They walked in silence for a few minutes.
‘So, tell me,’ she said at last, ‘when did all this happen?’
‘All this…’
‘Must I spell everything for you today? When did you and Jeeves get all cosy?’
He laughed awkwardly, wincing slightly. ‘Ah. Well. It would have been the twenty-eighth of October.’
‘I had a feeling it was fairly recent.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you look a mess. You have that dreamy, far-away look about you. I bet you can scarcely keep your hands off each other.’
‘I say, really, please!’ He was blushing furiously.
She laughed. ‘You’re so prim. I don’t know where you get it from-it can only have passed down to you somehow from your Aunt Agatha. I’m giving you the old sympathetic ear, authorising you to spill the beans, and do you spill? No, sir. For a typical young man about town, you’re frightfully stuffy. It’s your worst fault, really. Why all the fuss? Why, when Tom and I were first married-’
‘Please, old relation, have mercy. I have no interest in hearing the details of your courtship with Uncle Tom.’
‘Very well. But you’re missing a fascinating tale. All right, let’s get back to you, then. Who approached whom?’
‘Eh?’
‘Who was the first to bring the subject up? You or Jeeves?’
‘Subject?’
‘What’s the matter with you, you poor reptile? Did you receive a blow to the head recently? The subject of you and he becoming a pair of lovebirds, of course.’
‘Oh. Well, I suppose Jeeves was the one who took the first step.’
She raised her eyebrows. ‘Did he, now?’
‘Yes. You sound surprised.’
‘Well, I know Jeeves takes a few liberties, but I didn’t think he would ever exceed his position to that length.’
Bertie smiled.
‘Something amusing you?’
‘No, no,’ he said, in a dreamy sort of way. She had got him reminiscing, she realised.
‘What ever led him to take this leap of faith?’
Bertie tutted. ‘You needn’t sound quite so astonished. You might not think so, but to some I am positively fascinating and irresistible.’
‘Is that so?’ she enquired.
‘Besides-’ he bit his lip, and was silent again.
‘Besides what?’
‘Well-it wasn’t entirely a leap of faith for Jeeves. The fact is, I-well-I started to-well, it was a goodish while ago now, when I started to have-er-amourous feelings. For-for him, I mean to say.’ He blushed, but continued. ‘I didn’t pay it much mind, because it just seemed too silly to even think about, and it seemed to me that there might be a dozen reasonable explanations for it.’
‘How long ago was this?’
‘Oh-a long time ago.’ He waved a hand dismissively. ‘Several years ago. So I-’
‘Years?’
‘-I just tried not to think about it. But it was-well, the fact is that deep down, I knew it wasn’t silly at all, it was quite serious. Sometimes, you see, when I was alone, I’d find myself thinking about it and-well, daydreaming, I suppose, about what it would be like if I could only say-say something about it to him, and to hear him say something similar in return, and so on. But I made myself stop thinking about it, and thought it would just go away. I didn’t think there was any other choice, you see. Most of the time this was fine, but there were times-’ he broke off, swallowing.
‘There were a few awkward moments,’ he admitted at last. ‘I could only hope that he wasn’t aware of it, which was dashed silly of me-I mean, how could anyone, much less someone like me, ever conceal anything from Jeeves?’
‘Who indeed?’
‘He’s one of those Johnnies who always seems to know all.’
‘Quite so. A brilliant mind, that man has.’
‘Absolutely. And so of course, he spotted that there was something amiss.’
‘And guessed what it was?’
‘Eventually, he did. It seems he-’ he blushed, again, with a faint smile. ‘Well, he did sort of guess what it was, but he didn’t mention it for years because he thought that he might be mistaken. That might sound a bit silly, but when you think about it, mentioning something like that would be a pretty biggish risk for Jeeves. I mean, he had no idea how I might react. What if I gave him the sack and wrote him a real stinker of a reference? Or shrieked for the authorities and accused him of-’ he laughed- ‘of making a pass at me? He’s got a reputation to uphold.’
‘I see what you mean. Besides being pretty embarrassing, it could ruin a chap.’
‘Quite. Of course, I’d never have wished him any harm, even if he had been mistaken-but there you are. He’s a cautious fellow. And besides, he really did think that he might be imagining things. What did he say? He said that-that he feared he had been guilty of allowing his dreams to distort his perception of the truth.’
‘Jeeves said that?’
‘It was something like that.’
‘I never imagined he could be so sentimental. But you never thought he might have romantic feelings for you? That he dreamt that you might love him?’
Bertie laughed. It was a shy, embarrassed laugh, but nevertheless, a laugh of delight, and his cheeks seemed to be permanently tinged with a rosy hue. He was laughing with pleasure, she realised, partly to be reminded afresh of the notion that Jeeves had actually been pining for him, partly to hear her ask him so easily about Jeeves’s feelings for him-especially when she used the word ‘romantic’.
‘I had no idea, old blood relation. Not an inkling. I may have sort of daydreamed about it, in moments of solitude, as I said, but I never even dared to think about it in his presence, let alone hope for anything, or suspect anything. Gosh, no. It never occurred to me.’
‘I imagine if Jeeves wants something to be in the dark, then it will dashed well stay in the dark.’
‘Quite. You know how the fellow is. I used to think that if I were to be hit by a bus, or something, his reaction would be nothing more emotional than a regretful sigh.’ He laughed. ‘What an ass I am. But it’s not that I thought he didn’t care, you understand. On the contrary. People think he’s a bit of a cold fish, but if they knew him as well as I do, they’d know he is a man of deep emotions. He is. I’ve known him pretty dashed well for years now-better than anyone else, don’t you know, and I never saw him as devoid of feeling. He just keeps his feelings to himself, that’s all, because he’s so dashed professional, and he wears a jolly convincing mask. But I’ve always been able tell when he’s upset about something, or when he’s pleased. Not from anything he says, just from a certain something in his manner.’
He spoke with extraordinary fondness, looking down at the gravel path as he walked. She had never heard him speak this way before.
‘I never thought about the possibility of him being in love with anyone, though,’ he continued. ‘I don’t know why. Perhaps I just didn’t like to think of him paying attention to anyone but me. But if I had considered it, I would have expected it to be noticeable to me, if he was, that is.’
‘But you didn’t notice anything?’
‘Not really. I was wrong, you see. I thought he was an open book to me, but if he wanted to keep a few pages hidden, then he made sure I didn’t even notice that they were there. He kept it very much under his hat. I did notice a change, this year, or rather, last year, but that wasn’t him falling-’ he faltered, emotion momentarily overcoming speech. ‘That wasn’t him falling for me. I understand that particular miracle happened long ago. The change was him realising that I really might return his sentiments.’ He laughed. ‘Funny, to think that he could imagine anyone would not be over the moon to know that he had a special regard for them. He doesn’t realise what a gift from God he is.’
‘Quite.’ She smiled, glad that he was letting himself relax a bit. ‘What was it that tipped him off? Do you know?’
‘Ah.’ He fidgeted a bit, twisting his hands in his pockets. ‘Well. I think it was a few little incidents that got him thinking. I don’t really want to go into details. Sort of private, you understand.’
‘Absolutely.’
‘I think one key moment, actually, was after he got me out of the local jailhouse at Totleigh-in-the-Wold. It was on the occasion involving that black amber statuette, if you remember. He convinced old Watkyn Bassett to let me off the hook by offering to switch from working for me to working for him.’
‘Really? I told you that old buzzard had his eye on the man, didn’t I?’
‘Yes, and I was so horrified that he’d just coolly decided to leave me like that-especially after the last time he left-I suppose I reacted rather strongly. I’m not sure that I didn’t reel and totter in the street. I distinctly remember everything going black for a moment. But it was all just a ruse, and he told me he intended to work things so that he’d be back with me within a fortnight or so.’
Dahlia snorted with laughter. ‘I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when that happened. Serve him right, the old son-of-a-whatnot.’
‘Quite.’
‘But sorry, you were saying. That was when Jeeves realised, was it?’
‘Yes. I remember him smiling a bit at the way I reacted to the news, and he told me recently that this moment sowed a seed of hope in his mind.’
‘So then in October, he pitched the idea?’
‘Yes.’
‘What on earth did he say? I can’t imagine how he would broach the subject.’
‘Well, it wasn’t quite like that. What happened was, I was on my way home one night-we were in New York at the time, as you know-and it was a bit latish, and on the way I was mugged by a couple of youths who took the cash I had on me and roughed me up a bit. It was the first time that had ever happened to me, and it was all a bit thick, because they had a gun and everything. I staggered home with a bruised head and a sprained wrist, shaking like a leaf-and Jeeves took care of me.’ He coughed, and indicated a nearby seat. They moved over to it and settled there.
‘Hm.’ Bertie smiled, rubbing his head self-consciously. ‘Well; he was a bit cut up about it. He said a couple of things that he probably wouldn’t want me to repeat-nothing scandalous, just a bit sentimental, don’t you know. He seemed to feel that he’d let the young master down. I told him it was hardly his fault, but he said that my health and happiness were his responsibility, and that he felt protective and whatnot. That’s not quite what he said, but it was something along those lines, I think. Anyway, he was checking my wrist for broken bones, and being frightfully nice about it, and things got a bit tense, if you know what I mean. And- well-one thing sort of led to another.’
Dahlia didn’t say anything, but she gave his arm a squeeze. Bertie laughed softly, poking at a bit of lichen on their seat.
‘He kissed my hand,’ he murmured at last.
There was a pause while he ran his fingers along the curve of the stone seat. At length, he uttered a short laugh. ‘You know, to this day I don’t know if it was something he’d planned to do, or if it was the result of a sudden impulse. But then he kissed me. And, well, I’m dashed if it wasn’t the best thing that ever happened to me.’
He sat very still for a moment, looking uncharacteristically serious. Then he swallowed, rubbed his eyes and sniffed, and she realised that he was actually a bit choked up.
‘Anyway,’ he said presently, ‘I’m sorry if all this sounds frightfully strange. No, no-I know it does. It seemed frightfully strange to me, too-even though I knew right away.’
She patted his shoulder. ‘It’s getting less strange the more you tell me about it, actually,’ she said. ‘When I first realised, I was a bit shocked, to be honest, but the more I’ve looked at the two of you, the more plausible the whole thing seems.’
‘That’s rather how it was for me, in a way. After years of focusing one’s romantic notions on the ladies, it took a bit of mental agility to sort of shift gears and look at things from this new perspective, don’t you know. It was a bit of a jar.’
She guffawed. ‘I thought it was an effort for me to look upon the affair with a kindly eye-it didn’t occur to me that you might have had the same trouble.’
‘An effort for you, was it? How do you think I felt? It wasn’t just a philosophical idea for me, it was actually happening. I had all sorts of what you might call inner conflicts to deal with.’
‘All right. I’m sorry.’
‘Well, I wasn’t actually agonising over it for days. Actually, I think I was convinced of the soundness of the idea within a few hours.’
‘Gorblimey. So poor old Jeeves kissed you, then had to spend hours calming you down?’
‘Well, no, it wasn’t quite like that.’ He flushed. ‘It was the next afternoon when I sat and thought it all over. At that very first moment, the rumminess of the idea-the idea of two coves handing each other their hearts, I mean-it wasn’t really among the top five things that were whirling around in the old bean. I suppose there was the notion that this was rather unorthodox, but it hardly seemed to be the most pressing issue at the time.’
‘You must have been frightfully surprised, though.’
‘I suppose so. Actually, I thought I was dreaming. It was as though all those daydreams were coming true. I couldn’t believe it was really happening.’
‘But if he’d guessed how you felt as far back as Totleigh, why did he wait until that particular night to-?’
‘Well, up until that point I think he knew that I wasn’t-that I hadn’t really accepted it.’
‘But all that changed when you got mugged?’
Bertie blushed. ‘I can’t really explain, exactly. I don’t want to talk about it too much.’
‘Of course. But he knew, at that point, did he-that you were keen on the idea?’
‘Well, I was so frightfully glad to see him, and he was upset about what happened, and I suppose things started coming to the surface. Our eyes met a few times, and it was rather clear that something was up, so to speak.’
‘So, did you…’
‘Well, rather. I mean, we talked for a bit, as you may imagine.’
‘But after that, you must have…’
‘Well, you know. The circs. being what they are, there’s no asking the father or guardian’s permission, or announcing of the banns, and no chance of the affair being solemnized by the local curate. That being the case, well, there didn’t seem any point in waiting.’
‘I see.’ She sniffed, to suggest a faint disapproval, but followed it up with a clap on the back. ‘Well, young Bertie,’ she said at last. ‘Rather typical of you, I must say, to take the most awkward route, and the option least likely to please your Aunt Agatha. Not that I intend her to find out, of course.’
Bertie shuddered. ‘Please. Don’t even think of it.’
‘Well, for myself, I gave up on my plans to shower you with rice as you left the church with the young bride on your arm years ago; I’ve long hoped that Jeeves would stick with you, and really, when I consider all the unfortunate girls you’ve been engaged to, none of them can hold a candle to Jeeves. So all in all, I think you’ve done well.’
They began their walk back to the house. As they paced along, Bertie suddenly kissed his aunt’s cheek.
‘Thanks for being so understanding about all this.’
‘Don’t mention it.’
‘It’s rather a relief, don’t you know, to have someone else to talk to about it. Not that I’m planning on giving you a weekly bulletin, you understand-it’s just comforting to know that someone’s sympathetic.’
‘Well, you’ve always been my favourite nephew, you blot. Anything you care to tell me about, I’m always happy to lend an ear. Jeeves has helped me out of a dozen predicaments, now, so I owe him that much.’
‘Jolly decent of you.’
‘You are planning to stick with him, I take it? I mean, this isn’t going to end up fizzling out and going phut? I’ve rather warmed to the idea, and I don’t want my hopes to be dashed.’
‘It’s quite serious. I really am quite smitten, you see. And coming from me, that’s saying something. My pal Bingo will say something along those lines every other day, and you learn to regard it as old news regardless of who the girl is this time. But I don’t think you’ve seen me quite as dreadfully in love as this before.’
‘I can’t say that I have. The whole idea always seemed to leave you pretty cold.’
‘Well, that’s because I was looking in the wrong direction. If I’d only allowed myself to entertain the idea seriously before, I should have found the answer to all my prayers and dreams sitting in my kitchen cleaning the silver.’
Dahlia smiled. ‘Lord-love-a-duck. You really are dotty for the chap, aren’t you?’
‘I love him,’ he said in a low voice. He cleared his throat, watching a couple of ducks messing about on the lake. ‘He feels the same way,’ he added. ‘It would be hard to believe, that, but when Jeeves puts a fact to you, you don’t question it or doubt it. I can’t think what he sees in me, not for a moment, but he says his heart belongs to me, and so it must be true.’
They rounded a corner, having now reached the house, and suddenly, there was Jeeves, standing in the courtyard, smoking. Bertie turned pink once more. Jeeves, on seeing them, immediately removed the gasper from his lips.
‘Don’t put it out, Jeeves,’ Bertie said. ‘I shouldn’t mind touching you for a smoke, actually, if you have one to spare.’
‘Good morning, Mrs. Travers,’ Jeeves said. ‘Sir.’ He supplied his master with a cigarette, produced a lighter and lit it for him. Neither looked at the other as this action was performed. You’d think they’d had a row.
Dahlia spoke quite calmly. ‘Good morning, Jeeves,’ she said brightly. ‘How are the New Year’s dinner preparations coming along?’
‘We are making very satisfactory progress, madam.’
‘Good,’ Dahlia said, rubbing her hands. ‘In that case, would you happen to have fifteen minutes or so to spare? I should like to have a word with you.’
‘Certainly, madam.’
‘Run along, then, fathead,’ said Dahlia, to Bertie. ‘I’ll see you at dinner. I’m glad we talked things over.’
‘Wait a moment, wait a moment,’ Bertie said, choking on the gasper Jeeves had given him. ‘You’re not proposing to discuss this with Jeeves, are you?’
‘Certainly, I am. Think of me as the responsible guardian in this matter. If I have a duty as your aunt, it’s my duty to have a talk with both you and Jeeves.’
Jeeves raised an eyebrow.
‘But dash it,’ Bertie protested. ‘I don’t want you bothering Jeeves. Can’t you leave it to me? Or at least write him a note rather than discussing it in person?’
‘I have no intention of writing a blasted note, you human gumboil. I have a couple of questions to put to Jeeves, and if we do everything via written message, we’ll be here until Easter, and I am particularly hoping that you will be gone from my sight by the end of this week.’
‘Well,’ Bertie said, spluttering. ‘This is about the frozen limit. You agree, Jeeves, surely?’
‘I could not say, sir, since I am not in possession of the details of the matter at hand.’
‘I’ll give you three guesses, Jeeves.’
‘If Mrs. Travers has something particular to communicate, sir, I shall be happy to give her my undivided attention, provided that this is agreeable to you.’
‘Come along, Jeeves. You must know what this aunt of mine is currently fixated upon.’
‘Sir?’
‘Don’t ‘sir’ me, dash it. I’ve just had a frightfully gruelling interview with this blood relation and now she wants to subject you to the same thing.’
‘Indeed, sir?’
‘Both of you, stop this ridiculous conversation,’ Dahlia interrupted. ‘Bertie, you ass, if you hadn’t stuck your oar in, Jeeves and I would have concluded the discussion by now. Go away, please. Stop interfering. I’m sure Jeeves will tell you all about it later.’
‘All right. Fine,’ Bertie said, seeming somewhat dazed. ‘But for Heaven’s sake, keep it clean. Jeeves doesn’t like conversations that get indelicate.’
‘I shall be the soul of discretion. Now buzz off.’
‘All right, all right.’ He began to move away, then spun back around. ‘Everything’s all right, Jeeves.’
‘Sir?’
‘I mean, nothing to worry about.’
Jeeves nodded, abandoning his efforts to be courteously detached. He watched Bertie walk away, then turned to Dahlia Travers.
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End of Chapter Two. Chapter Three this way...
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