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Goals and Creating my life Part 1: Hitting Rock Bottom
How I got Here:
This has been a year of turmoil.
As I write this I'm two days away from the 5 year anniversary of the day Lyndsay came into my life. More importantly, if I were to jump back in time 1 year (Oct 2016) to what I thought was my life direction in at this time last year it would have looked like this:
1) I was working for Sentient, and ( Read more... ) -
Thats what I get
Baily said "There is a sucker born every minute" but I don't think I completly grasped that until I started thinking about quantum physics. You see, one way it was put to me a long time ago is that every choice we make creates an alternate universe, there for you are born as a new person with every single choice. That means, that every minute we ( Read more... ) -
The moment of no return
I'm on the edge of that moment where there is no looking back just because of logistics.
I've received a few texts from the VP of Engineering at O.G. claiming that he'd be willing to work with me if I could clear my head, get my mess behind me and come back to work. I have 3 days until I'd sign the lease on the apartment I was approved for in ( Read more... ) -
I am the monster in her darkness
I cry for her to love me ( Read more... ) -
leaving for others
I knew when I first met her she'd leave me for someone else ( Read more... ) -
more trying
She keeps telling me it's too little too late. She keeps telling me she doesn't believe I'm changing. She keeps telling me she doesn't trust me. She keeps telling me I used up all her love and it's gone. Yet I keep trying ( Read more... ) -
Not Running Away, Running Towards
Q: Why this sudden change?
A: It's not sudden.
Q: You can make so much money working tech in the bay area.
A: Money isn't everything, I finally get that saying now, it's not just rhetoric.
When Raven was just transitioning from Jr High to High School I could see the begining of the end. I love her and want the best for her and wanted to take ( Read more... ) -
struggling with deamons
I've always said I struggled with deamons, I lied ( Read more... ) -
Trying
"Please love me, I'm trying so hard"
"Yes, you are very trying"
And so went the conversation, her defenses were so high and hard that the moment I became vulnerable she was not becoming vulnerable in kind, she was just in for the kill ( Read more... ) -
How I got here and my Reinventing
Long ago I suffered enough pain that I couldn't sit still, I had to move. So, I did, I ran away from my life, I took a back pack and traveled, we will call it "an adventure".
During that time I met a woman I was so drawn to that I couldn't stand to not be with her, I wanted her more than I wanted breath and I didn't know why. I know now that it's a ( Read more... )