Maintaining the Distance, Part 7/9
Title: Maintaining the Distance 7/9
Characters: Steve McGarrett/Adam Noshimuri, Kono Kalakaua/Adam Noshimuri; also featuring Danny Williams and Chin Ho Kelly.
Rating: M
Beta: The always generous siluria, who probably doesn't know how much she helps me! Thanks, babe!
Word Count:This part: 2,350 words of 16,162 for the total fic.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, haven't a hope in hell of any of this story being canon.
Warnings: Angst by the bucketload, an emotionally challenged Steve, and a little unable-to-resist-each-other cheating in one chapter, so if that kind of thing isn't to your taste, you may not want to read any further. Also be aware that there is no real Happy Ever After here, although my muses tell me a third instalment should be written. It has been started but is not progressing very quickly.
Summary: Adam is back in town, and Steve finds out that Kono and Adam are now together. He's not sure how he feels about that considering what Adam and Steve were to each other last time Adam was in town.
Author's Notes: This is the very late sequel to Blinking Against the Distance, about a short-lived relationship between Steve and Adam that happened around the time Adam's father was missing, presumed dead.
In this chapter: Kono has some things to say, and later, Danny returns to find out the latest news.
Previous Parts: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six
Can also be found here on AO3
The next day, Steve awoke later than he often did, but he felt good, like the day was going to provide the answers he was hoping for. He'd slept better than he'd expected, so that probably contributed to his positive outlook, and he headed down the beach for his early morning run with a smile on his face.
Arriving home with pleasantly aching muscles and his heartbeat elevated but not racing, he took time to warm down in the backyard before wandering inside to put on coffee and lay out food for breakfast. After setting the table, he headed upstairs for a shower.
It was almost seven-thirty when he came down to pour the coffee and to hear the knock on the door that signalled Danny's arrival most mornings. Not expecting anything different, Steve made his way to the door with a cup of coffee in his hand. He pulled the door open with words of greeting on his lips, despite how they'd parted the day before.
The punch that was thrown at him made him stagger backwards, dropping his half-full cup on the rug.
"How could you? I thought you were my friend!" Kono spat as she launched herself at Steve again.
The breath was knocked out of him as her firm push landed him on his ass. The guilt he thought he'd gotten past swam sickeningly to the surface as he managed to get to his feet, expecting her to throw another punch - one he’d have allowed, knowing the physical pain she wanted to inflict on him had to be so much less hurtful than the emotional rollercoaster he had set her on by sleeping with her boyfriend.
But she didn’t hit him again. She just stood there, her eyes filling with tears. It was way worse than any of the reactions he’d imagined.
"You bastard," she let out, tears streaming down her face. "Adam told me everything! How could you do that to me? I love him. He can't be… you can't be… I can't accept it… Tell me he lied?" But her eyes said she knew it was true, no matter what hopes she had.
Steve couldn't lie to her anyway, and she would have known that.
"I'm sorry, Kono." Despite the fact that a part of him was pleased Adam had proved Danny wrong, he still felt an immense sadness for seeking what he had at her expense. "I never meant for this to happen."
"You knew we were together. I don't get it," she got out around the tears that were still spilling from her already swollen eyes. "Adam loves me, I know he does. What can you give him that I can't?"
It was pointless for him to answer the question. But the sentences before that begged the question: what exactly had Adam told her? If he'd truly told her everything, she'd know he and Steve had been together before and there was good reason for them to reconnect; if not… why hadn't he been completely truthful with her?
"Look, Kono… it's complicated, you have to know that. Come inside properly, let me clean this up." He indicated his spilt coffee and held out a hand - without touching her - to indicate she should pass him. "I'll pour us some fresh coffee and we can talk. Please?"
Kono looked at him sadly, her eyes still damp but the tears slowing at last. She nodded, sniffing softly as she moved past him and into the kitchen.
Steve trailed behind her, his heart heavy. Pulling out a chair at the table there, he let her sit down and then found two clean cups to pour them each some coffee. He pulled out cream and sugar and placed them on the table for her to help herself to while he went back to the door with a cloth to clean up the mess on the floor.
By the time he'd finished with that and returned to the kitchen, Kono was looking a little more together and sipping slowly from her cup. Steve found his own coffee and gulped from it before sitting opposite her to study her puffy face.
"I really hoped…" he started, and then took a breath, at a loss as to how to fix the situation. "I'm sorry. I don't even know how to do this."
"When Adam told me, I didn't want to believe it," Kono started softly. "He said he came around here to explain about our relationship - because you're my boss and he didn't think you'd understand why I was with him - and you…" Her voice cracked, but she held up a hand to stop him from cutting in. "He told me you knew he had been with a man before - somehow? I don't even know… Anyway, he said he doesn't usually do things like that, but… why would you do that to me? To him? To prove he can't be trusted? Why would he let you? I don't get it, Steve, I just don't."
Adam had only told her part of the truth, that much was clear.
"I don't know exactly what Adam told you, but… he and I… we… that is, I knew he'd been with a man before because… that man was me."
Kono's eyes widened dramatically, and she put her coffee cup down. "No. That can't be true. He would have told me that."
"I wouldn't lie to you about something like this, Kono." Steve put his hand across the table, not quite touching hers - afraid to do so in case it set off more anger. "When his father first went missing, last time he was here. We were together several times then. I thought… for a while… that we might…" He stopped, frowning as he held onto his emotions as tightly as he knew he had to. "But it didn't happen. He left, and I stayed here. I thought he wasn't coming back. That it was over. And it was!"
Standing up, Steve pushed a hand distractedly through his hair as he paced about the room. "I didn't expect him to come back, much less get involved with you."
"But he did. And you knew that." Kono's voice was quiet - accepting even - but there was a steel edge to it.
"I kept away, Kono!" Steve stopped pacing, gazing down at her with regret. "When Adam came to me, I told him that he should leave. That I didn't want you to get hurt." He closed his eyes, a guilty vision of him and Adam pressed together in passion swimming in front of them. Opening them again, he shook his head. "The next thing I knew, we were in each other's arms and it was too late."
Kono's hand flew to her trembling lips, and her eyes wrinkled as if she would burst into tears once more.
"I'm so sorry. It's no excuse, I know that. But he came here, Kono, I didn't seek him out. And afterwards, he said… he told me he'd tell you. That…" And here, Steve's voice stuck again. He didn't know how to tell her the truth about them.
"He can't…" Kono breathed, her voice sounding wobbly. "It's me he wants. Isn't it?"
Right then, Steve wasn't completely sure himself. Adam's supposed 'confession' to Kono had meant to make it clear to her that he was leaving, but he obviously hadn't gotten to that point - or else had no intention of doing so. But what did he stand to gain from leaving them both so confused and upset?
Thinking this through, Steve ran a hand over his hair, and then narrowed his eyes. "Where is he now?"
"I left him at his place, I had to know if it was true."
"So he didn't…?"
"Didn't what?"
Steve licked his lips, thinking. "Was he still trying to talk to you when you left?"
Kono stood up, frowning like she was remembering something. "I suppose he was." She met Steve's eyes. "He was going to leave me for you, wasn't he?"
Unable to voice it, Steve dropped his eyes away from her sorrowful gaze. He nodded.
At that moment, in the silence that followed - in the quiet moment when the truth of her statement became almost too much to bear, despite how much he wanted it - came the sound of a tentative knock on the door.
Neither of them moved for a second, but Steve looked up, hoping he was conveying enough regret in his eyes.
Kono smiled tightly and then took a deep breath, straightening up her back proudly. "If that's him, you can tell him I got the message loud and clear. I'll leave through the back door." She started walking towards it.
"Kono…" Steve looked from her towards the door to the living area and back again, unsure which to tend to first.
Kono flicked a vague wave in his direction as she disappeared from view, and Steve hesitated only a second as a second knock - more assured than the first had sounded - came at his front door. Giving in to the inevitable, he went to answer it.
"Danny."
Steve's surprise probably showed in his eyes, as Danny frowned at him worriedly. "You ready for work?"
"I…" Steve looked over his shoulder, still vaguely thinking of chasing Kono.
Danny craned on tiptoe, trying to peer past Steve's shoulder as he turned back to face him. "He's not here, is he?"
"What? Who? Adam?" At Danny's nod, Steve shook his head. "No. Come in while I grab my things."
Danny gave him a suspicious look, but didn't say anything further about Adam. He moved inside as Steve stepped away from the door and found his wallet and phone.
"Sorry about yesterday." Steve remembered how he'd just walked away from Danny, and while he'd texted to say he was okay and at home, he'd been remiss on further contact. Now that he thought about it, it was surprising that Danny had called for him this morning as if nothing had happened.
Danny waved his concern away. "Don't worry about it. You were upset about Adam, I didn't blame you. Maybe I…" He paused to half-shrug. "… overstepped a little. You're a grown man, and able to come to your own conclusions."
"Yeah," Steve managed after a moment. He frowned, looking vaguely around the room. Should he tell Danny about Kono?
"What's up?" Danny narrowed his eyes, clearly seeing something that concerned him in Steve's expression.
"Adam told Kono. She was just here."
"Oh."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know. What did she say?"
Steve rubbed at the vague ache in his jaw where her fist had connected. "She hit me."
"Oh." It was the same word but the tone had changed.
"After she calmed down, we talked. She was upset of course, but I think she realises… but I'm still not sure…"
"About Adam?"
Nodding again, Steve realised his gun was still in the drawer in the den where he kept it. Without speaking he went through to get it, Danny mere steps behind him.
"So you haven't talked to him since before we spoke yesterday?"
"No, Danny, I haven't. After I left you, I met up with Chin and we talked for a while. He made me see things more clearly."
"Which I couldn't do?"
Steve looked up from checking his gun and holstered it as he sighed out a low breath. "Look, Danny, you're my best friend, but this isn't something you have any experience with. Chin knows that side of my life better."
"What, because I'm straight? Come on, Steve, I understand betrayal and lies - it doesn't matter who we're talking; gay, straight or bi."
"Maybe," Steve conceded. "I just meant… he knows how much I've hidden away, and how difficult it is for me to… "
"To express your feelings?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"So you mean it's easier for you to do that with him because of your shared past. That because I haven't slept with you, you can't be open about how you feel with me, is that it?"
"Jesus, Danny, don't do this. You don't have to sleep with me to gain my trust, you know that. I don't know, I guess I just find it easier to relax about what I'm saying about the man I've been... sleeping with… in front of Chin. Yeah, maybe it is because I've slept with him too, but you don't have to feel like I'm hiding things from you just because I left you to go see him."
Danny nodded, rocking slightly on the balls of his feet, and pursed his lips, looking at his feet for a moment.
"What?" Steve asked, knowing he had something on his mind.
"You and Chin… that is all in the past?"
"Oh, for Christ's sake, Danny!" Steve moved around the desk and angrily pushed past Danny to stalk through the living room.
Danny followed more slowly, hands out placatingly as Steve spun on his heel and met his eyes, frowning deeply. "I'm sorry, Steve! I should know that it's over. This is all still pretty new to me and I don't even know what the rules are."
Steve took a deep breath. "You just finished telling me it shouldn't matter if I'm gay, straight or bi; basically that you'd treat the issues the same as you would when you thought I only liked women, and then you throw out something like that. Even if I was interested, you know damned well that Chin is with Malia! He would never cheat on her - or lie to her for that matter."
"Okay, you've got a point. I guess your 'thing' with Adam has thrown me more than it should have. So… what you're saying now is that you still don't really know if it's all 'on' with him?"
"That's right. Until I speak with him again… I just… I'm not sure. Let's just leave it there. We have work to do, right?"
Danny nodded, and the subject was dropped in favour of getting to HQ. Steve would just have to deal with Adam later.
~//~
Part Eight
Characters: Steve McGarrett/Adam Noshimuri, Kono Kalakaua/Adam Noshimuri; also featuring Danny Williams and Chin Ho Kelly.
Rating: M
Beta: The always generous siluria, who probably doesn't know how much she helps me! Thanks, babe!
Word Count:This part: 2,350 words of 16,162 for the total fic.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, haven't a hope in hell of any of this story being canon.
Warnings: Angst by the bucketload, an emotionally challenged Steve, and a little unable-to-resist-each-other cheating in one chapter, so if that kind of thing isn't to your taste, you may not want to read any further. Also be aware that there is no real Happy Ever After here, although my muses tell me a third instalment should be written. It has been started but is not progressing very quickly.
Summary: Adam is back in town, and Steve finds out that Kono and Adam are now together. He's not sure how he feels about that considering what Adam and Steve were to each other last time Adam was in town.
Author's Notes: This is the very late sequel to Blinking Against the Distance, about a short-lived relationship between Steve and Adam that happened around the time Adam's father was missing, presumed dead.
In this chapter: Kono has some things to say, and later, Danny returns to find out the latest news.
Previous Parts: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six
Can also be found here on AO3
The next day, Steve awoke later than he often did, but he felt good, like the day was going to provide the answers he was hoping for. He'd slept better than he'd expected, so that probably contributed to his positive outlook, and he headed down the beach for his early morning run with a smile on his face.
Arriving home with pleasantly aching muscles and his heartbeat elevated but not racing, he took time to warm down in the backyard before wandering inside to put on coffee and lay out food for breakfast. After setting the table, he headed upstairs for a shower.
It was almost seven-thirty when he came down to pour the coffee and to hear the knock on the door that signalled Danny's arrival most mornings. Not expecting anything different, Steve made his way to the door with a cup of coffee in his hand. He pulled the door open with words of greeting on his lips, despite how they'd parted the day before.
The punch that was thrown at him made him stagger backwards, dropping his half-full cup on the rug.
"How could you? I thought you were my friend!" Kono spat as she launched herself at Steve again.
The breath was knocked out of him as her firm push landed him on his ass. The guilt he thought he'd gotten past swam sickeningly to the surface as he managed to get to his feet, expecting her to throw another punch - one he’d have allowed, knowing the physical pain she wanted to inflict on him had to be so much less hurtful than the emotional rollercoaster he had set her on by sleeping with her boyfriend.
But she didn’t hit him again. She just stood there, her eyes filling with tears. It was way worse than any of the reactions he’d imagined.
"You bastard," she let out, tears streaming down her face. "Adam told me everything! How could you do that to me? I love him. He can't be… you can't be… I can't accept it… Tell me he lied?" But her eyes said she knew it was true, no matter what hopes she had.
Steve couldn't lie to her anyway, and she would have known that.
"I'm sorry, Kono." Despite the fact that a part of him was pleased Adam had proved Danny wrong, he still felt an immense sadness for seeking what he had at her expense. "I never meant for this to happen."
"You knew we were together. I don't get it," she got out around the tears that were still spilling from her already swollen eyes. "Adam loves me, I know he does. What can you give him that I can't?"
It was pointless for him to answer the question. But the sentences before that begged the question: what exactly had Adam told her? If he'd truly told her everything, she'd know he and Steve had been together before and there was good reason for them to reconnect; if not… why hadn't he been completely truthful with her?
"Look, Kono… it's complicated, you have to know that. Come inside properly, let me clean this up." He indicated his spilt coffee and held out a hand - without touching her - to indicate she should pass him. "I'll pour us some fresh coffee and we can talk. Please?"
Kono looked at him sadly, her eyes still damp but the tears slowing at last. She nodded, sniffing softly as she moved past him and into the kitchen.
Steve trailed behind her, his heart heavy. Pulling out a chair at the table there, he let her sit down and then found two clean cups to pour them each some coffee. He pulled out cream and sugar and placed them on the table for her to help herself to while he went back to the door with a cloth to clean up the mess on the floor.
By the time he'd finished with that and returned to the kitchen, Kono was looking a little more together and sipping slowly from her cup. Steve found his own coffee and gulped from it before sitting opposite her to study her puffy face.
"I really hoped…" he started, and then took a breath, at a loss as to how to fix the situation. "I'm sorry. I don't even know how to do this."
"When Adam told me, I didn't want to believe it," Kono started softly. "He said he came around here to explain about our relationship - because you're my boss and he didn't think you'd understand why I was with him - and you…" Her voice cracked, but she held up a hand to stop him from cutting in. "He told me you knew he had been with a man before - somehow? I don't even know… Anyway, he said he doesn't usually do things like that, but… why would you do that to me? To him? To prove he can't be trusted? Why would he let you? I don't get it, Steve, I just don't."
Adam had only told her part of the truth, that much was clear.
"I don't know exactly what Adam told you, but… he and I… we… that is, I knew he'd been with a man before because… that man was me."
Kono's eyes widened dramatically, and she put her coffee cup down. "No. That can't be true. He would have told me that."
"I wouldn't lie to you about something like this, Kono." Steve put his hand across the table, not quite touching hers - afraid to do so in case it set off more anger. "When his father first went missing, last time he was here. We were together several times then. I thought… for a while… that we might…" He stopped, frowning as he held onto his emotions as tightly as he knew he had to. "But it didn't happen. He left, and I stayed here. I thought he wasn't coming back. That it was over. And it was!"
Standing up, Steve pushed a hand distractedly through his hair as he paced about the room. "I didn't expect him to come back, much less get involved with you."
"But he did. And you knew that." Kono's voice was quiet - accepting even - but there was a steel edge to it.
"I kept away, Kono!" Steve stopped pacing, gazing down at her with regret. "When Adam came to me, I told him that he should leave. That I didn't want you to get hurt." He closed his eyes, a guilty vision of him and Adam pressed together in passion swimming in front of them. Opening them again, he shook his head. "The next thing I knew, we were in each other's arms and it was too late."
Kono's hand flew to her trembling lips, and her eyes wrinkled as if she would burst into tears once more.
"I'm so sorry. It's no excuse, I know that. But he came here, Kono, I didn't seek him out. And afterwards, he said… he told me he'd tell you. That…" And here, Steve's voice stuck again. He didn't know how to tell her the truth about them.
"He can't…" Kono breathed, her voice sounding wobbly. "It's me he wants. Isn't it?"
Right then, Steve wasn't completely sure himself. Adam's supposed 'confession' to Kono had meant to make it clear to her that he was leaving, but he obviously hadn't gotten to that point - or else had no intention of doing so. But what did he stand to gain from leaving them both so confused and upset?
Thinking this through, Steve ran a hand over his hair, and then narrowed his eyes. "Where is he now?"
"I left him at his place, I had to know if it was true."
"So he didn't…?"
"Didn't what?"
Steve licked his lips, thinking. "Was he still trying to talk to you when you left?"
Kono stood up, frowning like she was remembering something. "I suppose he was." She met Steve's eyes. "He was going to leave me for you, wasn't he?"
Unable to voice it, Steve dropped his eyes away from her sorrowful gaze. He nodded.
At that moment, in the silence that followed - in the quiet moment when the truth of her statement became almost too much to bear, despite how much he wanted it - came the sound of a tentative knock on the door.
Neither of them moved for a second, but Steve looked up, hoping he was conveying enough regret in his eyes.
Kono smiled tightly and then took a deep breath, straightening up her back proudly. "If that's him, you can tell him I got the message loud and clear. I'll leave through the back door." She started walking towards it.
"Kono…" Steve looked from her towards the door to the living area and back again, unsure which to tend to first.
Kono flicked a vague wave in his direction as she disappeared from view, and Steve hesitated only a second as a second knock - more assured than the first had sounded - came at his front door. Giving in to the inevitable, he went to answer it.
"Danny."
Steve's surprise probably showed in his eyes, as Danny frowned at him worriedly. "You ready for work?"
"I…" Steve looked over his shoulder, still vaguely thinking of chasing Kono.
Danny craned on tiptoe, trying to peer past Steve's shoulder as he turned back to face him. "He's not here, is he?"
"What? Who? Adam?" At Danny's nod, Steve shook his head. "No. Come in while I grab my things."
Danny gave him a suspicious look, but didn't say anything further about Adam. He moved inside as Steve stepped away from the door and found his wallet and phone.
"Sorry about yesterday." Steve remembered how he'd just walked away from Danny, and while he'd texted to say he was okay and at home, he'd been remiss on further contact. Now that he thought about it, it was surprising that Danny had called for him this morning as if nothing had happened.
Danny waved his concern away. "Don't worry about it. You were upset about Adam, I didn't blame you. Maybe I…" He paused to half-shrug. "… overstepped a little. You're a grown man, and able to come to your own conclusions."
"Yeah," Steve managed after a moment. He frowned, looking vaguely around the room. Should he tell Danny about Kono?
"What's up?" Danny narrowed his eyes, clearly seeing something that concerned him in Steve's expression.
"Adam told Kono. She was just here."
"Oh."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know. What did she say?"
Steve rubbed at the vague ache in his jaw where her fist had connected. "She hit me."
"Oh." It was the same word but the tone had changed.
"After she calmed down, we talked. She was upset of course, but I think she realises… but I'm still not sure…"
"About Adam?"
Nodding again, Steve realised his gun was still in the drawer in the den where he kept it. Without speaking he went through to get it, Danny mere steps behind him.
"So you haven't talked to him since before we spoke yesterday?"
"No, Danny, I haven't. After I left you, I met up with Chin and we talked for a while. He made me see things more clearly."
"Which I couldn't do?"
Steve looked up from checking his gun and holstered it as he sighed out a low breath. "Look, Danny, you're my best friend, but this isn't something you have any experience with. Chin knows that side of my life better."
"What, because I'm straight? Come on, Steve, I understand betrayal and lies - it doesn't matter who we're talking; gay, straight or bi."
"Maybe," Steve conceded. "I just meant… he knows how much I've hidden away, and how difficult it is for me to… "
"To express your feelings?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"So you mean it's easier for you to do that with him because of your shared past. That because I haven't slept with you, you can't be open about how you feel with me, is that it?"
"Jesus, Danny, don't do this. You don't have to sleep with me to gain my trust, you know that. I don't know, I guess I just find it easier to relax about what I'm saying about the man I've been... sleeping with… in front of Chin. Yeah, maybe it is because I've slept with him too, but you don't have to feel like I'm hiding things from you just because I left you to go see him."
Danny nodded, rocking slightly on the balls of his feet, and pursed his lips, looking at his feet for a moment.
"What?" Steve asked, knowing he had something on his mind.
"You and Chin… that is all in the past?"
"Oh, for Christ's sake, Danny!" Steve moved around the desk and angrily pushed past Danny to stalk through the living room.
Danny followed more slowly, hands out placatingly as Steve spun on his heel and met his eyes, frowning deeply. "I'm sorry, Steve! I should know that it's over. This is all still pretty new to me and I don't even know what the rules are."
Steve took a deep breath. "You just finished telling me it shouldn't matter if I'm gay, straight or bi; basically that you'd treat the issues the same as you would when you thought I only liked women, and then you throw out something like that. Even if I was interested, you know damned well that Chin is with Malia! He would never cheat on her - or lie to her for that matter."
"Okay, you've got a point. I guess your 'thing' with Adam has thrown me more than it should have. So… what you're saying now is that you still don't really know if it's all 'on' with him?"
"That's right. Until I speak with him again… I just… I'm not sure. Let's just leave it there. We have work to do, right?"
Danny nodded, and the subject was dropped in favour of getting to HQ. Steve would just have to deal with Adam later.
~//~
Part Eight