Nano Shots 2011 "And if life is your stage I'll be watching" Part 4
Part 4: Life goes on and I'll be there with you
Jensen steps into the hospital on his first day and immediately feels welcome. There are smiles all around and he’s included in all of them right from the beginning.
And it’s a new beginning. One that Jensen can really use. L.A. has been great, a good experience but something has been missing and he knows exactly what it was. It took him years to admit to himself that he might have destroyed the best thing that ever happened to him because he was too scared.
He’s older now, knows what he has lost, has given up willingly back then. There’s nothing he can do about it now, doesn’t even know if he would deserve a second chance if he got one.
Something compelled him to come home to Texas. And it’s not just his mom’s insistence and his friend’s politely telling him show his fucking face from time to time. So when this bio tech position was offered to him, he didn’t even hesitate.
The he walks into the cafeteria during his lunch break and thinks this might be the worst decisions he has ever made. He freezes and doesn’t know what to do next, just stares and feels his heart being squeezed in his chest. Everything suddenly hurts.
“Hello, Jen.” Jared says, suddenly there in front of him and a smile on his lips. A small smile but a smile.
It’s that smile that makes Jensen move and pull Jared close. And he almost weeps with relief when Jared hugs him back after an awkward moment of hesitation.
“Missed you. So much.” Jensen has no idea why he says it now, why he never dared to say it before or even tried to contact Jared. He has no right whatsoever to say those things to Jared and he knows it.
“I’m sorry, Jay. I….”
“Ssssh… It’s okay, Jen. I know. But this is really not the place to have this conversation,” Jared’s still smiling, hazel use sparkling and strong arms still around Jensen. It’s surreal and Jensen doesn’t know how to react. There’s no way this is happening, not after everything and the way he treated Jared.
He must be dreaming. This whole thing is a dream.
It’s not a dream.
And he gets another hug when they are in Jared’s office. Jared has an office and Jensen stares a little when Jared gets out of his doctor’s gown and shows off an even broader back then he remembers.
When he dares to look at Jared’s face again there’s a knowing smirk. Jensen feels himself blush and feels even more like a douche for even looking.
“How’s your first day?”
Jensen blinks. He thought Jared was just a surprised as Jensen but that’s apparently not the case. So Jared knew. It throws Jensen more than just a little.
“Uh… good. How?”
“How do I know? Oh I suggested you for this position. Thanks to Chris’ video.”
“You what? What?”
But Jensen doesn’t really get an answer, at least not in the next few minutes. Jared rounds the desk he has been standing behind for the last minutes and stops right in front of Jensen. He’s beautiful, Jensen thinks and wonders what Jared is up to.
Jared liked this, smug and forceful isn’t something Jensen has any kind of experiences with. Jared had been a freshman in college, still innocent enough to come across as cute and adorable. This man here is all grown up and powerful. It does things to things to Jensen that are very inappropriate just then and there.
“Jen?”
“Huh?”
“Next time you spill your heart out make sure Chris isn’t taping it and then sending it straight to me. As much as I like your drunken confessions over the last few months I would have loved to hear you say it all to my face.” Jared says, low and deep, against Jensen’s cheek.
And it reminds him so much of that day during their senior year in high school. It’s like a déja vu, feels so much like this moment all over again that Jensen can help it, he hugs Jared close again.
“Tell me about it?”
Jared nods.
“Come over tonight? My place? It’s okay, Jen. I know it’s overwhelming but I think we are due a talk or two. Don’t you think?”
Warm, that’s how Jensen feels right now curled up on Jared’s couch with a glass of wine cradled in his hands. He hasn’t felt like this in years and feel stupid how he almost through it all away forever.
Jared’s curled up next to him, almost asleep but smiling and Jensen feels the answer smile on his lips. It’s been a month since he came back home, and things have been going great.
Slow but great.
Slow is good. Jared and him agreed on it. And Jensen still can’t believe how things have turned out. He should thank Chris, write him at least an email. But he’s all caught up in Jared all over again.
It’s like they’ve falling back right into where they stopped. Only this time they are actually talking and it works quite well.
When Jensen thinks back to those drunken nights on the beach, with Chris and Steven keeping him company, he still blushes deeply. He had been miserable, confessed how much he missed Jared and how everything sucked with him around.
He’d even gone as far as to spill all his secrets about this time in college where he had been scared shitless and turned into a complete asshole. He’d even begged Chris to help him get Jared back and that he wanted to come back home to Texas.
Jensen had been so scared back at Dartmouth. Hearing those words had unearthed something within him, some abandonment issues he never knew he had. Just realizing how deep his feelings for Jared went made it impossible for him to think straight. It had been too much. And once he had realized how wrong his approach had been things were already bad enough that Jensen felt too embarrassed to do anything about it.
He had just been scared.
And Chris had taped it all. And then had sent it to Jared.
But if it hadn’t been for Chris Jensen would be here right now, close to Jared again and maybe working towards a second chance he never thought he’d get.
“You are thinking too loud,” Jared mumbles against his shoulder, making Jensen shiver and smile at the same time. Just having Jared this close again is a miracle.
“Sorry.”
“Relax, Jen. We still have a lot to talk about. But right now I’m glad you are here. We were friends first and I want to have that back. Friendship and then we'll see.”
Jensen pulls him closer, kisses him softly on the temple and settles back into the cushions to watch the rest of the movie.
“A clean cut…?” Jensen questions because he has to make sure, has to ask again even if Jared’s already rolling his eyes.
“Yes, Jen. Let’s start again. Let’s go on dates, we never really did that. We just fell into things back then. Maybe that’s why you got so scared. We never knew what it would be like. So let’s do it now. We have that chance,” Jared says, handing a cup of coffee over the counter and the plate of waffles on it.
Sometimes, Jensen doesn’t even know why they both have places in the city when they always end up at either Jared’s parent’s place or Jensen’s. Both parental sets are being incredibly happy about their boys getting closer again. If even Jensen still feels a little weird being back in the Padalecki’s home after everything.
Jensen takes a large gulp of coffee because Sherri is there and is watching them curiously while trying to be subtle. She’s preparing dinner and Jensen has no idea how to manage that with the waffles already in his stomach. California has kind of ruined him when it comes to food. He’s learning to endure Jared’s mocking.
“Okay. Yeah... let’s do it this way. I just… I want to try again. And do it right.”
Jared smiles, leans over the counter and kisses him softly. Jensen is still getting used to this new kind of display of affection. Because, in high school and in college they never really did this kind of thing. Sure they had sex, kissed in public places, but it was always fast and sort of hidden, even if they were all out in college. This though, those soft kisses and touches, the smiles, that tell Jensen Jared is just has happy to have him back, those are new.
“Good. Me, too. I wanna do it right this time as well.”
“But you did nothing wrong in the first play, Jay. It was all me.”
Jared nods, kisses him again. “I know. But I didn’t have the chance to really date you either. I just fell so hard that I didn’t even think about it, didn’t even think to miss it. Until it was too late.”
Jared shrugs then.
“You blamed yourself for a long time, didn’t you?” Jensen says, looking straight into Jensen’s eyes.
“Yeah. But I was young, didn’t have the life experience to realize that it was both of us and a lot of circumstances that came together at one time. Of course, I’d rather you said you loved me back instead of vanishing out of my life but I think I can forgive you.” The last part is said with a smirk and Jensen chuckles a little.
“You think so?”
“Yes, if you agree to go to the End of Summer Fair with me. As our first date.”
Jensen blinks and then laughs at Jared’s try for an innocent face.
“Dude, you’re a little too old to really work the puppy eyes look. But I’m impressed that you still get it working half way decent. So yeah, okay. The fair it is. But I swear I’ll smite you when you puke on my shoes again.”
Jared whoops and kisses Jensen with so much enthusiasm that Jensen stumbles back into his chair. Sherri actually laughs from where she’s cutting onions and is watching them.
“I forgot how cute you two are together. Glad to see it in my house again.”
A clean cut. Jensen likes the idea. He likes it a lot.
Old wounds are healing nicely over the next few weeks.
They go on dates and are actually having fun. It’s so much like being back with Jared but it’s so very different as well. They discover things about each other that are new and exciting. There are almost 9 years of Jared’s life Jensen doesn’t know much or anything at all about and it’s interesting to hear how things have been for Jared.
Jared seems to be equally interested in Jensen’s life and it soothes something deep inside of him. There’s still a mass of insecurities Jensen has to fight every time he starts thinking about a possible future with Jared but Jared seems to have a sixth sense for those kind of thoughts now.
Jared always, really always manages to reassure him that they are on a good way. Their friends are remarkably good at is as well. They invite them out, threaten them to take sides if they ever should break up again and paint a horrible picture of the ensuing fights and how those will destroy all their friendships.
Jensen thinks they’re only half joking.
He’s waiting for the blind fear to grip him again. Waits for it for a long time but it never happens. He feels content, happier than he ever has before and that includes his time with Jared. But he isn’t scared anymore.
When he tells Jared, the other man thinks it might be a sign that Jensen is finally ready for his own feelings. And Jensen thinks it’s a very good theory that might turn out as very true.
Despite it being Texas people around them seem to not mind their relationship at all. The hospital turns out to be supportive of the same sex marriage acts and Jensen almost snort coffee through his nose when his ultra-religious boss in the lab hangs up a poster advertising equality. She even winks at him.
Jared doesn’t have problems either and sometime along the way Jensen realizes that he stopped waiting for something bad to happen. He’s not on the edge anymore waiting for one of them to lose their job or for someone to spit in their faces. Jensen also realizes that he never knew he had those fears in the first place.
It’s then that he realizes what his main problem in college was. He had been waiting for the other shoe to drop and when it didn’t Jensen made it drop himself.
Soft hair tickles his chin when he wakes up. Jared’s plastered against his side and Jensen doesn’t even feel the need to move. It’s still early and he doesn’t even have work today.
A day in bed sounds nice.
It’s cold outside and Jensen feels like they deserve a day of doing nothing. Thanksgiving is close and it will be the first time that Jared and Jensen will be the ones hosting the big family dinner. At their new place.
A year since everything fell into place for Jensen and he still has to start feeling settled in. Every day with Jared is something new and exciting. It hadn’t been like that before and Jensen feels himself sink into this more and more.
Jared moves, slings an arm around his waist and mouthes at his neck. Tiny kicks and bites make Jensen shiver and smile at the same time. Then hands are wandering, a mouth follows. Jared’s tousled hair is the only thing visible from under the covers and Jensen groans louder.
Lips around the head of his cock and Jensen doesn’t know anymore why he gave that up willingly. Feeling Jared likes this, this close and open, makes Jensen realize more often than not, that he can’t let this man slip away ever again.
He groans, bites his lips when Jared swallows him down all the way.
He buries his hand within soft strands, closes his eyes and lets Jared work his wonder.
Later, when they lie satisfied and dosing Jensen knows it’s the right time.
“I love you. Always have. Just never dared to let myself. I love you, Jared.”
Part 5
Jensen steps into the hospital on his first day and immediately feels welcome. There are smiles all around and he’s included in all of them right from the beginning.
And it’s a new beginning. One that Jensen can really use. L.A. has been great, a good experience but something has been missing and he knows exactly what it was. It took him years to admit to himself that he might have destroyed the best thing that ever happened to him because he was too scared.
He’s older now, knows what he has lost, has given up willingly back then. There’s nothing he can do about it now, doesn’t even know if he would deserve a second chance if he got one.
Something compelled him to come home to Texas. And it’s not just his mom’s insistence and his friend’s politely telling him show his fucking face from time to time. So when this bio tech position was offered to him, he didn’t even hesitate.
The he walks into the cafeteria during his lunch break and thinks this might be the worst decisions he has ever made. He freezes and doesn’t know what to do next, just stares and feels his heart being squeezed in his chest. Everything suddenly hurts.
“Hello, Jen.” Jared says, suddenly there in front of him and a smile on his lips. A small smile but a smile.
It’s that smile that makes Jensen move and pull Jared close. And he almost weeps with relief when Jared hugs him back after an awkward moment of hesitation.
“Missed you. So much.” Jensen has no idea why he says it now, why he never dared to say it before or even tried to contact Jared. He has no right whatsoever to say those things to Jared and he knows it.
“I’m sorry, Jay. I….”
“Ssssh… It’s okay, Jen. I know. But this is really not the place to have this conversation,” Jared’s still smiling, hazel use sparkling and strong arms still around Jensen. It’s surreal and Jensen doesn’t know how to react. There’s no way this is happening, not after everything and the way he treated Jared.
He must be dreaming. This whole thing is a dream.
It’s not a dream.
And he gets another hug when they are in Jared’s office. Jared has an office and Jensen stares a little when Jared gets out of his doctor’s gown and shows off an even broader back then he remembers.
When he dares to look at Jared’s face again there’s a knowing smirk. Jensen feels himself blush and feels even more like a douche for even looking.
“How’s your first day?”
Jensen blinks. He thought Jared was just a surprised as Jensen but that’s apparently not the case. So Jared knew. It throws Jensen more than just a little.
“Uh… good. How?”
“How do I know? Oh I suggested you for this position. Thanks to Chris’ video.”
“You what? What?”
But Jensen doesn’t really get an answer, at least not in the next few minutes. Jared rounds the desk he has been standing behind for the last minutes and stops right in front of Jensen. He’s beautiful, Jensen thinks and wonders what Jared is up to.
Jared liked this, smug and forceful isn’t something Jensen has any kind of experiences with. Jared had been a freshman in college, still innocent enough to come across as cute and adorable. This man here is all grown up and powerful. It does things to things to Jensen that are very inappropriate just then and there.
“Jen?”
“Huh?”
“Next time you spill your heart out make sure Chris isn’t taping it and then sending it straight to me. As much as I like your drunken confessions over the last few months I would have loved to hear you say it all to my face.” Jared says, low and deep, against Jensen’s cheek.
And it reminds him so much of that day during their senior year in high school. It’s like a déja vu, feels so much like this moment all over again that Jensen can help it, he hugs Jared close again.
“Tell me about it?”
Jared nods.
“Come over tonight? My place? It’s okay, Jen. I know it’s overwhelming but I think we are due a talk or two. Don’t you think?”
Warm, that’s how Jensen feels right now curled up on Jared’s couch with a glass of wine cradled in his hands. He hasn’t felt like this in years and feel stupid how he almost through it all away forever.
Jared’s curled up next to him, almost asleep but smiling and Jensen feels the answer smile on his lips. It’s been a month since he came back home, and things have been going great.
Slow but great.
Slow is good. Jared and him agreed on it. And Jensen still can’t believe how things have turned out. He should thank Chris, write him at least an email. But he’s all caught up in Jared all over again.
It’s like they’ve falling back right into where they stopped. Only this time they are actually talking and it works quite well.
When Jensen thinks back to those drunken nights on the beach, with Chris and Steven keeping him company, he still blushes deeply. He had been miserable, confessed how much he missed Jared and how everything sucked with him around.
He’d even gone as far as to spill all his secrets about this time in college where he had been scared shitless and turned into a complete asshole. He’d even begged Chris to help him get Jared back and that he wanted to come back home to Texas.
Jensen had been so scared back at Dartmouth. Hearing those words had unearthed something within him, some abandonment issues he never knew he had. Just realizing how deep his feelings for Jared went made it impossible for him to think straight. It had been too much. And once he had realized how wrong his approach had been things were already bad enough that Jensen felt too embarrassed to do anything about it.
He had just been scared.
And Chris had taped it all. And then had sent it to Jared.
But if it hadn’t been for Chris Jensen would be here right now, close to Jared again and maybe working towards a second chance he never thought he’d get.
“You are thinking too loud,” Jared mumbles against his shoulder, making Jensen shiver and smile at the same time. Just having Jared this close again is a miracle.
“Sorry.”
“Relax, Jen. We still have a lot to talk about. But right now I’m glad you are here. We were friends first and I want to have that back. Friendship and then we'll see.”
Jensen pulls him closer, kisses him softly on the temple and settles back into the cushions to watch the rest of the movie.
“A clean cut…?” Jensen questions because he has to make sure, has to ask again even if Jared’s already rolling his eyes.
“Yes, Jen. Let’s start again. Let’s go on dates, we never really did that. We just fell into things back then. Maybe that’s why you got so scared. We never knew what it would be like. So let’s do it now. We have that chance,” Jared says, handing a cup of coffee over the counter and the plate of waffles on it.
Sometimes, Jensen doesn’t even know why they both have places in the city when they always end up at either Jared’s parent’s place or Jensen’s. Both parental sets are being incredibly happy about their boys getting closer again. If even Jensen still feels a little weird being back in the Padalecki’s home after everything.
Jensen takes a large gulp of coffee because Sherri is there and is watching them curiously while trying to be subtle. She’s preparing dinner and Jensen has no idea how to manage that with the waffles already in his stomach. California has kind of ruined him when it comes to food. He’s learning to endure Jared’s mocking.
“Okay. Yeah... let’s do it this way. I just… I want to try again. And do it right.”
Jared smiles, leans over the counter and kisses him softly. Jensen is still getting used to this new kind of display of affection. Because, in high school and in college they never really did this kind of thing. Sure they had sex, kissed in public places, but it was always fast and sort of hidden, even if they were all out in college. This though, those soft kisses and touches, the smiles, that tell Jensen Jared is just has happy to have him back, those are new.
“Good. Me, too. I wanna do it right this time as well.”
“But you did nothing wrong in the first play, Jay. It was all me.”
Jared nods, kisses him again. “I know. But I didn’t have the chance to really date you either. I just fell so hard that I didn’t even think about it, didn’t even think to miss it. Until it was too late.”
Jared shrugs then.
“You blamed yourself for a long time, didn’t you?” Jensen says, looking straight into Jensen’s eyes.
“Yeah. But I was young, didn’t have the life experience to realize that it was both of us and a lot of circumstances that came together at one time. Of course, I’d rather you said you loved me back instead of vanishing out of my life but I think I can forgive you.” The last part is said with a smirk and Jensen chuckles a little.
“You think so?”
“Yes, if you agree to go to the End of Summer Fair with me. As our first date.”
Jensen blinks and then laughs at Jared’s try for an innocent face.
“Dude, you’re a little too old to really work the puppy eyes look. But I’m impressed that you still get it working half way decent. So yeah, okay. The fair it is. But I swear I’ll smite you when you puke on my shoes again.”
Jared whoops and kisses Jensen with so much enthusiasm that Jensen stumbles back into his chair. Sherri actually laughs from where she’s cutting onions and is watching them.
“I forgot how cute you two are together. Glad to see it in my house again.”
A clean cut. Jensen likes the idea. He likes it a lot.
Old wounds are healing nicely over the next few weeks.
They go on dates and are actually having fun. It’s so much like being back with Jared but it’s so very different as well. They discover things about each other that are new and exciting. There are almost 9 years of Jared’s life Jensen doesn’t know much or anything at all about and it’s interesting to hear how things have been for Jared.
Jared seems to be equally interested in Jensen’s life and it soothes something deep inside of him. There’s still a mass of insecurities Jensen has to fight every time he starts thinking about a possible future with Jared but Jared seems to have a sixth sense for those kind of thoughts now.
Jared always, really always manages to reassure him that they are on a good way. Their friends are remarkably good at is as well. They invite them out, threaten them to take sides if they ever should break up again and paint a horrible picture of the ensuing fights and how those will destroy all their friendships.
Jensen thinks they’re only half joking.
He’s waiting for the blind fear to grip him again. Waits for it for a long time but it never happens. He feels content, happier than he ever has before and that includes his time with Jared. But he isn’t scared anymore.
When he tells Jared, the other man thinks it might be a sign that Jensen is finally ready for his own feelings. And Jensen thinks it’s a very good theory that might turn out as very true.
Despite it being Texas people around them seem to not mind their relationship at all. The hospital turns out to be supportive of the same sex marriage acts and Jensen almost snort coffee through his nose when his ultra-religious boss in the lab hangs up a poster advertising equality. She even winks at him.
Jared doesn’t have problems either and sometime along the way Jensen realizes that he stopped waiting for something bad to happen. He’s not on the edge anymore waiting for one of them to lose their job or for someone to spit in their faces. Jensen also realizes that he never knew he had those fears in the first place.
It’s then that he realizes what his main problem in college was. He had been waiting for the other shoe to drop and when it didn’t Jensen made it drop himself.
Soft hair tickles his chin when he wakes up. Jared’s plastered against his side and Jensen doesn’t even feel the need to move. It’s still early and he doesn’t even have work today.
A day in bed sounds nice.
It’s cold outside and Jensen feels like they deserve a day of doing nothing. Thanksgiving is close and it will be the first time that Jared and Jensen will be the ones hosting the big family dinner. At their new place.
A year since everything fell into place for Jensen and he still has to start feeling settled in. Every day with Jared is something new and exciting. It hadn’t been like that before and Jensen feels himself sink into this more and more.
Jared moves, slings an arm around his waist and mouthes at his neck. Tiny kicks and bites make Jensen shiver and smile at the same time. Then hands are wandering, a mouth follows. Jared’s tousled hair is the only thing visible from under the covers and Jensen groans louder.
Lips around the head of his cock and Jensen doesn’t know anymore why he gave that up willingly. Feeling Jared likes this, this close and open, makes Jensen realize more often than not, that he can’t let this man slip away ever again.
He groans, bites his lips when Jared swallows him down all the way.
He buries his hand within soft strands, closes his eyes and lets Jared work his wonder.
Later, when they lie satisfied and dosing Jensen knows it’s the right time.
“I love you. Always have. Just never dared to let myself. I love you, Jared.”
Part 5