compy post, open: Inquiring mind(s) want to know!
sequela@hogwarts.IntraNet.net posted:Hello. How are you? I am new to Hogwarts and have some questions of the kind new people sometimes think and seldom have the opportunity to ask
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Comments 92
I GeT ALL tHe FUD i wANt HER. HOUs Evls BRnG iT ALL I dO Is TeLL ThEm. NoBODEE SeNDs me 2 tHE ClOZet HERe.
I am tHE haNSUmisT. I wuN A CONtesT.
I lIK tUNa & MunKEEz.
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What is your house?
What contest did you win?
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I wuN bEsT BUtT.
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A swarm of assorted Hogwarts Shoggies gather about one of the monitors in the compy lab. With some effort, they manage to decipher the questions, and, with even more effort, they assemble a reply message, diligently pressed out on one of the keyboards by Shoggy 12.3.
HELLO. WE R SHOGGIES. WE R GOOD BECAUSE DETHTOWER IS DUN SOON. YOU SHUD VISIT DETHTOWER. WE WILL HAV SIGNS.
WE LIKE OUR HOUSE. IT IS HUFFLEPOOF AND HAS A FOODLIBRARYS. THAT IS OUR FAVORITE PART. BUT IT NEEDS MORE MEATS AND THAT IS OUR NOT-FAVORITE PART.
WE LIKE HOGWARTS. THE BEST PART IS EVERYTHING BUT WE CANT EAT HUMANMEATS AT SCHOOL OR WE DO NOT GET CHIKEN AND HATS. THAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE PART. WE LIKE CHIKEN AND HATS AND EYESBALL SANDWICHES.
The next couple of questions proved somewhat difficult for the Shoggies. Humor was not actually a concept that they were aware of, and human anatomy and it's attractiveness or lack thereof was quite confusing. After a period of debate, Shoggy 12.3 eventually typed a response.
WE DONT KNOW FUNNIEST. THE TALKINGHAT IS NICE ( ... )
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Hello, Shoggies.
Thank you for your kind and patient explanations. I hope I did not offend Master 'Zathoth with my use of a figure of speech regarding time. Is Time his domain in some respect?
Master Cthulhoo, Master Smaug, and The Lakefriend all sound very handsome indeed. Do they also like chicken and hats?
You can have as much chicken and cheese as you like. I will send some to you via owl courier. Please do not eat the owl, as it is not a chicken. I cannot send you a nonsentient hat at this time. Have you ever tried to eat the Sorting Hat? If so, what was the Hat's response to your attempt?
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HELLO. MASTER 'ZATHOTH IS MASTER OF TIME AND SPACE. HE IS THE GATE AND THE KEY BUT NOT SOAP. IF THERE IS NOT LIGHTNING HE IS NOT MAD. HE JUST GETS MAD ABOUT BEING CALLED SOAP OR BUBBLES OR FOAMS OR MAYBE LOTS OF BALLS. WE THOUGHT HE WAS INS SHOGGIES' BALL PIT ONE DAY BUT IT WAS JUST BALLS.
MASTER CTHULHOO LIKES CHIKEN AND LOOKS NICE IN HATS BUT VERY BIG HATS. MASTER SMAUG LIKES MEATS SO WE THINK HE LIKES CHIKENS. WE KNOW HE LIKES PROTO-HAMSBURGERS. ONE DAY HE GOT US SOME. WE DONT KNOW IF LAKEFRIEND DOES BECAUSE WE HAV NOT SEEN UNDERWATER CHIKEN. MASTER DAGON MAKES UNDERWATER PEOPLE THAT R SOOO CUTE. WE WILL TRY AND MAKE SUM UNDERWATER CHIKEN OUT OF CHIKEN AND FISH.The Shoggies had not expected their time with the compy system to result in food, so When a owl actually arrived with chicken and the requested swiss cheese, just like the compy said it would, the Shoggies were awed. After enveloping said ( ... )
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Underwater people? I've never met an underwater person. Can you tell me more about them?
By proto-hamburger, do you mean a living cow?
I am sending what the house-elves tell me is the yellowest of yellow cheeses, with some underwater chicken. The cheese is called Squeeze Cheese. The chicken is called Chicken of the Sea and they say it comes from America.
I hope you enjoy it.
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I'm afraid I can't answer many of your questions, since I haven't been here much longer than you. But I can answer some of them.
My house is Ravenclaw, and I'm quite fond of it. My favourite thing is the lab, but I'm not sure why there's a pub there.
I really like Hogwarts so far. My favourite thing is the library, and my least is the low number of classes.
I think the Hat's singing is the funniest. I haven't seen it do anything too bad, but I have heard some very vague rumours.
Sorry if I can't really comment on attractiveness. I certainly don't know everyone, and I'm not quite sure what exactly humans go for the most anyways.
I like cheese just fine, but not particularly. I'm not quite sure why it's a question on the application.
I hope this helps! And I've got more than enough time to let you borrow some.
--Susan
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Hello, Susan. I didn't choose too arcane a username, so I'm not surprised that you've figured out who's posting as sequela. Can you tell what I'm trying to do?
Thanks for answering my questions. The answers I'm getting are interesting on a number of levels, the factual being only the most basic and accessible of those.
How are you doing? I enjoyed our conversation in the big room where I started. Does that room have a name?
Cheers,
Ari
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Well, it looks like a survey of some kind. Most of them are general quality-of-life type of questions, though I'm not sure why you're asking about people's appearance, unless you're looking for a date, too. I'd think that the Hat put you up to it, but it would know about the things it's done. Did the Headmistress ask you?
The answers really do say a lot about all the different students. They certainly make for interesting reading as well! Hogwarts must have a great variety of people here indeed.
So far I'm having a very good time. Mostly I've been studying on my own. If you'd like, we could get together and do a little research.
--Susan
PS - The room you were in is called the Sorting Room. I started out in there, too.
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Yes, a survey would be a nice thing to call it. Let's call it that. I'm learning a lot. Haven't met the Headmistress -- have you?
I don't think I'd know what to do with a date if I got one, honestly. My predecessor never had luck with other CITs and she warned me pretty well off them. It's funny, you're not the first person to think I might be looking for a date. Grima Wormtongue asked me if I wanted to be betrothed, and told me about a man named Beowulf who is famous (it seems) for eating a lot of ham.
What are you researching? I'd love to have a study group. I never had that at home.
Cheers,
Ari
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Do you like your House? What is the best thing about it? What is your least favorite thing about it?
Your Mom.
Do you like Hogwarts? What is the best thing about it? What is your least favorite thing about it?
Your Mom.
What is the funniest thing the Hat has ever done to you or a person you know?
The funniest thing the Hat has ever done was Your Mom.
What is the worst thing the Hat has ever done to you or a person you know?
Your Mom.
Who is the handsomest man at Hogwarts? Who is the most beautiful woman?
Look, I think you should be able to figure this one out on your own.
Do you like cheese?
No.
Thank you for your time.
You're welcome.
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Hello, Grima Wormtongue. You have an interesting username. Why do you call yourself Wormtongue?
The establishment of gazebos: can you tell me more about this? I haven't heard about gazebos yet. You are the first person to mention them. I am grateful for any wisdom and/or guidance you are willing to share.
I am not seeking betrothal at this time. I am interested in the selection criteria for Hogwarts. I am informed that Bucky Katt won the best butt contest. Do you have any comment on Bucky's win? Please also tell me more about Beowulf if you can.
I would love to try goat's milk cheese. I would also love to meet a goat.
It's good that we have a councilor here to help us. Thank you. Would it be permissible for me to consult you via private message, or in person? My lack of knowledge sometimes embarrasses me.
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Councillor Wormtongue:
You strike me as a very observant person indeed. I will be sure to keep an eye out for Beowulf. I think I've learned as much as I can from Bucky Katt. Are there other persons you can warn me against? Or persons you would commend?
I really do want to see a goat. Maybe that sounds silly to you. We have working pigs and we have a couple of horses, where I come from, but no goats. Is it true they'll eat anything?
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