The Unpopping of River Tam

[biblerewrite]

River found herself in the not unfamiliar state of being utterly disoriented.

This is not logical; there is not enough butter on Serenity to bathe in.
And yet, to spite the illogical bend of the situation, here she was, covered in butter. Did they even have butter?

And, surrounded by popcorn.
There is not enough popcorn on Serenity to fill a room.
This

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[i_am_an_hero]

A understood the concept of popcorn, and had walked past the popcorn room often on his way to the library. But he had never seen someone emerge, oleaginous and gritty with salt.

He approached her tentatively; it was supposed to be confusing, being revived from popcorn, and he knows how frightening confusion can be.

"Are you lost?"

[biblerewrite]

She stared at him, wide-eyed, as if she'd just swallowed a bug.

"I've been buttered," she announced, sounding as shocked as she felt.

[i_am_an_hero]

And quite thoroughly at that. If she'd been a .gif his porn blocker would have refused access.

"I, I've, they say that..." Was he stammering more than usual? "Popcorn. S-sometimes people turn into popcorn and, and sometimes they turn back again. Into people, and when, when they do, they're greasy and salty and sometimes their memories are, they've forgotten things."

[biblerewrite]

"I must have forgotten things," she agreed, still staring at him. He was not like Simon. He was also not like Book, Mal, or Jayne. This, to her, was both disconcerting and comforting.

"I must have, Serenity isn't this... roomy. Your cat is licking me." Indeed, the white one was currently going to town on her left foot. It tickled.

[edomedpeddler]

Kusuriyuri was on his way back to his room. He had much to think on and steps to take on plants that were being prepared for medicinal use. And, while he was accustom to the odd styles of dress from the students, he could only recall one other person covered in that particular substance, and he had been rather disoriented and wishing to clean himself.

"Are you well?" he asked softly. Though he was not carrying his case, he knew his geta made enough noise that she should have been aware of his approach.

[biblerewrite]

The clacking walk was unnerving, but she supposed it was the least unsettling part of this individual. River stared at him for a few moments, before blurting out, "I forgot there were male companions."

Well, she didn't really forget, though she was unaccustomed to seeing a man dress more flamboyantly than Inara.

[edomedpeddler]

"Companion?" Kusuriyuri repeated. "What is a companion, please?" She said the word as if it meant something specifically.

[biblerewrite]

"You aren't, then..." River mused, looking him up and down. He was very... colorful, for not being one. "Companions are Ambassadors," she said, giving the most simplistic answer. She didn't think it would be polite to mention that she had mistaken him for a very high-class whore.

[noseymaddie]

Someone showing up covered in butter was completely new on Maddie. Even hanging around a stage magician's creative developer hadn't exposed her to that. Maybe if she spent more time with Adam Klaus himself, she would have seen more oddities. But, then, she was too short and full-figured to be his type. And had too much brains, too.

"And I thought just showing up here was weird. Are you okay?" she asked solicitously.

[biblerewrite]

"Unharmed," she said simply. The woman seemed pleasant, thankfully. "But disoriented."

[noseymaddie]

"Oh, well." Maddie looked the girl up and down. "I could show you where a shower is, at least. I'm not sure where to find clothes, though. I'm sure it'll help a little to get cleaned up, won't it?"

Realizing that disoriented might be helped by an introduction, Maddie held out her hand. "I'm Maddie. I'm still finding my way here myself, but I'll help as much as I can."

[biblerewrite]

River reached out her own hand, taking Maddie's and shaking it bravely. "River. A shower would be ideal."

[papayagami]

Soichiro was checking. Sure, there were no other names he recognized on the plaque, but given how many people he knew that went under aliases, it couldn't hurt to check to see if someone was there.

Okay, someone unfamiliar (River Tam, strange name) was here, but no one he know.

"Would you like some help?"

[biblerewrite]

"Directions would be nice," River answered politely. "To a shower, or unbuttered clothes."

[papayagami]

"Showers, I think it would depend on where you go. Do you remember which house you were in? As for clothes, I think we could ask a house elf."

[biblerewrite]

"I remember being on Serenity, then being covered in butter. Maddie knows where a shower is, all I need are clothes."

She paused a moment.
"I'm River."

[jezzthespoon]

He'd had some idle time, and had gone to visit the popcorn room. The only familiar name on the plaque was Pharaun Mizzrym, but it was satisfying enough for Jezz to imagine the garrulous wizard who'd come to Minauthkeep with the Baenre being transmuted into a food item.

On the way, he spotted a human girl going in the other direction.

[biblerewrite]

Reaver? was her first thought. Though, when he didn't seem to be aggressive, blood-soaked, or functionally insane, River's brief panic was soothed. He was just... funny-looking. She stopped in the middle of the hallway, and stared at him in her way, one eyebrow lifted.

[jezzthespoon]

He regarded her in return as he drew closer, though he was very much used to humans by now. She seemed soaked in something, and was that a grease trail behind her? And that smell...

He nodded in greeting. "Were you swimming with the popcorn?"

[biblerewrite]

"I think I was one," she replied. "Though the ratio of butter to my body mass seems illogical for the size of the kernel I would have been..." she rattled off mathematical processes for a moment before stopping altogether.

"Does this happen often?"