"You know that we're falling", Jared/Jensen, PG-13, Part 1
The office looks even more chaotic then the last time Jared was there. File folders piled up on every available surface, loose papers between them or sitting precariously on the edge of the desk, promo posters rolled up or flattened by the books on top of them. Nothing hints towards the effectiveness the owner of the desk claims the chaos provides. It’s just simple chaos to him and he says it out loud every time he can, mostly when something slips of a pile and is followed by very colorful curses.
The door opens and he can hear yells for fresh coffee and biscuits echoing through the hallway outside. As if on cue his stomach rumbles. There has been breakfast but that’s already two hours in the past. No one can expect him to hold out that long without food. He is an athlete after all.
There are empty coffee mugs standing around taking up space, wrappers from various fats food joints as well as from the Deli across the street clutter one corner of the side table. It’s kind of on the dirty side already and he doesn’t dare to look around into the other corners of the very spacious office. Instead he focuses on the spectacular view over the city, sometimes floor to ceiling windows come in handy.
When the door clicks shut behind him he grins, doesn’t need to turn to know who it is.
“You know, the thing Sophia said about cleaning up once in a while? Maybe, you should take her advice, dude.”
“Shut up, Paddywhack. This is organized chaos. How often to I have to tell you that? I know where everything is.” With that Chad plops down in his oversized chair and scowls at him. Jared just grins some more.
He doesn’t even know why Chad insisted on this meeting, it’s not like Jared isn’t aware of his schedule and needs Chad to remind him. It’s more the other way round usually. Jared’s already itching to get out of the office again. The fifteen minutes he spent waiting for Chad are already enough and his legs twitch to be out and on the board again.
“So? What’s up? Why summoning me here with this urgent voice and your attempt at authority?”
Chad just scowls even more at that and keeps on digging through one particularly high pile of folders and papers.
“Something wrong with the company? Do you need my help? Champs are over so I have time.” Jared’s actually worried.
“As glad as I’m to see that you are willing to offer yourself as an unwilling hero here, no, nothing is wrong with the company. Quite the contrary. Everything looks brilliant. Only, I have so much to do that I keep forgetting to tell you about the new deal I have for you and the guys are getting pissed. Can’t have that. But right now they are only pissed at you since the think you can’t decide if you want the job or not.”
Chad actually shrugs at that but does look a little apologetic. This is typical. Chad screws up and Jared’s the one having to live with the consequences. It usually turns out okay, great even in most cases.
Sometimes, Jared thinks he doesn’t deserve better, taking his best friend on as manager and helping him build up one of the most successful sports management companies around. He has to live with Chad being Chad not only on a private basis but on a professional one as well. Jared still doesn’t know what made him accept Chad’s proposal all those years ago.
Now it’s too late to regret it all anyway.
“Will I be wanting to throttle you once you tell me about it all?”
“Probably,” Chad answers a little sheepishly. It doesn’t bode well for Jared’s sanity.
“More than I wanted before?”
“Likely.”
“Godddammit Chad, what have you done this time? You never, never agree to anything concerning my career without asking me first! We agreed on that.” Anger flares up because they really did agree on that after the last time Chad signed a contract for Jared that almost landed Jared and another one of Chad’s famous clients in commercials for sex toys.
Not that Jared would have minded much, he is out and proud after all. But he would have at least wanted to know before the shooting started.
“Uh.. well… you see, this is a great opportunity. For you and for the company. We’ve never had that kind of offer before. Just forgot it’s already been two weeks now. Uhm, things got in the way.”
Chad’s eyebrow twitches and he squints at Jared, something he only does when he knows he’s either in a situation he doesn’t know how to get out off or maneuvered Jared into such a situation and feels sorry for it - or as sorry as Chad can actually feel when it comes to business, that man can be ruthless.
Jared groans, sees his free afternoon getting further and further out of reach. A sigh leaves him as he sinks back into the actually really comfy chair he’s in. When faced with Chad in business mode the best way to deal is resignation, Jared learned that a long time ago.
“Spill it already. I haven’t got all day, ya know…”
“Uhm.. yeah. Okay, so I had a studio calling, asking if I could get one of my clients to teach one of their clients stuff for a role. Like, you know, big shot movie star who wants to do it properly… ,” The air quotes around the last word are heavily implied and Jared is actually proud of Chad for holding back and not using his fingers.
“And what? You said I would do it?” It’s a redundant question because Jared knows the answer. But with Chad he learned to always ask, even if it’s a rhetorical questions.
“Kind of, yeah. Told them you’d be free. They wanted the best and well you are the best after all. They knew your name already. Guess they did their research. Asked for you actually.”
Jared moves to sit up again, looks directly at Chad and just knows that there’s something wrong with the offer. Otherwise Chad would just say it and be done with it. Now he’s stalling and Jared prepares for the worst.
“What’s the catch?”
Chad blinks, once, twice and then isn’t looking at Jared anymore. Oh this is going to be good, Jared thinks and waits for Chad’s answer.
“Well, it’s Warner and they want you to.. uh… to train Jensen Ackles.” Chad is squeezing his eyes shut as if he thinks Jared’s going to explode right then and there. Well, it’s close, very close. But Jared’s a professional, he’ll take his anger and frustrations out when he’s on the board or somewhere where no one can see him. Still, he’s letting Chad suffer a little before he answers.
A second, ten seconds actually, later and Jared snorts, leans back and waits for Chad to look at him again. When Chad does Jared shakes his head.
“Forget it.”
“Oh come on. This is one chance in a million and you are not going to throw it away because of some misguided hatred or whatever it is what’s going on with you two,” Chad actually sounds pissed which surprises Jared a little. Chad’s not someone to take too many things too serious - not even his own business.
“Be professional, Jay-bird. Leave personal feelings behind and concentrate on the fact that you’d have a contract with Warner and would show up in a Blockbuster credits.” Chad ruffles through one of the stacks on his desk which gives Jared enough time to frown and scowl.
Ackles is a red flag for Jared. One chance meeting and things have been strained ever since.
“It’s business, Jay. Nothing more. Nothing less.”
This is a bad idea, Jared thinks. But it’s money, would be good for his reputation. The silence stretches between Chad and him. Then he just nods.
“Okay.”
Somehow Jared thinks he’ll regret saying those words, very soon and very thoroughly. Chad’s wide grin isn’t helping at all.
***
Jensen feels bad, knows he’s causing trouble for everyone involved, right now he can’t really care about that though. He has the reputation of being a diva and sometimes he thinks it’s actually quite close to the truth. He certainly can act like a spoiled drama queen.
Only, he has his reasons. He just tired of trying to explain to everyone how his brain works. It never really helps anyway.
Jensen is successful as hell, shoots movies around the world, catches himself on TMZ every other night and deals with rumors almost constantly. It’s like it’s actually expected of him to be eccentric and spoiled.
Doesn’t mean that he isn’t aware of the problems he causes people around him, with his demands and ticks and hissy fits. He does feel sorry most of the time, he just can’t help it, things have to be a certain way and he can’t deal with them if they aren’t.
“Jensen, please, open the door. Make-up needs to get you ready and your new coach will be here soon,” Danneel sounds patient and calm but he knows that she’s trying not to blow up - at either him or the people around making things even more difficult with their demands. He hopes it’s not him.
There were too many people suddenly. Just too many. Having a reputation actually helps with acting like a spoiled movie star. It helps covering what he doesn’t want the whole world to know. That he can’t deal with too many things at once that his brain doesn’t let him. If it makes people hate him, then so be it.
He just doesn’t feel like going out there right now.
“Jensen? Come on, the schedule is really tight and I know you want to go home.”
“Dani…” There’s more he wants to say but somehow he can’t. It’s sometimes like this. But Danneel knows.
“Okay. Five minutes, Jensen. Not more. I’ll be back in five,” now there are hints of frustration and impatience in her tone and he smirks a little. It really has to be a crappy day all around when one of his minor fits manages to get Danneel to a level of annoyance that shows in her voice.
Jensen presses himself back into the huge, fluffy cushions on his couch. His trailer isn’t decadent but it’s something people would call luxurious. And he has earned it, has worked his ass of for the small comforts around him.
The chocolate is open on the table and the script lies right next to it. Jensen indulges, grabs more than one piece and doesn’t feel guilty about it. It’s comfort and he needs it right now.
There’s a brand new skateboard underneath the table. Jensen has no idea what to do with it. It will be part of his role, as will be the fauxhawk and the blue streaks in his hair - he has yet to let wardrobe and make-up mutilate him like that.
This role is not Jensen but it still feels like it’s the best decision he’s ever made. Well it was before they decided what he needs to be able to do for it. He tried, really tried. He wanted to get it right, have control over his body.
Did the tricks and stunts on his own, only to be told that he has no grace on a board and is close to strangling himself with a kite instead of making it fly high and mighty. They told him that he needs to take lessons. Jensen did that as well. Lessons after lesson, and he was so proud when he managed to hold the kite and speed along the beach. Only, they told him it wasn’t authentic enough.
Jensen took it up on himself to take more lessons, to show them that he can do it. But he failed at being genuine. For the first time in his career Jensen Ackles needs a coach to be able to play a role.
A coach he probably keeps waiting due to his tiny hissy fit.
Five minutes later his trailer door opens and Danneel’s there to get him. Just one look and a raised eyebrow at the almost demolished chocolate bar and Jensen is off the couch and on his way out. She hugs him, briefly but he instantly feels better.
She gets him into Make-up, holds hands when the girls destroy his perfectly styled haircut and then hands him another chocolate bar. He loves her.
The second he enters the studio building Jensen knows he needs her at his side.
Floppy hair, streaked with red, piercings and a body that has featured a lot in Jensen’s recent dreams, is what he sees the second the sound stage door closes behind him. Only Danneel’s hand on his back keeps him from turning around and fleeing back to his trailer.
Of course, fate has to go and get him this one as a coach. Because Jensen is pretty sure that’s the reason why Jared Padalecki is sitting in Jensen’s director’s chair glaring daggers at everyone and everything.
For a second Jensen can only stare. This man is really just a very impressive picture out of Jensen’s recent wet dreams. Tight t-shirt, black with some sort of graffiti that shows off nicely developed muscles. Well-fitting jeans and colorful sneakers round out the image. And Jared looks exactly like the first time Jensen ever saw him.
He feels fake, with his freshly dyed fauxhawk and his button downs. This won’t go down well.
“Dani?”
“Yes, Jensen?”
“This will end very, very badly.”
He knows she’s rolling her eyes just by the way she sighs. But she doesn’t take her hand away from his back and he feels grounded. Jared steers so many things inside of him that Jensen feels almost blindsided every time he crosses paths with the other man.
And so far their meetings have been less than nice. One big misunderstanding that first time that Jensen never got a chance to clear up and things have been more than just strained between them. And they’ve only met twice so far.
Two times and those have been enough to have Jensen feel out of it every time he thinks about them. There have always been so many feelings between them that Jensen never knows where they really stand.
One of those feelings is the one staring back at him out of Jared’s hazel eyes.
Hate.
Jensen doesn’t hate Jared. He just reacts strongly to the other man’s dislike. It’s like they are pushing each other and it hasn’t ended well yet.
It’s also not really about hate and more about the way Jensen tends to lose control whenever Jared is close, that scares Jensen and makes him defensive. Unfortunately his way of defending himself is lashing out, which doesn’t do much to solve the tension between them.
The fact that Jensen wants to jump Jared Padalecki’s bones isn’t helping either.
***
Jared’s on the edge from getting annoyed to downright angry.
He has been waiting for an hour now and there still is no sign of Jensen fucking Ackles. He has already paced the entire length of the sound stage, has annoyed the hell out of the Pas as well as the director, has been shown around the rest of the set and now knows that only a quarter of the movie will be shot here.
He has also Jensen Ackles’ trailer. This thing is a monstrosity and Jared swears to himself to never set a food inside if he can help it. It just underlines every single cliché he’s heard about actors and Jensen Ackles in particular.
Jared has had coffee and donuts and has rambled Chad’s ear off before his best friend snuck away and left Jared standing there feeling stupid.
None of it has done anything to calm his mind.
Jensen Ackles has a reputation and it seems like he’s set on proving everyone and their stupid rumors right. Jared knows how Jensen is known to throw fits every time some minor detail is out of order, how drama queen is a too nice a word to use for him. Jared has never been the one to give much on rumors but this time he’s inclined to actually believe every single one he’s ever heard or read about Ackles.
Jared’s feels restless. Caffeine and sugar high combined is not a good set of mind, especially not when he’s here to actually attempt a civil conversation with Ackles. It’s not like their history is any good on that account.
The first time they met was a month ago and Jared would say they hated each other on first sight. Well, Jared did anyway, seeing Jensen standing over a crying Megan in a crowded bathroom had him seeing red. Maybe punching Jensen had been a bit too much, okay so not maybe there but it’s not like he can take it back now.
The second time went better, in terms of no punches being thrown, but there had been words, biting and hurtful. Jensen denying ever having done anything to Megan and Jared having slightly too much to drink was enough to let things escalate a little bit. Jared doesn’t think about the way Jensen looked at him and how Jared’s own friends saw a side of Jared he isn’t proud of. It has also been the first time Jared god a good look at Jensen Ackles.
For some reason it made him even angrier at the man and at himself. Those new feelings steering inside of him have been steadfastly ignored ever since; they have no reason to be around, so Jared’s not allowing them to be there.
Jared’s bored out of his mind and annoyed as hell now. He longs for his board, either one of the many, longs for the wind on his skin and the speed underneath his feet. He doesn’t want to wait around here for someone who obviously doesn’t get that you needed passion and love for sports like his.
Yes, Jared had been told it’s not about teaching Jensen how to do it, apparently Ackles knows how to. No, it’s about teaching him how to make it look authentic and genuine. Jared has no idea how to do that.
Jared sighs, flops down on one of the director’s chairs and glares at everyone and everything that crosses his line of sight. He thinks about chasing Chad down and demanding to go, will do it if Ackles doesn’t show up within the next few minutes.
Then he sees startling green eyes, full lips and … well the blue fauxhawk is new and Jared hates to admit that it actually looks good on Ackles. It doesn’t prevent him from glaring some more.
Ackles looks like a weird mixture of a proper boy that has been trying out the bad boy image one day too long. Jared sneers at that, wonders if he’s requested to dress Ackles as well, because that sure as hell isn’t part of the contract. But looking like this, Ackles will never come across a true skater… or whatever the studio wants him to be. The thought of having to actually teach Ackles the basics as well just intensifies the dislike for this whole mission. Jared tries to hide it but knows it’s rather unsuccessful.
And Ackles actually looks freaked for a second, looks like he wants to flee. Jared tries not to feel smug about it, tries not to gloat over the fact that Jensen Ackles actually seems to be afraid of him. There’s a gorgeous woman right next to Ackles and she seems to be the one propelling him forward.
After some shuffling, awkward glares and the woman introducing herself as Danneel, Jensen’s manager, Jared settles down again. He hadn’t realized how he’d been halfway out of the chair. Ackles looks sour though, fidgety and uncomfortable. Jared feels a twinge of sympathy but stomps down on it hard.
Green eyes move between him and the rest of the sound stage like they don’t know where to settle on. Then Ackles twists a little, like he wants to turn and run out again but Danneel has a hand on his back and he actually lets himself guided forward some more. Jared finds that very intriguing and has no idea why.
“Nice of you to join us, Ackles,” Jared hears himself say. He only feels bad for a half a second because then Ackles actually shrugs.
“It was my break time. Not my fault you showed up early.” It’s a sneer, no eye contact, no way of Jared to retaliated and watch Ackles’ reaction.
“Jen. Be nice.”
“He isn’t.”
“Doesn’t mean you have to use his level as well.”
Jared wants to protest, wants to say something about being made the bad one here but Danneel’s looking at him, rolling her eyes and he knows it’s just to placate Jensen. It doesn’t seem to work all that well because Ackles frowns and twists first this way than that way. He never gets away from her hand on his back though and Jared wonders what‘s up with that.
“Dani…”
“Jensen. Sit down and listen to what Mr. Padalecki has to say. You need to figure out a schedule,” Danneel answers almost coldly and pushes Ackles forward a little.
“But Dani, he…”
“Jensen… sit down.”
Jared tries hard not to gape when Ackles actually sighs dejectedly and flops down in the chair next to Jared. It’s such a surreal sight that it’s kinda funny in a very weird way. Danneel smiles a little, pats him on the shoulder and then turns to Jared.
Within a second they are discussing schedules and Jared’s trying to be professional. Danneel sounds nice and he wants to know how someone like her ends up with a douche like Jensen Ackles but Jared has been raised right so he keeps his mouth shut and manages to agree to four appointments. Jensen is quiet through it all, only nods here and there when Danneel asks him if the dates are okay.
Jared thinks they are done here when Danneel is off to look for Chad to sign some papers and tells them to get to know each other. It feels like they are in first grade and think the other one has cooties. It’s ridiculous.
Jared already starts to say something when Jensen shifts and looks mournfully at Jared.
“It’s my chair.” It sounds so childish, so petulant that Jared blinks. Jensen’s face is blank, eyes straight forward but the rest of his body is restless as if something is bothering it and Jensen can’t stop it from showing.
Jared feels the urge to laugh bubble up in him. But laughing at Jensen would probably be the worst thing he could do right now, so he bites his lips and swallows hard. Jensen, though, seems to know what’s going on with Jared.
“’S not funny. It’s my chair and I feel… uncomfortable somewhere else.”
Jared thinks it costs Jensen a lot to say those words out loud and not through a fit. He slowly rises, steps away from the chair and bows, hand gesturing for Jensen to take a seat. He means it in a mocking way, wants Jensen to say something about it.
But all that comes is a soft ‘thank you’ and Jensen almost snuggling into the seat. To say Jared’s stunned would be an understatement.
A minute later, while Jared still tries to process what just happened Chad drags him away for a celebratory drink, even though it’s just three in the afternoon. Jared only so much gets a glance back at Jensen in his chair and Danneel squeezing his shoulder in a manner Jared thinks is well practiced and almost reflexive.
In that moment Ackles looks lost and more like the Jen Danneel obviously knows than the douche Jared got to see those last few times they met. Jensen looks more human than Jared has ever thought possible.
He’s not ready to have that kind of revelation.
***
The first training sessions go as good as expected. Jared loses count of the times he wants to give up during the first week. He feels like a glorified babysitter, who’s supposed to just watch the big movie star doing tricks and tell him how awesome he is.
Jared’s far from even uttering anything close to a compliment when Jensen’s close.
There are looks and stares and maybe even snapped words, but nothing more. And then Jared dares to suggest changing Jensen’s dressing style. To say it doesn’t go down well might be putting it mildly.
It’s the first time Jared understands what a real temper tantrum looks like. In the end Jensen glares at Jared and stomps off. He does show up in a t-shirt, tight jeans and a hoodie the next day though. Jared can barely refrain from saying anything mean. The surprising thing though is, that Jensen suddenly looks younger, more vulnerable and like a skater. Jared’s not amused.
After that, Jensen’s stoic, doesn’t respond much to anything Jared says and triggers Jared’s frustration levels so often that neither of them says a single word after the first ten minutes.
Jensen is really good on a skateboard and passable as a kite surfer. He has good coordination and knows how to use his body.
Jared can see the problems the studio bosses and the director have though. Jensen looks like he has no passion at all. Blank face always in place and body taut with anticipation. It all looks wooden and practiced but not smooth and elegant as it should be. Jared’s frustrated.
During their third training day it explodes out of him.
“For fuck’s sake, Ackles. Stop moving like you got a stick up ‘ya ass.”
His Texan comes through, always does when he’s angry, sad, tired or extremely on the edge. He’s all of those right now. He’s angry at Jensen for not getting it, angry at himself for losing patience so often these days.
He’s sad that Jensen really doesn’t seem to get it and wants to know why. Only, he doesn’t dare asking. The last time he did, asked something personal Jensen shut down and gave him the cold shoulder for the rest of the day.
He’s tired because of obvious reasons and because he still trains full time for the next challenges and world cups. There’s always the next competition to prepare for and he’s not going to slack off just because a diva movie star needs his help.
Jared’s on the edge. He feels like something’s gotta give and he’s waiting for it.
Jensen actually flinches at the shouted words, frowns down at the skateboard and lets his shoulders slump. It’s drizzling a little, it’s fall in California after all, and Jensen’s blue fauxhawk hangs limply down into his face. He suddenly looks young, innocent and sweet. Jared blinks and it’s gone in an instant. So fast that he thinks it wasn’t there in the first place.
The blank face is back.
“Sorry. If the way I perform your precious ‘sport’ insults you, I apologize.”
That must be the most condescending thing someone has ever said to him. And the way Ackles spits the word sport makes it just as clear what he thinks of it all.
“Listen, buddy…. You are the one who needs to do this. It’s your career and your role on the line here. If you think it all so worthless, be my guest and fuck off. I have better things to do anyway.”
Jared doesn’t know where this is coming from but he’s actually on the verge of just packing up and going home. One look at Ackles’ pinched face seals the deal in the end. He grabs his board and his back pack, salutes the other man and walks away from the piece of beach boardwalk they’ve been practicing on.
A few feet away, Jared sighs, feels the breeze pick up and jumps on his board before he can think better of it and turn around. He doesn’t want to see Ackles standing there watching him. Just the feeling of the board beneath him, the way he can control it and it’s movement, makes him feel less strung like a bow. His mind eases and things get back into perspective.
It’s a few miles down the road when he starts thinking that he might have just lost his job. He doesn’t care much. But he’s not looking forward to Chad ripping him a new one. For a second he wonders if he should call Ackles and apologize. Then he snorts and does a flip over the curb.
It feels good just being back on the board again.
Jared tries to stop thinking of green eyes looking lost and asking for help, asking what he’s doing wrong. Jared doesn’t have an answer to it and he doesn’t want to find one right now. He bans Jensen Ackles form his thoughts and cruises down the boardwalk. He gets stopped four times for autographs. This is his scene, this is where he belongs. Hollywood is very far away in those moments.
***
Jensen feels stupid.
He’s in the ER. It’s Jensen’s own fault, trying to get back on the skateboard and seek the one thing Jared thinks is missing. Of course, he face-planted right into the sand. He’s good on a board, knows it, too. Only, once Jared was gone Jensen could concentrate even less than before.
Deep in thoughts Jensen hadn’t even looked where he went, tried the half-pipe and smacked face first into the sand, landed on his shoulder and bruised it somewhat fierce.
It hurt so much that he just went into the next ER on the way, calling Dani to tell her while waiting for the doctor to check him. Thankfully there’s nothing broken but his arm is in a sling and his face looks like the sand hated him a lot, all chafed and bruised.
Danneel is trying not to laugh when she shows up but a giggle or two escape her from time to time. Jensen has to admit that he would find it funny as well if it wasn’t so sad. He just did some tricks, some of which are in the script. It’s just simple skateboarding, the simple moves Jared says he has down pad. Only, he still seems to be missing the heart for it.
Jensen knows he’s been frustrating the hell out of Jared. But he can’t help it. Jared’s too close most of the time, hovering, correcting his stance and swing, his steps and how he’s holding his body. It makes it so very hard for Jensen to concentrate, to not just let himself sink against the strong body behind him.
It’s not how it’s supposed to be. Jensen hates people touching him, getting too close. Only some are allowed to and it confuses the hell out of him that his body and mind have decided that Jared Padalecki is one of those few. Jensen doesn’t really get it.
It makes him frustrated and defensive all over again. Jared doesn’t like him, is only helping because it’s a job, so it’s really not a good idea to go and develop a crush on him. And anyway, every time Jensen opens his mouth when Jared’s around something flippant, snotty and downright mean comes out. He can’t seem to control it.
It’s a mechanism he’s had as child already, becoming mean as his only way of protecting himself. His childhood was a good one but his way of dealing with certain things set him apart from his peers in school and elsewhere. His family has always loved him, still does but that couldn’t protect him from the way children sometimes are towards each other.
It’s the thing that carried over into adulthood and Jensen doesn’t really know how to get rid of it. Jared being frustrated and lashing out has Jensen react in the same way.
And Jared being damn hot isn’t helping with his control issues either. Just watching Jared doing awesome things on a tiny wooden board with rolls, flipping and jumping, turning and just speeding by with such ease, does things to Jensen. Jared’s strong body twisting and turning, moving one way only to turn another a second later, has Jensen staring and gaping.
It’s just so damn hot.
Jared playing with his lip piercing, tongue peeking out now and then, is just plain unfair.
Jensen shuffles a little, winces when his chafed knees rub against the fabric of his jeans. It hurts and feels like being five all over again. As if being in the ER waiting for someone to pick them up isn’t bad enough already.
“Oh Jensen.”
“What?”
“You pissed him off and then tried to make it up to him training all by yourself, right?”
He nods because there aren’t words needed. The flush in his cheeks feels too hot, too uncomfortable and he hates it. He just wanted to find the thing that would make him ace that role.
“Jared thinks I’m missing the heart and passion for it all. I don’t understand. Skateboarding is fun.”
Danneel doesn’t say anything to that, just hugs him once and then leads him out of the ER when Chris shows up and grumbles about idiotic best friends and stupid Hollywood movies. Jensen grins because he loves to annoy Chris. It’s the total opposite from how things are with Jared.
His shoulder throbs and he’s tired.
Tomorrow he’ll do it all over again.
***
Jared ends up at Chad’s that evening, moans about Jensen, how everything is so frustrating. Chad lets him rant for over an hour, hands out beer and stays silent otherwise. Jared appreciates it. He doesn’t need anybody telling how irrational he’s acting right now.
It’s just… he can’t even explain it properly. Jensen Ackles brings the worst out in him and he doesn’t even feel bad about it - most times. Only, there are moments when he stops for a second and wonders why. Wonders why he can’t stop thinking about the other man and lashing out every time they are face to face. It’s more than just the instant with Jared’s sister, more than just about that one night.
“'s there any way to get out of the contract?” Jared knows it’s futile but he has to ask anyway. Right now he doesn’t see it going anywhere and imagining Ackles on screen doing tricks the way he does them now makes Jared cringe. And hope they’ll computer animated them or whatever fancy tricks they got to make it look remotely real.
“Nope. And even if, wouldn’t let you out anyway. Dammit, Jay, since when are you one to give up that easily? Got on boards with broken bones but Jensen Ackles makes you forfeit? Really?”
Chad’s good at what he’s doing and one of the things he’s really good at is challenging Jared. It’s simple and obvious but Jared falls for it every single time and today isn’t an exception. What makes it even more pathetic is that Jared knows, sees it coming from a mile away and can’t stop his automatic response.
“Fuck you, Murray.”
Chad just smirks, hands over another beer and dials a number on his cell. Twenty minutes late Jared’s pigging out on TexMex take out and feels slightly better.
“Got interviews set up already. You talking about what a pleasure it is to work with a big shot like Jensen Ackles. How awesome it is to train him, yadda, yadda…. You know the drill. They got stunt man doing the dangerous tricks, wanted you first but couldn’t make you look believable, with the way Ackles is a head shorter and less bulky, doesn’t look like you and all that.”
Jared can only gape at him.
Chad shrugs .
“Uh... so Ackles didn’t call and demanded me being fired?”
“Not yet. No. Guess he’s really as stubborn as they warned me about. Might be good, if he really wants to get it. His agent told me how much he wants that role to work out. So maybe, try to shut down whatever it is that got between you and try to work with him? Just work, Jay. That’s all I’m asking.”
Jared sighs, sinks down into the cushions of Chad’s very expensive leather couch and pouts into his last spoonful of Chili. He feels thrown, unbalanced and it’s not clear to him where this is suddenly coming from.
Green eye, looking lost and confused, freckles dusted over pale skin. It’s there suddenly, in front of his eyes and Jared blinks. It’s not supposed to be there, at the front of his thoughts. Ackles is not supposed to be there.
“Oh and Jay?”
Jared cranes his neck so that he sees Chad in the recliner next to the couch. His manager, best friend and confident, looks serious, more so than Jared expected him to look concerning the topic.
“Huh?”
“Get your head straight about that little crush you’ve got going on. Either do something about it or let it go. This in-between thing isn’t going to work for much longer. Hate him and work with him or love him and work with him. But don’t just fuck with him or yourself like that. It’s not gonna work.”
It’s been a while since Jared has heard Chad like that, so serious and meaning it. It’s not something that happens with everyday problems. Jared sighs again, turns back towards the mute TV and shrugs.
He’s not in the best mindset to deal with that right now. He also doesn’t really have the strength to protest and curse and call Chad stupid for even insinuating something so ridiculous. He’s just drained. So he nods and shrugs again and doesn’t say a thing.
Jared is aware that he probably should deny it all but for some reason the words are missing.
Looking back, it should have been the first sign he’s screwed.
The other sign that should have tipped Jared off how screwed he actually was, should have been Chad handing over the tequila and matching him shot for shot.
They end up getting so drunk that Jared doesn’t even remember calling his sister in the middle of the night to rave about Jensen. There are bits and pieces the next morning, when Jared rolls off the couch, groaning and cursing the world, but the conversation with Megan as a whole is gone.
There’s something niggling in the back of his mind. The words spoken are important but he just can’t remember why. Jensen’s name had been there as well as Megan telling him to drop it and finally get over himself. Only, Jared doesn’t know why he should.
Chad giggling at him over breakfast doesn’t help with his already sour mood either. He apparently speaks in his sleep. So what? Only because it has been Ackles' name doesn’t mean a damn thing.
Not to Jared anyway.
Part II