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[in_bloom]

I want to find a way back here, back to writing here, because sometimes the loneliness could literally eat me up inside. I think the online arena can become viscious and petty at times, but only if you allow it to. I miss feeling connected to people. I've opened my journal up a bit; some entries are still under lock & key, but for the most part,

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[ripen]

I've tried to take anything that comes my way lately with a grain of salt because that is honestly all it's worth. I know it can be heartbreaking to see something you have poured so much emotional engery into be sort raped from you and portrayed by another who couldn't even begin to grasp the meaning behind it. It seems to devalue and degrade your words into a mere object up for the taking. It's terrible. The last time I was aware of this happening to me was well over a year ago but it would still sting if I were to come upon such a thing now. There is really no escape from it entirely unless you completely shut yourself out of this medium, but why let some lost person prevent you from enjoying the good that can be appreciated in all of this? I'd like to see you opening up a bit more again just for the sake of feeling more at ease, as I've always enjoyed your words, and hope you will write as freely as you can.

[in_bloom]

I don't think I will ever completely get over that incident because it was very hurtful, especially since I somewhat knew the girl, but I've gotten to the point where I am starting to brush it off. I know what those words meant to me at the time I wrote them, and they will never mean as much to her. In a way, I am slightly flattered that she would even take my words to begin with, but the way in which she did it was just wrong and disrespectful to me. I was reading my old journal entries here at LJ and was surprised by how open I was back then, and even a couple of months ago. It seems that I can only write that way in my journals and while I do treasure them and enjoy writing on paper, I seem to get more comfort and feel less alone when I use this way of writing. It helps to know that other people can relate and that I can relate to others because then I'm not left alone with only my thoughts. I think I drive myself crazy at times :\