You Said You'd Take Me Nowhere, I Said That Suits Me Fine Part 2: Maybe We'll Go For A Ride
Title: You Said You’d Take Me Nowhere I Said That Suits Me Fine
Part 1: Today I'll Crawl Out Of Bed
Part 2: Maybe We'll Go For A Rise
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Dean/Jo
Summary: It’s only looking back to the past does he realise how long it’s been since she’s been there with him, really there with him, not just in his mind and it makes his heart ache.
A/N: AU, title taken from ‘Rise’ by Azure Ray, takes place after ‘We Were Made To Never Fall Away’ ‘If We Could See That This Was All We Need’ ‘The Broken Lights On The Freeway Have Left Me Here Alone’ ‘I Am So Homesick Now For Some Place I Will Never Be’ and ‘And The Band Plays Some Song About Forgetting Yourself For A While’.
DISCLAIMER: i don’t own Supernatural or its characters only Amber (Sam’s wife) and their two daughters Mary and Anna, I don’t own Azure Ray or her song Rise
Link To Part 1: Today I'll Crawl Out Of Bed: hynotic-n-crazy.livejournal.com/10707.html
Anna remembers Mary wearing that same black dress the last time she came home, but then it was for a date because it went with her new shoes not because she was mourning the death of her uncle, Mary’s wearing stockings because its cold and a jacket because the dress is low cut. Anna’s shoes pinch against her toes and she know she’s going to get blisters, she hasn’t worn them in months, she nearly forgot they existed until her mother reminded her, in the back of her closet were a pair of sensible (ugly) back - painful - shoes. It’s a strange thing to see her mother’s reaction to Dean’s death, her mother wasn’t heartless and she didn’t hate Uncle Dean but she didn’t always like him either, somewhere along the way Anna had forgotten that her mother and Dean had a strange connection of understanding with one another. They were closer to friends than enemies but never really showed it.
It’s a small funeral and Anna hates that, there should have been more people there but most of them were dead already and Dean never tried to connect with anyone but his family.
They bury him next to Jo, where he would have wanted to be, Sam doesn’t cry when the coffin is lowered into the ground instead he’ll cry the next morning when he drives past Dean’s house, so much he’ll have to pull over two blocks later because his vision is blurred so much he nearly hits the paper boy, but for now his eyes are dry. Amber cries but like her it’s dignified, tears that down even mess her make up that much, she doesn’t sob or wail because that would make a scene and today is not about her, besides she’s already sobbed until she wretched once she realised the code blue the hospital was calling was for Dean and she saw Sam’s face when he realised it too. Mary stands by her father’s side and listens to her mother sniffle until she can’t anymore and even though Anna is clutching her hand in a death grip Mary wrenches away from her sister and runs, quite well considering the tears, her heels and the uneven ground, Sam doesn’t go after her, he wouldn’t know what to say or do, he know she won’t go far and when the coffin is buried he takes Amber and Anna back to the funeral home to see the guests who weren’t coming to the wake, the ones who weren’t family or the few hunters left.
Mary loses it a bit when she watches them lower the coffin into the ground because her uncle Dean is lying I there, she remembers last month laughing at a television show where a character woke up in his own coffin due to superpowers, now that idea makes her feel nauseous and needs to get away from there so she turns and flees (so much for the strong big sister act she was trying to pull but Anna never really bought into that anyway). She ends up way off near the groundskeepers office and the main entrance, a good as a spot as any to sneak a cigarette to calm her nerves while her mother and father and sister act appropriately and stay to collect condolences, there’s not that many condolences to collect so she knows her ciggie break will have to be cut short, too bad she could use all the nicotine she could get today. Halfway through her half of a cigarette she looks up, she not sure why but she just does and some blonde chick getting out of a car, Mary doesn’t pay much attention, the girl, not really that much older than Mary herself, mills around near her, the hovering is getting creepy so Mary tries to put a stop to it.
“Can I help you?” she asks the girl she’s never met before but she doesn’t know why she even bothers because there’s not a lot that girl could need that Mary could help with and she’s going back inside soon.
“Is this Dean Winchester’s funeral?” the blonde asks.
“It was, you just missed it, why? How did you know him?” Mary asks curiously she thought she knew all Uncle Dean’s friends and seeing who had come she did.
“I didn’t really but he saved my life and I wanted to say thank you.” The blonde explains.
“Bit late unless you like talking to slabs of stone and dead people.” Mary begins, she has no patience today but then she looks up again and really looks at the blonde and then it all clicks. “You’re the one he saved.”
It’s not a question so it shouldn’t need an answer, the blonde gives one anyway.
“Yes I am, I’m sorry.” She says looking to the ground and twisting a ring on her right hand nervously.
“Don’t be regretful; guilt will only ruin what he gave you.” Mary tells him dismissively and stubs out her cigarette, she looks at the girl curiously.
“What’s your name anyway?” she asks.
“Danielle.” The blonde offers.
“I’m Mary.” Mary tells her and then points out the freshly filled grave and somehow she ends up with Danielle’s number, for some reason Mary wants to get to know her and five minutes in a cemetery isn’t going to cut it. Danielle goes to the grave and Mary goes to her family, she doesn’t know why but she doesn’t mention Danielle. They all go back to Sam and Ambers and celebrate Dean’s life.
Only when everyone’s gone home does Anna come out of her room, Mary is clearing the paper cups and plates into a garbage bag, her mother is putting the extra food and meals they’ve been given into the fridge and freezer, she doesn’t know where her father is. Mary stops when she sees her.
“Come here.” She demands holding her arms open, Anna goes over to her sister and allows herself to be hugged, Mary wraps her arms around Anna’s body and holds her close, neither girl cry, Mary because she wants to be strong, Anna because she doesn’t think she can anymore.
“He’s happier now.” Mary whispers, Anna ignores her and moves away without a word. Mary sighs and watches her go.
Anna looks out her window, she sees Mary in the backyard, Anna grabs her dressing gown and creeps down the stairs, the flannel garment trailing down the stairs a pace behind her, she pulls it on before going outside.
“What are you doing up?” she asks, Mary spins around, a hand to her chest, a cigarette in the other.
“Shit Anna you scared the crap outta me.” She complains then looks down at the cigarette in her hand; she looks over at Anna, guilt across her face.
“I don’t usually smoke.” She says, it’s only half true she doesn’t usually smoke at home, she doesn’t usually smoke this much; Anna just shrugs.
“I don’t care.” She says truthfully, what should she care what her sister does, Mary lives a whole other life four states away that Anna has nothing to do with. Mary nods but hers eyes still cast a quick glance to their parents room, it’s dark, the light’s aren’t on, their parents aren’t awake, it’s 3 in the morning, why should they be?
“I won’t tell.” Anna promises, Mary nods and takes another drag, a shaky exhale sends the smoke back out into the world, she gives Anna another quick glance, guilt again, Mary flicks the cigarette to the ground and stomps it out. She gives Anna a sheepish smile but Anna meant it when she said she didn’t care, Mary doesn’t really believe her though because Anna’s always been the good girl, the good the daughter, the good person and Mary’s always resented her for that, even if it was only a little bit.
“What are you doing out here?” Anna asks again.
“I couldn’t sleep.” Mary says.
“Me either.” Anna nods.
“I was looking for the constellations.” Mary admits tilting her head to the sky. Anna walks to her sisters’ side and looks up at the night sky too.
“Did you find any?” she asks, all she sees are stars, she’s never been any good at connecting the dots, always preferred find-a-words when she was little.
“Nope.” Mary admits.
“Isn’t that the Big Dipper?” Anna asks pointing vaguely to one side of the sky, she can’t see anything but she remembers the Big Dipper as a constellation and threw it out there, she doesn’t even know if you can see it in this part of the world.
“I wasn’t really looking for real constellations.” Mary says, apparently having picked up some knowledge on the subject on constellations; real and imaginary in college because Anna has no idea what she was looking for, maybe it’s like the time Mary came home last break talking about philosophy and no one understood a word she was saying.
“Then what were you looking for?” Anna asks looking at her sister instead of the sky.
“Remember when we were little and Uncle Dean used to make up constellations?” Mary asks, so it’s not college it’s just Uncle Dean and the past. Anna shrugs and looks to the ground.
“Not really.” She says.
“It was fun, for a while i thought he was a genius until Dad told us he made them up, then we used to make them up together.” Mary says. “Like ‘The Hamster’ and ‘The Robot’.”
Anna stares blankly into the sky and feels the millions of lights stare blankly back.
“I don’t remember.” She says but she wants too but it’s not enough to want something, not even when you want it more than anything, that’s the one thing she learnt from Dean that he didn’t actively teach her… that and no one gets what they deserve just because they deserve it, the world isn’t fair, don’t act like it is, live with what life dealt you.
“Come on An it was great.” Mary says nudging Anna with her shoulder, Anna goes to repeat her lack of memory on the subject but something connects and she remembers.
“Miss Latham says the Big Dipper is made up of seven large stars.” A young version of Mary says, young Anna is only in Kindy, she has Miss Lewis on Wednesdays and Mrs King the rest of the days, Miss Latham teaches grade 5 and she’s scary, she yells a lot, Anna doesn’t like that, Anna doesn’t think Miss Latham would like her much either because she isn’t entirely sure what constellations are, she doesn’t learn that at school yet, so far they’re up to the number 12 and the letter J in the alphabet and Anna spends most of her time explaining how her name sort starts with it but not really, only if she’s in really big trouble, he “real” name is Anna and that’s an A like Apple not a J like Jellybean.
“She’s probably right there.” Dean tell his nieces. “But you wanna know what it really is?”
“Yeah what?” Mary asks.
“It’s a giant cooking pot and near it there’s a ladle.” Dean tells her and points them out after a moment of searching.
“Wow.” Anna smiles.
“Mrs Latham didn’t tell me about the ladle.” Mary says.
“Well she probably doesn’t know, not everyone does you know, only very special people are lucky enough to find out about the secret constellations.” Dean said and Anna felt so lucky that her Uncle Dean thought she was very special.
“Didn’t he tell us there was a ladle or something?” Anna asks.
“Yeah.” Mary nods. “Because there was a giant pot and a knife and fork already.”
“Knife and fork?” Anna repeats and Mary nods.
“Yeah, knife, fork, cooking pot, ladle why not, it’s a whole table setting.” She grins Anna nods. Mary sinks down to the ground, after a second Anna does too.
“How about over there?” Mary points across to the left. “‘The Prada Shoes’?”
“What?” Anna smiles, Mary traces out an outline in the sky. Anna nods.
“Your turn.” Mary says.
“Ok.” Anna stares at the sky willing something to appear rather than random configurations of dots. “Um... i don’t know, Daffy Duck.”
“That’s the one with the sailor hat tight?” Mary asks.
“No he’s the other one.” Anna says and waves over to the right side, she leans against her sister and Mary points out more constellations.
“Oh another one he used to tell us about the Speedwagon.” Mary says.
“Can you see it?” Anna asks.
“I don’t remember where it was, is that it there?” Mary asks, Anna squints.
“Nah that looks more like a rocket ship, what’s the Speedwagon look like exactly?” She asks.
“It just looked kinda like a car.” Mary explains. “He said something about Kevin Cronin’s hair but I don’t know who that is.”
“Me neither.” Anna admits. “We should Google it tomorrow.”
“Ok.” Mary agrees.
“That’s a toaster.” Anna smiles, she can actually see the stars connecting to make it.
“There’s a daisy.” Mary says and she shifts to lay on the ground, Anna lays her head on her sister’s stomach, Mary starts to play with her hair.
The stars shift and move, invisible lines connecting them in different configurations to make ‘The Three Legged Dog’ ‘The Bikini’ ‘The Bowtie’ ‘The Ice Skates’ or ‘The Half Eaten Sandwich’, images no one else on earth but the Winchester sisters can see now that their Uncle Dean isn’t there anymore. The ground is cold, so is the night air, her Uncle Dean is gone and Mary smells like smoke but Anna feels like things could be ok.
The afterlife is not what Dean expected, not that he spent a lot of time on earth thinking about what it was going to be like when he wasn’t on earth.
He spends a while, he’s not sure how long - time, which never seemed so important to him before, now disappears completely - having some sort of orientation with some angel-man-child of no more than seventeen, closer to Anna than Mary and Dean can’t take him seriously which eventually ends in the angel-boy/child leaving in a huff, angels should have more patience Dean thinks. Then he’s guided, more like forced but who’s really paying attention, into a sort of auditorium, a huge screen takes up one wall but Dean is more interested in the doors that automatically lock behind him and the ones on the other side of the room that won’t open, he stops pulling and pushing with all his weight when the screen flickers to life.
He sees Sam and Amber and Mary and Anna and the few others attend his funeral, he watches them burry him next to Jo, where he belongs, he sees the wake too there are toasts, a lot of them, more ‘here, here’ and downing shots than anything long and eloquent but that’s just what he wanted, then he watches as they go to sleep, he thinks it’s over until he sees Mary climb out of bed, eyes red from crying and sneak outside, the same way Dean caught her doing a few years ago, out the window, down the drain pipe, then the drop off the garage to the ground, Mary walks around to the backyard instead of sneaking off to a friends to get drunk like she used too, she’s in pyjamas, an inch-above-the-knee dressing gown and slippers this time instead of short skirts, skimpy tops and heels, Dean likes it better this way, likes the woman she’s grown into over the teenager she was, Mary lights up a cigarette and Dean thinks he should scold her but he’s not her father and he’s not there anymore anyway. Mary tells the world she misses him and hopes he’s happy with her ‘Aunty Jo’ and Dean hopes that’s what he’ll get ‘up here’ too. A few minutes later Anna wakes up and goes to her sister, taking the more obvious, less dangerous route of stairs and the backdoor. He watches his nieces find constellations he taught them, non-existent ones that he learnt from Jo, she created them, she gave them to him and he gave them to Mary and Anna, it was nice that they remembered, even nicer they were keeping him and Jo alive at the same time.
He sees them fall asleep under the stars and sneak back inside in the morning light before Amber could wake up and scold them, he sees Amber and Sam and understands they miss him but he’s happier now, he’s not in pain. He sees Mary use Google to discover Kevin Cronin and laughs, he watches Anna rummage around in the tape deck box they retrieved from the Impala, now securely in Mary’s possession, and come up triumphant with a tape labelled ‘Jo’s Tunes: AKA REO Speedwagon’s Top Hits’ and they play it loud and dance around the living room singing the words they know, which aren’t many.
They will be ok Dean knows and he smiles as he watches Mary pull her father too his feet and force him to dance with her, Sam tries not to step on his eldest daughter’s toes as Amber effortlessly twirls her youngest around and around until Anna feels dizzy and sick and falls down to the couch, Amber and Sam sway in each other’s arms and as a new song clicks over Mary pulls her sister to her feet. Dean smiles, they are happy and so is he.
He feels something pull him and follows the tug on his heart the doors that we’re previously locked no matter how hard he pushed now fly open before he even touches them. They open and Dean is nearly blinded by the whiteness, it’s so bright it blinds him and he puts an arm to his eyes to shield them from the glare, he forges forward though, away from the auditorium and into the unknown because something tells him things will be better if he does and if there’s one thing Dean Winchester trust it’s his gut. His senses are all wrong, he has no concept of up or down, left or right, north or south, all he knows is to keep going, then the bright lights clear and Dean sees Jo waiting for him, leaning against the Impala smiling.
“I’ve been waiting for you.” she says. She looks beautiful, radiant even, Dean didn’t know he even knew that word until he saw her but she does look radiant, the Impala looks like it was made yesterday, all shiny and new. Dean heads towards her finally finding his voice.
“Hey baby.” Dean grins. “You look good.”
“Are you talking to me or the car?” Jo asks with a raised eyebrow.
“Do i have to choose?” Dean asks joking. Jo pulls a face and punches him in the arm, Dean doesn’t feel it but he feels good, he wraps his arms around her waist and holds her close to him.
“You of course Jo, only you.” He says and kisses her. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too.” Jo says and kisses him again, longer this time and Dean relishes every second, he feels whole for the first time in years.
“Come on then.” She pulls away and produces the keys to the Impala, dangling them in front of him. Dean takes them from her.
“Where are we going?” he asks walking around to the drivers’ side as Jo got into the passenger seat.
“Wherever you want.” Jo says as he starts up the car. “You’ve got the Impala, the road in front of you and a tape deck, what else do you need?”
“Nothing but you babe.” Dean says as he pulls out onto the road, Jo takes his hand in hers and smiles.
Dean knows he’s in heaven because for once it’s not his mind playing tricks on him when he looks over and sees Jo in the passenger seat. He’s got all he needs and it’s got nothing to do with the car or the tape deck. He has Jo and she’s always been all he’s ever wanted.
Well this is it! I know it’s been so long and I’m still not 100% happy with it, I just really love this series and want each part to be as good as the others but I’m not sure this one is but it does have a couple of my favourite moments in it.