I can totally relate to this on so many different levels, but it made me sad the part where you said that you wasted a chunk of your life. I don't get the same charge out of writing fanfic that I used to, but when I was really heavy into it, I enjoyed it. That wasn't worth it for you? Enjoying what you did at the time?
I understand too, what you said about it ruining your creativity. I'm not sure if mine is ruined or if I'm just in an inescapable rut. I guess that remains to be seen.
And reading fanfic stopped being enjoyable to me for a while now - almost at the same point as when I started writing it.
That's too bad about your original work. You write well and know how to tell a good story.
I just... don't feel like I have anything to show for all the time I've put into it. If anything I feel like I've robbed myself of time and opportunity - and not just in relation to writing.
I swear that I'm not trying to be a Polly Anna, but maybe you just need a break from reading and writing fanfiction--God knows that any type of fandom drama can cast a pall on anyone's personal enjoyment. Then after some time passes you'll get your creative juices flowing again and you then can start to work on your original fiction.
There hasn't been any fandom drama and in the last two years I've probably come close to making this post a dozen times. I swear it isn't an impulsive decision.
I really hope so. I feel like I've got to start all over again from scratch. I have ideas but I have no idea how to even begin developing them any more.
It happens to us all. For me it's less ideas than time and the fact that it is sadly finite. I have a few more stories that won't leave me alone until I finish them but after that, I'm done. I have several ideas for original stories banging around in my head that I'd like to get to.
I feel like I've sort of, um, outlived all my peers in fandom. My original ones at any rate. Writers who started out the same time as me have long since moved on and it's long since time that I did the same.
I think something similar to your situation happened to me without realising. The two stories I mentioned above just wouldn't leave me alone, and now they're done with there's nothing left.
I agree with this post so much that it kind of hurts.
I hope you can get back into the groove of original fiction - if that's something you still want to do. Your fic will be missed, but it's great that you have the guts and the sense to walk away from it.
I remember your post on the matter - and realising that it was pretty much how I felt as well. :) It's just taken me a while longer to get around to actually doing something about it.
I feel like I've been coming to this decision for literally years. I must have nearly made the post a dozen times. There was always something there to suck me back in though - I freely admit to having an addictive, obsessive personality and fandom/fanfic just appeals to that aspect of me too much.
I remember that. Unfortunately, even though I've come to the realization, I've still had trouble letting go. I keep clinging on to these tiny threads that will keep me in fandom. A bit sad, really. I haven't been able to say, this is it, this is the end.
That's pretty much what happened with me, to be honest. I wish that I'd been firm with myself months ago instead of involving myself in things further.
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I understand too, what you said about it ruining your creativity. I'm not sure if mine is ruined or if I'm just in an inescapable rut. I guess that remains to be seen.
And reading fanfic stopped being enjoyable to me for a while now - almost at the same point as when I started writing it.
That's too bad about your original work. You write well and know how to tell a good story.
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Just hang in there and keep the faith :)
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I hope you get your creativity back.
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I think something similar to your situation happened to me without realising. The two stories I mentioned above just wouldn't leave me alone, and now they're done with there's nothing left.
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I hope you can get back into the groove of original fiction - if that's something you still want to do. Your fic will be missed, but it's great that you have the guts and the sense to walk away from it.
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I remember your post on the matter - and realising that it was pretty much how I felt as well. :) It's just taken me a while longer to get around to actually doing something about it.
I feel like I've been coming to this decision for literally years. I must have nearly made the post a dozen times. There was always something there to suck me back in though - I freely admit to having an addictive, obsessive personality and fandom/fanfic just appeals to that aspect of me too much.
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So, good on you for being able to do that!
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