The Unpopping of the Kingslayer

[slayerofkings]

((Approved by ASoIaF-muns who have had contact with Jaime!))

First, there was darkness.

Comments

[lionesscersei]

The smell of butter was nothing new along this particular length of corridor near the popcorn room. Intent on her own business, Cersei nearly swept past. What stopped her? That intangible bond between twins, perhaps, a psychic twinge?

Whatever the reason, she stopped; and then she stared.

"Jaime?"

[slayerofkings]

"Sweet sister!," Jaime exclaimed in delight, "It has been... Well, I don't know how long, perhaps only and hour or so has passed for all I know."

Jaime, in all his buttery glory, grinned evilly and moved forward to embrace Cersei.

[lionesscersei]

Cersei couldn't have cared less about butter. Her twin had returned. She embraced him gladly -- clung to him, even.

"It has been all too long. This place is terrible."

[slayerofkings]

"How long?," he asked, enjoying the embrace, despite himself.

[lionesscersei]

"More than a moon," she said, not letting go. "Gods, but you need a bath."

[slayerofkings]

"So I noticed," he said, wrinkling his nose as the overwhelming odor of the butter hit him again.

Good, not too terribly long, Jaime thought.

[lionesscersei]

"It could have been worse," Cersei said primly. "You could have been turned into a giant lobster."

[slayerofkings]

That was a bit... random.

"...Praytell, have you had any encounters with lobsters lately that might make you say such a thing?"

[lionesscersei]

That sent her burrowing into his shoulder, butter notwithstanding.

"They turned me into a lobster," she wailed.

[slayerofkings]

Jaime was torn between horror and laughter.

"Dare I ask, why? And who?"

[lionesscersei]

"I don't know," she wailed, clinging.

[slayerofkings]

Jaime petted her hair, comofrting her as best as could, given the situation.

"Well, you got better."

[lionesscersei]

"There is that," she conceded with a sniffle. "But it was a lobster. I've never been so frightened in all my life." And it was not easy to frighten Cersei Lannister.

[slayerofkings]

Jaime had comforted Cersei over many things, even the death of their her own son. But there is a reason there are no condolence cards that read, "I'm sorry you got turned into a lobster temporarily."

"Did anyone try and, er, boil you?," he asked.

[lionesscersei]

Cersei drew back and glared at him. "No. If they did, would I be standing here?"

[slayerofkings]

"I said try. Besides, no one can die here and you know it as well as I do."

Jaime suddenly knew just the thing to cheer her up.

"No, if you'll cease your anger, I'll tell you a delightful little tale about our little brother and the misfortune that befell his cock."