Maintaining the Distance, Part 6/9
Title: Maintaining the Distance 6/9
Characters: Steve McGarrett/Adam Noshimuri, Kono Kalakaua/Adam Noshimuri; also featuring Danny Williams and Chin Ho Kelly.
Rating: M
Beta: The always generous siluria, who probably doesn't know how much she helps me! Thanks, babe!
Word Count:This part: 1,890 words of 16,162 for the total fic.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, haven't a hope in hell of any of this story being canon.
Warnings: Angst by the bucketload, an emotionally challenged Steve, and a little unable-to-resist-each-other cheating in one chapter, so if that kind of thing isn't to your taste, you may not want to read any further. Also be aware that there is no real Happy Ever After here, although my muses tell me a third instalment should be written. It has been started but is not progressing very quickly.
Summary: Adam is back in town, and Steve finds out that Kono and Adam are now together. He's not sure how he feels about that considering what Adam and Steve were to each other last time Adam was in town.
Author's Notes: This is the very late sequel to Blinking Against the Distance, about a short-lived relationship between Steve and Adam that happened around the time Adam's father was missing, presumed dead.
In this chapter: Steve and Chin’s turn for a heart-to-heart.
Previous Parts: One | Two | Three | Four | Five
Can also be found here on AO3
True to his word, Chin was barely ten minutes. Steve climbed straight into the car as soon as he pulled up at the curb, and Chin re-entered the stream of traffic as Steve buckled his seatbelt.
"Where to?" Chin asked with a quick glance in Steve's direction.
"I… uh, I don't know. Not back to mine, I have this weird feeling Danny might show up there and I can't talk to him right now."
"Okay, how about the beach?"
Steve nodded. "Yeah, okay, but nowhere crowded."
"There's that little bay where we had the picnic with the team last August. It's out of the way and the tourists don't seem to have found it yet."
"Perfect."
It was a fifteen minute ride, and Steve was grateful for Chin's easy silence. He didn't ask any questions or start talking simply to fill the space, something Steve had always been grateful for. Steve used the time to re-examine his two exchanges with Adam in the last twenty-four hours; to study them for lies, but couldn't find any obvious ones. No matter that Danny's thoughts on the subject made sense, Steve couldn't make himself believe that Adam had deliberately misled him.
As Chin pulled the car into the gravel-filled parking lot by the bay, Steve frowned at nothing, wondering why Danny was so convinced that Adam was such bad news.
They both climbed out of the car and wandered towards the sand. Steve glanced around; there weren't many people there, as expected. A couple with a young child were near the shallows to their left, a lone surfer was idly sitting astride his board some distance out, waiting for what was probably a non-existent wave here in this sheltered bay, and another young family with three or four youngsters was halfway down the beach on their right.
"Shall we walk?" Chin asked.
Steve nodded and they moved into step, simultaneously choosing to go left without exchanging more words.
"Adam came to see me last night," Steve began after a few minutes, his eyes on some seagulls whirling in the updrafts in the distance.
Chin flicked a curious glance in his direction but said nothing yet.
"He said he owed me an explanation, but… I don't think that's why he really came. He said he still loved me and that he'd leave Kono for me if that was what I wanted too."
Chin's look sharpened. "Is that what you want?"
Steve took a breath. This was hard - he knew he had to tread carefully, despite what Chin had said about being there to listen; after all, Kono was his cousin, and he would always have her best interests at heart. "I told him that I didn't want to come between him and Kono, that I wasn't going to interfere with what they had."
"But?"
"Things have changed."
"In what way?"
"I thought - when he left last time - that I would get over him; that if I saw him again, I wouldn't feel… what I felt before, or that he wouldn't…" Steve wasn't sure he was wording this right, but he took a breath and went on, "But I was wrong. I don't know how to fight it, Chin. I don't want Kono to get hurt in all this, but I can't stop myself from wanting to be with him."
Chin nodded, stopping to pick up a stone from the beach and tossing it gently in one hand as they walked on. "I know how difficult it must be, but I can't sit back and see my cousin get tangled in anything going on between you two. She deserves to know. She'll work it out eventually, in any case, you know that, right?"
Steve swallowed. "I do. Adam promised he'd talk to her, explain before this gets out of hand, if it's not too late for that already."
"What do you mean?" Chin's eyes narrowed as he stopped to look at Steve, and there was a flicker of understanding there. "You slept with him." It wasn't a question.
Feeling guilty, Steve nodded, thrusting his hands deep into his pockets and looking over Chin's shoulder so he didn't have to bear his accusing stare. "I didn't mean to, God knows I tried hard to avoid it, but… I can't make it unhappen now. I regret it - you have to know that." Steve met Chin's eyes once more, surprised to see only a kind of sadness there. "But… only because of the timing."
"Let me guess, he still hasn't spoken to her," Chin offered, instead of any kind of judgment on Steve himself, for which he was grateful.
"No, he hasn't. I saw Kono - she'd had breakfast with him, but she didn't know anything… and then Danny… Danny worked it out too, and everything's… I don't even know." Steve felt close to tears - breathless and unable to fight his way clear of his circular thoughts - and he turned away, taking a couple of steps further along the beach before Chin caught up with him, stopping him with a hand to his arm.
"Steve. Look at me. I'm not going to say I'm happy about this, but I can't judge you for feeling how you do. It isn't a choice who you fall for; it just is."
Steve managed to meet Chin's eyes again as the man spoke. Still, the feeling showing in his brown eyes was sympathetic rather than critical, much to Steve's continued astonishment.
"When I confronted Adam about not talking to Kono, he told me he hadn't had the chance this morning, and it made perfect sense; it can't be easy for him either. Then Danny put doubt into my mind, made me think perhaps Adam's stringing me along while having no real intentions towards a relationship with me. I've been thinking about that, though, about how Adam acted and my gut feeling towards that. I can't believe he's lying."
Chin listened and then appeared to be considering Steve's words. "Danny wasn't there for any of your conversations with Adam, was he?"
"No," Steve said, shaking his head.
"He's judging the situation from a distance, and probably from a... a perspective that maybe isn't as altruistic as it might appear. Which means he doesn't have as much information as you do, even if you can be said to be willing to believe only what you want to believe."
There it was, the calm and well-considered thought put into words that Steve had needed to hear. It didn't mean Danny was wrong, necessarily, but it looked at both sides with a little more fairness than Danny had allowed so far.
"Would you believe him? Adam, that is." Steve gave Chin a look that probably spoke volumes of the anguish he was feeling.
Chin shrugged lightly, shaking his head. "I don't know. He… seems to be a better person in many ways than I've given him credit for. His reasoning for misleading Kono and wanting to kill Wo-Fat was understandable considering what happened to his father, but… his father was Yakuza."
"He's trying to legitimise his father's business dealings, or so he says."
"If that is true, then perhaps… but I can't make any kind of pronouncement on the validity of his words, and you know that." Chin looked genuinely concerned for Steve's feelings.
Steve was grateful for his honesty. Considering Kono's position in the situation, he could easily have told Steve something to weaken his interest in Adam. And he had to know that Steve valued his opinion and was more likely to take his advice - especially over this - than almost anyone else's. Steve couldn't help thinking of Danny's stance, and wondering if there was something more than simple concern for a friend behind his immediate disparagement of Adam's intentions.
"I do," he managed finally, "and if he's not going to tell Kono any time soon, then… then I'll do it myself. Before she finds out some other way or - like you said - works it out herself."
Chin smiled briefly, gratitude in his eyes. "I know you will."
Steve took a deep breath, glad if not for an absolute answer to his problem, at least for Chin's honesty and a way forward if things stalled. He knew that he didn’t really need Chin's help to get this far, but he was glad he'd spoken to him all the same. "Thanks, Chin."
"What for?" Chin asked as they continued to walk. "I didn't tell you anything you couldn't have worked out for yourself."
"You've helped me more than you realize." Steve turned his face towards the ocean breeze for a moment, letting the cool air calm him before continuing. "I'll always be grateful for your friendship. Considering our past, you have no reason to help me with this, but… you always manage to make me see things straight."
"You're a good guy, Steve, no matter that you and I weren't right for each other. You always believed in me, and I have no reason not to believe in you. That's what friends do."
Feeling close to overcome at the quiet confidence Chin was allowing him, Steve nodded, pushing both hands into his pockets.
They continued to walk in silent company until they reached the end of the bay.
"We should head back," Steve announced as they came to a natural halt. "I probably dragged you away from something important. You probably want to get back to it."
Chin clapped a hand on Steve's shoulder as they turned, giving him a warm smile. "I'm not in a hurry to be anywhere else. Nothing's more important than ohana, Steve."
As they made their way back the way they'd come, Steve had to agree. Knowing that Chin and Kono - as well as Danny and Grace - made up the majority of his ohana and therefore deserved the same care and consideration that Chin was giving him now, made Steve all the more determined to resolve the currently untenable situation before anyone got any more hurt than necessary.
~//~
It was late by the time Chin dropped Steve home, and he was emotionally exhausted from the day's activities. He resolved to give Adam the space he needed to talk to Kono, and despite the urge to contact him - if just to hear his voice - Steve turned off his cell phone after a quick text to let Danny know that he was safe at home, which was the least he felt he should do after the way he'd abandoned him earlier.
He didn't wait for a reply. He could only hope that whatever happened, Danny would still want to be his friend. Beyond that, he couldn't envision how the future would treat their relationship.
He threw together a quick dinner and ate it in front of a game on TV, unwilling to think too much on the situation any more that day. Assuming that Adam would probably come to see him when he had done what needed to be done, Steve headed for the shower as soon as he'd cleaned up after eating.
He felt reasonably relaxed as he got into bed, and told himself that things would be different tomorrow, that Adam would have spoken to Kono and that somehow - he wasn't quite sure how yet - she would forgive them both and continue to work as solidly as she always had for Five-0.
~//~
Part Seven
Characters: Steve McGarrett/Adam Noshimuri, Kono Kalakaua/Adam Noshimuri; also featuring Danny Williams and Chin Ho Kelly.
Rating: M
Beta: The always generous siluria, who probably doesn't know how much she helps me! Thanks, babe!
Word Count:This part: 1,890 words of 16,162 for the total fic.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, haven't a hope in hell of any of this story being canon.
Warnings: Angst by the bucketload, an emotionally challenged Steve, and a little unable-to-resist-each-other cheating in one chapter, so if that kind of thing isn't to your taste, you may not want to read any further. Also be aware that there is no real Happy Ever After here, although my muses tell me a third instalment should be written. It has been started but is not progressing very quickly.
Summary: Adam is back in town, and Steve finds out that Kono and Adam are now together. He's not sure how he feels about that considering what Adam and Steve were to each other last time Adam was in town.
Author's Notes: This is the very late sequel to Blinking Against the Distance, about a short-lived relationship between Steve and Adam that happened around the time Adam's father was missing, presumed dead.
In this chapter: Steve and Chin’s turn for a heart-to-heart.
Previous Parts: One | Two | Three | Four | Five
Can also be found here on AO3
True to his word, Chin was barely ten minutes. Steve climbed straight into the car as soon as he pulled up at the curb, and Chin re-entered the stream of traffic as Steve buckled his seatbelt.
"Where to?" Chin asked with a quick glance in Steve's direction.
"I… uh, I don't know. Not back to mine, I have this weird feeling Danny might show up there and I can't talk to him right now."
"Okay, how about the beach?"
Steve nodded. "Yeah, okay, but nowhere crowded."
"There's that little bay where we had the picnic with the team last August. It's out of the way and the tourists don't seem to have found it yet."
"Perfect."
It was a fifteen minute ride, and Steve was grateful for Chin's easy silence. He didn't ask any questions or start talking simply to fill the space, something Steve had always been grateful for. Steve used the time to re-examine his two exchanges with Adam in the last twenty-four hours; to study them for lies, but couldn't find any obvious ones. No matter that Danny's thoughts on the subject made sense, Steve couldn't make himself believe that Adam had deliberately misled him.
As Chin pulled the car into the gravel-filled parking lot by the bay, Steve frowned at nothing, wondering why Danny was so convinced that Adam was such bad news.
They both climbed out of the car and wandered towards the sand. Steve glanced around; there weren't many people there, as expected. A couple with a young child were near the shallows to their left, a lone surfer was idly sitting astride his board some distance out, waiting for what was probably a non-existent wave here in this sheltered bay, and another young family with three or four youngsters was halfway down the beach on their right.
"Shall we walk?" Chin asked.
Steve nodded and they moved into step, simultaneously choosing to go left without exchanging more words.
"Adam came to see me last night," Steve began after a few minutes, his eyes on some seagulls whirling in the updrafts in the distance.
Chin flicked a curious glance in his direction but said nothing yet.
"He said he owed me an explanation, but… I don't think that's why he really came. He said he still loved me and that he'd leave Kono for me if that was what I wanted too."
Chin's look sharpened. "Is that what you want?"
Steve took a breath. This was hard - he knew he had to tread carefully, despite what Chin had said about being there to listen; after all, Kono was his cousin, and he would always have her best interests at heart. "I told him that I didn't want to come between him and Kono, that I wasn't going to interfere with what they had."
"But?"
"Things have changed."
"In what way?"
"I thought - when he left last time - that I would get over him; that if I saw him again, I wouldn't feel… what I felt before, or that he wouldn't…" Steve wasn't sure he was wording this right, but he took a breath and went on, "But I was wrong. I don't know how to fight it, Chin. I don't want Kono to get hurt in all this, but I can't stop myself from wanting to be with him."
Chin nodded, stopping to pick up a stone from the beach and tossing it gently in one hand as they walked on. "I know how difficult it must be, but I can't sit back and see my cousin get tangled in anything going on between you two. She deserves to know. She'll work it out eventually, in any case, you know that, right?"
Steve swallowed. "I do. Adam promised he'd talk to her, explain before this gets out of hand, if it's not too late for that already."
"What do you mean?" Chin's eyes narrowed as he stopped to look at Steve, and there was a flicker of understanding there. "You slept with him." It wasn't a question.
Feeling guilty, Steve nodded, thrusting his hands deep into his pockets and looking over Chin's shoulder so he didn't have to bear his accusing stare. "I didn't mean to, God knows I tried hard to avoid it, but… I can't make it unhappen now. I regret it - you have to know that." Steve met Chin's eyes once more, surprised to see only a kind of sadness there. "But… only because of the timing."
"Let me guess, he still hasn't spoken to her," Chin offered, instead of any kind of judgment on Steve himself, for which he was grateful.
"No, he hasn't. I saw Kono - she'd had breakfast with him, but she didn't know anything… and then Danny… Danny worked it out too, and everything's… I don't even know." Steve felt close to tears - breathless and unable to fight his way clear of his circular thoughts - and he turned away, taking a couple of steps further along the beach before Chin caught up with him, stopping him with a hand to his arm.
"Steve. Look at me. I'm not going to say I'm happy about this, but I can't judge you for feeling how you do. It isn't a choice who you fall for; it just is."
Steve managed to meet Chin's eyes again as the man spoke. Still, the feeling showing in his brown eyes was sympathetic rather than critical, much to Steve's continued astonishment.
"When I confronted Adam about not talking to Kono, he told me he hadn't had the chance this morning, and it made perfect sense; it can't be easy for him either. Then Danny put doubt into my mind, made me think perhaps Adam's stringing me along while having no real intentions towards a relationship with me. I've been thinking about that, though, about how Adam acted and my gut feeling towards that. I can't believe he's lying."
Chin listened and then appeared to be considering Steve's words. "Danny wasn't there for any of your conversations with Adam, was he?"
"No," Steve said, shaking his head.
"He's judging the situation from a distance, and probably from a... a perspective that maybe isn't as altruistic as it might appear. Which means he doesn't have as much information as you do, even if you can be said to be willing to believe only what you want to believe."
There it was, the calm and well-considered thought put into words that Steve had needed to hear. It didn't mean Danny was wrong, necessarily, but it looked at both sides with a little more fairness than Danny had allowed so far.
"Would you believe him? Adam, that is." Steve gave Chin a look that probably spoke volumes of the anguish he was feeling.
Chin shrugged lightly, shaking his head. "I don't know. He… seems to be a better person in many ways than I've given him credit for. His reasoning for misleading Kono and wanting to kill Wo-Fat was understandable considering what happened to his father, but… his father was Yakuza."
"He's trying to legitimise his father's business dealings, or so he says."
"If that is true, then perhaps… but I can't make any kind of pronouncement on the validity of his words, and you know that." Chin looked genuinely concerned for Steve's feelings.
Steve was grateful for his honesty. Considering Kono's position in the situation, he could easily have told Steve something to weaken his interest in Adam. And he had to know that Steve valued his opinion and was more likely to take his advice - especially over this - than almost anyone else's. Steve couldn't help thinking of Danny's stance, and wondering if there was something more than simple concern for a friend behind his immediate disparagement of Adam's intentions.
"I do," he managed finally, "and if he's not going to tell Kono any time soon, then… then I'll do it myself. Before she finds out some other way or - like you said - works it out herself."
Chin smiled briefly, gratitude in his eyes. "I know you will."
Steve took a deep breath, glad if not for an absolute answer to his problem, at least for Chin's honesty and a way forward if things stalled. He knew that he didn’t really need Chin's help to get this far, but he was glad he'd spoken to him all the same. "Thanks, Chin."
"What for?" Chin asked as they continued to walk. "I didn't tell you anything you couldn't have worked out for yourself."
"You've helped me more than you realize." Steve turned his face towards the ocean breeze for a moment, letting the cool air calm him before continuing. "I'll always be grateful for your friendship. Considering our past, you have no reason to help me with this, but… you always manage to make me see things straight."
"You're a good guy, Steve, no matter that you and I weren't right for each other. You always believed in me, and I have no reason not to believe in you. That's what friends do."
Feeling close to overcome at the quiet confidence Chin was allowing him, Steve nodded, pushing both hands into his pockets.
They continued to walk in silent company until they reached the end of the bay.
"We should head back," Steve announced as they came to a natural halt. "I probably dragged you away from something important. You probably want to get back to it."
Chin clapped a hand on Steve's shoulder as they turned, giving him a warm smile. "I'm not in a hurry to be anywhere else. Nothing's more important than ohana, Steve."
As they made their way back the way they'd come, Steve had to agree. Knowing that Chin and Kono - as well as Danny and Grace - made up the majority of his ohana and therefore deserved the same care and consideration that Chin was giving him now, made Steve all the more determined to resolve the currently untenable situation before anyone got any more hurt than necessary.
~//~
It was late by the time Chin dropped Steve home, and he was emotionally exhausted from the day's activities. He resolved to give Adam the space he needed to talk to Kono, and despite the urge to contact him - if just to hear his voice - Steve turned off his cell phone after a quick text to let Danny know that he was safe at home, which was the least he felt he should do after the way he'd abandoned him earlier.
He didn't wait for a reply. He could only hope that whatever happened, Danny would still want to be his friend. Beyond that, he couldn't envision how the future would treat their relationship.
He threw together a quick dinner and ate it in front of a game on TV, unwilling to think too much on the situation any more that day. Assuming that Adam would probably come to see him when he had done what needed to be done, Steve headed for the shower as soon as he'd cleaned up after eating.
He felt reasonably relaxed as he got into bed, and told himself that things would be different tomorrow, that Adam would have spoken to Kono and that somehow - he wasn't quite sure how yet - she would forgive them both and continue to work as solidly as she always had for Five-0.
~//~
Part Seven