Glee Fic : A Series of Moments | CrissColfer RPF | PG-13, 7/10
Title : A Series of Moments (or how Chris and Darren reached a new level in their relationship)
Author : Jen
Rating : PG-13 (minor bad language)
Series : Like a Satellite & Chasing Daylight
Word Count : ~3200
Warnings : allusion to some naughty stuff, RPF...
Summary : Life is a series of moments. Some last for a moment, some last for a lifetime. These moments change and define us, they stick in our memories for the rest of our lives. Sometimes they are fleeting, seemingly insignificant but the consequences and effect they will have could last forever
Notes : so I apparently can't let go. These are a series of follow ups from the epic saga that began with nasonexyouswine's Gravity Thou Art A Heartless Bitch and ran through our dual narrative fic Like A Satellite & Chasing Daylight (link to part one).
There are ten parts and two "interlude" parts to this, charting what happens after.
A/N : this is where things start coming together. I've been dropping hints along the way that certain conversations weren't finished, that hints were dropped for a reason. Hopefully this will appease some of my readers. Oh, and be warned. The bad language? It's 'cause Alex is back!
Previous parts:
Moment 1 : how Chris and Darren finally started to talk to each other
Moment 2 : how Chris and Darren tried to spend as much time with each other as possible
The first interlude moment
Moment 3 : how Chris and Darren realised that this really was forever
Moment 4 : how Chris and Darren realised making assumptions wasn't always a bad thing
Moment 5 : how Chris and Darren realised things still weren't going to be easy
Moment 6 : how Chris and Darren kept a secret right until the last minute
The second interlude moment
Married life suited them. Realistically they knew nothing much had changed between them. They still shared a home, a life, plans for the future. They still shared the mortgage and the bills and the last muffin from their favourite bakery. They still shared moments and inside jokes, and always replied with "love you back" whenever the other said it first.
But something had shifted between them and as always it took an outsider to point it out.
"You two need some serious help," Alex grinned as Chris handed him another beer.
The sun was just beginning to set and the late October air was cold but they didn't seem to mind much.
"What?" Chris asked, returning to his seat on the steps beside Darren. He relaxed back against him, shifting slightly as Darren's arm snaked back around his waist.
"You two. You're abso-fucking-lutely saccharine, you know that?"
Chris blinked. "You know what saccharine means?"
"Do I look stupid?" Alex asked, quickly following up with, "Don't answer that question. Of course I know what it means and you two are the other definition of it."
"How is that a bad thing?" Darren asked, his fingers absent mindedly stroking Chris' stomach.
"How long's this honeymoon phase gonna last? Thought you'd have fucked it out of each other by now."
Chris felt Darren's body shake with silent laughter as he was pulled in a little bit closer.
"Nah, but seriously. This is not natural. It's weird."
"How is it weird?" Chris asked, taking another mouthful of beer.
"I guess I got so used to you being... well..."
Chris felt Darren stiffen slightly so he moved his free hand over the one on his stomach, gently stroking his fingers. It's OK, love. It's in the past. I forgave you a long, long time ago.
"But it's more than that," Alex continued. "When you were getting the beers it was like Darren wasn't here anymore. Like he was somewhere else. And I see it when he's not here. The two of you, when the other walks away from you for a moment, your whole body shifts. Like you're attached or some weird universe fuckery."
"That's... deep," Darren said eventually.
"No, it's weird. You are supposed to be adults, you are supposed to be able to function away from the other. This co-dependency, I'm tellin' ya. It's not healthy."
"I know what it's like to lose him," Darren said gently. "I hated my life in Chicago."
"And you know what I was like," Chris pointed out. "Everything in my life kept coming back to Darren."
"I get it," Alex said with an almost dismissive wave of his bottle, "you're tied into each other's gravity."
"Yeah," Chris said softly, turning his head as Darren moved to kiss his cheek, "we are."
"Like I said. Fucking weird."
~~
It was too early. Far too early. Still dark too early.
These thoughts played on a loop as Darren reached for his buzzing cell. It was still charging on the night stand and he fumbled with the lead before glancing at the screen.
"Jack, mate, there's a time difference. Buy a clock," he muttered as Chris stirred sleepily beside him, also unhappy at the wake up call. "What?" he said sharply, suddenly more awake. "Is she OK?"
Chris sensed the tension and forced himself to wake up, rubbing his face before peering at Darren in the half light. He had propped himself up slightly but wasn't moving, his face solid and expressionless.
"And the baby?" Darren asked in a low whisper and Chris' stomach lurched. Sally still had almost a month to go and while it wasn't exactly early it was too early for all of them. "OK, OK," Darren said.
Chris put a hand on Darren's hip under the covers, getting his attention. 'What?' he mouthed.
"Sally was in a car crash last night," Darren said, dropping the phone slightly. "She's alright, mostly, but she and baby took one hell of a knock and they're worried."
Darren's eyes asked the unspoken question and Chris nodded.
"Jack," he said, lifting the phone back up, "we're booking flights and we'll be up there as soon as we can."
He ended the call and got out of bed, following Chris downstairs to where he'd already booted up the notebook.
"Thank you," he said, kissing the top of Chris' head briefly.
"It's nothing," he replied, "they're our friends and they need us. You book the flights, I'll start packing."
"I can pack just fine thanks."
Chris scoffed slightly. "Left to you you'd just pack old jeans and that ratty hoodie you won't let me throw out."
Darren slid into the newly vacated chair and pulled up the web browser. "And there was me thinking it was Kurt who was the fashionista."
~~
They were in Chicago by lunchtime and went straight to the hospital, Darren and Jack falling into a hug the second they saw each other.
"How is she?" Chris asked.
"Fine. Scared. Uncomfortable," Jack muttered into Darren's shoulder.
"How are you?" Darren asked as they parted.
"Fine. Scared. Uncomfortable," he repeated. "I just... I need to do something. I don't do waiting, Dare, and I don't do helplessness. I can't stand seeing her like this..."
"Where is she?" Darren asked, walking off when Jack gestured towards one of the rooms.
Sticking his head around the door he forced himself to smile. "Hey gorgeous."
"Darren! You didn't have to come..."
"Oh hush. Like I wouldn't."
"Good. Because I'm so glad to see you," she said, her voice breaking and holding out her arms to him.
Darren obliged, sitting on the edge of the bed and hugging her gently. "You look like you've been in a fight."
"Yeah. Alli's car verses an SUV. Guy jumped the red light and smacked into the back passenger side. Alli's fine, I got some serious bruises but..." Her hand drifted to her baby bump and she bit her lip. "They did an ultrasound, hearing its heartbeat was the best thing. But they're concerned about bleeding and injuries. Did you know babies can get internal injuries while in the womb? They're keeping an eye on my vitals because apparently I can maintain baby for a bit but..."
"Hey, Sal. It is going to be fine."
"It has to be, Dare, because if... if it's not I honestly don't know what'll happen. Jack and I..."
"Trust me. It'll be fine," he said, pulling her back into a hug. "And all baby does in the last month is grow. So even if they do have to deliver it'll be on the small side but have everything it needs. The odds are so in your favour that Vegas won't carry them."
Outside the room Jack and Chris watched them, relieved that he seemed to be a calming influence on Sally.
"He's been great throughout the pregnancy," Jack said. "Really helped me out! I mean, all that detail about what happens and when... Confuses the hell out of me."
"What?" Chris asked.
"Darren. He's read up on all the pregnancy stuff, started on the baby books. I swear that husband of yours is saving my sanity! He's..." Jack stopped his gushing, realising he was headed into dangerous territory.
Chris was still looking through the window at them. "He's a natural," he finished. "I always knew he was."
"He's happy," Jack tried to assure Chris but he had a feeling that the damage was done as they watched Darren place his hand lovingly on Sally's belly.
~~
It was a little after three that afternoon when the doctors gently informed Sally and Jack that they weren't too happy with the latest test results. While there was no indication that the baby was hurt they were suspecting that Sally may have minor internal injuries of her own.
To be on the safe side they were suggesting a c-section to deliver the baby and to deal with any issues they found.
Sally had one question : will the baby be OK?
Once they'd assured her that the odds were in baby's favour it had taken her two seconds to agree.
~~
Chris didn't know who looked more nervous; Jack or Darren. He found himself watching his husband though as the minutes ticked by without any news. His concern for his friend he could understand but Chris could almost see Darren's skin itching for news. It was like he was on edge and anyone who didn't know could mistake him for the expectant father.
Darren loved Sally, he knew that. He knew they were close and he knew that they talked. He didn't know that his husband had been acting as midwife for the last few months.
When the doctor came in and announced the arrival of a healthy baby boy and that mom was doing just fine, minor injuries dealt with, Chris knew something else.
Darren was natural father material and Chris had denied him that.
~~
They gave Jack and Sally time together, time to get their heads around the events of the last 24 hours. Venturing to the gift shop they bought the obligatory teddy bear and balloons.
"You OK?" Chris asked as they rode the elevator back up.
"Fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You just seemed... tense before."
"Worried, that's all."
"About the baby?" Chris asked, terrified of the answer.
"And Sally. But they're fine, they're a family and I couldn't be happier."
The lift slowed, stopped and the doors slid open. Chris followed Darren out, dwelling on the fact that Darren hadn't said he was happy for them.
~~
"He's perfect, Sal," Darren gushed as he leant over the tiny crib.
(Standing just behind him, Chris' heart broke a little with those three words.)
"Want to hold him?" she asked.
Darren's head snapped up and he grinned as if it were Christmas Day. Very gently he lifted the newborn and settled him in his arms. "This is... wow."
"Suits you," Sally murmured happily.
"Has he got a name?" Chris asked, trying to focus on something else.
"Isaac," Jack said. "For my uncle. He paid for my drama classes when I was a kid and it's a whole 'life path' thing. We lost him last year so..."
"That's sweet," Chris smiled.
"Isaac Chris," Sally added. "For both of you I guess. If it weren't for you two Jack and I might not have got together."
"I didn't do anything," Chris protested.
"He loved you when he came up here," Sally said, gesturing towards Darren, "so yeah. You did."
Chris finally turned to look at his husband, something he'd been almost happily avoiding until now. He didn't want to see how natural Darren was with the baby. He didn't want reminding that Darren wanted kids and, well, he had his own thoughts on that matter.
But when he saw Darren and Isaac it changed everything. Because the way that Darren was looking at the child in his arms made Chris' heart just stop.
~~
Jack had insisted that they stay at the apartment. While they'd painted the walls of Darren's old room there was still the double bed in there and enough furniture to make it serviceable. As soon as they walked in Darren fell into old habits, grabbing a beer from the fridge and offering one to Chris.
"No, I'm fine thanks," he said, his mind still racing. "You look exhausted, love."
"I feel it."
"Go to bed," Chris laughed softly. "I have some work to do anyway." He pulled his notebook from the bag and set up on the breakfast bar.
"When are you going to need to head back?"
"I'll know when I've checked in. You've got a week or so before you're due on set."
Darren smirked before taking another mouthful of beer. "Perk of being married to the writer?"
"Only if I can get you an extension. Depends how long you want to stay up here with them."
"I'd rather come home with you," Darren muttered sleepily, putting his half-finished beer beside Chris. "Unless you're running off tomorrow morning. In which case I might take twenty four hours or so."
"Noted," Chris laughed as his computer booted up.
"Network password will be on the notice board," Darren said, pressing a kiss into Chris' hair as he headed for his old room.
"Sleep well. Love you."
"Love you back. And don't stay up too long. Hate sleeping without you."
"Be as quick as I can."
Chris checked his emails, discovering that they could manage a day in Chicago without too many dramas, and then he loaded up a search window and started reading.
~~
An hour later Chris slipped into the bedroom and quickly stripped down to his boxers. Darren was already asleep but he was restless, something Chris knew was caused by his absence. As soon as he was under the covers Darren gravitated towards him, curling in next to him as if he were waiting for Chris to roll onto his side. When he didn't Darren woke slightly.
"...is?" he murmured.
"Go back to sleep, love. You need the rest."
Darren pressed in a little more but soon seemed to realise that tonight they wouldn't sleep curled around each other. He kissed Chris' shoulder once and then settled as close as he could get before falling asleep again.
For a moment Chris watched him sleep, reaching over to brush his fingertips over his curls. It still amazed him that Darren was his, that he was here. When they first met he was 'unobtainable', not even a consideration. But all that had changed. Darren had been his and then changed his whole life and now here they were. Together.
He'd forgotten that things can change. For years he'd had a set of beliefs, plans for his life and then Darren had exploded into his life and things had changed so much in the last few years alone. He'd not expected things to change again but they had.
~~
Chris walked out of the bedroom and found Darren putting breakfast together.
"Morning," Darren greeted, pushing a coffee across the breakfast bar. "Figured you'd need it."
"Thanks."
"I'd ask how you slept but I already know." When Chris shot him a look of confusion, Darren smiled. "I've been sharing a bed with you for long enough," he laughed. "What's on your mind?"
"Just... Stuff."
"Stuff?"
"Been thinking about things," Chris said.
"Like what?"
"Like... You."
Darren cocked his head and smirked. "And this makes you restless?" he grinned. "I think I like the sound of this."
"You and Isaac," Chris clarified. "How you were with him last night."
Darren's suggestive look had shifted to one of confusion.
"You want kids," Chris stated plainly.
"What?"
"You want kids. And last night I saw... That's not gone away."
"I'd want them with you," Darren stated. "We went over this before."
"Dare..."
"I love you, I love our life. I'm happy with things."
"Really?" Chris asked. "Can you honestly look at me and tell me that you're happy with us not having a family?"
"I'm not happy about not being with you."
"That wasn't what I asked."
"No, but I don't like where that question is going," Darren said. "Don't do this, Chris."
"Do what?"
"If you're about to do some noble gesture..."
"Do you still want kids?"
"Not without you," Darren said, moving towards Chris. "I have chosen you, I will always choose you, and if you think you can just..."
"Wait, what?" Chris asked. "Oh Dare... no! No! I'm never letting you go!"
Darren's sob of relief was muttered into Chris' shoulder as he was pulled into a tight hug.
"Do you still want kids?" Chris asked.
"Why are you bringing this up now?" Darren asked, pulling back enough to look at him.
"I saw you with Isaac, Dare. You adore that kid and he's not even yours. You don't care... you just love him. Totally."
"He's my best friend's son," Darren said. "I don't..."
"I don't do that. I can't. I mean... I care about them, I do, but love? Don't know if you've noticed but it's not easy for me to love someone."
Darren laughed softly and nodded.
"And kids..." Chris sighed and let his eyes drift shut. "I was scared."
"Of what?"
"Of not loving them. Of only caring. And that's fine when it's your friend's kid but not so much when you're the one being called dad. I didn't want to... I wasn't going to risk it. I couldn't, not with a kid.
"As soon as I knew I was gay I knew how this was going to work. Adoption and surrogacy are my only options when it comes to having a family and adoption... You don't know who you're getting. So I end up caring about some little kid who's already got it in their head that I'm not dad and that's just both of us miserable for the rest of our lives because we both feel like we're failing at this.
"And yeah, with surrogacy it could be mine but what about you? I felt like I couldn't just tell you no, you don't get a shot at this. It would have been so unfair..." Chris stopped and looked into Darren's eyes. "And then I saw you with Isaac. And I knew you wouldn't care. I knew you would love that kid, no matter what."
"Chris..." Darren started, trying not to believe it until he actually said it.
"I just feel like if it's mine then I've got a chance, yeah? To bond, to love it... An actual piece of me. I did some research last night, there's a place in LA we can speak to when we get back... If you wanted to."
"Wanted to what?" Darren asked, his eyes willing Chris to say it.
Chris smiled, understanding completely. "Have a family. If you're OK with it being me, if you want..."
Darren's grin stopped him and he smiled back before Darren pulled his head in closer for a kiss. "I adore you," he whispered against his husband's lips. "I love every part of you and I know I will do for the rest of my life. And you are asking me to love a part of you. A mini you."
"And a mini someone else."
"Shut up," Darren growled, before doing just that with a kiss. "Your kid. Our kid. How am I not going to love it?"
"I know I'm probably being stupid, but I don't want to risk it. I can't."
"You won't," Darren whispered. "But... you're sure, right? I mean... You're not just doing this for me?"
"Not with something this big," Chris promised.
"Best... husband... ever..." Darren said, punctuating his words with soft kisses. "And you'll be a great dad."
"So will you," Chris replied, resting his forehead against Darren's own.
His heart was racing and his head was spinning. Part of him wanted to say he'd changed his mind, that he couldn't do it. He felt like he was blindfolded and knew that one step in one direction would be hell, but one step in the other would be the best moments of his life. He didn't know which way was which so he did what he was slowly learning to do. He closed his eyes, wrapped his arms around Darren, and he trusted his husband to lead him in the right direction.
A/N : I'm so not a doctor. I really don't care if what happened with Sally is realistic or not. You yell at me for any mistakes and I'll just ignore the hell out of you.
Author : Jen
Rating : PG-13 (minor bad language)
Series : Like a Satellite & Chasing Daylight
Word Count : ~3200
Warnings : allusion to some naughty stuff, RPF...
Summary : Life is a series of moments. Some last for a moment, some last for a lifetime. These moments change and define us, they stick in our memories for the rest of our lives. Sometimes they are fleeting, seemingly insignificant but the consequences and effect they will have could last forever
Notes : so I apparently can't let go. These are a series of follow ups from the epic saga that began with nasonexyouswine's Gravity Thou Art A Heartless Bitch and ran through our dual narrative fic Like A Satellite & Chasing Daylight (link to part one).
There are ten parts and two "interlude" parts to this, charting what happens after.
A/N : this is where things start coming together. I've been dropping hints along the way that certain conversations weren't finished, that hints were dropped for a reason. Hopefully this will appease some of my readers. Oh, and be warned. The bad language? It's 'cause Alex is back!
Previous parts:
Moment 1 : how Chris and Darren finally started to talk to each other
Moment 2 : how Chris and Darren tried to spend as much time with each other as possible
The first interlude moment
Moment 3 : how Chris and Darren realised that this really was forever
Moment 4 : how Chris and Darren realised making assumptions wasn't always a bad thing
Moment 5 : how Chris and Darren realised things still weren't going to be easy
Moment 6 : how Chris and Darren kept a secret right until the last minute
The second interlude moment
Married life suited them. Realistically they knew nothing much had changed between them. They still shared a home, a life, plans for the future. They still shared the mortgage and the bills and the last muffin from their favourite bakery. They still shared moments and inside jokes, and always replied with "love you back" whenever the other said it first.
But something had shifted between them and as always it took an outsider to point it out.
"You two need some serious help," Alex grinned as Chris handed him another beer.
The sun was just beginning to set and the late October air was cold but they didn't seem to mind much.
"What?" Chris asked, returning to his seat on the steps beside Darren. He relaxed back against him, shifting slightly as Darren's arm snaked back around his waist.
"You two. You're abso-fucking-lutely saccharine, you know that?"
Chris blinked. "You know what saccharine means?"
"Do I look stupid?" Alex asked, quickly following up with, "Don't answer that question. Of course I know what it means and you two are the other definition of it."
"How is that a bad thing?" Darren asked, his fingers absent mindedly stroking Chris' stomach.
"How long's this honeymoon phase gonna last? Thought you'd have fucked it out of each other by now."
Chris felt Darren's body shake with silent laughter as he was pulled in a little bit closer.
"Nah, but seriously. This is not natural. It's weird."
"How is it weird?" Chris asked, taking another mouthful of beer.
"I guess I got so used to you being... well..."
Chris felt Darren stiffen slightly so he moved his free hand over the one on his stomach, gently stroking his fingers. It's OK, love. It's in the past. I forgave you a long, long time ago.
"But it's more than that," Alex continued. "When you were getting the beers it was like Darren wasn't here anymore. Like he was somewhere else. And I see it when he's not here. The two of you, when the other walks away from you for a moment, your whole body shifts. Like you're attached or some weird universe fuckery."
"That's... deep," Darren said eventually.
"No, it's weird. You are supposed to be adults, you are supposed to be able to function away from the other. This co-dependency, I'm tellin' ya. It's not healthy."
"I know what it's like to lose him," Darren said gently. "I hated my life in Chicago."
"And you know what I was like," Chris pointed out. "Everything in my life kept coming back to Darren."
"I get it," Alex said with an almost dismissive wave of his bottle, "you're tied into each other's gravity."
"Yeah," Chris said softly, turning his head as Darren moved to kiss his cheek, "we are."
"Like I said. Fucking weird."
~~
It was too early. Far too early. Still dark too early.
These thoughts played on a loop as Darren reached for his buzzing cell. It was still charging on the night stand and he fumbled with the lead before glancing at the screen.
"Jack, mate, there's a time difference. Buy a clock," he muttered as Chris stirred sleepily beside him, also unhappy at the wake up call. "What?" he said sharply, suddenly more awake. "Is she OK?"
Chris sensed the tension and forced himself to wake up, rubbing his face before peering at Darren in the half light. He had propped himself up slightly but wasn't moving, his face solid and expressionless.
"And the baby?" Darren asked in a low whisper and Chris' stomach lurched. Sally still had almost a month to go and while it wasn't exactly early it was too early for all of them. "OK, OK," Darren said.
Chris put a hand on Darren's hip under the covers, getting his attention. 'What?' he mouthed.
"Sally was in a car crash last night," Darren said, dropping the phone slightly. "She's alright, mostly, but she and baby took one hell of a knock and they're worried."
Darren's eyes asked the unspoken question and Chris nodded.
"Jack," he said, lifting the phone back up, "we're booking flights and we'll be up there as soon as we can."
He ended the call and got out of bed, following Chris downstairs to where he'd already booted up the notebook.
"Thank you," he said, kissing the top of Chris' head briefly.
"It's nothing," he replied, "they're our friends and they need us. You book the flights, I'll start packing."
"I can pack just fine thanks."
Chris scoffed slightly. "Left to you you'd just pack old jeans and that ratty hoodie you won't let me throw out."
Darren slid into the newly vacated chair and pulled up the web browser. "And there was me thinking it was Kurt who was the fashionista."
~~
They were in Chicago by lunchtime and went straight to the hospital, Darren and Jack falling into a hug the second they saw each other.
"How is she?" Chris asked.
"Fine. Scared. Uncomfortable," Jack muttered into Darren's shoulder.
"How are you?" Darren asked as they parted.
"Fine. Scared. Uncomfortable," he repeated. "I just... I need to do something. I don't do waiting, Dare, and I don't do helplessness. I can't stand seeing her like this..."
"Where is she?" Darren asked, walking off when Jack gestured towards one of the rooms.
Sticking his head around the door he forced himself to smile. "Hey gorgeous."
"Darren! You didn't have to come..."
"Oh hush. Like I wouldn't."
"Good. Because I'm so glad to see you," she said, her voice breaking and holding out her arms to him.
Darren obliged, sitting on the edge of the bed and hugging her gently. "You look like you've been in a fight."
"Yeah. Alli's car verses an SUV. Guy jumped the red light and smacked into the back passenger side. Alli's fine, I got some serious bruises but..." Her hand drifted to her baby bump and she bit her lip. "They did an ultrasound, hearing its heartbeat was the best thing. But they're concerned about bleeding and injuries. Did you know babies can get internal injuries while in the womb? They're keeping an eye on my vitals because apparently I can maintain baby for a bit but..."
"Hey, Sal. It is going to be fine."
"It has to be, Dare, because if... if it's not I honestly don't know what'll happen. Jack and I..."
"Trust me. It'll be fine," he said, pulling her back into a hug. "And all baby does in the last month is grow. So even if they do have to deliver it'll be on the small side but have everything it needs. The odds are so in your favour that Vegas won't carry them."
Outside the room Jack and Chris watched them, relieved that he seemed to be a calming influence on Sally.
"He's been great throughout the pregnancy," Jack said. "Really helped me out! I mean, all that detail about what happens and when... Confuses the hell out of me."
"What?" Chris asked.
"Darren. He's read up on all the pregnancy stuff, started on the baby books. I swear that husband of yours is saving my sanity! He's..." Jack stopped his gushing, realising he was headed into dangerous territory.
Chris was still looking through the window at them. "He's a natural," he finished. "I always knew he was."
"He's happy," Jack tried to assure Chris but he had a feeling that the damage was done as they watched Darren place his hand lovingly on Sally's belly.
~~
It was a little after three that afternoon when the doctors gently informed Sally and Jack that they weren't too happy with the latest test results. While there was no indication that the baby was hurt they were suspecting that Sally may have minor internal injuries of her own.
To be on the safe side they were suggesting a c-section to deliver the baby and to deal with any issues they found.
Sally had one question : will the baby be OK?
Once they'd assured her that the odds were in baby's favour it had taken her two seconds to agree.
~~
Chris didn't know who looked more nervous; Jack or Darren. He found himself watching his husband though as the minutes ticked by without any news. His concern for his friend he could understand but Chris could almost see Darren's skin itching for news. It was like he was on edge and anyone who didn't know could mistake him for the expectant father.
Darren loved Sally, he knew that. He knew they were close and he knew that they talked. He didn't know that his husband had been acting as midwife for the last few months.
When the doctor came in and announced the arrival of a healthy baby boy and that mom was doing just fine, minor injuries dealt with, Chris knew something else.
Darren was natural father material and Chris had denied him that.
~~
They gave Jack and Sally time together, time to get their heads around the events of the last 24 hours. Venturing to the gift shop they bought the obligatory teddy bear and balloons.
"You OK?" Chris asked as they rode the elevator back up.
"Fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You just seemed... tense before."
"Worried, that's all."
"About the baby?" Chris asked, terrified of the answer.
"And Sally. But they're fine, they're a family and I couldn't be happier."
The lift slowed, stopped and the doors slid open. Chris followed Darren out, dwelling on the fact that Darren hadn't said he was happy for them.
~~
"He's perfect, Sal," Darren gushed as he leant over the tiny crib.
(Standing just behind him, Chris' heart broke a little with those three words.)
"Want to hold him?" she asked.
Darren's head snapped up and he grinned as if it were Christmas Day. Very gently he lifted the newborn and settled him in his arms. "This is... wow."
"Suits you," Sally murmured happily.
"Has he got a name?" Chris asked, trying to focus on something else.
"Isaac," Jack said. "For my uncle. He paid for my drama classes when I was a kid and it's a whole 'life path' thing. We lost him last year so..."
"That's sweet," Chris smiled.
"Isaac Chris," Sally added. "For both of you I guess. If it weren't for you two Jack and I might not have got together."
"I didn't do anything," Chris protested.
"He loved you when he came up here," Sally said, gesturing towards Darren, "so yeah. You did."
Chris finally turned to look at his husband, something he'd been almost happily avoiding until now. He didn't want to see how natural Darren was with the baby. He didn't want reminding that Darren wanted kids and, well, he had his own thoughts on that matter.
But when he saw Darren and Isaac it changed everything. Because the way that Darren was looking at the child in his arms made Chris' heart just stop.
~~
Jack had insisted that they stay at the apartment. While they'd painted the walls of Darren's old room there was still the double bed in there and enough furniture to make it serviceable. As soon as they walked in Darren fell into old habits, grabbing a beer from the fridge and offering one to Chris.
"No, I'm fine thanks," he said, his mind still racing. "You look exhausted, love."
"I feel it."
"Go to bed," Chris laughed softly. "I have some work to do anyway." He pulled his notebook from the bag and set up on the breakfast bar.
"When are you going to need to head back?"
"I'll know when I've checked in. You've got a week or so before you're due on set."
Darren smirked before taking another mouthful of beer. "Perk of being married to the writer?"
"Only if I can get you an extension. Depends how long you want to stay up here with them."
"I'd rather come home with you," Darren muttered sleepily, putting his half-finished beer beside Chris. "Unless you're running off tomorrow morning. In which case I might take twenty four hours or so."
"Noted," Chris laughed as his computer booted up.
"Network password will be on the notice board," Darren said, pressing a kiss into Chris' hair as he headed for his old room.
"Sleep well. Love you."
"Love you back. And don't stay up too long. Hate sleeping without you."
"Be as quick as I can."
Chris checked his emails, discovering that they could manage a day in Chicago without too many dramas, and then he loaded up a search window and started reading.
~~
An hour later Chris slipped into the bedroom and quickly stripped down to his boxers. Darren was already asleep but he was restless, something Chris knew was caused by his absence. As soon as he was under the covers Darren gravitated towards him, curling in next to him as if he were waiting for Chris to roll onto his side. When he didn't Darren woke slightly.
"...is?" he murmured.
"Go back to sleep, love. You need the rest."
Darren pressed in a little more but soon seemed to realise that tonight they wouldn't sleep curled around each other. He kissed Chris' shoulder once and then settled as close as he could get before falling asleep again.
For a moment Chris watched him sleep, reaching over to brush his fingertips over his curls. It still amazed him that Darren was his, that he was here. When they first met he was 'unobtainable', not even a consideration. But all that had changed. Darren had been his and then changed his whole life and now here they were. Together.
He'd forgotten that things can change. For years he'd had a set of beliefs, plans for his life and then Darren had exploded into his life and things had changed so much in the last few years alone. He'd not expected things to change again but they had.
~~
Chris walked out of the bedroom and found Darren putting breakfast together.
"Morning," Darren greeted, pushing a coffee across the breakfast bar. "Figured you'd need it."
"Thanks."
"I'd ask how you slept but I already know." When Chris shot him a look of confusion, Darren smiled. "I've been sharing a bed with you for long enough," he laughed. "What's on your mind?"
"Just... Stuff."
"Stuff?"
"Been thinking about things," Chris said.
"Like what?"
"Like... You."
Darren cocked his head and smirked. "And this makes you restless?" he grinned. "I think I like the sound of this."
"You and Isaac," Chris clarified. "How you were with him last night."
Darren's suggestive look had shifted to one of confusion.
"You want kids," Chris stated plainly.
"What?"
"You want kids. And last night I saw... That's not gone away."
"I'd want them with you," Darren stated. "We went over this before."
"Dare..."
"I love you, I love our life. I'm happy with things."
"Really?" Chris asked. "Can you honestly look at me and tell me that you're happy with us not having a family?"
"I'm not happy about not being with you."
"That wasn't what I asked."
"No, but I don't like where that question is going," Darren said. "Don't do this, Chris."
"Do what?"
"If you're about to do some noble gesture..."
"Do you still want kids?"
"Not without you," Darren said, moving towards Chris. "I have chosen you, I will always choose you, and if you think you can just..."
"Wait, what?" Chris asked. "Oh Dare... no! No! I'm never letting you go!"
Darren's sob of relief was muttered into Chris' shoulder as he was pulled into a tight hug.
"Do you still want kids?" Chris asked.
"Why are you bringing this up now?" Darren asked, pulling back enough to look at him.
"I saw you with Isaac, Dare. You adore that kid and he's not even yours. You don't care... you just love him. Totally."
"He's my best friend's son," Darren said. "I don't..."
"I don't do that. I can't. I mean... I care about them, I do, but love? Don't know if you've noticed but it's not easy for me to love someone."
Darren laughed softly and nodded.
"And kids..." Chris sighed and let his eyes drift shut. "I was scared."
"Of what?"
"Of not loving them. Of only caring. And that's fine when it's your friend's kid but not so much when you're the one being called dad. I didn't want to... I wasn't going to risk it. I couldn't, not with a kid.
"As soon as I knew I was gay I knew how this was going to work. Adoption and surrogacy are my only options when it comes to having a family and adoption... You don't know who you're getting. So I end up caring about some little kid who's already got it in their head that I'm not dad and that's just both of us miserable for the rest of our lives because we both feel like we're failing at this.
"And yeah, with surrogacy it could be mine but what about you? I felt like I couldn't just tell you no, you don't get a shot at this. It would have been so unfair..." Chris stopped and looked into Darren's eyes. "And then I saw you with Isaac. And I knew you wouldn't care. I knew you would love that kid, no matter what."
"Chris..." Darren started, trying not to believe it until he actually said it.
"I just feel like if it's mine then I've got a chance, yeah? To bond, to love it... An actual piece of me. I did some research last night, there's a place in LA we can speak to when we get back... If you wanted to."
"Wanted to what?" Darren asked, his eyes willing Chris to say it.
Chris smiled, understanding completely. "Have a family. If you're OK with it being me, if you want..."
Darren's grin stopped him and he smiled back before Darren pulled his head in closer for a kiss. "I adore you," he whispered against his husband's lips. "I love every part of you and I know I will do for the rest of my life. And you are asking me to love a part of you. A mini you."
"And a mini someone else."
"Shut up," Darren growled, before doing just that with a kiss. "Your kid. Our kid. How am I not going to love it?"
"I know I'm probably being stupid, but I don't want to risk it. I can't."
"You won't," Darren whispered. "But... you're sure, right? I mean... You're not just doing this for me?"
"Not with something this big," Chris promised.
"Best... husband... ever..." Darren said, punctuating his words with soft kisses. "And you'll be a great dad."
"So will you," Chris replied, resting his forehead against Darren's own.
His heart was racing and his head was spinning. Part of him wanted to say he'd changed his mind, that he couldn't do it. He felt like he was blindfolded and knew that one step in one direction would be hell, but one step in the other would be the best moments of his life. He didn't know which way was which so he did what he was slowly learning to do. He closed his eyes, wrapped his arms around Darren, and he trusted his husband to lead him in the right direction.
A/N : I'm so not a doctor. I really don't care if what happened with Sally is realistic or not. You yell at me for any mistakes and I'll just ignore the hell out of you.