Gregor Vorbarra, Lois McMaster Bujold's Vorkosigan Saga
If you've spent a significant amount of time governing three planets, you'll take a vacation any way you can get one.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Wisconsin cheddar. Not nearly as complicated as the cheeses that get served at palace functions, which is a good thing.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I'd opt for Barney, because he's targeting children too young and innocent to realize about lethal levels of annoyance. My chief of security would let Barney go in favor of Carrot Top, because my blood pressure rises faster when I hear him. I tend to get overridden when Simon Illyan sees my safety at risk.
3. What time is it where you are?
Seventeen o'clock or thereabouts if you're talking about me, personally. I've got nine Auditors spread across the interstellar Nexus, though, and by Imperial law they are extensions of myself, so if you count that, it could be any time from quarter past midnight last night to twenty o'clock next Tuesday.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Judging from my research, if I were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, I'd have a lot more pressing worries than whom to sexually harass among my inner circle. Losing the war because you took time out to flirt with people rather than keeping your eye on ...
...sorry. Guess I was kinda channeling Uncle Aral a bit there. Which doesn't make the point any less valid. Responsibility's got to come first.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Best I can think of is the Emperor's Bolthole. It'd be a safe bar, I guarantee, but probably crowded; Simon wouldn't let me within ten kilometers of such a place without a dozen hand-picked (by him, not me) armsmen already in place. (But I wouldn't want to be a Slytherin anyway; untempered ambition is a dangerous, dangerous thing. I've seen it too often.)
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
You ask the easy questions, don't you? I can't call it based on family connections or alliances (they're twins); money (both co-owners of a novelty shop, right?); looks (again, twins); or even personalities. I'd have to say it would swing entirely on attraction, and I'm not fool enough to start issuing edicts on matters of the heart.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
I'm afraid I have no clue. I suppose I could put Vorpatril on the case; he always needs something to keep him out of trouble anyway.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Governing three planets without a civil war breaking out has got to be worth something; I must be better at diplomacy than my grandfather, rest his soul.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
One of the upsides of being Emperor is that I've inherited a lot of worldly goods. Obviously, I'm not going to give away anything I'm holding in trust for the people of Barrayar, but that still leaves more stuff than I could dispose of in a hundred lifetimes. Or services. I could offer the hat in the corner the services of the Imperial tailor, to mend and reinforce, perhaps with some decorative gilt; also, the last time I got out to the city center of Vorbarr Sultana, I saw this very fetching scarf...
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Wisconsin cheddar. Not nearly as complicated as the cheeses that get served at palace functions, which is a good thing.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I'd opt for Barney, because he's targeting children too young and innocent to realize about lethal levels of annoyance. My chief of security would let Barney go in favor of Carrot Top, because my blood pressure rises faster when I hear him. I tend to get overridden when Simon Illyan sees my safety at risk.
3. What time is it where you are?
Seventeen o'clock or thereabouts if you're talking about me, personally. I've got nine Auditors spread across the interstellar Nexus, though, and by Imperial law they are extensions of myself, so if you count that, it could be any time from quarter past midnight last night to twenty o'clock next Tuesday.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Judging from my research, if I were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, I'd have a lot more pressing worries than whom to sexually harass among my inner circle. Losing the war because you took time out to flirt with people rather than keeping your eye on ...
...sorry. Guess I was kinda channeling Uncle Aral a bit there. Which doesn't make the point any less valid. Responsibility's got to come first.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Best I can think of is the Emperor's Bolthole. It'd be a safe bar, I guarantee, but probably crowded; Simon wouldn't let me within ten kilometers of such a place without a dozen hand-picked (by him, not me) armsmen already in place. (But I wouldn't want to be a Slytherin anyway; untempered ambition is a dangerous, dangerous thing. I've seen it too often.)
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
You ask the easy questions, don't you? I can't call it based on family connections or alliances (they're twins); money (both co-owners of a novelty shop, right?); looks (again, twins); or even personalities. I'd have to say it would swing entirely on attraction, and I'm not fool enough to start issuing edicts on matters of the heart.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
I'm afraid I have no clue. I suppose I could put Vorpatril on the case; he always needs something to keep him out of trouble anyway.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Governing three planets without a civil war breaking out has got to be worth something; I must be better at diplomacy than my grandfather, rest his soul.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
One of the upsides of being Emperor is that I've inherited a lot of worldly goods. Obviously, I'm not going to give away anything I'm holding in trust for the people of Barrayar, but that still leaves more stuff than I could dispose of in a hundred lifetimes. Or services. I could offer the hat in the corner the services of the Imperial tailor, to mend and reinforce, perhaps with some decorative gilt; also, the last time I got out to the city center of Vorbarr Sultana, I saw this very fetching scarf...