The Unpopping of River Tam

[biblerewrite]

River found herself in the not unfamiliar state of being utterly disoriented.

This is not logical; there is not enough butter on Serenity to bathe in.
And yet, to spite the illogical bend of the situation, here she was, covered in butter. Did they even have butter?

And, surrounded by popcorn.
There is not enough popcorn on Serenity to fill a room.
This

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[jezzthespoon]

He'd had some idle time, and had gone to visit the popcorn room. The only familiar name on the plaque was Pharaun Mizzrym, but it was satisfying enough for Jezz to imagine the garrulous wizard who'd come to Minauthkeep with the Baenre being transmuted into a food item.

On the way, he spotted a human girl going in the other direction.

[biblerewrite]

Reaver? was her first thought. Though, when he didn't seem to be aggressive, blood-soaked, or functionally insane, River's brief panic was soothed. He was just... funny-looking. She stopped in the middle of the hallway, and stared at him in her way, one eyebrow lifted.

[jezzthespoon]

He regarded her in return as he drew closer, though he was very much used to humans by now. She seemed soaked in something, and was that a grease trail behind her? And that smell...

He nodded in greeting. "Were you swimming with the popcorn?"

[biblerewrite]

"I think I was one," she replied. "Though the ratio of butter to my body mass seems illogical for the size of the kernel I would have been..." she rattled off mathematical processes for a moment before stopping altogether.

"Does this happen often?"

[jezzthespoon]

He hung on through the math. "Apparently, judging by the number of names."

[biblerewrite]

She processed this, shifting from foot to foot as she did so.
"Is it preventable?"

[jezzthespoon]

"It might be. I haven't come across a method."

He wasn't unduly concerned about the lack of a method. So far it all seemed to be something happening to other people, of no especial importance to him.

[biblerewrite]

"I'll have to find one," she murmured, almost to herself. "Popcorn is a less than desirable state of being..."

[jezzthespoon]

"So it is. Do you remember being here before, or should I explain?"

[biblerewrite]

"Explain, please. Are we on Persephone?" It didn't seem like anywhere on Persephone that she remembered.

[jezzthespoon]

"We're on 'the Earth,'" he recalled the name, "in Hogwarts, which is a school of magic that reaches across planes."

[biblerewrite]

"Earth-that-was?" She gasped, mystified. "It was used up."

[jezzthespoon]

He shrugged. "This one isn't."

[biblerewrite]

She mulled that over for a while. It occurred to her just how far from home she must be, and she began to feel uneasy again.

"Is... Is Simon here?"

[jezzthespoon]

"I don't know any Simon, but that doesn't mean there isn't one."

[biblerewrite]

"He's here somewhere," she said, more to convince herself than to assure Jezz. "He must be. He'd never leave me alone too long, not any more."