Jezz Jaelre (AKA Jezz the Lame), Forgotten Realms

[jezzthespoon]

((Spoilers for the first two books of the Lady Penitent trilogy, some spoilerish references to War of the Spider Queen. Permission given from all current Realms-muns, namely Yours Truly))A dark-skinned elf limped into the Sorting Room, his left leg encased in a brace of leather and metal, dragging two overstuffed-looking bags behind him. He came to

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[hedwigrobinson]

Hedwig sashayed into the Sorting Room in her shiniest red spike-heeled boots, her wig newly primped and combed.

"Tell me more about these spider-kissing dancers of yours," she purred.

It must be said that Hedwig was not your ordinary blonde vamp. (If this had been pointed out to her, she would have retorted that she was an extraordinary blonde vamp.)

[jezzthespoon]

"The spider-kissers and the dancers are different groups, following different goddesses entirely. If they worked together they'd be even more trouble than they are." Jezz looked her over. "What they have in common is their belief in female superiority - the dancers don't talk about it, but action over talk."

[hedwigrobinson]

"You don't think they should perform together? It might be fabulous!" Hedwig puckered her candy-apple lips in a disappointed moue. "What kinds of dances do they perform?"

[jezzthespoon]

"They dance naked." His voice was flat. "With swords."

[lady_h3ath3r]

"Interesting," Lady Heather murmured, reading through the application. "Tell me more about this 'Masked Lord' of yours?"

[jezzthespoon]

"The Masked Lord, Vhaeraun, is the god of both male drow and drow in the Night Above - the surface lands." (Though Vhaeraun had hardly cornered the worship market on either of those.) He gestured vaguely around them. "He's the patron deity of House Jaelre. It was under his guidance that we found our way out from under the spider-kissers to the Elven Court."

[lady_h3ath3r]

"'Surface Lands' suggests your people live underground," she mused. "May I ask why he is masked? Masks are...something of a recurring theme in my own life, you see. Cultures that find religious significance in masks are therefore fascinating to me."

[jezzthespoon]

"Most do. We're changing that." Jezz was no priest, but he did his best to answer her. "Masks signify secrets, subterfuge, hidden things. It's necessary to conceal ourselves from the spider-kissers in the Underdark, and on the surface concealment will often be necessary for some time yet - though not in this particular case."

[ibrokeaplanet]

Brenda gaped, but only for a moment before trying to compose herself.

"Um. Sorry. No offense, but - what are you, exactly? Species-wise, I mean."

[jezzthespoon]

If she didn't already know what he was, she wasn't likely to start yelling Drow! Kill it with fire! That was helpful.

"Drow. Technically the polite terms are 'dark elf' or Ssri'Tel'Quess, but by now it's not so much difference."

[ibrokeaplanet]

"Uh-huh. So pretty much not from Earth as I know it, then. Okaay." She looked him over clinically. "Are you familiar with humans - that's my species - and if so, how do we differ? Besides appearance."

[jezzthespoon]

"Very familiar with humans." He smiled. "Though not usually in such civil circumstances." He began to tick off on his fingers. "We have certain inborn abilities - resistance to magic, for one. We see clearly in the dark, our senses are sharper, we can live some ten times as long..."

He very nearly went into a full-out drow/elven superiority rant, but now was really not the time.

[eragonshadeslyr]

Eragon entered the Sorting Room and nodded a bit in respect to Jezz. He looked over the application. He also listened to some of the other questions,

"So...your god, the Masked Lord as you refer to him...he seems to be a fair and just being for a deity. I'm not sure I've ever heard of that in most legends or myth."

[jezzthespoon]

Most "normal" theologians of Abeir-Toril would disagree with that assessment - but then, most of the other usual religious options for drow weren't very big on fairness and justice at all (unless you counted raising zombies to go on vengeance sprees against all who ever ticked you off), so comparatively, yes, Vhaeraun was quite fair (Men's Lib and all) if not exactly "just" (thievery and all).

Jezz said "He is," and meant it. Is. Not was. Essential difference.

[eragonshadeslyr]

"So you've met him?"

Eragon pursed his lips a bit. He looked a bit young to be asking such questions but there's an air of leadership about him. He glanced toward the window and smiled a bit as if he was listening to something far off.

"Saphira says you remind her of the elves back home."

[jezzthespoon]

"Not personally," said Jezz. Not just yet. "Some of my cousins are his priests, and a few of House Jaelre have had that honor." They are, that too was important.

"Do I? I hope your elves are more pleasant than most of those back in Toril."

[sbisawesome]

Man, these guys were like the new talking cats or something. They were totally all over the place nowadays. "So what are you anyway?" Strong Bad asked point-blank. Hey, it wasn't a rude question. People asked him questions like that all the time. Sometimes people even e-mailed them to him.

[jezzthespoon]

He'd already gotten that question. He answered again, trimming it down some. "Drow. What are you, then?"

[sbisawesome]

Strong Bad got asked this so often that he had a standard answer. Of course, people asked him because he was awesome and they wanted to know more about him, not because he was funny-looking or anything totally untrue like that.

"I? I am Strong Bad! I've been described as cool, awesome, hot, video games, the hottest, and real real hot! So tell us, Drowy Drowington --" extending a fake microphone made out of a paper towel tube core and a styrofoam ball -- "what do people describe you as? Or should I say, 'as what do people describe you'?"

[jezzthespoon]

Jezz raised an eyebrow, leaning slightly away from the "microphone." "People have described me," he declared with considerable sardonicism, "as 'filthy,' 'damned,' 'not one of The People,' and 'black-skinned to match a shriveled black heart the size of a raisin.' Also 'crippled' and 'suspicious.' To set things straight, my heart is at least the size of a walnut."