I want something to lift me up and carry me away ( Read more... )

Ive decided that there's no looking back. There's only going forward in life. I've decided that thinking about my best interest once in my life does not make a a selfish person. Although my parents tired to drill that into my brain. I've decided that I'm no longer going to be the peace maker in my family. I'm tired my mom being bitchy just because ( Read more... )

I'm depressed. I realized today why I did drugs for so many years. Why I still need my pills.

Everything is messed. Amanda and I broke up saturday when got back together on sunday though.

I'm torn... I'm in love with her, but I can't take her drinking anymore. I feel completely torn. How are you supposed to walk out on someone that youre completely ( Read more... )

Amanda's on the edge of breaking up with me. I was thinking of leaving her on saturday.. but when I got to springfield and saw her my heart melted like it  always does.

I don't know what to do. I cried all last night and it carried on into today.

I thought I was doing okay I school I felt so numb. Then my mom called and said my brother wanted to ( Read more... )

I fell into the ocean today.

Head first with no regrets..

And as I was there drowning with the fish I thought to myself..

What are we, but meaningless bodies floating..

Floating through time, through space, life and oceans?

Drowning in who we are and the pressure of the world..

and seeing who we want to be so far away at the top of the sea.

The gold ( Read more... )

Yes, you already know how this will end..

I'm so paranoid anymore.

I can't trust anyone..

Maybe I'm not crazy.. What if everything that I think isn't real is real..

and, of course, everything that I think is real isnt'.

Within ten years I see myself being completely insane.

There's no chance for me now.

I wish there was one person that I could talk to ( Read more... )

I will teach you the Truth and the Path leading to the Truth. (Buddha)
It is proper for you to doubt .. do not go upon report .. do not go upon tradition..do not go upon hearsay..' (Buddha, Kalama Sutra)

O Brahmana, it is just like a mountain river, flowing far and swift, taking everything along with it; there is no ( Read more... )

Darkness all around me.

There's nothing left here for me now.

just the fear and this thick fog of disappointment

that I bring upon myself

You were like a mothers arms- cradling me

like a lost defenseless child.

Never was I deserving of you love.

and never will I  be.

I lost my engagement ring.

I don't deserve her.

One year later and I'm still the ( Read more... )

So, Tomorrow Is going to suck. My brother goes to Iraq and my sister get divorced all in the same day. I feel like my life is falling apart and I'm left with no sense of self... I pretty much stopped hanging out with all my friends when Amanda was here and now I don't really have any at all. If any of my old friends want anything to do with me just ( Read more... )

My Heart and soul is in Rolla and I haven't felt the same since she left ( Read more... )