(no subject)
Title: Letters From War
Length: [14b/?]
Author: HolyStarDown
Pairing: Yunjae, Yoosu, Leeteuk and Heechul ((Tuekchul?))
Rating: Overall NC-17
Genre: Romance, angst, drama
Disclaimer: i only own them in my dreams
Summary: In the breaking point of the Korean war, two brothers get drafted into the military and forced to fight for the lives. literally. punishment in camp 409 is just as unforgiving as its officers. attraction? frowned upon. affection? unheard if. love? strickly forbidden. But the training camp they thought they knew gets turned upside down when six of them decide to leave no rule left unbroken
Author's Note: chapter 13 is hella long. like almost 3x the usual length of my chapters. and it's all teukchul for this chapter. but! before you run away screaming in a yunjae-deprived rage, hear me out. it's all leeteuk/heechul's memory except the very end so it's VERY important to the fic. VERY IMPORTANT. so please read it even if you don't like the teukchul. i have to split it into three parts now since it's getting even longer than i planned so yeah. :] please don't shoot!!!! PART B HAS A VERY INTENSE SCENE. LIKE FOR REAL. NOT KID FRIENDLY AND NOT SEXUAL. LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY... T-O-R-T-U-R-E. IT'S KINDA DISTURBING BUT VERY NECESSARY TO THE FIC
also, i'm x-posting to hug______ :]
{ Prologue} { Ch 1} { Ch 2} { Ch 3} { Ch 4} { Ch 5a} { Ch 5b} { Ch 6} { Ch 7} { Ch 8} { Ch 9a} { Ch 9b} { Ch 10} { Ch 11} { Ch 12}
Chapter 13a
Leeteuk stared at his hand-written notes, engraving the words into his memory. He had to pass this exam, just had to. Becoming a Hasa* was all good and well, but Jungsa* status would earn him a room in the Officer’s Quarters with ten other officers instead of forty mindless trainees. He wanted it so badly he reviewed rules and techniques for hours every single night and during every meal, secluding himself from the other Hasa as much as possible. This promotion would bring him one step closer to his ultimate goal- one step closer to the possibility of happiness.
On the other side of camp 409 Heechul sat on his bed in silence, waiting. At only eighteen years old, he knew he shouldn’t already be a Sangsa*, but it wasn’t his place to decide how quickly the Jungjang* forced him to climb the ranks. The room was empty beside him and nine other unoccupied places where nine other officers had been only a few hours ago. All of them had been spontaneously moved: four of them to another camp, two to another room, and three of them just disappeared. Of course, Heechul knew why they had all been sent away from him; he’d planned it.
The other Sangsa (and one Wonsa*) hated him, despised him, loathed him. All of them were well into their twenties and just beginning their ascent, kissing as much ass as possible and doing everything to get on good terms with their superiors. Heechul did nothing beyond what he was told and only spoke when he was spoken to or when he gave orders. Drills were pounded into the others’ heads just like everyone in the training camp. Heechul was rarely seen during training. Only three people know where Heechul went: the Jungjang, Heechul himself, and his escort. The others only saw the young officer a few minutes before they went to sleep at night and a few minutes after they woke up in the morning. Anything beyond that was purely by chance. No one questioned the strange ordeal aside from gossip within their own inner circles that were frequently broken and reformed with new officers anyway. Heechul never belonged to any of them.
The Sangsa’s blank face showed the first signs of weariness as he leaned his forehead against the wall and his eyes began to slide closed. He’d deliberately lied to get the men in his room away from him, claiming they did things that they would never dare to even think of. Yes, separating himself from the rest of the world was really that important to him; anyone who got close would only tear him apart.
Heechul had never woken up to Sangsa Jinsun pinning him down and breathing hot air down his neck. The officers in his room had never taken turns running their hands all over his body while laughing and taunting him about how beautiful he looked. But Jungjang Kim didn’t have to know that.
The corner of Heechul’s mouth twitched at the thought of his minor victory, but he knew it wasn’t a complete win. Almost as soon as his roommates were sent away, one of the Jungnyeongs informed him that a new Sangsa would be moving in. It was certain that the officer would pass the exam and he had excellent marks in every field, meeting the Sangsa requirements to a T. Oh well, Heechul would just have to get rid of him too.
He didn’t know how long he stayed in the same leaning position, but Heechul knew it must have been hours. The sun had set and the lights in the officer’s common room had been turned out long ago. He finally gave up on wallowing in his own self pity and stretched his stiff muscles out on his lonely little bed. To the eighteen year old’s dismay, sleep would not take him. Just as he was about to close his eyes, the door creaked open. The movement was small, but Heechul jumped as if it had been an explosion. His eyes, long since adjusted to the darkness, made out half of a young boy’s face peeking through the door. “Who are you?” Heechul demanded.
Leeteuk’s skin prickled at the all too familiar voice. It was deeper, richer, sexier, than he ever remembered, but he would recognize that voice no matter what. The door opened more and he leaned farther into the room. His stomach turned into a gymnast, flipping over and over and over until he felt sick by just staring at Heechul’s faint silhouette that was right beside one of the beds. Both of them stood frozen in the room, neither daring to move closer to the other. Leeteuk’s mouth on the other hand worked on its own accord. “Chullie-ah?” he called softly.
Heechul felt as if the sound waves were spears piercing through his mind. Leeteuk was here, in his room, in his life once again. Blood pounded in his veins as he stared at his old best friend timidly walking fully into the room. He just couldn’t be here. “Why are you in my room Hasa Park?” he asked in a voice more shaky than he intended.
Leeteuk flinched at the formality his friend used to address him; it just didn’t sound right at all. “Don’t call me Hasa Park Chullie. It sounds stupid.” He dropped his small bag on the floor and crossed his arms over his chest to make himself look as sophisticated as possible. It was so different seeing Heechul up close and knowing that the younger man was actually here. His heart gave another flutter at the realization that all those times he thought he caught a glimpse of Heechul around camp 409 wasn’t just his imagination dwelling on how much he missed the most important person in his life.
Heechul narrowed his eyes at Leeteuk even though he knew the other wouldn’t see. “I suggest you drop the pet names and stick with formalities before you speak to me again,” he said coldly. The wince his words brought went ignored. “Now answer my question. Why are you in my room?”
The younger boy’s tone stung Leeteuk in ways he could never explain. His nails dug into his arms and he forced as much coldness into his voice as Heechul was displaying to him, narrowing his eyes and stepping slightly forward. “Just so you know Sangsa Kim,” the unfamiliar title felt wrong on his lips as well as the ice that laced his voice but Leeteuk forced himself to continue, “this is my room too now.”
“That’s impossible,” Heechul shot back. “You were a Hasa just this morning. There’s no way you could have gone up two ranks in one day.”
“Jungjang Kim decided that I was qualified enough to skip over Jungsa status when I took the tests at the shooting range. I have higher accuracy than most of the Wonsa.” Leeteuk stepped closer to Heechul again until there were only inches separating them. The feigned coldness in his eyes slipped away and was replaced by the hurt that he pointlessly tried to fight. “I missed you Heechul. I don’t want to fight with you after not seeing you for three years.”
Heechul said nothing for much longer than Leeteuk would have liked. He couldn’t name where all the hollow throbbing in his chest and the reluctance to see his once best friend came from, but it only grew the more he looked at the older boy. He knew he longed for something from Leeteuk. What exactly that was, he refused to let himself find out. It didn’t matter now. “Then I suggest you leave me alone.” Again. The words felt bittersweet as they escaped his lips. His common sense wanted Leeteuk to just go away and never speak to him again, but at the same time he wanted to chain them together and make sure the older boy always stayed by his side.
The latter option would only lead me to being hurt again if we were somehow separated, he kept reminding himself. And he didn’t want to be hurt anymore. Heechul turned away from the obvious heartbreak in Leeteuk’s eyes and lay on his bed, back facing the other boy. “Go to sleep. Nobody comes in to wake you up in the morning and I’m not going to do it.” He closed his eyes and heard Leeteuk shuffling to a bed on the opposite side of the room followed by the soft thud of his bag hitting the floor.
“Sangsa Park?”
The movement stopped and Leeteuk spared Heechul a glance over his shoulder. “Yes?” he almost sneered.
“Learn how to show some respect. I’m still your superior.”
Leeteuk’s face fell further as he stared at his new, very dull-looking bed. “I’m sorry…” he muttered.
“Don’t apologize, just do what I say.” Heechul’s eyes opened again and he locked his unfocused gaze on the wall in front of his face. He just couldn’t stop his father’s words from flowing out of his mouth as if they were his own. He knew Leeteuk wasn’t completely at fault for their separation, or really much at all, but he had to blame somebody. Leeteuk just happened to be the only person aside from himself he could blame without consequence.
Sleep never came to him that night. Hours felt like days as Heechul awaited the four knocks to fall on their door and signal their time to wake up. In the back of his mind he knew that the short knocks would have no chance of waking up the boy he used to cherish, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care; Leeteuk had to be responsible for himself just like everyone else.
After hours and hours of waiting, a knock finally came on the door. Not four, but just one before the door swung open. Heechul turned in his bed to see his escort, Jungnyeong Ryang, standing in the doorway with a single lit candle. “Get up,” he said in his very deep, very smooth voice that made Heechul instantly obey. “Forget about changing clothes; it’s only 0300 hours.”
Heechul slowly withdrew his hand from his trunk and straightened. “Why have you come at this hour? Jungjang Kim won’t-”
“He was the one who sent me to get you,” Jungnyeong Ryang said. He walked out of the room and Heechul nearly ran to follow at his heels.
They arrived in the Officer’s Quarters’ biggest room seconds later, the man who summoned Heechul sitting at his desk with the usual icy aura radiating off of him. “Sit,” he ordered.
Heechul complied after a quick bow and locked eyes with the man in front of him. He was too tired and already too stressed out by Leeteuk becoming his roommate to put up with any bullshit, but he knew that would be all he’d get.
“Sangsa Kim,” he said slowly, “are you aware of yesterday’s promotions?”
Heechul quickly bowed his head. “Yes sir. Three Sangsa, one Soryeong and one Hasa.” It was almost difficult for him to hide the smirk that tried to surface at his mini-triumph, but the smirk slowly spread on the other’s face instead.
“You’re wrong,” he said bluntly before shaking his head. “And here I thought you wouldn’t be as much of a disappointment today.”
Heechul flinched as if someone had been shot right in front of him, breath rushing in his lungs and eyes widening in shock. He couldn’t be wrong. Being wrong in front of the Jungjang was out of the question.
“You obviously forgot to acknowledge the new Daejang,” the elder man said as the iciness in his eyes intensified.
The small change sent shivers dancing across Heechul’s skin and the information smacked him in the face. He’d made sure he knew everything that changed in the camp at all times, yet he hadn’t heard a word about any of them moving up to Daejang* level. “That’s impossible. Who could have possibly gotten to that status when nobody is higher than a Jungnyeong?”
“I have.”
Heechul mentally stabbed himself for not catching on to that immediately; the additional star on the man’s insignia should have been his first clue and the second the fact that it was mentioned at all. He bowed deeply to hide the shame streaking his face and spoke quickly. “I was unaware of that sir. I will do better in the future.”
“I would certainly hope so Heechul. That just shows your incompetence, and I won’t tolerate my officers being less than perfect,” the Daejang said. “Your mistake aside, do you know what my promotion means for you Sangsa?” He shifted in his chair to almost lazily rest his chin on the back of his hand as Heechul squirmed under his gaze.
“No sir. I don’t.”
A sad sigh passed Daejang Kim’s lips. “You do plan to succeed my place as a Daeryeong, correct?”
“Yes sir.”
“Then my promotion means that I am one step closer to leaving, and you are one step closer to taking my place. Do you know what you have to do before that happens?” The Daejang sighed again when Heechul spared him no reaction. “You see, it works like this: once you become Daeryeong, you chose someone who will take over after you and you bring them up faster than any other like I have done to you. You’re just lucky that I’ve decided to tell you this beforehand so you’ll have extra preparation. Anyway, the person you choose has to be capable of doing anything and everything you ask, has to be good at whatever he does, has to be someone who can lead, someone who can take control of any situation with little effort. As much of a disappointment as you are I still see all of that in you somewhere. Meaning that if the worst or the best should happen to me, I know you can keep this camp in control.”
Heechul knew better than to take the other man’s complements lightly; it was even less frequent than rare to hear them, much less to hear them directly. Both of them always knew that he would be the one to take over next and it was spoken of every day, but this was different. “Why are you telling me all this?” he finally asked.
“Why? Because I think it would be wise for you to start looking for someone to back you up as soon as possible. You never know- you might die on your first day. You tell me who your choice is and I’ll bring him up two ranks if I see fit. If not, then I will make your choice for you as usual.” The Daejang leaned back in his chair and chased an ant on his desk with a razor sharp pen before cutting the insect in half. “Do keep in mind that mental strength is more important than physical strength even though both are necessary.”
“I understand.” Heechul mentally sifted through hundreds of names and faces, scratching through all of them except the one he refused to acknowledge. He’d never been around the other officers enough to know any of them very well on a personal level, but he reviewed their conduct and accomplishments every day. He could only think of one person who had never been given punishment and Heechul sent that person to the back of his mind in hopes that he would stay there.
Daejang Kim’s voice eventually broke through his thoughts. “You don’t have to make your decision now; I just suggest that you think about it. You’ll have plenty of time to do that today.”
Heechul’s gaze snapped back into focus and he tried uselessly to read the Daejang’s expression. With all of the tasks the Daejang shoved on him he never had time to think about his own things. “What am I assigned to do?” he asked cautiously.
“Well, as Daeryeong you will have to issue punishments to anyone who disobeys your orders and the punishment must fit their actions. Of course, it’s impossible to know the severity of the punishment they deserve unless you know what to base your decisions on.” His smooth voice cut off and his hollow black eyes showed something very close to amusement as he looked at Jungnyeong Ryang. “I thought that maybe your decision-making would benefit from experiencing our worst punishment for yourself.” He laughed lightly and turned his fake smile to Heechul. “After all, it’s just wrong to give someone something you’ve never had to go through yourself. Isn’t that right Heechul?”
Every nerve in the Sangsa’s body screamed in fear of the predatory look on the other man’s face. He could hear his blood pounding in his ears and feel it rapidly pulsing under his skin, his muscles tensing and on guard. “You can’t do that,” he said without thinking. “I haven’t done anything wrong.”
Again the Daejang’s laughed filled the room, louder this time. “You forget that I can do whatever I want. And you, my dear Sangsa, are powerless to stop me.”
Heechul didn’t know how he let it happen; before he could even think, Jungnyeong Ryang had twisted his arms behind his back and was now pressed flush against him. It could have been a test. Maybe Daejang Kim expected him to fight back, maybe he expected Heechul to break free from the Jungnyeong’s hold and evade getting captured again. But he did none of those things. Heechul just let himself get dragged out into the pre-dawn air and toward a concrete building with absolutely no windows or more than one thick steel door.
Jungnyeong Ryang switched to hold Heechul with only one hand as he alternated through seven different keys to undo the locks lining the door’s frame. He knew where he was going even before the older man shoved him in the dark concrete room, slamming the door shut behind him.
Heechul stood motionless in the darkness, taking shallow shaking breaths. Even that practically inaudible sound echoed off of the walls and smothered him with the constant reminder of his own failure to maintain control of himself. For hours he remained in the same position that Jungnyeong Ryang had left him in: arms handing limp at his sides, one foot stretched out in front of the other, eyes wide in shock, and staring at the wall opposite from the door. Sweat had already begun to drip down his face and splatter on the floor from the heat that insisted on trying to suffocate him. He didn’t remember it being this hot when he walked here, but by now he could scarcely remember anything. All he could think about was the burning air closing in on him as he breathing picked up. Faster and faster the air rushed passed his lips with no effect on his burning lungs. The darkness swirled and pressed against Heechul’s body before it consumed him completely.
The Sangsa didn’t know when or how he passed out but when he finally opened his eyes pain assaulted his head and the entire right side of his body as he lay against the concrete floor. He was vaguely aware of the irony taste that lingered on his tongue and all too caught up in the feeling of being tossed from side to side even though he was perfectly still. The scraping sounds of his body on the concrete and his hissing breath still echoed off the walls he couldn’t see, the feeling of being completely helpless crashing on top of him and threatening to crush him under its weight. His arm flailed at his side to find support from the invisible walls as he stood and waited for his eyes to adjust to the complete darkness. They never did. Heechul didn’t know how long he stood in the pitch black silence before seven solid clicks seemed to explode in his ears.
The door swung open and the room was illuminated by a dull orange glow. “Sangsa Kim?” a deep voice called just after the door slammed shut again.
“What?” Heechul spat as he whipped around to face the only other life in the room. A shadow shrouded the man’s face and left only that to imagination. Seven brilliant silver needles blazed orange in the candlelight, loosely grasped in the man’s hand. “What are those for?” he asked, uncaring that his first question didn’t get answered.
“You should learn how to be more respectful Sangsa Kim,” the man said slowly. “I am a Jungnyeong after all.”
Heechul clenched his fists and kept his mouth shut.
“I have to say I was surprised that the Daejang put you in here, but that just makes this all the more fun for me.” Heechul could hear the smile in the man’s voice and it made him sick with hatred for someone he couldn’t even identify. “On your knees Sangsa,” he ordered.
Heechul hesitantly complied, his eyes never leaving the shadow covering the Jungnyeong’s face. His pulse raced almost painfully fast as he watched the other man step closer and draw out one of the needles with a smile. “Do you know how your nerves work Sangsa Kim?” he asked as he dragged the tip of the needle over Heechul’s shoulder just hard enough to leave a thin pink line. He continued when he got no response. “They’re like wires connecting every inch of your body to your brain. They are responsible for you feeling pain you know?” The needle stopped its path along Heechul’s skin and rested between his neck and shoulder. “And if you hit one nerve just right, your brain thinks that every branch of that nerve is being torn to little tiny pieces, even if its something as small as a needle prick.” The Jungnyeong held the needle straight up and down before adding pressure.
Heechul instantly felt identical prickles all over his left arm, not yet painful but not in the least pleasurable. His breath came in slowly now as he awaited further movement that was sure to come.
The Jungnyeong smirked. “This is going to hurt. A lot.” And then he drove the needle into Heechul’s skin with a smack from his hand.
A scream tore itself out of Heechul’s throat as fire engulfed every inch of his arm from the shoulder to his fingertips. Thousands of tiny knives drove into his skin, tearing and twisting as he continued to scream his agony into the concrete confinement. The intrusion was small; too small to even leave a mark but damaging enough to make a grown man submit to tears. Heechul gasped in air and waited helplessly for it all to stop.
It seemed like an eternity before the Jungnyeong finally withdrew the needle. Heechul felt the pain slowly recede from his arm, the ability to move it returning and leaving behind a horrid pressure. The Jungnyeong laughed and shook his shadowed head. “Do you know what the best part about this game is Sangsa? It keeps going until you learn not to scream.” Before another second could pass, a second needle was forced into Heechul’s right shoulder in the same spot as the one before.
And again a scream pierced the thick air. Heechul threw his head back and thrashed from side to side but it only drove the needle deeper. His nails bit into his skin until blood pooled around them and dripped to his wrists where it used to fall from for so long. The Jungnyeong gave him reason not to scream, but he couldn’t listen.
The needle was removed and fell to the floor with a small clink as the Jungnyeong laughed again. “I told you. I suggest you listen this time if you don’t want it to happen again.”
Tears poured from Heechul’s watching eyes that followed the Jungnyeong moving hand to the inside of his thigh. He sucked in deep breathes through his clenched teeth and watched as another needle was positioned. The Sangsa wanted to smack the needle away and beat the Jungnyeong senseless. He wanted to stab the needles into the other man and never take them away. He wanted to do so many things, but he did nothing until the needle was driven into his leg. This time, his screams were held behind bitten lips and hands covering his mouth. Neither did anything to minimize the pain that shot from his hip to his toes, burning him to the core and tearing his resolve apart. Crimson and transparent drops of pain fell to the floor beside his knees and still the Jungnyeong continued to laugh.
The third needle was taken out and fell. “The point of this is to see if you can stop screaming, not if you can make it quiet. And I suggest you learn quickly; it only gets worse.”
Despite the Jungnyeong’s warning, Heechul shrieked again when the fourth needle pierced the skin on his left thigh. His entire body jerked to the right and remained rigid, his nails buried themselves deeper and teeth bit down harder as if that would keep the sound from leaving his throat. Acid pulsed through his veins bringing agony with every second the needle invaded his body. Electricity danced just below his skin and begged his leg to move, to kick out, do anything. But he was paralyzed until the Jungnyeong took the needle away.
“You’re pathetic,” the Jungnyeong sneered, no hint of laughter in his voice this time. “You don’t deserve to become Daeryeong. You’re weak!” the fourth needle was driven in as if to punctuate the older man’s words. And still Heechul couldn’t stop his scream.
The process repeated with two more needles: one tore at his entire lower body, while the second did the same with his upper body. Heechul had lost all control of himself by the time the sixth needle was taken away. Tears poured endlessly from his eyes and sobs jerked his body as he trembled on his hands and knees. He couldn’t think of anything past the crushing pressure that had captured his entire being. His sense of reality was long gone.
The Jungnyeong circled to kneel behind Heechul and pushed the younger’s hair over his shoulder, exposing Heechul’s pale neck. “Hold still,” he hissed. The trembling mostly stopped but the tears continued to slide from his eyes. “I deserve to become Daeryeong after Sunghe,” the Jungnyeong breathed against his neck. “Not you. You shouldn’t even be here Heechul.”
Heechul felt the tip of the final needle pressed against his neck at the tip of his spine. He took deep breaths and braced himself for the pain he knew would come. But nothing could have ever prepared him for the sheer torture the seventh needle brought.
Shattered glass speared every inch of Heechul’s skin as if he had been thrown through a flaming window. His lungs refused to let him breathe. Black stars exploded in the corners of his eyes and time itself froze, sending him into oblivion where nothing existed but pain. Heechul couldn’t even process the scream that sliced through the air- a mind numbing, spine tingling scream that shattered the hearts of angels.
The Jungnyeong’s eyes glowed with satisfaction as he watched Heechul’s helpless form scream in front of him. He just couldn’t think of anything he wanted more than to leave the needle in its place and watch forever, but his instructions were clear: no more than ten seconds or it will cause permanent damage. Those ten seconds passed too quickly for his liking. Reluctantly, he removed the thin metal and the room once again fell silent aside from Heechul’s sharp gasps. He smirked and put his lips almost to the Sangsa’s ear. “Now we get to do this all over again,” he whispered with a short laugh. “Try to stay quite this time around.”
Heechul was hardly given time to recover before a needle plunged back into his shoulder. Another scream, another intrusion. The assault continued until Heechul had four needles protruding from his limbs. His entire body trembled violently; all voluntary movement was shut down. His throat burned from overuse as if the two needles on the floor beside him were being shoved down his throat, every breath gasping and horse.
“I’m amazed Sangsa Kim,” the Jungnyeong said as he scraped the slim metal up Heechul’s spine to the almost invisible red dot he’d made just moments before. “I really thought you would have stopped by now.”
Heechul couldn’t have responded even if he wanted to. The final needle was pushed back into his neck, cutting off all thought. His entire body convulsed and his nails tore into his skin. His mouth opened for a scream but no sound came, just silence. The eighteen year old boy was unconscious before the pain stopped.
*Daejang is one step above Jungjang and one below Wonsu
*Jungjang can also run training camps, ((they are run by Daeryeong- Daejang in my world)) is equivalent to Lieutenant General, is two steps below Wonsu, and was Sunghe’s title at the time of the memory.
*Wonsa is one step above Sangsa and equivalent to Sergeant Major. Wonsa and Sangsa sometimes room together in this fic, but they mostly stay with their own rank
*Sangsa is equivalent to Master Sergeant. Sangsa and Wonsa sometimes room together in this fic, but they mostly stay with their own rank
*Jungsa is between Sangsa and Hasa and equivalent to Sergeant First Class. Jungsa is the first officer ranking where they get to stay in rooms in the Officer’s Quarters in this fic
*Hasa is a basic level officer and equivalent to Staff Sergeant. Hasa room with the trainees in this fic
Sunghe: Wonsu ((American equal is General of Army))
Heechul: Daeryeong ((American equal is colonel))
Changmin: Jungnyeong ((American equal is lieutenant colonel))
Leeteuk: Jungnyeong ((American equal is lieutenant colonel))
Dongwook: Jungnyeong ((American equal is lieutenant colonel))
Yunho: Soryeong ((American equal is major))
Eunhyuk: Soryeong/ Head Medic ((American equal is major and… head medic))
Yoochun: Sangdeungbyeong ((American equal is corporal))
Donghae: Sangdeungbyeong ((American equal is corporal))
Jaejoong: Ideungbyeong ((American equal is private))
Junsu: Ideungbyeong ((American equal is private))
Length: [14b/?]
Author: HolyStarDown
Pairing: Yunjae, Yoosu, Leeteuk and Heechul ((Tuekchul?))
Rating: Overall NC-17
Genre: Romance, angst, drama
Disclaimer: i only own them in my dreams
Summary: In the breaking point of the Korean war, two brothers get drafted into the military and forced to fight for the lives. literally. punishment in camp 409 is just as unforgiving as its officers. attraction? frowned upon. affection? unheard if. love? strickly forbidden. But the training camp they thought they knew gets turned upside down when six of them decide to leave no rule left unbroken
Author's Note: chapter 13 is hella long. like almost 3x the usual length of my chapters. and it's all teukchul for this chapter. but! before you run away screaming in a yunjae-deprived rage, hear me out. it's all leeteuk/heechul's memory except the very end so it's VERY important to the fic. VERY IMPORTANT. so please read it even if you don't like the teukchul. i have to split it into three parts now since it's getting even longer than i planned so yeah. :] please don't shoot!!!! PART B HAS A VERY INTENSE SCENE. LIKE FOR REAL. NOT KID FRIENDLY AND NOT SEXUAL. LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY... T-O-R-T-U-R-E. IT'S KINDA DISTURBING BUT VERY NECESSARY TO THE FIC
also, i'm x-posting to hug______ :]
{ Prologue} { Ch 1} { Ch 2} { Ch 3} { Ch 4} { Ch 5a} { Ch 5b} { Ch 6} { Ch 7} { Ch 8} { Ch 9a} { Ch 9b} { Ch 10} { Ch 11} { Ch 12}
Chapter 13a
Leeteuk stared at his hand-written notes, engraving the words into his memory. He had to pass this exam, just had to. Becoming a Hasa* was all good and well, but Jungsa* status would earn him a room in the Officer’s Quarters with ten other officers instead of forty mindless trainees. He wanted it so badly he reviewed rules and techniques for hours every single night and during every meal, secluding himself from the other Hasa as much as possible. This promotion would bring him one step closer to his ultimate goal- one step closer to the possibility of happiness.
On the other side of camp 409 Heechul sat on his bed in silence, waiting. At only eighteen years old, he knew he shouldn’t already be a Sangsa*, but it wasn’t his place to decide how quickly the Jungjang* forced him to climb the ranks. The room was empty beside him and nine other unoccupied places where nine other officers had been only a few hours ago. All of them had been spontaneously moved: four of them to another camp, two to another room, and three of them just disappeared. Of course, Heechul knew why they had all been sent away from him; he’d planned it.
The other Sangsa (and one Wonsa*) hated him, despised him, loathed him. All of them were well into their twenties and just beginning their ascent, kissing as much ass as possible and doing everything to get on good terms with their superiors. Heechul did nothing beyond what he was told and only spoke when he was spoken to or when he gave orders. Drills were pounded into the others’ heads just like everyone in the training camp. Heechul was rarely seen during training. Only three people know where Heechul went: the Jungjang, Heechul himself, and his escort. The others only saw the young officer a few minutes before they went to sleep at night and a few minutes after they woke up in the morning. Anything beyond that was purely by chance. No one questioned the strange ordeal aside from gossip within their own inner circles that were frequently broken and reformed with new officers anyway. Heechul never belonged to any of them.
The Sangsa’s blank face showed the first signs of weariness as he leaned his forehead against the wall and his eyes began to slide closed. He’d deliberately lied to get the men in his room away from him, claiming they did things that they would never dare to even think of. Yes, separating himself from the rest of the world was really that important to him; anyone who got close would only tear him apart.
Heechul had never woken up to Sangsa Jinsun pinning him down and breathing hot air down his neck. The officers in his room had never taken turns running their hands all over his body while laughing and taunting him about how beautiful he looked. But Jungjang Kim didn’t have to know that.
The corner of Heechul’s mouth twitched at the thought of his minor victory, but he knew it wasn’t a complete win. Almost as soon as his roommates were sent away, one of the Jungnyeongs informed him that a new Sangsa would be moving in. It was certain that the officer would pass the exam and he had excellent marks in every field, meeting the Sangsa requirements to a T. Oh well, Heechul would just have to get rid of him too.
He didn’t know how long he stayed in the same leaning position, but Heechul knew it must have been hours. The sun had set and the lights in the officer’s common room had been turned out long ago. He finally gave up on wallowing in his own self pity and stretched his stiff muscles out on his lonely little bed. To the eighteen year old’s dismay, sleep would not take him. Just as he was about to close his eyes, the door creaked open. The movement was small, but Heechul jumped as if it had been an explosion. His eyes, long since adjusted to the darkness, made out half of a young boy’s face peeking through the door. “Who are you?” Heechul demanded.
Leeteuk’s skin prickled at the all too familiar voice. It was deeper, richer, sexier, than he ever remembered, but he would recognize that voice no matter what. The door opened more and he leaned farther into the room. His stomach turned into a gymnast, flipping over and over and over until he felt sick by just staring at Heechul’s faint silhouette that was right beside one of the beds. Both of them stood frozen in the room, neither daring to move closer to the other. Leeteuk’s mouth on the other hand worked on its own accord. “Chullie-ah?” he called softly.
Heechul felt as if the sound waves were spears piercing through his mind. Leeteuk was here, in his room, in his life once again. Blood pounded in his veins as he stared at his old best friend timidly walking fully into the room. He just couldn’t be here. “Why are you in my room Hasa Park?” he asked in a voice more shaky than he intended.
Leeteuk flinched at the formality his friend used to address him; it just didn’t sound right at all. “Don’t call me Hasa Park Chullie. It sounds stupid.” He dropped his small bag on the floor and crossed his arms over his chest to make himself look as sophisticated as possible. It was so different seeing Heechul up close and knowing that the younger man was actually here. His heart gave another flutter at the realization that all those times he thought he caught a glimpse of Heechul around camp 409 wasn’t just his imagination dwelling on how much he missed the most important person in his life.
Heechul narrowed his eyes at Leeteuk even though he knew the other wouldn’t see. “I suggest you drop the pet names and stick with formalities before you speak to me again,” he said coldly. The wince his words brought went ignored. “Now answer my question. Why are you in my room?”
The younger boy’s tone stung Leeteuk in ways he could never explain. His nails dug into his arms and he forced as much coldness into his voice as Heechul was displaying to him, narrowing his eyes and stepping slightly forward. “Just so you know Sangsa Kim,” the unfamiliar title felt wrong on his lips as well as the ice that laced his voice but Leeteuk forced himself to continue, “this is my room too now.”
“That’s impossible,” Heechul shot back. “You were a Hasa just this morning. There’s no way you could have gone up two ranks in one day.”
“Jungjang Kim decided that I was qualified enough to skip over Jungsa status when I took the tests at the shooting range. I have higher accuracy than most of the Wonsa.” Leeteuk stepped closer to Heechul again until there were only inches separating them. The feigned coldness in his eyes slipped away and was replaced by the hurt that he pointlessly tried to fight. “I missed you Heechul. I don’t want to fight with you after not seeing you for three years.”
Heechul said nothing for much longer than Leeteuk would have liked. He couldn’t name where all the hollow throbbing in his chest and the reluctance to see his once best friend came from, but it only grew the more he looked at the older boy. He knew he longed for something from Leeteuk. What exactly that was, he refused to let himself find out. It didn’t matter now. “Then I suggest you leave me alone.” Again. The words felt bittersweet as they escaped his lips. His common sense wanted Leeteuk to just go away and never speak to him again, but at the same time he wanted to chain them together and make sure the older boy always stayed by his side.
The latter option would only lead me to being hurt again if we were somehow separated, he kept reminding himself. And he didn’t want to be hurt anymore. Heechul turned away from the obvious heartbreak in Leeteuk’s eyes and lay on his bed, back facing the other boy. “Go to sleep. Nobody comes in to wake you up in the morning and I’m not going to do it.” He closed his eyes and heard Leeteuk shuffling to a bed on the opposite side of the room followed by the soft thud of his bag hitting the floor.
“Sangsa Park?”
The movement stopped and Leeteuk spared Heechul a glance over his shoulder. “Yes?” he almost sneered.
“Learn how to show some respect. I’m still your superior.”
Leeteuk’s face fell further as he stared at his new, very dull-looking bed. “I’m sorry…” he muttered.
“Don’t apologize, just do what I say.” Heechul’s eyes opened again and he locked his unfocused gaze on the wall in front of his face. He just couldn’t stop his father’s words from flowing out of his mouth as if they were his own. He knew Leeteuk wasn’t completely at fault for their separation, or really much at all, but he had to blame somebody. Leeteuk just happened to be the only person aside from himself he could blame without consequence.
Sleep never came to him that night. Hours felt like days as Heechul awaited the four knocks to fall on their door and signal their time to wake up. In the back of his mind he knew that the short knocks would have no chance of waking up the boy he used to cherish, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care; Leeteuk had to be responsible for himself just like everyone else.
After hours and hours of waiting, a knock finally came on the door. Not four, but just one before the door swung open. Heechul turned in his bed to see his escort, Jungnyeong Ryang, standing in the doorway with a single lit candle. “Get up,” he said in his very deep, very smooth voice that made Heechul instantly obey. “Forget about changing clothes; it’s only 0300 hours.”
Heechul slowly withdrew his hand from his trunk and straightened. “Why have you come at this hour? Jungjang Kim won’t-”
“He was the one who sent me to get you,” Jungnyeong Ryang said. He walked out of the room and Heechul nearly ran to follow at his heels.
They arrived in the Officer’s Quarters’ biggest room seconds later, the man who summoned Heechul sitting at his desk with the usual icy aura radiating off of him. “Sit,” he ordered.
Heechul complied after a quick bow and locked eyes with the man in front of him. He was too tired and already too stressed out by Leeteuk becoming his roommate to put up with any bullshit, but he knew that would be all he’d get.
“Sangsa Kim,” he said slowly, “are you aware of yesterday’s promotions?”
Heechul quickly bowed his head. “Yes sir. Three Sangsa, one Soryeong and one Hasa.” It was almost difficult for him to hide the smirk that tried to surface at his mini-triumph, but the smirk slowly spread on the other’s face instead.
“You’re wrong,” he said bluntly before shaking his head. “And here I thought you wouldn’t be as much of a disappointment today.”
Heechul flinched as if someone had been shot right in front of him, breath rushing in his lungs and eyes widening in shock. He couldn’t be wrong. Being wrong in front of the Jungjang was out of the question.
“You obviously forgot to acknowledge the new Daejang,” the elder man said as the iciness in his eyes intensified.
The small change sent shivers dancing across Heechul’s skin and the information smacked him in the face. He’d made sure he knew everything that changed in the camp at all times, yet he hadn’t heard a word about any of them moving up to Daejang* level. “That’s impossible. Who could have possibly gotten to that status when nobody is higher than a Jungnyeong?”
“I have.”
Heechul mentally stabbed himself for not catching on to that immediately; the additional star on the man’s insignia should have been his first clue and the second the fact that it was mentioned at all. He bowed deeply to hide the shame streaking his face and spoke quickly. “I was unaware of that sir. I will do better in the future.”
“I would certainly hope so Heechul. That just shows your incompetence, and I won’t tolerate my officers being less than perfect,” the Daejang said. “Your mistake aside, do you know what my promotion means for you Sangsa?” He shifted in his chair to almost lazily rest his chin on the back of his hand as Heechul squirmed under his gaze.
“No sir. I don’t.”
A sad sigh passed Daejang Kim’s lips. “You do plan to succeed my place as a Daeryeong, correct?”
“Yes sir.”
“Then my promotion means that I am one step closer to leaving, and you are one step closer to taking my place. Do you know what you have to do before that happens?” The Daejang sighed again when Heechul spared him no reaction. “You see, it works like this: once you become Daeryeong, you chose someone who will take over after you and you bring them up faster than any other like I have done to you. You’re just lucky that I’ve decided to tell you this beforehand so you’ll have extra preparation. Anyway, the person you choose has to be capable of doing anything and everything you ask, has to be good at whatever he does, has to be someone who can lead, someone who can take control of any situation with little effort. As much of a disappointment as you are I still see all of that in you somewhere. Meaning that if the worst or the best should happen to me, I know you can keep this camp in control.”
Heechul knew better than to take the other man’s complements lightly; it was even less frequent than rare to hear them, much less to hear them directly. Both of them always knew that he would be the one to take over next and it was spoken of every day, but this was different. “Why are you telling me all this?” he finally asked.
“Why? Because I think it would be wise for you to start looking for someone to back you up as soon as possible. You never know- you might die on your first day. You tell me who your choice is and I’ll bring him up two ranks if I see fit. If not, then I will make your choice for you as usual.” The Daejang leaned back in his chair and chased an ant on his desk with a razor sharp pen before cutting the insect in half. “Do keep in mind that mental strength is more important than physical strength even though both are necessary.”
“I understand.” Heechul mentally sifted through hundreds of names and faces, scratching through all of them except the one he refused to acknowledge. He’d never been around the other officers enough to know any of them very well on a personal level, but he reviewed their conduct and accomplishments every day. He could only think of one person who had never been given punishment and Heechul sent that person to the back of his mind in hopes that he would stay there.
Daejang Kim’s voice eventually broke through his thoughts. “You don’t have to make your decision now; I just suggest that you think about it. You’ll have plenty of time to do that today.”
Heechul’s gaze snapped back into focus and he tried uselessly to read the Daejang’s expression. With all of the tasks the Daejang shoved on him he never had time to think about his own things. “What am I assigned to do?” he asked cautiously.
“Well, as Daeryeong you will have to issue punishments to anyone who disobeys your orders and the punishment must fit their actions. Of course, it’s impossible to know the severity of the punishment they deserve unless you know what to base your decisions on.” His smooth voice cut off and his hollow black eyes showed something very close to amusement as he looked at Jungnyeong Ryang. “I thought that maybe your decision-making would benefit from experiencing our worst punishment for yourself.” He laughed lightly and turned his fake smile to Heechul. “After all, it’s just wrong to give someone something you’ve never had to go through yourself. Isn’t that right Heechul?”
Every nerve in the Sangsa’s body screamed in fear of the predatory look on the other man’s face. He could hear his blood pounding in his ears and feel it rapidly pulsing under his skin, his muscles tensing and on guard. “You can’t do that,” he said without thinking. “I haven’t done anything wrong.”
Again the Daejang’s laughed filled the room, louder this time. “You forget that I can do whatever I want. And you, my dear Sangsa, are powerless to stop me.”
Heechul didn’t know how he let it happen; before he could even think, Jungnyeong Ryang had twisted his arms behind his back and was now pressed flush against him. It could have been a test. Maybe Daejang Kim expected him to fight back, maybe he expected Heechul to break free from the Jungnyeong’s hold and evade getting captured again. But he did none of those things. Heechul just let himself get dragged out into the pre-dawn air and toward a concrete building with absolutely no windows or more than one thick steel door.
Jungnyeong Ryang switched to hold Heechul with only one hand as he alternated through seven different keys to undo the locks lining the door’s frame. He knew where he was going even before the older man shoved him in the dark concrete room, slamming the door shut behind him.
Heechul stood motionless in the darkness, taking shallow shaking breaths. Even that practically inaudible sound echoed off of the walls and smothered him with the constant reminder of his own failure to maintain control of himself. For hours he remained in the same position that Jungnyeong Ryang had left him in: arms handing limp at his sides, one foot stretched out in front of the other, eyes wide in shock, and staring at the wall opposite from the door. Sweat had already begun to drip down his face and splatter on the floor from the heat that insisted on trying to suffocate him. He didn’t remember it being this hot when he walked here, but by now he could scarcely remember anything. All he could think about was the burning air closing in on him as he breathing picked up. Faster and faster the air rushed passed his lips with no effect on his burning lungs. The darkness swirled and pressed against Heechul’s body before it consumed him completely.
The Sangsa didn’t know when or how he passed out but when he finally opened his eyes pain assaulted his head and the entire right side of his body as he lay against the concrete floor. He was vaguely aware of the irony taste that lingered on his tongue and all too caught up in the feeling of being tossed from side to side even though he was perfectly still. The scraping sounds of his body on the concrete and his hissing breath still echoed off the walls he couldn’t see, the feeling of being completely helpless crashing on top of him and threatening to crush him under its weight. His arm flailed at his side to find support from the invisible walls as he stood and waited for his eyes to adjust to the complete darkness. They never did. Heechul didn’t know how long he stood in the pitch black silence before seven solid clicks seemed to explode in his ears.
The door swung open and the room was illuminated by a dull orange glow. “Sangsa Kim?” a deep voice called just after the door slammed shut again.
“What?” Heechul spat as he whipped around to face the only other life in the room. A shadow shrouded the man’s face and left only that to imagination. Seven brilliant silver needles blazed orange in the candlelight, loosely grasped in the man’s hand. “What are those for?” he asked, uncaring that his first question didn’t get answered.
“You should learn how to be more respectful Sangsa Kim,” the man said slowly. “I am a Jungnyeong after all.”
Heechul clenched his fists and kept his mouth shut.
“I have to say I was surprised that the Daejang put you in here, but that just makes this all the more fun for me.” Heechul could hear the smile in the man’s voice and it made him sick with hatred for someone he couldn’t even identify. “On your knees Sangsa,” he ordered.
Heechul hesitantly complied, his eyes never leaving the shadow covering the Jungnyeong’s face. His pulse raced almost painfully fast as he watched the other man step closer and draw out one of the needles with a smile. “Do you know how your nerves work Sangsa Kim?” he asked as he dragged the tip of the needle over Heechul’s shoulder just hard enough to leave a thin pink line. He continued when he got no response. “They’re like wires connecting every inch of your body to your brain. They are responsible for you feeling pain you know?” The needle stopped its path along Heechul’s skin and rested between his neck and shoulder. “And if you hit one nerve just right, your brain thinks that every branch of that nerve is being torn to little tiny pieces, even if its something as small as a needle prick.” The Jungnyeong held the needle straight up and down before adding pressure.
Heechul instantly felt identical prickles all over his left arm, not yet painful but not in the least pleasurable. His breath came in slowly now as he awaited further movement that was sure to come.
The Jungnyeong smirked. “This is going to hurt. A lot.” And then he drove the needle into Heechul’s skin with a smack from his hand.
A scream tore itself out of Heechul’s throat as fire engulfed every inch of his arm from the shoulder to his fingertips. Thousands of tiny knives drove into his skin, tearing and twisting as he continued to scream his agony into the concrete confinement. The intrusion was small; too small to even leave a mark but damaging enough to make a grown man submit to tears. Heechul gasped in air and waited helplessly for it all to stop.
It seemed like an eternity before the Jungnyeong finally withdrew the needle. Heechul felt the pain slowly recede from his arm, the ability to move it returning and leaving behind a horrid pressure. The Jungnyeong laughed and shook his shadowed head. “Do you know what the best part about this game is Sangsa? It keeps going until you learn not to scream.” Before another second could pass, a second needle was forced into Heechul’s right shoulder in the same spot as the one before.
And again a scream pierced the thick air. Heechul threw his head back and thrashed from side to side but it only drove the needle deeper. His nails bit into his skin until blood pooled around them and dripped to his wrists where it used to fall from for so long. The Jungnyeong gave him reason not to scream, but he couldn’t listen.
The needle was removed and fell to the floor with a small clink as the Jungnyeong laughed again. “I told you. I suggest you listen this time if you don’t want it to happen again.”
Tears poured from Heechul’s watching eyes that followed the Jungnyeong moving hand to the inside of his thigh. He sucked in deep breathes through his clenched teeth and watched as another needle was positioned. The Sangsa wanted to smack the needle away and beat the Jungnyeong senseless. He wanted to stab the needles into the other man and never take them away. He wanted to do so many things, but he did nothing until the needle was driven into his leg. This time, his screams were held behind bitten lips and hands covering his mouth. Neither did anything to minimize the pain that shot from his hip to his toes, burning him to the core and tearing his resolve apart. Crimson and transparent drops of pain fell to the floor beside his knees and still the Jungnyeong continued to laugh.
The third needle was taken out and fell. “The point of this is to see if you can stop screaming, not if you can make it quiet. And I suggest you learn quickly; it only gets worse.”
Despite the Jungnyeong’s warning, Heechul shrieked again when the fourth needle pierced the skin on his left thigh. His entire body jerked to the right and remained rigid, his nails buried themselves deeper and teeth bit down harder as if that would keep the sound from leaving his throat. Acid pulsed through his veins bringing agony with every second the needle invaded his body. Electricity danced just below his skin and begged his leg to move, to kick out, do anything. But he was paralyzed until the Jungnyeong took the needle away.
“You’re pathetic,” the Jungnyeong sneered, no hint of laughter in his voice this time. “You don’t deserve to become Daeryeong. You’re weak!” the fourth needle was driven in as if to punctuate the older man’s words. And still Heechul couldn’t stop his scream.
The process repeated with two more needles: one tore at his entire lower body, while the second did the same with his upper body. Heechul had lost all control of himself by the time the sixth needle was taken away. Tears poured endlessly from his eyes and sobs jerked his body as he trembled on his hands and knees. He couldn’t think of anything past the crushing pressure that had captured his entire being. His sense of reality was long gone.
The Jungnyeong circled to kneel behind Heechul and pushed the younger’s hair over his shoulder, exposing Heechul’s pale neck. “Hold still,” he hissed. The trembling mostly stopped but the tears continued to slide from his eyes. “I deserve to become Daeryeong after Sunghe,” the Jungnyeong breathed against his neck. “Not you. You shouldn’t even be here Heechul.”
Heechul felt the tip of the final needle pressed against his neck at the tip of his spine. He took deep breaths and braced himself for the pain he knew would come. But nothing could have ever prepared him for the sheer torture the seventh needle brought.
Shattered glass speared every inch of Heechul’s skin as if he had been thrown through a flaming window. His lungs refused to let him breathe. Black stars exploded in the corners of his eyes and time itself froze, sending him into oblivion where nothing existed but pain. Heechul couldn’t even process the scream that sliced through the air- a mind numbing, spine tingling scream that shattered the hearts of angels.
The Jungnyeong’s eyes glowed with satisfaction as he watched Heechul’s helpless form scream in front of him. He just couldn’t think of anything he wanted more than to leave the needle in its place and watch forever, but his instructions were clear: no more than ten seconds or it will cause permanent damage. Those ten seconds passed too quickly for his liking. Reluctantly, he removed the thin metal and the room once again fell silent aside from Heechul’s sharp gasps. He smirked and put his lips almost to the Sangsa’s ear. “Now we get to do this all over again,” he whispered with a short laugh. “Try to stay quite this time around.”
Heechul was hardly given time to recover before a needle plunged back into his shoulder. Another scream, another intrusion. The assault continued until Heechul had four needles protruding from his limbs. His entire body trembled violently; all voluntary movement was shut down. His throat burned from overuse as if the two needles on the floor beside him were being shoved down his throat, every breath gasping and horse.
“I’m amazed Sangsa Kim,” the Jungnyeong said as he scraped the slim metal up Heechul’s spine to the almost invisible red dot he’d made just moments before. “I really thought you would have stopped by now.”
Heechul couldn’t have responded even if he wanted to. The final needle was pushed back into his neck, cutting off all thought. His entire body convulsed and his nails tore into his skin. His mouth opened for a scream but no sound came, just silence. The eighteen year old boy was unconscious before the pain stopped.
*Daejang is one step above Jungjang and one below Wonsu
*Jungjang can also run training camps, ((they are run by Daeryeong- Daejang in my world)) is equivalent to Lieutenant General, is two steps below Wonsu, and was Sunghe’s title at the time of the memory.
*Wonsa is one step above Sangsa and equivalent to Sergeant Major. Wonsa and Sangsa sometimes room together in this fic, but they mostly stay with their own rank
*Sangsa is equivalent to Master Sergeant. Sangsa and Wonsa sometimes room together in this fic, but they mostly stay with their own rank
*Jungsa is between Sangsa and Hasa and equivalent to Sergeant First Class. Jungsa is the first officer ranking where they get to stay in rooms in the Officer’s Quarters in this fic
*Hasa is a basic level officer and equivalent to Staff Sergeant. Hasa room with the trainees in this fic
Sunghe: Wonsu ((American equal is General of Army))
Heechul: Daeryeong ((American equal is colonel))
Changmin: Jungnyeong ((American equal is lieutenant colonel))
Leeteuk: Jungnyeong ((American equal is lieutenant colonel))
Dongwook: Jungnyeong ((American equal is lieutenant colonel))
Yunho: Soryeong ((American equal is major))
Eunhyuk: Soryeong/ Head Medic ((American equal is major and… head medic))
Yoochun: Sangdeungbyeong ((American equal is corporal))
Donghae: Sangdeungbyeong ((American equal is corporal))
Jaejoong: Ideungbyeong ((American equal is private))
Junsu: Ideungbyeong ((American equal is private))