"You know that we're falling", Jared/Jensen, PG-13, Part 2

[icebear_cw]

Jensen is late… again.

Not that Jared thinks he’d show up after what happened yesterday. If you did though, he’s late.

Jared’s not even annoyed about it. He feels a little strange but mostly hung over and lets his toes dig deeply into the warms sand. The beach is deserted, just the way Jensen likes it. He has a thing about too many people being around and it took a while for Jared to first realize and secondly to accept it as just one of Jensen’s quirks.

Jared blinks when he realizes that he’s stopped calling him Ackles in his mind. It’s Jensen now and no matter what he tries to stop it, it doesn’t work. He’ll blame Chad and his stupid crush idea. He doesn’t have a crush. Only, he thinks he really does and he’s not really cool with it. Not with how things are between them. It’s confusing the hell out of him.

Jared kicks the sand a little and suddenly feels ten times more stupid. He’s not five anymore and acting like a spoiled brat is exactly when he hates about Jensen Ackles. He takes a deep breath of the fresh ocean air, lets the wind slide over his skin and the sun warm him up, before he sighs and gives up on waiting.

Pats his dog on the head and waits for her to acknowledge him. They haven’t been out here long and Jared feels momentarily bad for not giving her much attention lately. Sadie is with him today because he took one look at her when he came home from Chad’s and felt instantly chastised at her sad look. Now she’s sprawled out across the sun warm sand and watches people wander by in the distance. She loves running along with him when he’s on a board, so he usually lets her.

But with Jensen being around and Sadie being sort of suspicious of new people, Jared had her stay home during the last few training sessions. Not today though and he thinks Jensen just has to deal with it. If he ever shows up. And it doesn’t look very likely anymore.

He’s about to pack up and move the kite back to his car when the now familiar blue streaked fauxhawk comes into view. What surprises Jared even more than the fact that Jensen actually showed up, is the way how Jensen arrives.

It takes him a second but then he sees the skateboard and the way Jensen seems to feel comfortable on it. It takes Jared another second to realize that Jensen only feels this way because no one seems to be watching him.

Jensen is shy.

The thought is there, so sudden and unexpected that Jared snorts out a laugh.

“Right,” Jared snorts again but feels something give inside of him. The sight of Jensen rolling down the boardwalk, slow and careful but smiling a little, is something he never thought he’d see. His lips twitch involuntarily and he ducks his head.

He still hates Jensen Ackles and nothing will ever change that.

Megan’s voice is in his ear, soothing and reassuring him that things are fine. It’s a piece of last night and he scowls when nothing more comes forward.#

Then Jensen is there. Stoic, blank face and Jared wonders why someone like Jensen needs a mask like this so badly. Only then does Jared realize that it’s the first time he ever acknowledged the fact that he knows it’s a mask and not really Jensen.

“You’re late,” is the first thing out of his mouth and Jared has a hard time not cringing at himself, at the way he sounds. Hard and unforgiving. Even the little bit of satisfaction sliding through him at Jensen looking down at the ground feels wrong somehow.

“I’m sorry,” is all Jensen says and it sounds so sincere that Jared’s stunned for a second.

Awkward tension flows between them as they stand there. Neither says a word, neither of them moves. Wind wipes through Jensen’s hair and Jared’s impressed how the fauxhawk seems to withstand nature’s power. He grins a little at the dismayed look Jensen sports when one single strand of hair flops down and into his face.

The look is kinda cute. Jared stops that thought right then and there but takes another look at Jensen. It’s only then that he sees the scrapes and bruises, takes an even closer look and is pretty sure that Jensen had a not so nice date with sand. Jared has seen those kinds of injuries a lot to know what might have caused them.

“Jensen?”

When Jensen looks up Jared actually winces. There’s a dark bruise running down Jensen’s cheek bone and a few scrapes on his chin.

“You okay?”

Jensen shrugs slightly and Jared takes in the arm in a sling, wonders what really happened and thinks how strange it is that he actually wants to know.

“’M fine. Just took a dive yesterday. Guess you are right about the board not liking me,” Jensen says to the ground, not looking at Jared at all.

Jensen continued after Jared took off yesterday. It’s not something Jared expected and it makes him feel even more like a douche for just taking off like that.

“Are you fit to train? I wanted to let you try out the kite today.” Jared doesn’t want to sound as harsh as it comes out but he somehow can’t control it.

At that Jensen’s head snaps up and there’s something like fear in his eyes. They’ve never seemed greener and Jared wants to smack himself for suddenly seeing things like that. He has no business realizing how green Jensen’s eyes are or how full his lips look when Jensen bites them like he does right now.

“Kite?” Jensen’s voice brings him back to the present.

“Yeah. Here on the sand, though. Not out on a board. I want you to get a feel for it. I know you can already do it but I just want to start from the beginning, show you how to handle it differently, let it guide you. I want you to not be afraid of it.”

Saying it out loud makes Jared realize how true it is. Jensen is afraid of the kite. His fear is what’s in the way. His fear and his shyness, his hatred of being watching doing something that’s not perfect. Jared knows these kind of people because he’s one of them.

Suddenly he knows what he might have to do to get Jensen where they both want him to be.

Jared’s aware of how cool and distant he sounds, sees it in the way Jensen’s eyes flash a little and then shut down completely. For a second Jared mourns the loss of open Jensen. There was something to it.

“Yes, thank you,” Jensen sounds defeated there, distant and hurt somehow, and it’s confusing all over again. Jensen pulls the sling from his arm, rolls his shoulder a bit and then nods.
Jared blinks.

Lacking the right words and not really wanting to get into yet another fight that would end up with neither of them achieving anything, Jared nods and shows Jensen how to unpack the kite correctly.
Small steps and all that. He wants to take the fear away, wants Jensen to enjoy what they are doing. It’s a first for Jared.

He sees Jensen looking longingly at the abandoned skateboard from time to time and has to suppress triumphant smirks. Jensen looks kind of attached to it now and that’s way it should be. Jared wants Jensen to be on the board, wants Jensen to long for the feeling of being on a board. That’s how it’s supposed to be and Jared likes that Jensen has come this far already.

They spend the whole day outside, first the beach then at the close boardwalk. Jensen even provides food and Jared sees him blush for the first time ever. There are people recognizing him, asking for autographs and pictures. And Jared would have never guessed that Jensen could be this charming and friendly and have it all seem real but letting Jared see how much of a mask it really is.
Jensen blushes even more when Jared comments on it, then shrugs and says it’s his job and people want a piece of him, so he gives them that. It’s one of the saddest things Jared has ever heard but Jensen doesn’t seem to mind it all that much.

Only the slight red stain on his cheeks shows what he might really feel.

Sadie loves Jensen, has taken to sidle up to his side every chance she gets. Jared has never seen Jensen this relaxed before. He talks to Sadie, pats her and actually hugs her close when she brings the ball back to him instead of Jared.

Jensen Ackles is stealing his dog and Jared isn’t even all that upset about it. It’s confusing as hell and seeing Jensen actually laugh all carefree and somewhat happy, makes Jared stop for a minute so that he can watch.

The rest of their training session goes surprisingly smooth.

Until Jensen stumbles, gets tangled in the kite strings and crashes into Jared’s chest. Jared’s clutching him close, keeping him from falling and maybe strangling himself. Jared has a hard time not laughing, bites on his lip to keep himself from bursting.

Then he looks down into Jensen’s eyes and freezes.

They stand there, holding each other, chest to chest, breathing softly and not moving at all. Jared thinks they drift closer anyway. Closer until their noses are almost touching. He jumps and curses and shoves Jensen away when Sadie wrangles her way between them.

Jared’s heart pounds loud and frantic in his ears and he needs a moment to collect himself. Jensen’s struggling with the kite strings again and when Jared kneels down to help him he actually flinches away a little.

“Sorry, I shoved you. Sadie scared the crap out of me. Didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Jensen looks up then, eyes open and surprise visible. Jared feels guilty all over again.

“I’m good.”

The get Jensen out of the strings and call it a day. But when Jensen looks at the kite with a little less distaste and fear and more curiosity Jared feels triumphant again.

Jensen also knows everything about the kite and can recite the safety measures at the end of the day when Jared asks him. Standing there, balancing on a skateboard, head down, blush on his cheeks and an embarrassed shrug to his shoulders. That’s the pictures Jared takes in this evening.

Then Jared goes and ruins the moment by telling Jensen not to be late the next day. Jensen shuts down so fast it’s a miracle Jared even realizes it’s happening.

“Of course. I’ll be here on time. Thank you, Jared. For your time and patience today. I will do the utmost not to test it overly again.”

With that, Jensen is gone, actually skating down the boardwalk, before Jared can say anything else.

“Well, damn. I screwed that one up again, huh girl?”

Sadie’s forlorn whine follows Jensen and Jared knows how she’s feeling.

***

The next weeks are awkward.

There are interviews Jared feels very unqualified for, some with and some without Jensen sitting right next to him. He sees so many different sides of Jensen that he has a hard time figuring out which is the real one.

Then there are the training sessions. Jensen is actually awesome in the half pipe and doing freestyle out on the boardwalk, so much so that Jared’s impressed as hell. Jensen has a talent there, even tells Jared as much. But there’s still something lacking, like Jensen knows the moves but his heart is holding back.

Sadie’s there now every time and it seems to help with the passion problem. Jensen opens up when she’s there and actually forgets the pressure and the fear for a few minutes.
When he’s like that Jensen’s a totally different person, on the board and of the board as well. He gets the tricks done easily now and it looks real, not practiced or forced.

They even manage to get Jensen on a board with the kite attached and it happens when studio people are around. They are impressed - as is Jared but he will do hell to tell them that - and figure it enough for Jensen’s scenes. The relief on Jensen’s face is almost funny but Jared can imagine how scary it must be to be forced out on the ocean with a huge kite you don’t really have the best control of.
So Jared gets it, makes sure that Jensen is okay with being with a kite on the beach and a simple skateboard under his feet. It surprisingly works very well. And sometimes Jared is even able to forget his own confusing feelings towards the other man.

Until Jensen turns his world upside down all over again.

At the end of their fifth week of real training Jensen seems fidgety and restless, something Jared hasn’t seen in a while. Sure, Jensen is distant and somewhat standoffish most of the time, with weird quirks and spectacular hissy fits on set mixed in. But mostly Jensen is shy and quiet when he’s around Sadie and Jared by proxy.

They’re packing up for the day the kite’s already in the car and Jared’s surfboard leaning against it. The sun’s about to set, casting an almost eerie glow over the beach and the water. The sunlight is reflected in Jensen’s hair, makes it shine and Jared wanting to reach out and touch… again.

It’s been like this for a while now. Jared’s looking, wanting to touch and hug the way he is with his friends and family but then shying back from the very thought and shutting himself off from anything remotely friendly towards Jensen.

It’s kind of a back and forth between them now. Sometimes they are friendly, having fun and actually enjoying their time together. Other times one has a bad day and the other reacts defensively. There are words spoken and silences enforced for days and neither of them makes the first step until it’s usually Sadie breaking the ice again.

Jensen is sitting in the sand, scratching Sadie behind her ears, talking softly to her. There’s a soft smile etched onto his lips and Jared can’t help but smile as well. It’s a nice picture. Jensen fits in. And that doesn’t seem to happen all that often.

“Uh… there’s a barbecue. At my house. Family thing, since we won’t be together for Thanksgiving. I… uh… would you… maybe want to come?”

It’s spoken so soft and quiet that Jared, for a second, thinks he misheard. Jensen is looking at Sadie, not at Jared, and it shows how screwed their relationship really is. There actually isn’t a relationship to speak of and Jared doesn’t know why it makes him sad to realize that.

“You… you don’t have to. It’s just… I wanted to thank you, for your help and thought. But of course, you have better things to do. So yeah… Uhm, forget it.”

Jensen is rambling and it’s something Jared has never experienced before. It’s again a thing about Jensen that throws him, cracks the perceived barriers around the super star Jensen Ackles, who made awesome Western with Clint Eastwood and socially critical pictures with Christopher Nolan. This is just Jensen now and Jared has no idea how to deal with it.

Jensen’s rambling makes Jared realize that he’s been too caught up in his thoughts, silent for too long. Jared instantly feels like a jerk.

Jensen still isn’t looking at him but he isn’t looking at Sadie either anymore. And Sadie really doesn’t like the lack of attention judging from her whine and the way she’s butting against Jensen’s motionless hand.
The sun is almost gone now so Jared can’t really see Jensen’s face anymore, can’t read the emotions on display all that well but he sees resignation, maybe a little bit of hurt and a major struggle to get the stoic mask back up.

Jensen really means it, the invitation, the thank you. And really, Jared isn’t that much of an asshole to not realize it.

“Where you just inviting Sadie or is the invitation valid for me as well?” It’s a cheap shot, not really funny but it’s the first thing that comes to him when he decides that he actually, really wants to say yes to Jensen. Megan’s voice crows in triumph and Chad’s joins in. Sometimes Jared really hates his own sub-consciousness.

“Uh… I… both of you. I mean… yes, you, too.” Jensen is blushing, that much Jared can see and for a second he wonders why he ever hated the man’s guts. Then the image of Jensen leaning over Megan comes back and Jared has to bite down on his tongue before he says something stupid which he’ll regret. Things have been okay recently.
It’s a peace offering and Jared takes it.

“Okay,” Jared says in the end, surprised how soft it comes out.

Jensen hands him a business card then. Jared’s about to make a comment when he sees the dark blush on Jensen’s cheeks and holds back.

“It’s new. The house. I can’t remember the address, yet,” Jensen says, reading Jared’s mind and sounding so very innocent while doing so.

On the way home, Sadie snoring in the backseat and Lifehouse coming from the speakers, Jared thinks this has been a very strange day. He’ll be going to a family barbecue with the entire Ackles family tomorrow night. The thought alone has him snorting and shaking his head.

It’s surreal.

He tries not to think about it, tries to get Jensen out of his thoughts. But every time he thinks he succeeds one of Jensen’s movies posters or ads come into view. It seems like that every surface in the city bears Jensen’s face or name and Jared can’t escape him.

He finds it weird that he never saw those posters before, never took them in or really looked at them. The thought that Jensen is way more beautiful in real life than on any of the posters has him swallowing hard and silently screaming at himself to stop it.

It doesn’t work.

The last straw that has him calling Chad and demanding beer and tequila is when one of Jensen’s earlier movies is shown on TV. Sure, he has all the DVDs at home and will punch everyone reminding him of the fact but that doesn’t mean he has to live through a movie without having the option of fast forwarding or stopping it at any time.

Chad just laughs in his face when he shows up and calls him pathetic. Jared can only agree.

***

Jensen feels restless, nervous even and it’s something he’s not used to. He can shut people out, can shut emotions off when he deems them unnecessary. But lately, mostly with Jared, he’s not able to.
His heart skips, his hands get sweaty and he can’t look Jared in the eye without blushing. It has been years since he experienced that. He knows that his feelings go beyond just a simple crush now but Jensen hasn’t figured out yet what to do about it.

And then, there’s Sadie. Jensen fell in love with the dog at first sight and Sadie seems to like him as well. He feels content with her around.

His mom knows something is up, smiles every time Jensen tries to calm himself down and paces through the living room. She had endured him rambling about Jared and Sadie on the phone during the last weeks and she had been the suggesting he should invite Jared.

“Jensen, calm down. Everything is set and nothing will go wrong,” she says soothingly and Jensen is tempted to believe her. Only, Jared thinks of him as a spoiled movie star and looking around his new house Jensen feels like it might be a little true.

He heard Jared talking to his manager Chad, heard what Jared thought about him. All because Jared got a glimpse inside Jensen’s trailer, saw the luxury and called back on the reputation Jensen certainly has.
But that had been at the very beginning and Jensen hopes, wishes even, that Jared might have changed his mind.

“I know, momma. I… I don’t really know how to stay calm.” He shrugs, his signature thing to do when he’s lacking words or doesn’t know if words would even suffice.
“You are nervous. I get it, honey. This Jared must be a very special person if he gets you worked up like that.”

“Ewww, mom. I so don’t need to know what gets Jensen worked up,” Josh says, grinning and not all that serious, but Jensen blushes anyway. He hates it when Josh or anybody close to him relies on double meanings, he never knows if they really mean it or are just joking. His brain just can’t really figure out the difference most of the times.

His mom rolls her eyes, slaps Josh on the arm when he walks by and smiles at Jensen. He owes her an answer.

“He is. Special. Passionate. You should see him on a skateboard, skipping, flipping, almost flying. It’s amazing. Or when he’s on the water. I don’t know how to describe it. He’s just as passionate when it comes to other things in life,” Jensen says in all seriousness and blinks when Mackenzie snorts, Danneel giggles and his momma stifles a laugh behind her hand. He’s not sure what he said now to warrant those reactions.

“It’s okay, honey. I get what you are saying,” his mom eventually tells him and sends Mac off to help Josh and their dad with the grill.

“He hates me, momma,” Jensen blurts out when it’s just them and Danneel in his living room. Danneel moves then, sits down next to him where he’s perched on the edge of one of the two big couches Jensen actually took with him from his old Hollywood home. She doesn’t touch him but he appreciates her closeness.

“I’m sure that’s not true.” It doesn’t sound condescending like those kinds of sentences usually do and Jensen smiles a little.

“We barely get along.”

“Well, then I think this is your chance to change that, don’t you think?”

Sometimes Jensen hates it when his momma is right. He also doesn’t like Danneel’s knowing grin either. Jensen doesn’t exactly regret telling her about his days with Jared but he wonders if he should have left out certain details.

Like the fact that the longer they train together the harder it gets for Jensen to keep his calm. It’s bad enough that Jared warming up to him lets his heart beat faster or that Jared talking to him makes him almost dizzy, but Jared hands on him all the time are almost enough to let his knees go weak.

And Jared has to touch him, has to show him how to hold the kite during more fancy tricks and how to navigate the board. Jared’s so close then and sometimes when Jensen thinks Jared’s busy enough he turns his head just a little, takes in Jared’s scent - a mixture of fresh air, soap, salt and pure Jared.

Suddenly Jensen isn’t so sure that inviting Jared was a good idea. He grabs the chocolate on the table and plans to indulge.
Thankfully Danneel drags him off to help outside before he can think further about it and eat all the chocolate before the steak are ready.

***

Jared’s surprised and impressed at the same time. It happens a lot these days where Jensen is connected. Jensen’s house is nothing like he had expected. It’s a lot smaller, and Jared remembers the home story about Jensen’s palace of glass and metal he’d seen a year ago or so.

It’s nestled into green hills, hidden behind trees and high bushes, not visible from the cul-de-sac leading up the hill. White washed stones and dark wood make look like a house out of an old Western and Jared instantly liked it.

When he’s inside, getting greeted by Danneel first and then by Jensen’s mom, Jared takes in the interior and feels like he’s coming home. It’s strange to feel like this when he doesn’t even know the man owning the house all that well. But the wood on the floor and the stone walls, the tasteful pictures and the comfy looking furniture make it easy to just relax and feel good.

Sadie’s silent, pressed against his leg, taking everything in. Then Jensen’s there, stepping out from the kitchen and Sadie is off. Jared can’t help the smile that settles on his lips, the picture just warms his heart and when he looks around he’s glad to find that he isn’t the only one.

Jensen’s in loose hanging jeans and a UT t-shirt. It’s an outfit Jared has never seen on Jensen before and does something to him. Jensen looks great in it. Kneeling on the floor to scratch Sadie makes the fabric pull tight and Jared has to look away. It’s been like that for a while now, during training sessions when they were close and Jared could feel how fucking muscular Jensen actually is.
He has a hard time keeping his hands to himself lately. And that’s so not what this is all supposed to be about. He has a job to do here and that’s it.

Seeing Jensen in the colors of his own school - yes, despite his punk look and love for extreme sports, Jared actually went to college - has Jared feeling a little home sick. When Jensen’s dad introduces himself and Jared can hear the Texan in his voice, he longs to call home and talk to his own family.

Texas. Jared didn’t even know that. There’s a lot he doesn’t seem to know about Jensen. And he knows it’s partly his own fault. But he had and still has his reasons. Only, they don’t seem to be important right now.

The Jensen he gets to know during the next few hours is very different from the one he saw before that Jared’s somewhat confused. This Jensen is open, doesn’t shy away from touches or people wanting to talk to him. But then there’s only family around and friends. How Jared fits in here is a little beyond him. He thinks he doesn’t fit at all.

Jensen laughs, free and without restraint, plays with Sadie and jokes with his dad. It’s not a Jensen Jared thought existed. There had been glimpses from time to time, Jensen being painfully shy when someone asked for his autograph, Jensen almost begging Jared to find a piece of beach less frequented and therefore less a place where some actually could recognize Jensen.

Seeing as Jensen’s face is plastered all over the city, it had been a hard task. But Jared managed it and the look on Jensen’s face is still something Jared thinks off when he’s alone and wondering who Jensen Ackles is.

Resentment is still lingering around. Jared hasn’t forgotten the reason why he doesn’t like Jensen Ackles, but it seems like there’s more to it and the voice in his head sounding like his sister doesn’t make it any easier.

He’s been sitting on the porch watching people - mostly Jensen - for a while now. Nursing a beer and letting the delicious steak settle. It’s a quiet evening and Jared realizes how small this little party actually is and again feels like he doesn’t really belong. He thinks about leaving, excusing himself but something holds him back and it confuses him.

Everyone seems so attuned to Jensen’s little quirks and whims that Jared, for the first time, wonders if there is more to it and if the diva he saw all this time is just a person trying to deal with the world around them. Jared suddenly feels like a tool, like a douche and leaving sounds even better now.

Only, Danneel picks this exact moment to flop down next to him and Jared has to admit that even her flopping looks graceful. Jared doesn’t have an eye for it sitting there thinking how gorgeous Jensen is in the firelight of the grill and candles.

Jensen actually is really beautiful. And Jared is going to kick Chad’s ass for planting the crush idea in Jared’s head. It’s not like he can do anything about it anyway. Not with how things are between him and Jensen. It’s not a secret that Jensen sometimes dates men but Jared doesn’t even dare to go as far as to hope he would even register on Jensen’s radar.

“He’s not the spoiled diva everyone makes him out to be.” It’s a strange thing to say to someone you don’t really know but Jared thinks given the circumstances it’s exactly the right thing to say to him.
He nods. “I’m starting to realize that.”

“It’s just all about reputation in this business. Jensen…. Well, he’s always been a little awkward when it comes to people and situations. They once thought it might be autism, he has autistic tendencies. It’s not, though. He just needs things to be done in certain ways. It includes dealing with people.”

Danneel isn’t looking at him; she’s watching Jensen with Sadie, small smile on her lips and fingers playing with the label on her beer bottle.
“Why are you telling me this?”

“I don’t know. Just thought it would be the right moment, the right thing to do. And, Jensen will kill me for telling you anyway, so why not go the whole way. Jensen likes you, for reasons I don’t know. Always has. Even with the way how things are between you, and yes, Jared I know all about your first meeting.”

It’s the first time that Jared feels more than the usual guilt about that evening. He feels ashamed now, sad and regretful. It goes deep into him and he swallows hard. Nods at Danneel to show her that he gets it. And he does, like he never did before.

He acted without asking first, just hit someone and then walked away. He let his feelings, emotions run wild around someone and never thought of controlling himself. Jared isn’t sure what to think about it all anymore. He ducks his head and sighs.

“You know, acting is Jensen’s way to go out there. He’s been so shy all his life, socially awkward … and acting helps. He’s good at it. His little ticks, his way of throwing fits, it’s his old self, the one part that shines through from time to time. It’s just Jensen and his way of seeing things. His stoicism belongs to this as well. The way he never lets people see who he is until he thinks them worthy.”

Jared nods again. Somehow he gets it now and wonders why he never did before. But he never cared before.

Danneel takes a sip of her beer; looks over to Jensen again, know playing some kind of card game with his sister and trying to keep Sadie from stealing food from his plate. It’s a cute picture and Jared shakes his head. It’s not supposed to go to his heart like that, watching Jensen.

“Words, playing roles…. It has always been his way to deal with things. His defense mechanism. Jensen is good with words, knows how to use them. It holds people at a distance, the way he wants it to. He shuts himself off when he thinks things are getting too much.”

Danneel’s words pull something loose inside of Jared. He has experienced this side of Jensen to a level where he thought he would explode due to frustration. He just never really thought about it, just took it as yet another whim of Jensen’s, another feature of the diva the man is. Only, it’s not like that at all and Jared never really saw it.

“You… I don’t know how but you seem to make things better for him. You seem to hate him so much but he opens up when you are around or when he talks about you. You and your sports. Jensen has never been one to dare himself to do things. Now he does and he loves it. Even if he can’t show it much.”

Jared blinks, not sure what to say to anything he’s just heard. Danneel looks at him in a knowing way, like maybe that’s exactly the reaction she thought to see from him. Jared doesn’t like it. It tells too much about the things he’s been thinking, tells too much about the way he’s view on Jensen is changing.
He needs time to figure it out.

But not tonight. Tonight there is a barbecue and nice people around so Jared smiles at Danneel and decides to have a good time.
Jared also decides to be a little less impatient with Jensen.

***

Their last week of training is so much different.

Jensen’s open and Jared doesn’t have to explain anything anymore. They just skate down the boardwalk together, get the kites up in the air and enjoy the rush of speed.
Jensen finally gets it. The missing link, it’s suddenly there and Jared can see it loud and clear in Jensen’s eyes. There’s a childlike glee around them, catching them both from time to time, laughter filling the air. They are having fun. It makes things so much easier between them, makes Jared actually looking forward spending time with Jensen.

It makes Chad mock him mercilessly.

Jensen’s really good. He never forgets how to do things, practices with a vengeance Jared starts to admire. Something has cracked; something has changed since the barbecue, since Jared sat down and really talked to Jensen for the first time ever.

They sat for hours, nursing beers and talking life. Quiet and undisturbed, Sadie at their feet and the others sitting on the deck behind them, talking stars and jobs and family.

Jared can’t remember a time where he’d talked about his motivations, his love for his sports and why he chose to go this way, with such a reverence in his voice. Even talking to his parents, who knew his love for everything extreme, hadn’t felt like this. The look in Jensen’s eyes when Jared spoke of freedom and feeling like himself the first time he ever managed to hold up a kite and actually surf on the waves, this look made Jared swallow hard again and realize that Jensen actually got it.

It’s Jensen doing the skating, the kiting and the flips now. Simply Jensen, with his heart in it and the passion showing in every move.
Jared grins every time Jensen turns to him seeking acknowledgment. It’s the last day of training together, two days before Jensen has to shoot his kite scenes. It has been drizzling constantly that morning and both of them are cold and kind of moody. But they aren’t snapping at each other like they would have during the first months.

They are silent instead.

Until the apocalypse breaks loose and they are soaked within a minute. Jared just acts on instinct, grabs Jensen and their gear and almost hurls both of them into his car. He whistles for Sadie and is relieved to find her already hiding in the backseat.

Jared grabs a towel, flings it towards Jensen and laughs out loud when it smacks the other man right in the face. It’s funny and Jared giggles all the way through starting the car and backing out of the parking lot. Jensen just snorts inelegantly and keeps quiet otherwise.

“Where are we going?” Jensen asks after a while and Jared’s proud of himself that he doesn’t jump at the voice. He had been so lost in thoughts that he totally forgot Jensen was sitting right next to him.
“Home.”

“Home?”

“Yep?”

“Very informative, Jay. Really, thanks for all the information,” Jensen says drily and Jared laughs out loud again. Jensen’s is smiling, shy and a little insecure but his voice is dripping with sarcasm. Jared really likes this mixture.

“You’re welcome, Jen.”

The nickname slips out and for a second Jared thinks it’s too much. But then Jensen just shakes his head and looks back out of the window, small smile still there. Jared’s little beach condo isn’t much but it’s all he really needs. It’s far away enough away from everything but still close enough to be in the city in less than thirty minutes. It’s not big but spacious and he lets Jensen roam around while he searches for dry clothes and towels.

He finds Jensen in the living room, going over Jared’s DVD collection and actually laughing out loud when he finds his own movies among them.

“What? Just because I didn’t like you doesn’t mean I can’t watch some good piece of entertainment.” Jared shrugs and hands the towel over to Jensen.

“Wow. I think that was the first time you ever complimented me on my work. Thank you,” Jensen says, smiling and rubbing the towel of his blue streaked hair. Jared’s not even worried that the color might stain; he knows it’s unavoidable anyway. Jensen’s streaks are fresh, have to be re-done every few weeks so that there’s continuity and Jared can’t even imagine Jensen without them anymore.

“Uh... sure. Bathroom is through there if you want to take a shower and warm up. I can get your clothes into the dryer. Just leave them outside the bathroom. There’s another big towel in there.”

“Sounds good.”

Jensen is almost through the door when he stops and turns. He doesn’t say a thing for a while and Jared gets a little nervous. They just look at each other; take each other in, their bedraggled state and then Jensen smiles again.

“Didn’t like me?”

The emphasis Jensen puts on ‘didn’t’ makes it clear that he means Jared’s use of the past and not the words themselves. Jared can only shrug and duck his head but he doesn’t deny it and when he looks up he catches a glimpse of Jensen’s broad smile before he vanishes into the bathroom. It’s a weird feeling having Jensen in his home. But it feels right nonetheless.

Once they are dry and in dry clothes they end up sitting in front of the fireplace with coffee freshly brewed and steaming in cups on the couch table. They don’t say much; just kind of enjoy the moment and Jared wonders when they managed to turn their relationship around like that.

“You were good out there. Today and the last few days as well. “

“Thanks. It feels good. I like skateboarding. I think I might actually like kite surfing one day as well,” it’s said with a grin and Jared smiles.

“Why this movie?” Jared can’t believe that this is the first time he’s ever asked that question.

“My best friend, Chris, he loves to do stupid, extreme things. Just like you. He took me para sailing during our last vacation. I’ve never been this scared in my entire life. And I’ve never felt this free either.”

Jensen shrugs self-conscious and shy all over again. “Then the script came and I wanted it. Just to … maybe as a tribute to Chris and him keeping up with me. And I did research, saw you and what you did during those skateboarding champs. I wanted that, too. So I agreed to do the movie even though I had no idea how to do it.”

To say Jared’s stunned might be an understatement. He had no idea, didn’t know he was part of the reason for Jensen to do this movie. And again, Jensen manages to surprise.

How much it means to Jensen is clear. Jared can hear it in those quietly spoken words and nods. Silence settles between them again. Not uncomfortable but still a little awkward. They are on the way to become friends and Jared suddenly realizes that he actually wants that. He’s getting to know Jensen now and he likes what he’s seeing.
Jensen breaks the silence in the end.

“I didn’t hurt her.”

***

Jensen doesn’t know why he says it, why he feels like he should say it then and there. But once the words are out he feels like a weight has dropped from his shoulders. This is what stands between them and he wants it to be out there, wants to be able to speak about it.

Jared’s looking at him, not saying a word for a while. It gives Jensen time to indulge again. Staring at Jared has become something he just has to do. Hazel eyes, almost cat-like, floppy brown hair with red streaked through framing a beautiful face. Muscles hidden under V-necks and jeans.

It took a while to realize it but Jared is Jensen’s dream guy. As silly as it sounds Jensen is still sure of it. He just has no idea how to broach the subject. That Jared’s openly gay is no secret and Jensen isn’t so socially inept that he didn’t realize the way Jared has been looking at him lately.

He can feel Jared’s eyes wandering over his body when they train, can feel the way Jared’s hands linger just a little too long these days. For some reason there’s no doubt in Jensen’s mind that if he only could make it clear what he wants that Jared would be on the same page. It doesn’t really make things easier.

“I know. I do now,” Jared says into the fire, not looking at Jensen.

“There was this guy and I pulled him away. She was crying and I wanted to help her up. Then you came in,” Jensen goes on, not caring if Jared’s listening or not. He just wants to say it once.

“Shit. Jensen…. I’m sorry. All the things I said and… and did to you. God, why do you even talk to me, train with me?”

“Because you are the best and I wanted to get that role right. And well, I could have tied harder to explain. I was mad at you for treating me like I did something wrong, for not even listening to me. So I lashed out with words. Not my best idea I admit.”

Jared snorts. It breaks the ice, the awkwardness. They look at each other then and Jensen is the first to break down. They laugh, long and hard and kind of hysterical.

“God, we are such morons. But really, Jensen. I’m sorry. I should have hit you. I’m not like that. It was just... Megan and she was crying… and… She actually explained it all to me a few weeks ago. I was just too drunk to remember. Until now.. I guess.”

“And it looked compromising, I know. Guess I would have tried to do the same if it had been Mackenzie. Not that I would have succeeded,” Jensen mumbles into his coffee cup.

“Dude, I have felt your muscles? You could take me on.”

And the awkwardness is back. They sit there silently; watch the fire crack and sparkle, and Sadie rolling around in the warmth in front of the fireplace. It’s a little uncomfortable but not as bad as it could have been.

Later Jensen can’t even say who moves first but one second they’re sitting there, next to each other not saying a word and in then they are kissing. Fierce and demanding, like all the pent up energy and tension is breaking out of them.

Jensen is clinging to broad shoulders, tangles his fingers in soft strands of hair and lets himself sink into the kiss. His lips tingle and he’s never felt like this before. He doesn’t know how they got there or how this is supposed to go on but right then and there Jensen doesn’t care.

Kissing Jared is like a revelation. One he has apparently been waiting for a long time. They stop only to move and then Jensen finds himself straddling Jared’s thighs. His heart’s beating fast and Jensen is gasping, moaning into Jared’s mouth when they move in a rhythm set without Jensen realizing.

Their lips slide against each other, groins rubbing where it counts and Jensen hisses. He’s never felt this free and this debauched at the same time. He kinda loves it. He flicks his tongue over piercings, sucks on supple lips and smiles at the moans he gets out of Jared. Has wanted to taste those piercings, the skin, the ink for ages now. Hands glide under shirts, trace inked lines he knows are there and slide along muscles he has seen so often lately. He just feels, tastes and buries his nose in soft hair.

Jensen groans even more when Jared lies back and Jensen ends up on his chest. They kiss for what feels like hours, not caring or having the mind to examine what this is. They just kiss and Jensen feels extremely glad that he didn’t misjudge Jared’s looks and touches.

“Can’t believe we are doing this… wanted it for so long.”

“Can’t believe I wasted my time disliking you.”

Jensen chuckles, laughs outright when Jared pulls him even closer. It feels good, way better than anything ever has before. And he loves it when Jared touches him, can’t get enough of it.
They kiss until Jensen feels sleepy and settles down into Jared’s side. Jared’s arms tighten around him. He has no idea how to take what has just happened but he feels too happy, too content to let his own thoughts and neuroses distract him from that.

There’s a soft kiss on his temple and Jensen lets himself glide off into sleep.

***

They go out and down to the beach that very same evening, once the rain stops and the winds picks up a little.

Jared watches awed, almost slack jawed at the way Jensen handles the kite, all smooth and elegant. There’s a new kind of spirit around and Jensen looks free. He’s smiling, grinning at Jared and it looks so natural that Jared knows Jensen finally found the one thing that had been missing all along.

Jared feels his heart skip every time Jensen looks at him, every time Jensen does the moves exactly the way Jared envisioned them. He has no idea what this thing between them is, where it will go. All he knows is that this feels a thousand times better than what was there before.

Jared knows Jensen is ready to do this movie and it will look awesome.

They may have skipped right over becoming friends and moved into something way more but it doesn’t scare Jared as much as it should. There’s still so much to talk about, to get to know about each other. But having Jensen there and being able to touch and kiss and laugh with him suddenly means so much than just getting this job done.

Jensen being a movie star, out in the public and having a reputation less then flattering, will make things harder. Jensen warned him about it. They’ll be in the focus once someone finds out but Jared’s not ready to think about that for now. They’re not there yet. They are just at the beginning and Jared wants to see where the can go before he thinks about everyone and everything else.
They’ll deal once they have to cross that bridge.

And if things explode? Well, Jared’s used to be in the public eye and he’s sure they’ll deal. They have awesome friends and families after all.
Jared also can’t believe Jensen forgave him that easily but then he also can’t believe how fast they’ve been moving those last few days. It feels fast but not wrong and that’s all Jared cares about.

“Come on, Jay. I wanna catch a wave.”

Jensen sound all carefree with a little Texan mixed in has Jared moving towards him without a second thought. He’s easy when it comes to Jensen these days.

It feels right.

***

Epilogue

Jared still doesn’t really know how they ended up here, together and almost inseparable now. But he doesn’t want to think about it either. It’s just the way things are now.
It’s been a long day. On set and off. Successful nonetheless. And Jared’s proud of Jensen. Of them.

Jensen did the one thing he never managed when they trained it. He managed to navigate with the kite, speeding over the sand and looking absolutely beautiful and loving it while doing it. It’s exactly what the director has been looking for. Jensen couldn’t explain where it came from, Jared thinks it’s because he finally had the head free. Jensen had just shrugged, nodded and said ‘maybe’ in a way that makes Jared think Jensen agrees.

It was all done in one take. One take it took to make Jared fall in love even more. And it’s what he came to realize today. It’s not only a crush anymore. Far from it and he’s not scared at all because Jensen is there. Right there with him.

They are in Jensen’s trailer now. And it’s kind of ironic how the very thing Jared’s always seen as sign of Jensen’s decadence is the place where they are the most comfortable. They are on the couch, bars of chocolate on the table because Jared knows now it’s Jensen’s comfort food and cups of tea next to them.

Jensen’s pressed in one corner, feet under his body and his fingers playing with the hem of his t-shirt. Jensen is done with his scenes today, only had a slight fit once when one of his tea cups went missing and had let Jared calm him down again.

Sadie’s curled up against Jensen’s side and Jared is as close to Jensen as he dares with the topic they are talking about now. He doesn’t know how they got talking about it and why. Jensen said something about them getting off in the wrong foot that first time and Jared has to agree.

He moves a little closer; smiles when Jensen meets him halfway and enjoys the warmth Jensen’s body now shares with his. He presses a soft kiss into Jensen’s temple and shrugs a little.

“I hated you. That evening with my sister, I truly hated you.” He doesn’t feel bad saying it but regrets that he held on to this feeling for so long.

“I know. I do now. I’m just glad we got over it. Back then I never really knew what I did to you.”

Jensen isn’t looking at him, head down, eyes focused on the ground. Jared knows it’s his way of dealing, of not giving away too much. It makes his heart ache, because it shows so clearly how often Jensen had to do it in his life. People rarely get him, judge him on superficial things and Jared’s not proud of the fact that he used to do the same.

He places a gentle finger under Jensen’s chin and turns Jensen’s face towards him. It’s still amazing to Jared how gorgeous Jensen really is. Now that he can see it all, not just the superficial mask Jensen tends to wear, Jared loves to look at Jensen. Loves to count freckles and golden specks in green eyes.

“I am sorry, Jensen. I really am.”

Jensen nods, moves a little so that he can rest against Jared’s hand, now cupping Jensen’s cheek.

“Me, too. It was just a bad start. Had a crush on you almost instantly, even though you punched me.”

Jared laughs, can see that happening, actually knows it’s true because it’s the same thing that happened to him. He can admit that now; can see how his own confused feelings got in the way with what happened that night with his sister.

He leans in then, kisses full lips softly and seeking more. Jensen’s a great kisser and Jared can see himself getting addicted to it. He loves kissing Jensen.

In this moment, with Jensen pressed against him and his dogs snuggled close by Jared can’t remember why he ever hated the man in his arms. It’s kind of unthinkable now.

He deepens the kiss and smiles when Jensen’s hand bury in his hair, tugging him closer, claiming and possessing. As much as Jensen had complained about the lack of color in Jared’s hair now - GQ photo shoots can be demanding - he still loves to play with it. He also loves sucking on Jared’s piercing, is even thinking about getting himself. Jared shudders at the thought of it.

“Think… maybe… might be falling for you,” Jensen mumbles against Jared’s pierced lip and smiles. His body is stock still though, waiting for Jared to say something, to either reject him or accept it. Sometimes

Jared wonders how someone so strong otherwise can be so insecure at times.
His heart skips and his kisses Jensen again, deep and passionate.

“No, no ‘maybe’ about it. I know I am falling for you.”

Jensen sighs, deep and relieved, licks against the metal stud and ball in Jared’s tongue and grins at him when he pulls back a little. Jared answers with a grin of his own and then pulls Jensen down on top of him so that they are lying on the couch, tangled and smashed together.

Jared feels happy. As happy as he does when he’s on a board or speeding down the beach with a kite high in the sky. No one else has ever managed to make him feel like this.
Maybe his grandma had been right when she once told him that hate is just the opposite side of love.

The End.

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