Fic: Once More With Feeling, Chapter 4/14
Title: Once More With Feeling (4/14+Epilogue)
Rating: R
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Blaine/Sebastian
Spoilers: -
Warnings:
Word Count: ~4000
Summary: After a long year of separation, things are finally looking up for Kurt and Blaine. They're ready to start their lives together in New York as an engaged couple. Everything is perfect.
Until it's suddenly not.
Torn apart by forces beyond their understanding, they find themselves alone, facing a world that is just not quite right anymore. A second first meeting of strangers on a staircase brings another chance for love, but is that chance enough for them to find their way back to each other, and can they break the spell before it's too late?
Disclaimer: The characters aren't my property, neither are any song lyrics within this story, just borrowing it all for a bit.
Notes: See prologue
Previously...
Chapter 4 - Cause There's Nothing To Tell
There was a rustle behind him, but Blaine couldn't be bothered. He was standing on the balcony, wrapped in a blanket, looking down on the street with its crazy morning activity. He would have to leave for school soon, but for now, he wanted a few more moments of quiet before he threw himself into the insane city life. This moment, however, was disturbed, when Sebastian stepped out onto the balcony.
“Have you seen my green tie?” he asked.
Blaine looked up at him for a moment before he turned back to the street. As he had expected, Sebastian was dressed up in an almost black blazer, his white shirt pressed and spotless as he always got them from the dry-cleaner. Blaine would have thought after two years at Dalton, Sebastian would finally want to wear more casual clothes, but instead he had gone into the other direction. According to Sebastian, even the pre-law students at his school took pride in looking as if they already were highly paid lawyers, but Blaine suspected Sebastian's friends were just especially pretentious.
“I thought Tuesday was the yellow tie,” Blaine said.
“It's Thursday,” Sebastian said, and Blaine could hear the exasperation in his voice. “Tuesday was two days ago.”
“I know how week days work, Sebastian.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure. God, you're useless in the morning. Just get your coffee already.”
“I'll have some at school,” Blaine said. He couldn't keep a tone of annoyance out of his voice, but Sebastian didn't seem to notice.
Actually, Kurt would get him coffee. During the last week, it had become some kind of tradition. They would meet up before school and have coffee together, and just chat about their days and what horrors they should expect from classes today. It was something Blaine was looking forward to, but he wasn't going to share that with Sebastian.
Blaine hadn't mentioned Kurt to Sebastian yet, although they were meeting every day, and occasionally saw each other over lunch or for an afternoon coffee. It wasn't that important, really. Blaine was allowed to have friends. Sebastian had friends at Columbia, and Blaine hadn't even met all of them - not that he really cared much about the ones he had met. So what if he kept a friend secret from Sebastian? It wasn't even on purpose, it just... hadn't come up. And really, it was just coffee. There was no harm in coffee.
“Are you listening? I'm still talking to you!”
Blaine sighed. “Look, Sebastian, I haven't seen your tie. If your color scheme is that important, maybe you should get back-up ties for each color. Or maybe you should just wear a different one. You have enough hanging in the closet.”
“What's wrong with you today?” Sebastian asked as he stepped closer. Blaine looked up again to see him frown.
“I'm fine,” Blaine said. At least he would be fine once he had some coffee in his system.
“Fine then, be like that,” Sebastian muttered and walked back inside.
Blaine sighed and with one last look at the city, he too came inside and pulled the door closed after him. Sebastian just came out of the bedroom, tying a petrol-colored tie around his neck.
“I have to go, I'm late already,” he said. “I'll see you tonight.” With these words, he leant forward to kiss Blaine's cheek. It was his usual gesture of goodbye, and, as usual, Blaine had to suppress a shudder.
“See you then,” he just said and turned away to get his bag from their bedroom. For a moment, there was silence behind him, then he heard the door close. Blaine wasn't completely sure why, but he felt like a failure again. In some way, he was always disappointing his boyfriend. He just had no idea what he was doing wrong. Maybe there was just something wrong with him.
Right now, he didn't have time to think about this. He had to go to school.
Of course, the thoughts didn't just leave him alone on the way there. This was not how Blaine imagined a relationship to be. Yes, they lived together, and Blaine knew that he loved Sebastian. It still felt as if they were living completely separate lives. Any attempt to bridge that distance came from Sebastian, like that kiss on the cheek in the morning, any embrace, any kiss, really... And although Blaine would rather bite off his tongue than say it out loud, he sometimes wished Sebastian wouldn't bother.
It wasn't about Sebastian. Really, how could it be? It was about Blaine and all his baggage, about that feeling he sometimes got, as if there was something crawling under his skin. It was the strongest after his nightmares, but even during daylight it never completely left.
Well... almost never.
The closer he got to school, the less he could feel it, actually. His step increased in speed involuntarily as he passed through the doors, and without thinking of it, he walked through the corridor and up the stairs towards the notice board. As it came in sight, he saw a by now familiar figure waiting there, two cups of coffee to go in his hands. Blaine couldn't have stopped the smile from blossoming on his face.
“Hey!”
Kurt turned around at the greeting, and he too smiled, his eyes lighting up. “Hey yourself,” he said before offering one of the cups to Blaine, who took it gratefully. He sipped at it quickly and closed his eyes to fully enjoy the taste. It was warm and delicious, and as he had predicted he felt better - although he had a suspicion that was less about the coffee and more about Kurt starting to talk about the bizarre day he'd had at Vogue yesterday.
Blaine froze at that thought. This was new... this was bad. There was nothing wrong with meeting a friend for coffee. If these meetings regularly were the highlight of his day, though, and if he kept them a secret from his boyfriend... that could become a problem. But it was just coffee, as he tried to remind himself, and there was no harm in coffee. There couldn't be.
“Are you listening?”
Blaine looked up to find Kurt watching him. There was no accusation in his voice, just a bit of concern. It, too, felt warm.
“Sorry, just... distracted for a moment. What were you saying?”
“Are you alright?” Kurt asked.
“I'm fine, really,” Blaine said, “so what was with that PA?”
There was still a skeptical look on Kurt's face, but he continued and soon Blaine found himself immersed in the insane world of Vogue, too entertained to keep thinking about Sebastian.
Two weeks into that friendship, Blaine had learned to relax. He still hadn't brought up Kurt to Sebastian, or mentioned his boyfriend to Kurt, really, but at least while he and Kurt were together he had stopped worrying about it.
It was easy not to worry around Kurt. There was just something about him that made Blaine feel at ease. With his nightmares, his still not resolved trouble with Carmen Tibideaux about his lacking performances, and the ever growing rough spot in his relationship, Blaine felt like he never stopped brooding about one thing or another. He knew it was problematic to hide his friendship with Kurt from Sebastian, but right now he just desperately needed an escape from all of it. Meeting Kurt had turned out to be like a much needed oasis in a world that seemed hellbent on driving him insane. It might be selfish, but there was no way he was letting this go.
Today, they were meeting again after school. Blaine's last class had been canceled, so he could have left an hour ago already, but instead of going home, he had opted to stay at NYADA for a while and wait an additional hour until Kurt got out of his Theory of Drama class. He could use some time to practice his piano skills, and lately that had become much easier at school than at home. Maybe it was something about NYADA's atmosphere, but most likely it was more about having a quiet space to really focus on playing. But rehearsing aside, mostly he'd rather spend an hour playing piano for the chance of meeting Kurt than sit around in a cold and empty apartment.
However, as Kurt approached him now, there was an apologetic look on his face.
“Hey,” Blaine said as a greeting, “are you okay?”
“Yes, fine,” Kurt said, “but I got a text from Rachel, I need to cover her shift at the diner.”
“Oh,” Blaine said and tried to hide his disappointment - at least this was an acting exercise he had perfected. “Well, it's your job, you kind of have to do it. I'll see you tomorrow then?”
Kurt blinked. “What? No, I don't have to go right away. I just don't have much time, I think I'll have to leave in half an hour. We can still get coffee.”
“Oh,” Blaine said, this time trying to hide his relief. “That's... sure, we can do that.”
“So, how was Madame Tibideaux today?” Kurt asked as they left for their usual coffee shop. “Is she still that tough on you?”
Blaine looked down. “She was busy with other students today,” he said. “I think she's giving me a break, to be honest. Maybe she thinks I need some time to get in touch with my inner muse or something...”
“Is it working?” Kurt asked.
“I'm not sure,” Blaine said and shrugged, “but it's gotten a little better, so maybe she's onto something.”
“Give it time,” Kurt said. “You stress too much, I'm sure if you just let it go for a while, you'll be amazing.”
Blaine stopped and looked at him in surprise. “You really think so?” he asked.
“I know so,” Kurt said. He sounded absolutely sure, as if he was talking about an indisputable fact, like gravity. “In fact,” he continued and started walking again, “maybe you should come visit me at the diner some time. We have a piano.”
Blaine stared at him and couldn't keep an incredulous laughter to himself. “At the diner?” he asked.
Kurt nodded, a satisfied smile on his face. “On a stage,” he added.
“How exactly is this going to help me relax?” Blaine asked with a frown on his face.
“It's the singing-waiters-diner, Blaine, it's not serious,” Kurt said. “All fun and games, and I think that might be just what you need. Or we could go to Callbacks, they have open stage nights. You could play something there?”
“Callbacks?” Blaine said.
“What's wrong with Callbacks?”
“Er, it's full of NYADA students judging the crap out of everybody, that's what's wrong with Callbacks,” Blaine said. “I'd rather take the diner, thank you.”
“Deal,” Kurt said. The grin on his face was probably supposed to be subtle, but Blaine had the sneaking feeling that he had just done exactly what Kurt had wanted him to.
Somehow, it didn't bother him much.
“You really should come visit sometime,” Kurt said. He looked at him hopefully now, so sincerely that it made Blaine's pulse quicken. That happened sometimes, and maybe that feeling was the reason he wanted to keep Kurt for himself.
“Okay,” Blaine said, and if he sounded even the slightest bit breathless, then Kurt didn't comment. It was a good moment. It had been a good day.
Of course, it all had to go to hell sooner or later.
“What is this?”
Only long experience at living in a house with his father helped Blaine to keep the feeling of getting caught out of his face. By the time he had turned around, he was reasonably confident that his face showed calm neutrality. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kurt frown and turn around, as well.
“Sebastian,” Blaine said, as he looked at his approaching boyfriend. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing?” Sebastian repeated. He had reached them now and looked between them incredulously. “What are you doing?”
“What are you talking about? I'm not doing anything,” Blaine said with a frown.
“No, I mean what are you doing here with him?” He spat out the last word and gave Kurt a look that was close to disgust.
“Excuse me?” Kurt said. Blaine could almost literally see his walls go up, and the tone of his voice adopted a scathing quality. “Who are you even?”
“That's... um, that's Sebastian,” Blaine said, although he couldn't look into Kurt's eye as he spoke, “my boyfriend. Sebastian, this is Kurt, he's a student at NYADA and my friend. So can you calm down now and tell me why you're here?”
“Oh, I am calm. And I'm here because I thought it would be nice to pick up my boyfriend.” He stressed the last two words and kept glaring at Kurt, while he let an arm wander around Blaine's shoulder in an almost painful grip.
Blaine allowed himself a quick look to Kurt and could just catch a look of disbelief, before his face was schooled in a neutral expression.
“Nice to meet you,” Kurt said, but his voice sounded anything but sincere.
“Likewise,” Sebastian gritted out.
Blaine felt himself tense up as he looked between the two of them. He himself felt more than uncomfortable, true, but that didn't explain to him why there was such a tension between them. Sebastian in particular looked at Kurt with an expression close to loathing, but Kurt too seemed to exude hostility.
“Blaine, we're leaving,” Sebastian said, still not taking his eyes off Kurt. “We're having a dinner reservation we don't want to be late for.”
“We do?” Blaine asked surprised, which only earned him a glare from Sebastian.
“I was on my way to work, anyway,” Kurt said. He too kept glaring at Sebastian.
Blaine turned to him. He had the sudden urge to apologize to Kurt, although he wasn't quite sure what for. Maybe for how rude Sebastian was being, or for how uncomfortable the other boy seemed.
“Well, go ahead then,” Sebastian snarled.
“Kurt, wait,” Blaine said. “You don't have to-”
“I do,” Kurt said quickly. He looked at Blaine with an unreadable expression. “Have fun at dinner.”
“Will I see you tomorrow?” Blaine said, although he couldn't help making it sound like a question.
Something softened in Kurt's face at that. “Yes, of course,” he said. “I'll see you then.”
Blaine felt at least a small amount of relief as he watched Kurt leave through NYADA's entrance gates with his head held high, but it only lasted until Sebastian stepped closer and put his arm on Blaine's shoulder again, holding him tightly until Kurt had left the building. Then, he stepped away and glared at Blaine.
“We're going home,” he said and started walking without even checking if Blaine was following. For a moment, Blaine considered just staying, but eventually, he walked after his boyfriend.
“What was that?” he asked as he had caught up to Sebastian. “Do you have any idea how rude you were to him? What is wrong with you?”
“What's wrong?” Sebastian repeated and turned to look at Blaine. For a second, there was so much fury in his eyes that Blaine involuntarily took a step back. Sebastian seemed to notice, as he immediately got his expression back under control. “I'm not discussing this here. We're going home, Blaine,” he gritted out.
He turned around and kept walking, although he slowed down his pace. Blaine frowned at the way Sebastian was talking to him, but once again, he followed.
The subway ride to their apartment had been completely silent. Blaine had spent most of the time repeating the scene that had just transpired in his mind, trying to find just what had made Sebastian overreact like that. It was jealousy, Blaine was quite sure of it by now. He just couldn't understand where it was coming from. Kurt and he hadn't even stood especially close. Sebastian couldn't react like that just because Blaine was talking to somebody, could he?
When he closed the apartment door behind them, Blaine expected that Sebastian would immediately show his anger again. But instead, his boyfriend just hung up his coat, loosened his tie and walked into the living room. Blaine frowned as he took off his own coat. A moment later, he sound of television came from the living room.
Blaine went to see what Sebastian was doing, only to find that he had switched on some stock market program or other and was now going to the kitchen. Blaine could hear the sounds of the coffee machine starting. Eventually, Sebastian returned with two cups of coffee and put one of them in Blaine's hands.
“What are you doing?” Blaine asked.
“I'm being normal,” Sebastian said.
“We were going to talk, Sebastian,” Blaine said. “Why were you so rude to Kurt?”
“Why were you talking to him in the first place?” Sebastian replied. The fury was still there, but it was suppressed now, as if he was trying to hide it from Blaine. It wasn't very successful, but that was fine, because Blaine felt himself getting angry, too.
“I'm talking to him because he's my friend. It's a simple concept.”
“Well, you can end that friendship right now,” Sebastian said.
“Excuse me?” Blaine stared at him incredulously. “Now I'm not allowed to have friends?”
“You can have all the friends you want,” Sebastian replied, “but not Kurt Hummel!”
“What's that supposed to mean?” Blaine asked, “you don't even know him! You only saw him for a minute!”
“I don't need to see any more of him, and I don't want to. And neither should you. This guy is just trouble! I don't want you to meet him again.” Sebastian's voice sounded final, as if this was something he could just decide on.
Blaine would not take that.
“Well, I want to meet him again, so guess what, Sebastian? I'm going to.”
It was the first time he had raised his voice at Sebastian since... he couldn't even remember. It caught Sebastian about as much as surprise as it did Blaine himself.
For a moment, Sebastian just stared at him. “What is going on with you lately?” he asked. He sounded surprised now, incredulous even.
“Nothing's going on with me,” Blaine replied, still forceful. “I'm making friends at school, the strange thing is that it took me so long, and if you think I let you decide who I can or can't be friends with, then we are going to have a problem.”
“I'm not trying to decide who you can be friends with,” Sebastian protested, “I just don't want you around him. Did you see how he looks at you? Trust me, he's not interested in being your friend.”
“You don't know him,” Blaine said. “You can't judge anybody by just looking at them once, Sebastian!”
“So what, you just expect me to sit back and watch somebody trying to steal my boyfriend?”, Sebastian asked.
“What?” Blaine almost laughed out loud, when he heard that. It was just too absurd. “You're being completely ridiculous!”
“Am I?” Sebastian asked.
“Yes, you are,” Blaine insisted. “Can we start with this ridiculous concept of somebody 'stealing me'? It's my decision. And I'm not going to leave you. You can't freak out over me just talking to someone.”
“Not someone, him,” Sebastian said and again, spat out that last word.
Blaine rolled his eyes in exasperation. “And I'm telling you, you have nothing to worry about.”
“Right,” Sebastian snorted.
Blaine stopped. “How can you actually think that?” he asked. He was still angry, but beneath that it hurt. “You know I love you,” he said.
Sebastian just looked at him with an unreadable expression. “Do I?”
Blaine stared at him. “Seriously?” he asked. He hated how uncertain his voice sounded at this. “Well, if that's how much you trust me...” He turned around and walked back out of the living room.
“Blaine, wait,” Sebastian said as he followed.
“No, I think I need some air,” Blaine said. “But here's some food for thought. I'm sorry if I upset you somehow. I probably should have told you about him. But Kurt is not trying anything, and I'm not going to cheat on you, and if you can't trust that, then that's a completely different problem we're having.”
“Can't you just not see him again?” Sebastian asked.
“Can't you just trust me?” Blaine replied. He sighed and shook his head as he saw the hesitation in Sebastian's eyes. “You don't get to decide who I'm friends with. If you're jealous, you have to deal with that yourself.”
Without another word, Blaine grabbed his coat and walked out of the door.
Kurt had spent most of the afternoon moping. He should have expected something like this, really. He had finally developed a crush on somebody that was indeed gay - so of course there had to be a boyfriend. Why hadn't he seen that one coming?
Well, in a way, maybe he had seen it coming.
Maybe he was just jumping to conclusions, but now that he thought of it, he could swear he had seen Sebastian in one of his dreams about Blaine - still a pretty regular occurrence. He thought he remembered storming through the corridors of a private school, with Blaine by his side and accompanied by Artie and Santana. There had been a choir of boys in a school uniform singing a Jackson songs at them, with their lead singer never taking his eyes off Blaine - their lead singer with his weaselly face and frat boy hair who Kurt could have sworn looked exactly like Sebastian.
Really, if Blaine absolutely needed to have a boyfriend - and considering Kurt's luck, there was probably some kind of cosmic law that actually demanded just that - why did it have to be someone like Sebastian? That guy was dripping with arrogance, the way he had talked to Blaine was frankly appalling, and could he be any ruder?
So, with how the day had turned out, Kurt didn't expect a quiet night. In his mind, he kept running through the past two weeks and tried to find just where he had misread things. Had Blaine at some point mentioned a boyfriend, or tried to stop Kurt from making any moves?
He couldn't think of anything, and really, he had tried so hard to be more subtle than he had been with previous crushes.
Or maybe that was the problem. Maybe Blaine genuinely hadn't noticed. That would be embarrassing on a completely different level, but at least Kurt would be the only one who knew.
When he arrived at this point in his thoughts, he started to calm down. So maybe he had read more into a friendship than there was - it wouldn't be the first time - but at least he hadn't made too much of a fool out of himself, and he did get what had the potential of being a really great friendship out of it.
Unless Sebastian interfered.
So, in the end, Kurt wasn't very surprised at having another way too realistic dream of Blaine - this time with a cameo from Sebastian. Upon waking he vaguely remembered a conversation about going to a gay bar, but that was not what really stayed in his mind. What stayed with him was that in the dream, Blaine had called Kurt his boyfriend, Kurt had taken an almost possessive hold of Blaine's arm, and all Sebastian could do was grit his teeth and accept it.
Things were wrong, everything about this situation was wrong. They shouldn't be here. This wasn't a good idea. And it was all his fault.
And then, again, the flash of red, a rush of panic all around him, and then just... pain.
Pain... and a voice calling out for him.
Against the pain, Blaine tried to open his eyes. There was just a flash of a face, not enough for recognition, and then the pain got too much.
Once more Blaine woke up screaming, scratching at his skin, trying to get it out, whatever it was running through his veins and hiding under his skin, he needed it to get out of him, to get away, to...
Eventually, his screams faded, and he just felt exhausted. He could feel tears on his face, and cold sweat on his skin. But there was no iron hold on him, no arms gripping him, and the feeling of wrong subsided so much faster than he had gotten used to.
His breathing was strained, but slowly evening out.
Only then did he notice that Sebastian wasn't there. They hadn't really made up when Blaine had come home earlier that evening, but still gone to bed together.
Sebastian always tried to calm him down when the nightmares hit. Now, Blaine was sitting here alone in the dark. Slowly, he switched on the nightstand lamp, and turned to the other side of the bed. It was empty, and the blanket was gone. Apparently, instead of trying to calm him down this time, Sebastian had gone to sleep on the couch.
He tried to muster up a feeling of disappointment, but it felt more like relief. It wasn't as if Sebastian's presence had ever helped with the nightmares.
Still shaking, he let himself sink into the sheets again. He left the light on as he closed his eyes, trying to calm his breath enough to fall asleep again.
After what felt like hours, he felt his consciousness slipping away. And right there, at the verge of falling asleep, he suddenly realized whose face he had seen just before waking up.
It was Kurt.
Next Chapter
Rating: R
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Blaine/Sebastian
Spoilers: -
Warnings:
Word Count: ~4000
Summary: After a long year of separation, things are finally looking up for Kurt and Blaine. They're ready to start their lives together in New York as an engaged couple. Everything is perfect.
Until it's suddenly not.
Torn apart by forces beyond their understanding, they find themselves alone, facing a world that is just not quite right anymore. A second first meeting of strangers on a staircase brings another chance for love, but is that chance enough for them to find their way back to each other, and can they break the spell before it's too late?
Disclaimer: The characters aren't my property, neither are any song lyrics within this story, just borrowing it all for a bit.
Notes: See prologue
Previously...
Chapter 4 - Cause There's Nothing To Tell
There was a rustle behind him, but Blaine couldn't be bothered. He was standing on the balcony, wrapped in a blanket, looking down on the street with its crazy morning activity. He would have to leave for school soon, but for now, he wanted a few more moments of quiet before he threw himself into the insane city life. This moment, however, was disturbed, when Sebastian stepped out onto the balcony.
“Have you seen my green tie?” he asked.
Blaine looked up at him for a moment before he turned back to the street. As he had expected, Sebastian was dressed up in an almost black blazer, his white shirt pressed and spotless as he always got them from the dry-cleaner. Blaine would have thought after two years at Dalton, Sebastian would finally want to wear more casual clothes, but instead he had gone into the other direction. According to Sebastian, even the pre-law students at his school took pride in looking as if they already were highly paid lawyers, but Blaine suspected Sebastian's friends were just especially pretentious.
“I thought Tuesday was the yellow tie,” Blaine said.
“It's Thursday,” Sebastian said, and Blaine could hear the exasperation in his voice. “Tuesday was two days ago.”
“I know how week days work, Sebastian.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure. God, you're useless in the morning. Just get your coffee already.”
“I'll have some at school,” Blaine said. He couldn't keep a tone of annoyance out of his voice, but Sebastian didn't seem to notice.
Actually, Kurt would get him coffee. During the last week, it had become some kind of tradition. They would meet up before school and have coffee together, and just chat about their days and what horrors they should expect from classes today. It was something Blaine was looking forward to, but he wasn't going to share that with Sebastian.
Blaine hadn't mentioned Kurt to Sebastian yet, although they were meeting every day, and occasionally saw each other over lunch or for an afternoon coffee. It wasn't that important, really. Blaine was allowed to have friends. Sebastian had friends at Columbia, and Blaine hadn't even met all of them - not that he really cared much about the ones he had met. So what if he kept a friend secret from Sebastian? It wasn't even on purpose, it just... hadn't come up. And really, it was just coffee. There was no harm in coffee.
“Are you listening? I'm still talking to you!”
Blaine sighed. “Look, Sebastian, I haven't seen your tie. If your color scheme is that important, maybe you should get back-up ties for each color. Or maybe you should just wear a different one. You have enough hanging in the closet.”
“What's wrong with you today?” Sebastian asked as he stepped closer. Blaine looked up again to see him frown.
“I'm fine,” Blaine said. At least he would be fine once he had some coffee in his system.
“Fine then, be like that,” Sebastian muttered and walked back inside.
Blaine sighed and with one last look at the city, he too came inside and pulled the door closed after him. Sebastian just came out of the bedroom, tying a petrol-colored tie around his neck.
“I have to go, I'm late already,” he said. “I'll see you tonight.” With these words, he leant forward to kiss Blaine's cheek. It was his usual gesture of goodbye, and, as usual, Blaine had to suppress a shudder.
“See you then,” he just said and turned away to get his bag from their bedroom. For a moment, there was silence behind him, then he heard the door close. Blaine wasn't completely sure why, but he felt like a failure again. In some way, he was always disappointing his boyfriend. He just had no idea what he was doing wrong. Maybe there was just something wrong with him.
Right now, he didn't have time to think about this. He had to go to school.
Of course, the thoughts didn't just leave him alone on the way there. This was not how Blaine imagined a relationship to be. Yes, they lived together, and Blaine knew that he loved Sebastian. It still felt as if they were living completely separate lives. Any attempt to bridge that distance came from Sebastian, like that kiss on the cheek in the morning, any embrace, any kiss, really... And although Blaine would rather bite off his tongue than say it out loud, he sometimes wished Sebastian wouldn't bother.
It wasn't about Sebastian. Really, how could it be? It was about Blaine and all his baggage, about that feeling he sometimes got, as if there was something crawling under his skin. It was the strongest after his nightmares, but even during daylight it never completely left.
Well... almost never.
The closer he got to school, the less he could feel it, actually. His step increased in speed involuntarily as he passed through the doors, and without thinking of it, he walked through the corridor and up the stairs towards the notice board. As it came in sight, he saw a by now familiar figure waiting there, two cups of coffee to go in his hands. Blaine couldn't have stopped the smile from blossoming on his face.
“Hey!”
Kurt turned around at the greeting, and he too smiled, his eyes lighting up. “Hey yourself,” he said before offering one of the cups to Blaine, who took it gratefully. He sipped at it quickly and closed his eyes to fully enjoy the taste. It was warm and delicious, and as he had predicted he felt better - although he had a suspicion that was less about the coffee and more about Kurt starting to talk about the bizarre day he'd had at Vogue yesterday.
Blaine froze at that thought. This was new... this was bad. There was nothing wrong with meeting a friend for coffee. If these meetings regularly were the highlight of his day, though, and if he kept them a secret from his boyfriend... that could become a problem. But it was just coffee, as he tried to remind himself, and there was no harm in coffee. There couldn't be.
“Are you listening?”
Blaine looked up to find Kurt watching him. There was no accusation in his voice, just a bit of concern. It, too, felt warm.
“Sorry, just... distracted for a moment. What were you saying?”
“Are you alright?” Kurt asked.
“I'm fine, really,” Blaine said, “so what was with that PA?”
There was still a skeptical look on Kurt's face, but he continued and soon Blaine found himself immersed in the insane world of Vogue, too entertained to keep thinking about Sebastian.
Two weeks into that friendship, Blaine had learned to relax. He still hadn't brought up Kurt to Sebastian, or mentioned his boyfriend to Kurt, really, but at least while he and Kurt were together he had stopped worrying about it.
It was easy not to worry around Kurt. There was just something about him that made Blaine feel at ease. With his nightmares, his still not resolved trouble with Carmen Tibideaux about his lacking performances, and the ever growing rough spot in his relationship, Blaine felt like he never stopped brooding about one thing or another. He knew it was problematic to hide his friendship with Kurt from Sebastian, but right now he just desperately needed an escape from all of it. Meeting Kurt had turned out to be like a much needed oasis in a world that seemed hellbent on driving him insane. It might be selfish, but there was no way he was letting this go.
Today, they were meeting again after school. Blaine's last class had been canceled, so he could have left an hour ago already, but instead of going home, he had opted to stay at NYADA for a while and wait an additional hour until Kurt got out of his Theory of Drama class. He could use some time to practice his piano skills, and lately that had become much easier at school than at home. Maybe it was something about NYADA's atmosphere, but most likely it was more about having a quiet space to really focus on playing. But rehearsing aside, mostly he'd rather spend an hour playing piano for the chance of meeting Kurt than sit around in a cold and empty apartment.
However, as Kurt approached him now, there was an apologetic look on his face.
“Hey,” Blaine said as a greeting, “are you okay?”
“Yes, fine,” Kurt said, “but I got a text from Rachel, I need to cover her shift at the diner.”
“Oh,” Blaine said and tried to hide his disappointment - at least this was an acting exercise he had perfected. “Well, it's your job, you kind of have to do it. I'll see you tomorrow then?”
Kurt blinked. “What? No, I don't have to go right away. I just don't have much time, I think I'll have to leave in half an hour. We can still get coffee.”
“Oh,” Blaine said, this time trying to hide his relief. “That's... sure, we can do that.”
“So, how was Madame Tibideaux today?” Kurt asked as they left for their usual coffee shop. “Is she still that tough on you?”
Blaine looked down. “She was busy with other students today,” he said. “I think she's giving me a break, to be honest. Maybe she thinks I need some time to get in touch with my inner muse or something...”
“Is it working?” Kurt asked.
“I'm not sure,” Blaine said and shrugged, “but it's gotten a little better, so maybe she's onto something.”
“Give it time,” Kurt said. “You stress too much, I'm sure if you just let it go for a while, you'll be amazing.”
Blaine stopped and looked at him in surprise. “You really think so?” he asked.
“I know so,” Kurt said. He sounded absolutely sure, as if he was talking about an indisputable fact, like gravity. “In fact,” he continued and started walking again, “maybe you should come visit me at the diner some time. We have a piano.”
Blaine stared at him and couldn't keep an incredulous laughter to himself. “At the diner?” he asked.
Kurt nodded, a satisfied smile on his face. “On a stage,” he added.
“How exactly is this going to help me relax?” Blaine asked with a frown on his face.
“It's the singing-waiters-diner, Blaine, it's not serious,” Kurt said. “All fun and games, and I think that might be just what you need. Or we could go to Callbacks, they have open stage nights. You could play something there?”
“Callbacks?” Blaine said.
“What's wrong with Callbacks?”
“Er, it's full of NYADA students judging the crap out of everybody, that's what's wrong with Callbacks,” Blaine said. “I'd rather take the diner, thank you.”
“Deal,” Kurt said. The grin on his face was probably supposed to be subtle, but Blaine had the sneaking feeling that he had just done exactly what Kurt had wanted him to.
Somehow, it didn't bother him much.
“You really should come visit sometime,” Kurt said. He looked at him hopefully now, so sincerely that it made Blaine's pulse quicken. That happened sometimes, and maybe that feeling was the reason he wanted to keep Kurt for himself.
“Okay,” Blaine said, and if he sounded even the slightest bit breathless, then Kurt didn't comment. It was a good moment. It had been a good day.
Of course, it all had to go to hell sooner or later.
“What is this?”
Only long experience at living in a house with his father helped Blaine to keep the feeling of getting caught out of his face. By the time he had turned around, he was reasonably confident that his face showed calm neutrality. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kurt frown and turn around, as well.
“Sebastian,” Blaine said, as he looked at his approaching boyfriend. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing?” Sebastian repeated. He had reached them now and looked between them incredulously. “What are you doing?”
“What are you talking about? I'm not doing anything,” Blaine said with a frown.
“No, I mean what are you doing here with him?” He spat out the last word and gave Kurt a look that was close to disgust.
“Excuse me?” Kurt said. Blaine could almost literally see his walls go up, and the tone of his voice adopted a scathing quality. “Who are you even?”
“That's... um, that's Sebastian,” Blaine said, although he couldn't look into Kurt's eye as he spoke, “my boyfriend. Sebastian, this is Kurt, he's a student at NYADA and my friend. So can you calm down now and tell me why you're here?”
“Oh, I am calm. And I'm here because I thought it would be nice to pick up my boyfriend.” He stressed the last two words and kept glaring at Kurt, while he let an arm wander around Blaine's shoulder in an almost painful grip.
Blaine allowed himself a quick look to Kurt and could just catch a look of disbelief, before his face was schooled in a neutral expression.
“Nice to meet you,” Kurt said, but his voice sounded anything but sincere.
“Likewise,” Sebastian gritted out.
Blaine felt himself tense up as he looked between the two of them. He himself felt more than uncomfortable, true, but that didn't explain to him why there was such a tension between them. Sebastian in particular looked at Kurt with an expression close to loathing, but Kurt too seemed to exude hostility.
“Blaine, we're leaving,” Sebastian said, still not taking his eyes off Kurt. “We're having a dinner reservation we don't want to be late for.”
“We do?” Blaine asked surprised, which only earned him a glare from Sebastian.
“I was on my way to work, anyway,” Kurt said. He too kept glaring at Sebastian.
Blaine turned to him. He had the sudden urge to apologize to Kurt, although he wasn't quite sure what for. Maybe for how rude Sebastian was being, or for how uncomfortable the other boy seemed.
“Well, go ahead then,” Sebastian snarled.
“Kurt, wait,” Blaine said. “You don't have to-”
“I do,” Kurt said quickly. He looked at Blaine with an unreadable expression. “Have fun at dinner.”
“Will I see you tomorrow?” Blaine said, although he couldn't help making it sound like a question.
Something softened in Kurt's face at that. “Yes, of course,” he said. “I'll see you then.”
Blaine felt at least a small amount of relief as he watched Kurt leave through NYADA's entrance gates with his head held high, but it only lasted until Sebastian stepped closer and put his arm on Blaine's shoulder again, holding him tightly until Kurt had left the building. Then, he stepped away and glared at Blaine.
“We're going home,” he said and started walking without even checking if Blaine was following. For a moment, Blaine considered just staying, but eventually, he walked after his boyfriend.
“What was that?” he asked as he had caught up to Sebastian. “Do you have any idea how rude you were to him? What is wrong with you?”
“What's wrong?” Sebastian repeated and turned to look at Blaine. For a second, there was so much fury in his eyes that Blaine involuntarily took a step back. Sebastian seemed to notice, as he immediately got his expression back under control. “I'm not discussing this here. We're going home, Blaine,” he gritted out.
He turned around and kept walking, although he slowed down his pace. Blaine frowned at the way Sebastian was talking to him, but once again, he followed.
The subway ride to their apartment had been completely silent. Blaine had spent most of the time repeating the scene that had just transpired in his mind, trying to find just what had made Sebastian overreact like that. It was jealousy, Blaine was quite sure of it by now. He just couldn't understand where it was coming from. Kurt and he hadn't even stood especially close. Sebastian couldn't react like that just because Blaine was talking to somebody, could he?
When he closed the apartment door behind them, Blaine expected that Sebastian would immediately show his anger again. But instead, his boyfriend just hung up his coat, loosened his tie and walked into the living room. Blaine frowned as he took off his own coat. A moment later, he sound of television came from the living room.
Blaine went to see what Sebastian was doing, only to find that he had switched on some stock market program or other and was now going to the kitchen. Blaine could hear the sounds of the coffee machine starting. Eventually, Sebastian returned with two cups of coffee and put one of them in Blaine's hands.
“What are you doing?” Blaine asked.
“I'm being normal,” Sebastian said.
“We were going to talk, Sebastian,” Blaine said. “Why were you so rude to Kurt?”
“Why were you talking to him in the first place?” Sebastian replied. The fury was still there, but it was suppressed now, as if he was trying to hide it from Blaine. It wasn't very successful, but that was fine, because Blaine felt himself getting angry, too.
“I'm talking to him because he's my friend. It's a simple concept.”
“Well, you can end that friendship right now,” Sebastian said.
“Excuse me?” Blaine stared at him incredulously. “Now I'm not allowed to have friends?”
“You can have all the friends you want,” Sebastian replied, “but not Kurt Hummel!”
“What's that supposed to mean?” Blaine asked, “you don't even know him! You only saw him for a minute!”
“I don't need to see any more of him, and I don't want to. And neither should you. This guy is just trouble! I don't want you to meet him again.” Sebastian's voice sounded final, as if this was something he could just decide on.
Blaine would not take that.
“Well, I want to meet him again, so guess what, Sebastian? I'm going to.”
It was the first time he had raised his voice at Sebastian since... he couldn't even remember. It caught Sebastian about as much as surprise as it did Blaine himself.
For a moment, Sebastian just stared at him. “What is going on with you lately?” he asked. He sounded surprised now, incredulous even.
“Nothing's going on with me,” Blaine replied, still forceful. “I'm making friends at school, the strange thing is that it took me so long, and if you think I let you decide who I can or can't be friends with, then we are going to have a problem.”
“I'm not trying to decide who you can be friends with,” Sebastian protested, “I just don't want you around him. Did you see how he looks at you? Trust me, he's not interested in being your friend.”
“You don't know him,” Blaine said. “You can't judge anybody by just looking at them once, Sebastian!”
“So what, you just expect me to sit back and watch somebody trying to steal my boyfriend?”, Sebastian asked.
“What?” Blaine almost laughed out loud, when he heard that. It was just too absurd. “You're being completely ridiculous!”
“Am I?” Sebastian asked.
“Yes, you are,” Blaine insisted. “Can we start with this ridiculous concept of somebody 'stealing me'? It's my decision. And I'm not going to leave you. You can't freak out over me just talking to someone.”
“Not someone, him,” Sebastian said and again, spat out that last word.
Blaine rolled his eyes in exasperation. “And I'm telling you, you have nothing to worry about.”
“Right,” Sebastian snorted.
Blaine stopped. “How can you actually think that?” he asked. He was still angry, but beneath that it hurt. “You know I love you,” he said.
Sebastian just looked at him with an unreadable expression. “Do I?”
Blaine stared at him. “Seriously?” he asked. He hated how uncertain his voice sounded at this. “Well, if that's how much you trust me...” He turned around and walked back out of the living room.
“Blaine, wait,” Sebastian said as he followed.
“No, I think I need some air,” Blaine said. “But here's some food for thought. I'm sorry if I upset you somehow. I probably should have told you about him. But Kurt is not trying anything, and I'm not going to cheat on you, and if you can't trust that, then that's a completely different problem we're having.”
“Can't you just not see him again?” Sebastian asked.
“Can't you just trust me?” Blaine replied. He sighed and shook his head as he saw the hesitation in Sebastian's eyes. “You don't get to decide who I'm friends with. If you're jealous, you have to deal with that yourself.”
Without another word, Blaine grabbed his coat and walked out of the door.
Kurt had spent most of the afternoon moping. He should have expected something like this, really. He had finally developed a crush on somebody that was indeed gay - so of course there had to be a boyfriend. Why hadn't he seen that one coming?
Well, in a way, maybe he had seen it coming.
Maybe he was just jumping to conclusions, but now that he thought of it, he could swear he had seen Sebastian in one of his dreams about Blaine - still a pretty regular occurrence. He thought he remembered storming through the corridors of a private school, with Blaine by his side and accompanied by Artie and Santana. There had been a choir of boys in a school uniform singing a Jackson songs at them, with their lead singer never taking his eyes off Blaine - their lead singer with his weaselly face and frat boy hair who Kurt could have sworn looked exactly like Sebastian.
Really, if Blaine absolutely needed to have a boyfriend - and considering Kurt's luck, there was probably some kind of cosmic law that actually demanded just that - why did it have to be someone like Sebastian? That guy was dripping with arrogance, the way he had talked to Blaine was frankly appalling, and could he be any ruder?
So, with how the day had turned out, Kurt didn't expect a quiet night. In his mind, he kept running through the past two weeks and tried to find just where he had misread things. Had Blaine at some point mentioned a boyfriend, or tried to stop Kurt from making any moves?
He couldn't think of anything, and really, he had tried so hard to be more subtle than he had been with previous crushes.
Or maybe that was the problem. Maybe Blaine genuinely hadn't noticed. That would be embarrassing on a completely different level, but at least Kurt would be the only one who knew.
When he arrived at this point in his thoughts, he started to calm down. So maybe he had read more into a friendship than there was - it wouldn't be the first time - but at least he hadn't made too much of a fool out of himself, and he did get what had the potential of being a really great friendship out of it.
Unless Sebastian interfered.
So, in the end, Kurt wasn't very surprised at having another way too realistic dream of Blaine - this time with a cameo from Sebastian. Upon waking he vaguely remembered a conversation about going to a gay bar, but that was not what really stayed in his mind. What stayed with him was that in the dream, Blaine had called Kurt his boyfriend, Kurt had taken an almost possessive hold of Blaine's arm, and all Sebastian could do was grit his teeth and accept it.
Things were wrong, everything about this situation was wrong. They shouldn't be here. This wasn't a good idea. And it was all his fault.
And then, again, the flash of red, a rush of panic all around him, and then just... pain.
Pain... and a voice calling out for him.
Against the pain, Blaine tried to open his eyes. There was just a flash of a face, not enough for recognition, and then the pain got too much.
Once more Blaine woke up screaming, scratching at his skin, trying to get it out, whatever it was running through his veins and hiding under his skin, he needed it to get out of him, to get away, to...
Eventually, his screams faded, and he just felt exhausted. He could feel tears on his face, and cold sweat on his skin. But there was no iron hold on him, no arms gripping him, and the feeling of wrong subsided so much faster than he had gotten used to.
His breathing was strained, but slowly evening out.
Only then did he notice that Sebastian wasn't there. They hadn't really made up when Blaine had come home earlier that evening, but still gone to bed together.
Sebastian always tried to calm him down when the nightmares hit. Now, Blaine was sitting here alone in the dark. Slowly, he switched on the nightstand lamp, and turned to the other side of the bed. It was empty, and the blanket was gone. Apparently, instead of trying to calm him down this time, Sebastian had gone to sleep on the couch.
He tried to muster up a feeling of disappointment, but it felt more like relief. It wasn't as if Sebastian's presence had ever helped with the nightmares.
Still shaking, he let himself sink into the sheets again. He left the light on as he closed his eyes, trying to calm his breath enough to fall asleep again.
After what felt like hours, he felt his consciousness slipping away. And right there, at the verge of falling asleep, he suddenly realized whose face he had seen just before waking up.
It was Kurt.
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