Kiwi fruits feel like slightly heavy testicles with two-day-old pubic stubble.

That is all.

Something I had to learn the hard way today ( Read more... )

I would like to make yet another statement of public interest.

FUCKING OMG CASCADIAN FARMS RASPBERRY JELLY

O
M
F
G.

I'm so tempted to eat the entire jar just by itself with a spoon :O Fucking delicious.

Plus, they score an A in the Better World Shopping Guide (which, BTW, ALL of you need to own).

^_____^

As many of you know, I live with my sister. This was mostly done out of convenience, since despite caring about each other, we have jack shit in common and fight frequently as well ( Read more... )

So I was sitting at work earlier, reading Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic (very good book...if you haven't read it, then do so), and while I was reflecting on my long-buried desires to support more local businesses/use my car less/things like that, something dawned on me ( Read more... )

Stella Murderface: Oh, you gutless pieces of living garbage! You think you know what it's like to be brutal!?? (spraying mace into Murderface's eyes) Can you imagine cleaning the feculent cud off this moron's diapers every morning? (sprays more mace into Murderface's eyes) Let me tell you billionaire low-lives something, there's nothing, NOTHING in ( Read more... )

I am such a dumbass ( Read more... )

Dear snow ( Read more... )

Dear soy:

Fuck you for giving me a migraine at work. Seriously. How uncool are you :|

Dear delicious huge juicy potato:

Fuck you for being green so I can't eat you. :(

Dear payday:

Fuck you for being Thursday. Why can't you come tomorrow or Wednesday so I can buy some freaking FOOD?!

So fantastic news...I GOT MY NEW OVEN! YAY! NOW I CAN COOK THINGS WITHOUT GETTING THE FIRE DEPARTMENT POUNDING AT MY DOOR ( Read more... )