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merexcursion November 19 2007, 13:59:01 UTC
in saying something like this, I can always hear that intention- well, like horoscopes, you will read into it whatever you want to see or they can be so broad as to interpretation that anyone can see themselves in it etc. but I have to say, I don't know how long you have been reading my journal and when we first became lj friends but this fits my life so amazingly. in fact it brings tears to my eyes and I can hear the words once said about things that bring up this kind of emotion is something you are supposed to be paying attention to in your spiritual walk, it is telling you something about yourself or that you should be doing (it was either Mother Teresa or Mother Angelica I think - btw did you read the Time article about Mother Teresa? ...wow) and I know you don't know my past, and childhood - but even in this, for example the cutting words yet not having a strong voice ( ... )

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helios137 November 20 2007, 02:08:46 UTC
I'm glad to be of service. :) I know that you have drawn/mentioned eagles in your journal prior to your Nov. 15 post "note to self on birds (& bat). Then when you replied to my reply to that entry that the eagle is your Native American astrological sign, I knew you meant totem. I own a tremendously good book on totems, Ted Andrews' "Animal Speak", so I just picked selections from his entry on eagles and typed them in a lj entry ( ... )

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merexcursion November 20 2007, 12:51:46 UTC
yes, that Campbell book has been calling out to me for some time :)

I also have, or started to have as an artist in college my own visual symbols which is different...but I wonder how much pulled from the sub and cosmic consciousness - which is why most art can be understood by almost all people who are open to it even though they may not be able to express their understanding verbally.

have you ever wondered about doodles? like for example when I was in shcool couldn't sit through lectures without doodling and then on the phone before there were cordless phones and I could walk around doing things at the same time I would doodle. The same things would be in my doodles always ( and frequently for a lot of people I think: like spiral, pointed jagged line, ladder, sun.

eventually turned out this in college:

... )

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helios137 November 20 2007, 16:44:30 UTC
I always doodled. As a kid I drew roses (ironically, the rose is the symbol for my matron saint, St. Theresa), spirals, five and six sided stars and this symbol (which I later saw on Led Zeppelin 4 when I was a teenager): http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Bible/New%20King%20James%20Bible/nkjv44.gif

I remember reading a book from a library once about the significance of the symbols of doodles. I looked but I couldn't find any decent doodle tests/quizes on line. ;)

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krze November 20 2007, 00:44:14 UTC
What would you say if I said me and my friend were thinking of trying a love binding spell?

Her on her "fcuk buddy" and I on my ex.

Would that be terrible manipulation? Selfish to all ends? What if we need it to get our sanity back and find our self worth again?

/sigh

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helios137 November 20 2007, 02:40:51 UTC
Hi Natalie. I don't envy the tumultuous time in your life that you have to get through. I remember being soul sick for years, craving acceptance and understanding from at least one single person in my life. I’m not going to judge you for any actions that you may take to bind another person, but I will tell you that its not a thing that I would do. The reason why I won’t judge you is because there’s no way that I can see what led you to the place that you describe as edge of your sanity and no one that I know can foresee the outcome of any particular action. But I do want to share with you the reason why I would not try a love-binding spell. Its simply because it won’t give you what you want and you wouldn’t even feel better if the spell was successful. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the thing you are looking for is (1) to have your ex-girl/boyfriend love you for who you really are and (2) to regain a better image of your self worth. If you try to force someone to fall in love with you, then that person would not be really in ( ... )

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krze November 20 2007, 03:41:27 UTC
maybe we are at this crazy age.. where we don't know anything ( ... )

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helios137 November 20 2007, 17:07:20 UTC
Dear Natalie, I am happy to be a friend and a safe place for you to post, but I am not a counselor and feel ill equipped to provide any real good advice for the emotional issues that you are going through. From your website, I found out that you live in Irvington, NJ. So, I would like to encourage you to call a psychologist friend of mine who you can talk to and treat with. Her name is Karen Sciaraffa, and she has a PHD in psychology. Her telephone number is (908) 624-1977. Her office is close to Irvington. It’s located at 1021 Stuyvesant Ave in Union, NJ. Hopefully tonight I'll have time to provide you with my own personal experiences on how I got through difficult times, but you can call Dr. Sciaraffa today if you like. I know her to be a great person to talk to and someone who is a genuine good-hearted person.

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merexcursion November 20 2007, 15:02:32 UTC
I hope you are better this morn... please don't be afraid to call hotline or go to hospital...
I don't know you but I want to share some things from my life with you: in high school I experienced similar things with men, though no sex...more experimentation. but I didn't understand these same things either & I don't want to go into details other than to say that sometimes it haunts me still. but later in college it was sex, and with the wrong men (because not all men are like this) and life was completely confusing and so painful. I used drugs and alcohol, cut... I've been in the worst situations with people I didn't even know. I was really just killing myself slowly.

I had a very painful childhood and this set my brain up up to be wired this, like conditioning. but really everything i was trying to find in the world: love, acceptance, friendship and all that is something I had to give to myself. becoming pregnant was what saved my life then. I had someone to love unconditionally. I left that lifestyle. I still battled ( ... )

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merexcursion November 20 2007, 15:07:07 UTC
sorry for all those mistakes in links, I swear i wrote it right but when I copied and pasted must've screwed it up.)

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if you don't want to read that &%*# version here it is correctly: merexcursion November 20 2007, 15:15:05 UTC
but since this I have learned many things: most importantly that me and my children (because so far they have all got some form of neurological problems/mental illness) cannot help it - these are biological problems, not because I (or my son) am a "bad person", undisciplined, "crazy" in the negative connotation (though i do call myself nuerotic cause I am comfortable with admitting it and understand it).
and I did get married to a wonderful man who is very supportive, he came from an abusive family and also has signs of being aspergers, though he is very gentle and stable opposed to my mercurial moods. I also did not get with him til after I "got my life together" ( & swore off men :) although he was a friend for many many years.

...So..., I have ADD, and though you hear this talked about as just a small type of problem with being hyper or not being able to pay attention in class it is actually much more complicated and you do not grow out of it. you could call me "unipolar", meaning I don't get on a depression med, get better, and ( ... )

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