Kevin: he called me before he got to you ( Read more... )

this is the first year i have someone to spend christmas with and i am not with him ( Read more... )

Me: i want chips ( Read more... )

YAYYYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

did you allow a crazy person to move into your head?
y'know they never pay rent on time
and if/when they do it'll be with something ridiculous

"$500 a month? I thought you said 20 bats every day!"

"eeek eeek eek eeek"

Me: im hacking up a lung ( Read more... )

I want to stick my dick in you. Happy valentines day

america does NOT run on dunkin... you owe me a new gas tank

The person who sat in my seat on the flight before me and could not finish the People magazine crossword puzzle has to be ashamed of themselves. I don't know who you are, but "Desperate-blank-wives"? Nothing? Three letter word for writing utensil? You're holding it in your hand. Huh? Okay, here's one more for you. Four letters, begins with a "V," ( Read more... )

Just because you live in the middle of nowhere doesn't make you more authentic than me. It just means you have a much longer drive to the airport ( Read more... )