My child is trans, help!

[jacksmom53]

I apologize for this post if any find it offensive or ignorant. I was referred here by my sister, who told me that livejournal had many good communities for this kinds of issues

Comments

[mathwhiz78]

Wow, thank you for this

[jacksmom53]

Thanks for your kind words, but honestly I don't think I'm going so above and beyond the call of a parent. You do the right thing by your child, that's supposed to be in the job description.

I appreciate your insight on hormones. I suppose that if he were to start them now he'd actually have a greater chance of passing as an adult? That makes since, but do you have any idea how testostrone functions in an adolenscent female body? When he came out to us he said, "I don't feel like a girl, I feel like I should have been born a boy and that God messed up." The last part was kind of funny to us, but yeah, he's been pretty clear about saying that he feels male.

Things are different from when my sister came out (she was in HS in the late 80's and early 90's) and I feel like GAY people have gained a lot more acceptance and visibility, but trans people? Jack is the first openly trans person that I've met (who I've known was trans), and I feel like trans people are invisible and vilified in our culture as a whole.

[gairid]

Jack is the first openly trans person that I've met (who I've known was trans), and I feel like trans people are invisible and vilified in our culture as a whole.

Maybe not invisible, but certainly vilified. I have a friend who a non-op is F to M trans and it's not been an easy row for him to hoe, that's for sure. Still, it's education and courage that bring about change.

You may not think you are going above and beyond but there are so many parents who react in ways that are so hurtful to the child (even though the parents may not mean to be hurtful) that when someone comes along who actually does the right thing in being supportive, it comes across as above an beyond. Give yourself credit--you're a great mom!

[mathwhiz78]

A lot of people don't do what you do. (Trust me; I've read blogs of a lot of the teens going through this, and your acceptance is far from the norm

[jacksmom53]

I think he may like girls, actually. We'll see how he feels as he gets a little older. :)

[keito_f]

I would talk to a medical doctor about "the effects of testosterone on an adolescent female body," so that you can be certain, but I do have a doctorate in anatomy and can give a basic summary.

Testosterone will have a masculinizing affect resulting development of more masculine secondary sex characteristics such as a deeper voice, broader chest, and facial hair. The external genitialia may also be masculinzed and enlarge, but at this point probably not to the extent that they would be mistaken for a penis and scrotum.

Ovaries and the uterus would probably not develop fully. It is conceivable that this might cause some health issue which is why I would recommend that you speak to a medical doctor, but for the most part testosterone would simply cause your son to look more masculine. Getting testosterone therapy at this stage will probably have better results than waiting until after puberty.

[jacksmom53]

Thanks for this. I'm currently looking for a doctor who is open minded and supportive and willing to work with us.

[tko_ak]

You may not be going above and beyond, but the sad reality is that many parents are unsupportive, homophobic or transphobic, and if not hateful and outright hostile, than passive aggressive or pretending that it doesn't exist (or that it'll go away). Many eventually come around, but many don't, and it sucks in the mean time.

[david_feuer]

From everything I've heard, starting at least hormone blockers now will increase his chances of a more typically male appearance (height and body shape), and, depending on his current level of physical development, may either eliminate or reduce the need for top surgery. Edit: and reduce the invasiveness of such surgery if it is required.

[nikolche]

Seconding this. As a transguy with almost no chest to speak of: it is an amazingly lucky thing to not have to worry about binding to the point of pain every day. It also helps with passing, if Jack hasn't developed at all yet he can go topless at the beach and pool like all the other guys. Makes summer a bit easier.

[gairid]

Hi Mike.

What a wonderful comment! I wonder if you, too might check out Pam's and perhaps consider contributing there...she has a large readership and is one of the lgbt bloggers that actually has a good transgender base. The more educated people are about all sides of tansgender experience the better.

I agree with you--this is an important post.

[mathwhiz78]

I'm flattered. Thank you. :)