Title: And From Life's Dissonance
Author:
havocthecatPairings: Kate Heightmeyer/John Sheppard, with a side order of Kate Heightmeyer/Methos/John Sheppard
Warnings: Whumping, Minor Highlander Character Death
Spoilers: Part One - Return I/II, Echoes, Part II - Vengeance/First Strike, Part III - Adrift, Part IV - Lifeline/Doppelganger
Summary: The Watchers haven't been able to keep track of Kate Heightmeyer or her assigned Watcher since she started working for the United States government three years ago. It's like she's vanished from the face of the Earth.
Author's Notes: This is a longer, slightly changed version of part four of a Doppelganger-based five things fic that hasn't been posted yet. (Because Doppelganger hasn't aired, and the fic is spoilery as all hell for it.) If you don't like me denialing the hell out of the bloodbath that late third/early fourth season SGA has been, you should probably go and find something more to your liking. Also, it's a Highlander crossover. If you want to know who's to blame for instigating this, you could conceivably blame
medie. She would probably even be glad to take the credit for it. (Because she's awesome!) Also,
amatia is a betareader who is beyond awesome.
This fic is for
triciabyrne1978's birthday. Happy birthday! I hope your pleased with this, given how much it exploded on me. The title, by the way, is from
Helas, by Oscar Wilde.
Part One |
Part Two |
Part Three |
Part Four ***
Return I
"Where've you been?" Methos pulls his sword back from her throat, and Kate nods her thanks. "It's like you've vanished from the face of the Earth. I've been looking for three years."
"I can't tell you, Adam," says Kate. She lowers the point of her blade and sheathes it.
"I've been worried sick." He sheathes his sword and smiles at her. "The Watchers haven't been able to keep tabs on you since you started working for the United States government. They lost track of you and your Watcher three years ago."
"I've sent e-mails. You're perfectly capable of booting up a computer." Kate sets her sword down on the table and sinks into a chair.
"You've gotten sloppy," he says, slouching down into a chair near her. "What if that hadn't been me at the door?"
"I'm not about to lose my head," says Kate firmly. "Why'd you pick now to come and visit?"
"The Watchers." Methos grins smugly. "You know that. When they discovered you'd returned, I thought I'd pay a visit."
The doorbell rings again, and the low buzz of a pre-Immortal sets the hair on the back of Kate's neck tingling. "Just a minute!" she calls.
"Take your time," she hears John say through the door.
Methos slants an inquisitive look at her. "Prospective student?" he murmurs.
"Something like that." Kate stands up and goes to get the door. John's got a grin on his face until he sees Adam. It fades as he sizes Adam up.
"Hey, Kate," says John. His gaze goes back from Adam to Kate. "Didn't know you had company."
Of course Methos hadn't parked right outside. That would be far too guileless for him. "Adam Pierson," Methos supplies cheerfully. "Nice to meet you."
"We haven't met yet," says John sourly.
Kate suppresses a wince. Methos loves to prod at people who are bad-tempered. "John Sheppard, this is Adam Pierson. He's a friend from grad school."
"I heard Kate was back from out of the country, and I just had to come and say hello," says Methos smoothly. "So, how do you know Kate?"
"We work together," says John. He scrubs his hand through the hair at the base of his neck, then rubs at it. "Listen, I can come back if you're playing catch-up."
"Don't worry about it." Kate thinks he should get used to Methos sooner or later anyway. "I was about to kick him out and get some dinner."
"Funny," drawls John, turning on the charm. "I was just about to invite you out to dinner."
"I was about to do the same," says Methos. "It's been a long time since I've seen Kate. I don't suppose you could give her up, just for one night?"
Heat races through Kate at that. It's been a long time since she and Methos have slept together, but she knows the warm undertones in those words. Still, she's with John now, and she and Methos always had an understanding about monogamy when they're with mortals.
Before Kate can open her mouth to tell Methos to leave, John's grudgingly inviting Methos along to dinner. The look Kate gives Methos promises that he's going to suffer for this, but he's the picture of the innocent academic.
***
Five or six hours later - Kate's lost track of time - she's got a pleasant glow of drunkenness as John and Methos are stripping her clothes off. They're already naked, and Kate's doing her best to pretend she doesn't know every spot on Methos' body that drives him mad with lust.
She's also pretending she's never seen two men kiss, and that's not as difficult. John's suspiciously proficient for someone who claims never to have done this before, so she's fascinated when he pulls Methos to him and cups the nape of his neck. Their bodies are lean, their breath is coming quickly, and Kate smiles as Methos's palm skims down to brush against John's hip.
"Very nice," she murmurs. Kate slides her palm down her stomach, between her thighs. She's slick and wet already as her fingers slip over her labia.
John and Methos both pause to watch her, and Kate fights back a smirk. "Don't stop," she orders.
"I wouldn't dream of it," says Methos, and what she sees in his eyes makes her breath catch. It's memories of the past, and the only thing that stops her from falling into them is John's frown.
Kate beckons John closer, kisses him with a passion that surprises him. He pushes her fingers aside and slides his own inside of her. Kate arches and cries out. When she pulls John closer, he twists his hand, and she gasps, "Do it, John." John's eyes widen; he's surprised at the fierceness in her voice.
Methos is moving to lay down next to them, bringing his hand under their bodies to wrap it around John's cock. "You heard the lady," he says, stroking his hand along John's cock once. "She wants you."
"Little hard--" John's speaking through clenched teeth as his hips jerk forward. "Little hard to do that right now."
"Not just a little hard," chuckles Methos. He lets go, and John moves to Kate's entrance, pushes inside her. John's rougher than usual. Methos pushes Kate up, and it's awkward, but she and John shift so that Methos can lean Kate back against his chest. He grips Kate's wrists in his hands.
She pushes back against Methos, groaning as she feels bruises forming on her wrists. John fucks her hard and fast, and she moves along with him, urging him on. It grounds her on this planet in ways that a week of endless debriefings hasn't.
Methos is kissing John as he holds Kate down. The bruises heal on her wrists almost as soon as they form, and she's pushed tight between them now. She's watching them, and John's got one hand digging into Kate's hip as the other tangles with Methos' hair.
With just one shift, John slides into her again, she can feel Methos hard against her ass, and this time, it's all just right. Kate comes, clenching hard around his cock. That drives John into his own orgasm.
He stiffens against Kate, and Methos makes a frustrated sound. "You couldn't hold out any longer, could you?"
"Play nice, Adam," says Kate, putting a faint emphasis on his pseudonym. She glances over, and Methos' mouth twists as he narrows his eyes at her.
"I'm a very frustrated man," he says.
Kate kisses John softly as he pulls out of her. She slides out from between Methos and John, then looks into John's eyes. "I want to watch you," she tells him.
"Watch me what?" She sees his eyes flicker over to Methos. John's mouth parts slightly, and Kate takes the chance to trace her fingertips along John's lips.
"You know what," says Kate.
John swallows and glances over to Methos. "Right," he says. Methos smiles at him, looking harmless.
"I'm right here," said Kate. Her voice was soft. "I saw the way you kissed him. You liked the way Adam touched you."
"Yeah." John's voice is less shaky now, as Kate strokes her hand up and down his back.
She curls up on the side of the bed as John leans down. Methos is silent, and John grumbles. "You had way more fun in grad school than most people, Kate."
Methos would have commented. Kate can see it in his eyes, but he goes silent as John's mouth covers his cock. When Methos lays one hand on John's shoulder, John shivers. Kate watches them, sees how John swirls his tongue over the head of Methos' cock.
When Methos starts to move his hips, John stops being passive. He shoves Methos down, and Kate's mouth opens in a soundless gasp. John grasps the base of Methos' cock and takes it deeper in his mouth.
Kate can't help herself now. She kisses Methos, biting down hard on his lip and tasting the copper tang of blood. He grabs her hair and yanks her head back, but Kate can't laugh, not while John is there.
John's humming against Methos' cock, cupping his balls in his hand. Kate leans down and captures his mouth again, her tongue flickering against his lips. He opens his mouth and they slide their tongues together. Methos cries out against her mouth as he comes.
When he sits up, John looks smug. Methos gives him a scathing glance, but Kate chuckles. "Let it go, Adam," she says.
For once, he does.
***
Kate's sleeping, fit snugly between Methos and John, when a humming in the base of her skull wakes her out of a dream. She lifts her head at the same time Methos does, and she knows, deep in her blood, that this is what they are. An Immortal's waiting outside. Chances are, one of them will have to fight him. One of them might die.
"He doesn't know what you are, does he?" asks Methos quietly.
"I don't know what?" asks John, awake and alert. He eyes Methos with suspicion. "Kate? What's going on?"
"Adam's just leaving," says Kate. She leans down and kisses John, who shakes his head at her.
"Right," he says. "We're talking in the morning."
"Good-bye, John," says Methos. He reaches for his shirt as Kate hunts for a tank top and a pair of yoga pants.
"Whatever," says John, collapsing back into bed.
***
Kate and Methos make their way quietly down the stairs. The Immortal, whoever he is, is standing outside. Probably on the front lawn, if Kate can pinpoint the feel of the Quickening. She's gotten pretty good at it over the years.
"Your lover is military, isn't he?" asks Methos.
Kate nods as she retrieves her sword. "Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. United States Air Force."
"He acts like he's in the middle of a war." Methos's commentary is casual. It's an invitation for more.
"He does, doesn't he?" Kate goes to the window, pushes aside the curtain enough to see who's out there.
Methos does the same from a different window. "Damn it!" he snaps as he sheathes his sword.
"Who is he?" Kate trusts that Methos would never, ever face an Immortal without his blade drawn unless he knew that person, or thought had the situation under his control. She lays her blade aside, within easy reach when she comes in.
"Someone you don't like very much." His eyes are narrowed as he yanks open the door. "MacLeod! I thought I told you not to bother me in Colorado."
"I didn't know you had a girlfriend," says MacLeod. His hands are in his jacket pockets as he strolls up to Kate's door. He stops right in front of the door and smiles at Kate, who's standing behind Methos. "Nice to meet you."
He'd be charming, Kate supposes, to anyone else. "What are you doing here?" she asks. She does her best to remain calm.
"I need to talk to Adam," says MacLeod. He looks puzzled now. "Have we met?"
"No," says Kate flatly.
"Then why--"
"Here we go," says Methos, rolling his eyes and letting the back of his head hit the frame of Kate's door.
"Sean Burns was my friend," says Kate.
MacLeod's eyes go hard, and his jaw clenches up, but Kate can see grief underneath all of the masculine suppression of emotion. "I'm sorry," he says. "I hope you know I regret what happened."
"I know." Kate doesn't look away. She's dealt with this issue. She's dealt with her anger, and moved on. She doesn't want to resurrect it, and so she reminds herself that challenging MacLeod would be dangerous. "I don't want you here."
"We were just leaving," says Methos tiredly. "I'll call you later."
"You always say that." Kate ignores MacLeod long enough to smile at Methos. "I don't think I'll be posted elsewhere. Not for a few years, at least. Turn on your computer some time, okay?"
"Right." Methos pulls her to him for a kiss, and out of the corner of her eye, Kate sees MacLeod turn away with an amused grin.
When Kate closes the door, she turns around, and John's standing at the foot of her stairs. He's wearing nothing but his boxers, and he's staring right at her sword.
Damn.
"Kate," says John slowly. "You wanna tell me what's up with the sword?"
"Not particularly," says Kate. She locks the door, then turns back around to John.
"Looks deadly," comments John.
"It is." Kate tries to muster the energy to smile, but right now, she's feeling the weight of her years.
"What did Adam mean when he asked if I knew what you were?" John's gaze is pinning her in place. "What aren't you telling me?"
***
"So you're how old?" asks John. She's sitting on the sofa, her feet in John's lap. His fingers are trailing absently over her feet.
"I remember when democracy was first invented," says Kate. It's a non-answer, but she doesn't feel like giving specifics.
"A couple hundred years isn't bad," says John. He's trying not to look poleaxed.
She smiles, half-amused, half-apologetic. "In Athens, John."
"Oh." Now he can't help but be stunned. "That makes you--" She sees him do the calculations, but he doesn't share. He's like that around her.
"Pretty old," says Kate.
"You don't look a day over a thousand," he says dryly. He pauses, measuring his words, and Kate knows that John got that tendency from Elizabeth. "What the hell? Would you have ever told me?"
"Someday, probably," says Kate. "But I didn't expect Adam to come and visit."
"He's not an old friend from grad school, is he?" John's mouth twists.
"You already figured that out," says Kate. "Adam is the oldest friend I have." Sometimes friend, sometimes lover. Sometimes other things. She has a strange relationship with Adam, but she accepted long ago that they'd never be able to define each other easily.
"So do you and he do that a lot?" asks John. All he's doing right now is asking questions, but Kate can't blame him. "Show up and get into a threesome with whoever the other's involved with?"
"It's happened before. Not often," says Kate. "I'm not surprised Adam was attracted to you."
"I wanna see you heal." John frowns as he changes the subject. "Show me. You offered to earlier, and I turned you down."
"All right." Kate slips her hand down the sofa cushion and pulls up a dagger. Its sharp blade glints in the early-morning light.
"Jesus." John's eyes widen. "I should put you on a field team. I would, if we were on Atlantis."
"Even if Helia hadn't asked us to leave, I wouldn't want to be on a field team," says Kate. "My days fighting a war are long past." She takes a deep breath and slices diagonally across her wrist. Her skin burns with pain as the blade cuts through it, and she watches as blood wells up. It's an arterial cut. She's dizzy for a moment, until a crackle of blue energy arcs across the deep cut.
John swallows. "Is it--"
"It's healed." Kate meets his eyes. "Wipe the blood away and see."
He takes her forearm in one hand, and wipes away the blood with his other hand. Kate gasps at the touch and tries to ignore the echoes of long-forgotten days, when finding Methos with blood on his hands meant heat and passion, and drowning in each other's arms. "You're weird," says John, glancing from Kate's healed arm up to her face.
"Old memories," whispers Kate. She's drowning in John's eyes. There's something dark there. He's almost feral when angered, and Kate's drawn to that.
He's angry now. He's been trying to hide it, but Kate can see it. "Memories of what?" he asks, the edge of his words cutting her almost as deeply as the knife she's holding. John takes the knife, sets it on the coffee table without cleaning it.
"He came to me when there was blood on our hands," said Kate. "We never cleaned up first."
"You used to be a very bad person, didn't you?" John's hard. He still wants her, no matter what she's just revealed, and she doesn't know why. Why does he trust her?
Kate's trying so hard not to let go, but the smell of blood is in her nostrils. She sees it covering John's hands, it's on her arms, spilled over onto her clothing, and John's sliding the strap of her tank top down. "I was. I was. John, we can't, we should clean this--"
He's mouthing along her shoulder, and when he bites Kate's neck hard enough to leave marks, she's lost. She lets herself go, slithers off John's lap and pulls off her shirt. There's blood soaked through to her skin. It's covering her abdomen and her thighs.
John shoves his boxers down and off. His cock is jutting up, and he reaches out and grabs Kate's hips. "Harder," she hisses, and his grip tightens as he grins wildly at her. She pushes him back, straddles him, and then Kate's riding John, holding him in place as she rolls her hips against him.
"Oh, God," mutters John, and Kate can't see him for the memories. Her breast is in John's mouth, and his fingers are circling her clit. When he bites down on her nipple and pushes against her too hard, too rough, she breaks, screaming as she comes.
"John." She pants his name, pulls him to her for a frantic kiss. He comes as Kate shudders against him. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have--"
"Here I thought last night was fucked up." He sounds too casual. John's defenses are raised now.
Kate looks up and meets his eyes, slipping through all his emotional safeguards. "It was," she says. "This is. If you knew--"
"I'm starting to get the idea," interrupts John. "What're we gonna do?"
"I don't know," says Kate. She glances down at their naked bodies. He's still inside her. She's still covered in her own blood. "Can you deal with me? With all the things you don't know about me?"
"I don't know them yet, so I couldn't tell you, could I?" He sounds irritated, but then he stops, and Kate can see him thinking. "Sometimes it feels like you're the only part of Atlantis I have left."
"I miss our home too," she says. There's no ocean in Colorado Springs to wash out the memories with. "We'll make a new one."
"You've done this before, haven't you?" asks John.
"A few times." Kate smiles, some of her masks slipping back into place. "So we're good?"
"I don't know what we are," says John. "But we're not splitting up."
"Then I guess that's all I can ask," says Kate.
***
Echoes
Kate smiles at John, holding her tray and walking up to him. "I didn't think we'd ever be back on Atlantis," she says. She pretends that she's only a psychiatrist, and that he's only a colleague.
"I know what you mean," says John. He leans back in his chair and acts like he's noticing her hair for the first time. "Nice hair."
She glances down at her red hair and lets her smile turn faintly sheepish. "It was time for a change."
"Right," says John. "Because we haven't had enough of those lately."
"Too much change can be disconcerting," says Kate. She picks up her fork and takes a bite of today's lunch special. "Humans are inherently adaptive creatures. I expect to be a little busier in my office, but I trust that everyone will adjust to returning to Atlantis."
"Probably better than they adjusted to leaving it," says John. "When'd you get back?"
"An hour or so ago." Kate keeps her smile in place. "I thought I'd observe how everyone was adjusting. Sometimes it's easier to get an idea of the psychological state of the city when it's on its leisure time."
The look in John's eyes says something about how much of that he believes. It's all true. Every word of it. "Yeah, you should take some leisure time for yourself," he says.
It's not the whole story, and they both know it. "Maybe I will," says Kate. "The truth is, I've had a lot of leisure time lately. I'm looking forward to getting back to work."
"Right," says John, nodding. He glances down at his empty tray. "See you around?"
"Of course." He'll stop by her quarters later. They'll be quieter than his ever are.
***
"I'm just saying, you'd be an asset out in the field," says John. "You can handle yourself in action way better than I ever thought you could."
"I don't want to be out in the field." Kate's sitting on her bed, watching calmly as John paces. "What happens the first time someone sees me get shot and recover? What happens if the Wraith get their hands on me?"
"Then tell Elizabeth what you are," says John. "I know you're worried about the IOA finding out, but she'll protect you. Hell, we all will, Kate."
"We take care of each other here," says Kate. She smiles, and it's serene. "I know that, John. But there are other things about putting me into a front-line situation that make it a bad idea."
"The fact that the sight of blood drives you a little over the edge?" She sees the memory of it in John's eyes, and hears the lust in his voice.
"It brings up memories." Kate's breath is coming faster now. "Too many memories. I can't let them affect me. I have to be Dr. Kate Heightmeyer. Just an ordinary psychiatrist."
"You're dangerous otherwise, is that it?" asks John. He likes danger. She's always known that about him. It's one of the things that drew her to him.
"Yes. I explained everything--"
"Everything you were comfortable with." John sits down on the bed next to her. Kate turns to face him, her training as a therapist taking over. She's got her head tilted just slightly, and she looks curious and empathetic, but not afraid of the intense emotions. "God damn it, Kate, stop being such a shrink for a minute, will you?"
"It's who I am," says Kate.
John laughs. "It's not who you are. It's an act."
"In some ways." Kate lays her palms on her thighs. "In some ways, this is who I am. Ask me in a hundred years. It may change by then."
"I'm not gonna be around in a hundred years," says John roughly. "You may have until someone cuts off your head, but I've got an expiration date."
Except he doesn't, though Kate isn't going to tell him that. "In ten years, then. You'll still be around."
"Unless the Wraith get to me first." John knows just how many enemies he's made in Pegasus. His smile is tired. "Or the Genii. Or the Asurans. Hell, I'm surprised there's not a waiting list."
"I won't be held responsible for what I do if someone harms you," warns Kate.
"Why, Kate." John's smile grows brighter. "That was almost romantic of you. In a vaguely sociopathic kind of way."
"Why do you think I want to leave my past alone?" asks Kate.