My child is trans, help!

[jacksmom53]

I apologize for this post if any find it offensive or ignorant. I was referred here by my sister, who told me that livejournal had many good communities for this kinds of issues

Comments

[gairid]

Your concerns for your son are valid: you are his mother and your immediate urge is to protect. It's wonderful that you are reaching out for help and that you are understanding of your son's feelings. You're headed in the right direction even though it may not feel that way to you. Your instincts are kicking in and they are telling you this is not a passing thing. Your adopting of the correct pronouns is indicative of your commitment to supporting him--you're doing it right and you should be proud!

My suggestion is to go to Pam's House Blend. Pam is a lesbian blogger who features articles and activism on the part of transgendered people. One of her main contributors is Autumn Sandeen, a trans woman who reports about transgender issues. I am quite certain that if you contact Pam or Autumn they will be able to point you in the direction of support and education

[rainbow_sleeve]

I can't say enough about how important it is that you are reaching out for support and help in understanding your son. You deserve a lot of credit. I wish you, your husband and your son good luck in your journey and please do continue to post on this forum if you can.

Seconded. :)
Sorry that I don't have anything else to contribute.

[jacksmom53]

Thank you. I'll check our the blog you linked me to and I'll consider drafting a nice long letter looking for advice and tips.

Thank you again. :)

[gairid]

I wrote Pam an email suggesting she make a post with links that might be of help. I'm sure you'll find the support you need ...they are wonderful folks.

[jacksmom53]

I remember my own teens very unfondly, and I was a cisgendered, heterosexual, traditionally "attractive" woman! Jack will always have a safe place here at home and hopefully we can find some support groups or peers that understand what he's going through. Thanks for your advice. I'm still terrified about high school, but hopefully we can all get through it.

[tko_ak]

If you haven't already, contact the school...administrators, teachers, etc. Maybe look at your local PFLAG chapter as well. Communication will help make the process easier.

[vacant_thomas]

The first step, I would say, is to find a Transgender-friendly counselor for your son, and for you and your husband. He is entering into unfamiliar territory for a lot of people, and he will need somebody to talk to- and you two will need it too. I know it's helped my family quite a bit. This counselor will also be able to talk to you (or refer you) to somebody who can walk through the physical issues (hormones, effects, surgery). While the internet is a great resource for this, talking to a medical professional who specializes in these areas is of utmost importance.

This.

Like others have said, sorry I didn't have anything else to contribute, but I would have just repeated this paragraph.

[agent_alpo]

First of all, I have to applaud you for being so supportive of your son, and I wish you all the best as you work through this situation. Supportive parents will be the foundation that helps Jack through his transition if he pursues it fully.

While anecdotes from people who have been through the situation are always good to hear, the best place to start is with a gender therapist. This site has a list of gender therapists in each state. (I took the liberty of looking at your userinfo for your location. Your state has several therapists listed including one in your city.) A therapist will help guide you and Jack through the transition process and will also help Jack determine if this is in fact the course he wants in his life

[agent_alpo]

Also, depending on your insurance's policies, the gender therapist may actually be covered. My partner is MTF and her therapist was covered by her insurance when she had insurance. She actually was able to get some of her hormones covered, too, as her GP is gay and transgender friendly. You may broach the subject with Jack's doctor, and consider seeing a different doctor depending on the reaction you get from the current one. If you see a gender therapist, he or she may be able to recommend a good GP for Jack that will be cooperative with the transition process.

[jacksmom53]

Thanks for the tip. I'll get to investigating the policy we receive through my husbands job and what they offer for transgendered people. I don't know much about the high school he's slated to go to, it's not the same school I attended since we lived in a neighboring city (Phoenix). This area isn't the most conversative place in AZ, but AZ as a general rule is pretty conservative.

I really wish there were LGBT high schools right now. I don't think that segreation is the answer, but it would nice to have options that were outwardly friendly and sensitive to queer students.

[tko_ak]

*waves from NAU*

Maricopa County is pretty conservative, at least for metro areas, but Tempe being a college town should help. ASU may even have resources you could use.

[mathwhiz78]

Wow, thank you for this

[jacksmom53]

Thanks for your kind words, but honestly I don't think I'm going so above and beyond the call of a parent. You do the right thing by your child, that's supposed to be in the job description.

I appreciate your insight on hormones. I suppose that if he were to start them now he'd actually have a greater chance of passing as an adult? That makes since, but do you have any idea how testostrone functions in an adolenscent female body? When he came out to us he said, "I don't feel like a girl, I feel like I should have been born a boy and that God messed up." The last part was kind of funny to us, but yeah, he's been pretty clear about saying that he feels male.

Things are different from when my sister came out (she was in HS in the late 80's and early 90's) and I feel like GAY people have gained a lot more acceptance and visibility, but trans people? Jack is the first openly trans person that I've met (who I've known was trans), and I feel like trans people are invisible and vilified in our culture as a whole.

[gairid]

Jack is the first openly trans person that I've met (who I've known was trans), and I feel like trans people are invisible and vilified in our culture as a whole.

Maybe not invisible, but certainly vilified. I have a friend who a non-op is F to M trans and it's not been an easy row for him to hoe, that's for sure. Still, it's education and courage that bring about change.

You may not think you are going above and beyond but there are so many parents who react in ways that are so hurtful to the child (even though the parents may not mean to be hurtful) that when someone comes along who actually does the right thing in being supportive, it comes across as above an beyond. Give yourself credit--you're a great mom!

[mathwhiz78]

A lot of people don't do what you do. (Trust me; I've read blogs of a lot of the teens going through this, and your acceptance is far from the norm

[bafleyanne]

I don't have anything to add, but I just wanted to say how wonderful I think it is that you are so supportive of your child. Regardless of what he decides about gender identity, he will always know that he has supportive parents, and that's something that a lot of people in his situation don't have.

Good luck to all of you as you navigate these uncharted waters.

[natashasoftpaw]

Same for me, this post really made me smile. Your son is very lucky to have such an accepting family, it's a real rarity for many of us.

Unfortunately, I have nothing to really add to the discussion, others have made great suggestions to answer your questions, and I'm transitioning in the opposite direction (MtF instead of FtM), so my personal experience isn't exactly relevant.