The Unpopping of the Kingslayer

[slayerofkings]

((Approved by ASoIaF-muns who have had contact with Jaime!))

First, there was darkness.

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[ex_ladyston]

Catelyn didn't think she'd ever been by the popcorn room before, and it was only foul luck that she should run across it now. She hadn't seen Jaime Lannister since her Sorting, but her opinion of him had softened not a whit since then. She stopped, standing quite still and watching him with pale eyes. Perhaps he would not recognize her--the Seven knew what she'd looked like, when she first arrived, and though she bore a resemblance to the woman she'd been when alive, it was only a resemblance.

[slayerofkings]

Jaime only remembered the Catelyn at Hogwarts as having a very nasty gash in her throat and a face in varying degrees of rot. Though, he did remember Catelyn, vaguely, from a time when she was not a zombie.

He stared at the woman before him and asked quietly, "...Have we met before?"

[ex_ladyston]

Ah, he didn't. Catelyn hesitated a moment, wondering whether or not she wanted to remind him, and decided she ought to, if only so she'd know he did. "We met in Westeros," she said. "Before the war."

[slayerofkings]

And then it clicked. "Gods above, Catelyn Stark? Someone fixed you? What sort of maester has that skill?"

[whosneverbeen]

Hmmm. Popcorn. It was always interesting to stumble upon a victim of the popcorn plague.

Luna gave Jaime a considering look, and then asked in her usual dreamy way, "Do you reckon butter would make a good anal lubricant?"

Leave it to Luna to ask the hard-hitting questions nobody else would have the wherewithall (or the common decency) to inquire about.

[slayerofkings]

"I've no clue, but you'd do well to ask Loras Tyrell that," Jaime answered, grinning wickedly.

[whosneverbeen]

"Oh, I will," said Luna cheerfully. She started to walk away, continuing on her way to... wherever it was she was headed when she stopped midstride and fixed Jaime with an intense stare. "Do you think this friend of yours has ever been pregnant?"

[slayerofkings]

Jaime nearly burst out laughing at that. "Perhaps, but I'd assume Lord Renly would have made him drink the Moon Tea if he ended up with a stag in his belly," he replied.

[ugly_imp]

Tyrion had been wandering the halls, looking for something to amuse himself, when the sound of an all-too familliar voice caught his attention.

He changed direction and sure enough came face to face with Jaime.

"Aha, sweet brother," he said jovially. "And how was it, being a popcorn kernel? I see you've managed to find your lapdog."

[slayerofkings]

Jaime nearly said something to his little brother before his grin cracked his face open and he began to laugh uncontrollably, quite unable to speak.

[ugly_imp]

"What?" Tyrion asked irritably. Then he scowled. "Who told you that story?"

[slayerofkings]

"The wench," he managed to gasp between bouts of laughter.

[lionesscersei]

The smell of butter was nothing new along this particular length of corridor near the popcorn room. Intent on her own business, Cersei nearly swept past. What stopped her? That intangible bond between twins, perhaps, a psychic twinge?

Whatever the reason, she stopped; and then she stared.

"Jaime?"

[slayerofkings]

"Sweet sister!," Jaime exclaimed in delight, "It has been... Well, I don't know how long, perhaps only and hour or so has passed for all I know."

Jaime, in all his buttery glory, grinned evilly and moved forward to embrace Cersei.

[lionesscersei]

Cersei couldn't have cared less about butter. Her twin had returned. She embraced him gladly -- clung to him, even.

"It has been all too long. This place is terrible."

[slayerofkings]

"How long?," he asked, enjoying the embrace, despite himself.

[canes_can_kill]

Although he didn't typically wander near places that would put him in the potential position of meeting new people - ie. the Sorting Room and the Popcorn Room - House was really just trying to find a suit of armor to poke. It was pretty fun when you were bored. Unfortunately, you could never find one when you wanted to.

House wrinkled his nose, giving a cursory glance to the man that had clearly just unpopped. "What are you, a walking advertisement for the new brand of popcorn?" He snarked, gesturing to Jamie's butter-soaked clothes for emphasis. "Next time try carrying around bowls. Much more enticing."

[slayerofkings]

"I value your opinion on what makes a man more enticing," Jaime said with a shit-eating grin on his face, "Obviously you would have an opinion on what makes a man attractive to other men."

[canes_can_kill]

"Come on, even Ron Jeremy would be better looking with a pair of popcorn bowls in his hands," House replied, pulling a mocking leer. Nothing would actually make Ron Jeremy look better, so that was a moot point, but sarcasm had to be replied to with sarcasm. "So, you've got some hope of living up to that. Everyone has to start climbing the ladder sometime, even if it is the Ugly Ladder."

[slayerofkings]

If Jaime had known who Ron Jeremy was, he would have accused House of knowing a bit too much about male porn stars.

Instead, Jaime looked the grizzled doctor over and then replied, "So I take it you couldn't even find the ladder?"