The Unpopping of River Tam

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River found herself in the not unfamiliar state of being utterly disoriented.

This is not logical; there is not enough butter on Serenity to bathe in.
And yet, to spite the illogical bend of the situation, here she was, covered in butter. Did they even have butter?

And, surrounded by popcorn.
There is not enough popcorn on Serenity to fill a room.
This

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[i_am_an_hero]

A understood the concept of popcorn, and had walked past the popcorn room often on his way to the library. But he had never seen someone emerge, oleaginous and gritty with salt.

He approached her tentatively; it was supposed to be confusing, being revived from popcorn, and he knows how frightening confusion can be.

"Are you lost?"

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She stared at him, wide-eyed, as if she'd just swallowed a bug.

"I've been buttered," she announced, sounding as shocked as she felt.

[i_am_an_hero]

And quite thoroughly at that. If she'd been a .gif his porn blocker would have refused access.

"I, I've, they say that..." Was he stammering more than usual? "Popcorn. S-sometimes people turn into popcorn and, and sometimes they turn back again. Into people, and when, when they do, they're greasy and salty and sometimes their memories are, they've forgotten things."

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"I must have forgotten things," she agreed, still staring at him. He was not like Simon. He was also not like Book, Mal, or Jayne. This, to her, was both disconcerting and comforting.

"I must have, Serenity isn't this... roomy. Your cat is licking me." Indeed, the white one was currently going to town on her left foot. It tickled.

[i_am_an_hero]

"Her name is Schrodinger," A told her. "She's, she is very curious about things and brave." Einstein lurked at his ankle, eyeing this new arrival cautiously.

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"Paradigm, thought experiment..." She didn't like thought experiments, but this one was cute and friendly, and did not have blue hands, so therefore was at the very least forgivable.

And, cats were not doctors. She crouched, dripping all over the hallway, and offered her hand instead of her foot, which Schrodinger graciously accepted.

"She is not an Austrian physicist. She's much cuter than an Austrian Physicist."

[i_am_an_hero]

"I have not met an Austrian physicist. If, if I did, I think I would want to put him in a box."

Einstein was still a bit uncertain, so A knelt to give him his share of attention.

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She smiled a little at that. "It would have to be a rather large box."

[i_am_an_hero]

"Not as large as he would want it to be," A said with a savage giggle. "It's not, not right to want to put cats in boxes. Cats are for rolling around in catnip and climbing their cat tree and trying to untangle Kusuriyuri's obi."

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"Kusuri...Yuri," Japanese, Medicine Seller, Apothecary. Doctor. "I don't like doctors."

[i_am_an_hero]

"I don't either," A whispered anxiously. "Doctors are, are needles and tests and more, always more and..." Squeezing his eyes shut, he rubbed the crook of his elbow, site of so many blood draws.

[biblerewrite]

She nodded mutely, trying to rub the worst of the butter off of her hand so she could pet Schrodinger without sliming her. She noticed belatedly that her hands were shaking. Simon would often hold her hands when they shook.

"They go into your head," she murmured after a moment, her voice flat. "They didn't let me dance."

[i_am_an_hero]

"Put things. Things to learn. Hypotheticals and scenarios and lists and lists to know, and never good enough..." A flinched, wringing his hands.

"I, I never, there was no dancing, that wasn't a thing to learn."

[biblerewrite]

"I love dancing," she said, grabbing on to the topic for dear life. No doctors, no more. She couldn't think of them, not without Simon there with his good medicine.

"It is the most wonderful thing in the world." Though, cats were quickly becoming second-most wonderful on her list. Schrodinger was purring.

[i_am_an_hero]

"I haven't seen any, not dancing. I, I know what it is, but the closest I've been to it was when Mello tried to teach me how to fight and we had to stop because I didn't want to be touched. Although maybe the way the cats move is a little like a dance sometimes."

Albeit a fairly chaotic one.

[biblerewrite]

River gave him a pitying look. If she wasn't currently slimy with butter, and if she had music (it was always better with music you could hear and feel) she would have danced for him right then and there.