Make You Mine /// Eighteenth Lie: Torn
Title: Make You Mine
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre: Romance, AU
Rating: PG-13 and up.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this.
Summary: The first impression counts and Kazuya's first impression of Jin is not the best. However, Jin is determined to get to know Kazuya - and Kazuya makes up a few lies, which suddenly become huge... And then, the tide is turning.
A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I lived in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
As always, I am still catching up on comments v.v
queen_kat_tun I can only hope you still enjoy this ♥ Who would have thought the oneshot I once planned for you would turn out like this? *lol*
Okay, so... angst mode is still on. Next chap is going to get some fluff again :)
Enjoy it! ♥
Previous Chapters:
First Lie: Who am I?
Second Lie: Find Me
Third Lie: Exposed
Fourth Lie: On Repeat
Fifth Lie: More of You
Sixth Lie: Not My Fault
Seventh Lie: Out of Reach
Eighth Lie: Leaving You
Ninth Lie: Hold On
Tenth Lie: Secret
Eleventh Lie: Broken Lovers
Twelfth Lie: Worry About You
Thirteenth Lie: I Won't
Fourteenth Lie: Only My Illursion
Fifteenth Lie: Heavy Damage
Sixteenth Lie: Too Close
Seventeenth Lie: Cutting Ties
Eighteenth Lie: Torn
Osaka was different.
Kazuya stared out of the window of his office in one of the top floors of the building and stared at the colourful lights and all the movement in the streets.
It wasn't different in a bad way, just different from Tokyo, where Kazuya had spent most time of his life.
However, in that one month he had been in Osaka by now, he had started to really like it.
It was almost June by now and spring was nearly over; Kazuya was looking forward to summer to come. By then, he would be able to take off a few days and go on a trip to have some time to himself.
He had spent way too many sleepless nights. Nights, in which he had tried to call Jin, had hung up, before Jin could pick up - or had listened to the steady ringing on the other side of the line, when Jin hadn't picked up.
That had lasted for about two weeks. By now, Kazuya spent sleepless nights at times, but he didn't get weak enough to call Jin.
He had said, he wouldn't give Jin another chance and he should stand by his word.
It would have been easier, though, if Kazuya didn't feel like that break-up had been completely unnecessary and that none of them had actually wanted it. The fact that Jin had kept his reasons from Kazuya was still bugging him and Kazuya couldn't forget like this.
He needed to know to ease his mind, to soothe his heart that ultimately, it had been the right step.
But like this, everything about it just felt so wrong. Like this, Jin was just missing and Kazuya felt - in a way that he couldn't grasp himself - just empty.
The door was knocked and Kazuya turned, looking at Koki who came in with his mobile on his ear.
"Kame", he asked and frowned then, looking away again. "Yes, I am", he said into the phone. "Because we spend every day together and you just give friends nicknames."
Kazuya tilted his head slightly, as Koki looked back at him and rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Kame, could you give me the numbers for the last order you made tonight?"
Kazuya threw him a long look, knowing Koki was talking to Jin. He pressed his lips together and rounded his desk, opening a file and handing Koki a paper.
It was tempting to take the phone from Koki and tell Jin that it wasn't any of his business who called Kazuya by his nickname and that - just for Jin to finally get it into his thick skull - any nickname was better than his arrogant "pretty".
But Kazuya just watched Koki reading out the numbers to Jin.
Actually, as Kazuya had been promoted to be the head manager of the hotel, Jin should contact him about those things. But each time, Jin called Koki instead.
It was okay, as Koki was capable and used to do it before Kazuya had come to Osaka. But, in that very disturbing way, Kazuya wanted to have just some opportunities to be forced to talk to Jin.
It would be nice to hear his voice again - to listen to it and tell from just the sound how Jin was doing.
But, at this point, they were both not ready for that.
"Yeah, sure", Koki said and nodded, looking back at Kazuya. "Yes, Jin, you told me a million times already."
Kazuya sat down on his chair and pretended to be busy reading through some papers, until Koki hung up.
"Seriously", Koki said. "That's what I was saying."
Kazuya gave him a confused look.
"Don't mix up work and private matters", Koki mumbled, as he sat down across from Kazuya. "Now, look at the two of you. It's pathetic."
"I am afraid it really is", Kazuya agreed.
"I can assure you that it is."
Kazuya could smile about that and shrugged. "Still, I don't regret it."
Koki just sighed, as he had known Kazuya would answer something along those lines. "He said he awaits you for the meeting next week", he said then.
For a moment, Kazuya just stared at him. "I thought he'd ask you to attend it in my place."
"You're the head manager here", Koki just said.
Kazuya nodded. "That's not how I meant it. What day is it?"
"Next Saturday at eleven. He said, just as for the other managers, they have a room ready for you on Friday."
"No problem", Kazuya said and saved it to his BlackBerry.
"I have a feeling that it is", Koki commented. "He didn't really sound as if he really wanted you to come."
Kazuya shrugged. "I'm not coming for personal matters, but for work."
Koki nodded. "Jin just tends to make everything a personal matter."
"I won't let him do that", Kazuya answered and gave Koki a confident smile. "Not going would just confirm him that I can't handle it. So, I'll go and handle it."
Koki sighed and turned. "I'm not doubting you being able to handle it. I'm doubting Jin."
Kazuya didn't answer, as Koki left his office and leaned back again, as he was alone.
He didn't think Jin was the only one who wouldn't be able to handle it. They would both have a hard time seeing each other again.
A month hadn't been enough time to get over it - at this point, Kazuya doubted that even eternity would be enough. He wouldn't be able to really get over Jin, as long as he knew that breaking up had not been what any of them had wanted.
He was actually afraid to face Jin and act, as if nothing had ever happened between them. Act, as if meeting Jin wasn't hurting, as if he wasn't longing for him.
But, Kazuya thought and looked out of his window, time would pass and things would get better and the act would become reality.
Eventually, he would forget Jin and live on without him.
Jin looked through the room and nodded to Hagiwara who stood next to him.
"Osho-san informed us that he'll take the Shinkansen in Sapporo at eleven tonight. He'll check in tomorrow morning."
"Did you remember that..."
"We put some extra pillows", she interrupted. "Just as he requested."
With a smile, Jin nodded. "As the main branch we just have to be the perfect example."
"Everything's perfect", she assured him and turned to leave the room.
Jin followed and threw one last glance, before he closed the door. Hagiwara opened a door across and let Jin walk in first.
"Everything is to our usual standards in this room. Kamenashi-san didn't have any special requests."
Jin looked around and went over to the bed, before he went into the bathroom. "Put some extra bathing oils for the tub", he murmured, knowing Kazuya liked to take a long bath at the end of a day.
Hagiwara nodded and wrote it onto a memo. "Anything else?"
Jin shook his head. "Everything's perfect. Kamenashi won't be the one to complain about the service, anyway", Jin added. "When will he arrive?"
"Friday night", she said, after she had looked into a list. "He'll arrive after midnight."
Jin frowned. "Why that late?"
"He said he has some important business until afternoon and will take a plane in the evening."
Kazuya wanted to avoid meeting him, Jin thought. But, perhaps, it was just better that way. "I see."
"I'll get a girl to put the extras in this room, but otherwise, we're ready for tomorrow."
"Thank you", Jin said and got out his mobile, as it started ringing. He nodded at Hagiwara and turned to go back downstairs, while he answered the call.
He stayed at reception for a moment to end the call, as he saw Yamashita. He wore jeans and a simple shirt, sneakers and had his hair tied in a messy short tail.
"What are you doing here already?" Jin frowned.
"I'll be starting in thirty minutes", he answered. "Just wanted to check on you."
Jin shrugged. "I'm fine. We're prepared for tomorrow."
"Having all head managers come over is quite an event. Everything has to be perfect." Yamashita followed Jin into the back office.
"As the main branch, we can't afford a single mistake in front of them", Jin agreed.
"It'll be fine", Yamashita assured him.
"Well", Jin murmured and sat down. "They're all not like Kazuya. He's definitely the only one who won't be searching for any mistakes."
Yamashita smiled slightly. "It's not like he wouldn't see them. Remember how he detected every single mistake here and corrected them in no time?"
"That's why he's head manager in Osaka now", Jin answered. "He's capable."
"I think the fact that he slept with you takes huge part in it, too." Yamashita shrugged. "But, I am sure he really is capable."
Jin gave him a keen look. "He didn't just sleep with me", he commented. "If any of my decisions had depended on that alone, he would still be here; still sleeping with me."
Yamashita sighed. "You're noble, Jin", he said dryly. "If he only knew."
"He knows", Jin murmured. "And he definitely doesn't think I'm noble. He thinks I'm stupid."
"Don't get weak tomorrow", Yamashita warned him. "I can see that you're not over him, so... don't get weak."
Jin gave him a long look. "I won't."
Yamashita nodded. "He's better off not knowing what's going on." He gave Jin a calm smile. "If you were less of an idiot, none of you would have to suffer."
Jin returned the smile. "I'm sorry for being such an idiot. But thanks for reminding me."
Yamashita's look got serious and showed sympathy for Jin. "I'm sorry it had to come to this, Jin."
"Nothing of that involves you", Jin answered. "So, you have no reason to be sorry."
"I wish I could do something to help you, but I am afraid there's nothing I could do."
Jin shook his head. "I knew that one way or the other I would have to pay for it one day. So, I'm paying now."
Yamashita lowered his look. "I just hope Kamenashi won't make it any harder for you than it is already."
Jin managed a smile and laced his fingers. "He's already making it harder for me by coming here." He paused and looked up at Yamashita again.
"But, after all, I am the one who told him to come."
Kazuya closed the door behind himself and bit his lip, before he turned.
He had arrived after midnight and hadn't left his room since then. He had known that Jin wouldn't be there that late - after all, he had a daughter at home and he had to take care of her.
Still, Kazuya had decided to not go to breakfast; just because he had been afraid of running into Jin.
He knew just how big the hotel was and that the chance of running into Jin wasn't that high. But there was a chance and Kazuya rather avoided it.
It would be enough to face Jin now. However, the situation would make it easier. It was about work and there were seven other people, too. Kazuya just had to remind himself of it over and over again.
He took the lift to the 27th floor and straightened his posture, as he got off. The door to the conference room was open and Kazuya could hear voices.
He'd just go in and sit down, greeting the other managers and act, as if nothing was bothering him.
He jumped slightly, as his hand was gripped.
Without turning, Kazuya knew that his whole plan wouldn't work out - because he hadn't actually anticipated that Jin would do something like this to him.
He didn't pull away, as he turned and looked down into Natsuki's face. She held on to his hand, while Mi-chan was in her other one, securely pressed to her chest.
"Kazu-nii", she just said and looked at him with huge eyes.
Kazuya lifted his head and saw Jin standing a few meters away from them, his expression indifferent, as he watched his daughter.
"Natsuki", Kazuya said and his voice came out pressed. He swallowed thickly and got to his knees. "Hey."
She pouted at him. "You said you'd come visit", she said. "Why didn't you come?"
Kazuya mustered a smile and reached out for her to caress her cheek. "I wanted to come and see you this afternoon."
"Really?" She didn't sound as if she believed him.
Kazuya nodded. "Of course." He pulled her in and hugged her tightly. "You've become even prettier", he said then. He had always thought it was a cliché, but apparently, kids really grew that fast.
She chuckled against his neck. "Mi-chan, too."
"Natsuki", Jin said, as he approached them. "Kazuya has to go to the meeting first. He'll come and see you afterwards, okay?" He gripped her shoulder and pulled her from Kazuya.
Natsuki threw Kazuya another look, her eyes pleading.
"I'll come see you afterwards", Kazuya confirmed.
"I'll take her upstairs", Jin just said and led Natsuki to the lift. Kazuya looked after them, before he turned and went into the conference room.
He greeted the other men politely and bowed to them, before he sat down at the table.
Jin came back a moment later and closed the door. He didn't look at Kazuya even once, as he opened the meeting and presented the plan for the upcoming season.
He didn't look good, Kazuya thought, as he watched Jin at the end of the table.
His hair had grown and apparently, Jin didn't bother to get it cut. The tips curled on his shoulders and it didn't look quite bedraggled, but for his appearance as an owner and manager of a hotel, he shouldn't wear his hair that long.
Still, Kazuya remembered, what it was like to comb his fingers through it and for that alone, he wanted Jin to keep it the way it was.
Jin's face looked skinnier than Kazuya remembered it, however. He hadn't shaved for a few days and beneath his eyes, huge shadows showed that he didn't sleep too well lately.
But, he didn't show it off. For everyone else in the room, it might just looked like Jin was trying to change his image. However, Kazuya knew Jin in a different way from the other men in the room. He knew Jin in a way no one else did.
"Kamenashi-san?"
Kazuya blinked his eyes and tore his look from Jin who now looked back at him, and stared at the man next to him.
"Do you agree to that, too?"
Kazuya glanced back at Jin, before he nodded.
"Okay", Jin said and wrote something onto the paper in front of him. "I'll send these out to you as a document for Monday."
He closed the meeting and talked to each manager for a few minutes personally. Jin noticed Kazuya giving him a quick glance, before he left the room. Jin concentrated on his conversation again and tried to ignore it.
Almost thirty minutes later, he left, too and took the lift back upstairs, where he found Natsuki laying in the living room of the manager suite, playing with some of her dolls.
"You didn't bring Kazu-nii", she asked.
Jin frowned slightly. "Hasn't he come to see you yet?"
Natsuki shook her head and dropped the doll in her hand. "He's not coming?"
Jin clicked his tongue, as he turned. "I'll be back in a few minutes, baby", he said from the lift. The lift reached the right floor and Jin got off, using his master key to get into Kazuya's room.
As he opened the door and walked in, he saw Kazuya bend over his suitcase.
"Coward", Jin growled and shut the door.
"You could have had the decency to at least knock." Kazuya rose and buried his hands in his pockets.
"What do you think you're doing, Kazuya?" Jin pointed at the suitcase. "I will have to seriously kick your ass, if you're going to leave like this."
Kazuya shrugged. "I can't do it, Jin."
"You don't get this, do you?" Jin approached Kazuya and stopped right in front of him. "You made a promise and you haven't kept it up until now."
Kazuya lowered his look. "It's not like I want to hurt her."
"She's my daughter, Kazuya", Jin reminded him. "She's my daughter and the most precious I possess. No one will ever love her the way I do and I can't let you hurt her like this."
Kazuya's mouth became a thin line, as he pressed his lips together.
"You'll pull yourself together now and go up there to see her. It's easy to make a promise", Jin said mockingly. "But I am the one who is with her every day and she keeps asking me about why you're not coming to see her or call her or just contact her in any way."
Kazuya looked up. "And it makes it difficult for you, because you just can't answer her that I can't keep my promise, because you stopped loving me and kicked me out of your life."
Jin's expression got a bit softer. "You know that's not how it is."
"But that makes it easier, Jin", Kazuya shot back, enraged now. "It's easier to tell myself you're just not loving me anymore, instead of wondering just exactly what I did wrong and why we can't be together, if obviously, we're in love."
Jin stared at him for a moment.
"I'd rather think you stopped loving me", Kazuya repeated and took a shaky breath. "Or else, I just can't handle it. I can't, Jin."
Jin lowered his look, bit his lip, before he took the last remaining steps and pulled Kazuya in. He wound his arms around Kazuya's shoulders and buried his face at his hair. "It's just as hard for me", he murmured. Kazuya smelled different; he didn't wear the perfume he had used to wear.
Things changed, Jin thought and closed his eyes, as he felt Kazuya's hands at his back. Things changed, time went on - and yet, the pain hadn't healed a single bit.
Kazuya drew back and pulled Jin's arms from his shoulders. "You have to talk to me. You need to tell me what's going on."
Jin slowly shook his head.
"Jin", Kazuya said firmly and gripped his wrists. "If you can't handle the decision you made, I will have to take care of it."
Jin gave him a confused look. "What do you mean?"
"You're either going to tell me now what exactly is going on", Kazuya said in a low voice, "or I will have to take my suitcase, go upstairs, break your daughters heart and hand in my resignation."
Silence stretched between them, while Jin stared at Kazuya in disbelief. "You can't."
"I can't go on like this, Jin. We both can't." Kazuya swallowed thickly. "If you're not going to talk to me, I'll cut all ties."
Jin wanted to - he wanted to spill everything to Kazuya in that second, but he remembered Yamashita's words and he knew, he couldn't get weak.
His features got hard and he pressed his lips together, fighting the urge to pull Kazuya back into his arms.
"That's what you'll have to do then."
Kazuya gave him a long look, his eyes disappointed. "You know I'd do anything to help you, if you let me."
Jin nodded slightly. "I don't want to let go of you, Kazuya", he murmured. "And even if it's just for work, I want to see you."
"Then, tell me", Kazuya murmured.
"Don't resign", Jin just plead; his voice a whisper.
Kazuya wanted to give in. He wanted to nod and assure Jin that things could go on like before. But they simply couldn't. He turned and closed his suitcase, picking it up. "I'll go and see Natsuki."
Jin looked at the ground and closed his eyes, as he heard Kazuya leave the room.
Kazuya wanted to help him; he really wanted to stay by Jin's side and knowing that Jin just couldn't let him, was painful. Whatever he did, he always ended up hurting Kazuya.
He tilted his head back and pressed his fingers onto his eyes, as if he could stop the tears that had built up behind them in that way. Taking a deep breath, Jin tried to calm down, tried to get himself back into control.
He had seriously messed up his life and he couldn't see a way out of that mess.
In his life, Jin had made many mistakes, but each time, someone had been there to catch him, each time, he had had someone to support him through any hardships. No matter what had happened, eventually, he had always found a way and things had ended well.
But now, he had lost Kazuya and he didn't know how he could ever get over it - or how this whole story was going to end well.
The only thing left to do was to make sure Natsuki wouldn't get involved. It was the only thing Jin could do after everything he had been through.
He turned and left the room, closing the door behind himself, before he took the lift upstairs. As he stepped out of it, he saw Kazuya walking towards him and stopped.
Kazuya stopped as well, and Jin saw tears glimmering in his eyes.
"You better go and comfort her. She's crying", Kazuya said. He picked up his suitcase again and went past Jin, into the cabin of the lift. "You'll have my letter of resignation by Monday."
Jin stared at him, his look empty and Kazuya stared back for a moment, before he lowered his look.
"Kazuya..."
The doors slid closed and Kazuya was gone, before Jin could have even put up a fight.
Jin looked at Natsuki, as she had finally fallen asleep. Her face was red, her cheeks still wet, lips swollen.
She had cried and cried and Jin could not have calmed her down. He had cradled her in his lap, had murmured soothing words, while he had wanted to just cry himself.
He knew he wouldn't ever find anyone Natsuki would accept as easily as she had accepted Kazuya. It had probably been love at first sight for these two - what hadn't worked between Jin and Kazuya, had so easily worked between Natsuki and him.
They had had that connection from the very first moment and it would have made it easy for Jin to get Natsuki used to the thought of having Kazuya permanently around.
Jin's head shot up, as his mobile started ringing. He quickly gripped it and rolled out of bed and left the bedroom, throwing looks back at Natsuki to make sure she hadn't woken up.
"Akanishi", he answered the call.
"Kazuya was quick to leave again", a voice greeted him and Jin froze at the door. "He didn't look too happy."
Jin swallowed, making sure his voice would sound. "He just came for the meeting, after all."
"I thought he might have had a painful encounter with you", the caller answered, amusement in his voice. "He could probably need some comfort."
"Stay away from him", Jin said immediately. "You already harmed him."
"It's your fault. You looked a bit too happy around him."
Jin closed his eyes. "Well, you can rest assured. I am far from happy right now."
"Hm", he just got as an answer. "How is your pretty, little daughter? I bet, she would need some comfort."
"Don't you dare even getting close to her", Jin spitted out.
A laugh followed. "Are you threatening me?"
Jin grinded his teeth together. "Leave Natsuki out of this."
"Or what?" The voice got sharper. "If I decide she has to get involved, you won't be able to do anything. One word, Akanishi, and you'll never see her again."
Jin closed his eyes, as he started to tremble.
"But, well." Now, it was soothing again. "For the time being it's enough to see you and Kazuya suffer. He deserved it, too."
"What are you calling for?" Jin looked back into the room, keeping an eye on Natsuki.
"I just wanted to hear your pathetic voice. Sounds like you're really broken." The amusement was back. Jin was about to just hang up on that, when the caller added another sentence: "Oh, and I wanted to let you know that I'll spend some days in Osaka."
"Leave him alone", Jin murmured. "He'll hand in his resignation on Monday, so just leave him be."
The connection was cut and Jin lowered the phone, closed his eyes and leaned against the doorframe.
What was he supposed to do?
He had known from the very first moment that he couldn't protect Kazuya; not, as long as he just had to protect Natsuki, too. And Kazuya had almost lost his life once, just because he had been with Jin.
But Jin couldn't go to Osaka. He couldn't show up - it would make things just even more complicated.
He would just get Kazuya into danger.
Jin tilted his head and watched Natsuki on the huge bed. Her face looked peaceful, her breathing was calm and steady, a hand beneath her cheek, Mi-chan pressed close to her chest.
He strolled over and gently ran a hand through her hair, before he spread a blanket over her body.
Just what exactly was he supposed to do now?
Kazuya stared at the letter in his hand and moved it slightly. He wouldn't be able to hand it in personally, what was quite impolite, but the distance didn't leave him a choice.
Sighing, he put it down and got out a new envelope. He let the first letter slide into it and closed it properly, before he wrote down Jin's name and the address of the hotel in Tokyo.
As someone knocked his door, he looked up and put on a smile for the receptionist.
"Kamenashi-san, excuse me", she said. "Someone's at the counter and wants to talk to you."
Kazuya tilted his head and got up. He was fed up with complaints from the guests lately. But, as always, he would meet them with a smile and with patience.
As he reached the counter, however, he blinked his eyes and stopped. "Nishikido-san", he said in surprise.
"Kamenashi", Ryo greeted him with a slight bow and smiled. "I just checked in and wanted to greet you."
"What are you doing in Osaka?" Kazuya put on a kind smile.
"I'm originally from the area and come back every once in a while." Ryo lifted the key in his hand. "And of course, I am staying at the Redline."
Kazuya nodded. "We're happy to welcome you as our guest."
"Thank you", Ryo answered. "It was nice to meet you."
Kazuya bowed slightly. "Likewise."
He watched Ryo leave and frowned. They had never even been introduced to each other. To Kazuya, Ryo had always just been the guy Jin had use to date, when they had gotten to know each other.
He tilted his head slightly and left reception to get back into the office.
His phone rang and Kazuya hurried inside the room to pick it up. "Redline Hotels, Kamenashi speaking."
"Kame", Ueda greeted him and he froze.
"Why are you calling?"
Ueda clicked his tongue upon Kazuya's reaction. "I'm in Osaka right now and thought, since you're working here now, we should probably meet up."
Kazuya frowned. "Why would I meet up with you?"
"You can bring Tanaka-san", Ueda said. "I have someone to accompany me, too."
"I don't think I have time", Kazuya just said. "And I think I made it clear that I want you to stay out of my life."
"I just thought you probably feel lonely here."
"I'm doing fine, thanks." Kazuya sat down, as his knees got weak. "Don't call again and don't come here." He hung up and put the phone down, before he covered his face with his hands.
Why didn't Ueda finally get that Kazuya didn't want to have anything to do with him? Why was he even here in Osaka?
He leaned back and shook his head.
Things were getting too much. Everything was just getting too much.
He wanted to go back to Tokyo and live the carefree life of a student he had just had last year. He looked at the calendar on his desk. June 24th; more than half a year had passed, since he had gotten to know Jin.
And in those eight months, Kazuya's whole life had changed completely. He had finished university, had gotten his first real job; he had fallen in love, had become the manager for a first class hotel. He had gotten to know the most adorable girl, had broken her heart, had almost died and he had gotten his own heart broken.
Kazuya laughed slightly, a bitter laugh, as all the memories made his heart ache so badly.
He wished none of it had ever happened.
Not even the good parts.
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Thank you so much for reading ♥
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre: Romance, AU
Rating: PG-13 and up.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this.
Summary: The first impression counts and Kazuya's first impression of Jin is not the best. However, Jin is determined to get to know Kazuya - and Kazuya makes up a few lies, which suddenly become huge... And then, the tide is turning.
A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I lived in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
As always, I am still catching up on comments v.v
queen_kat_tun I can only hope you still enjoy this ♥ Who would have thought the oneshot I once planned for you would turn out like this? *lol*
Okay, so... angst mode is still on. Next chap is going to get some fluff again :)
Enjoy it! ♥
Previous Chapters:
First Lie: Who am I?
Second Lie: Find Me
Third Lie: Exposed
Fourth Lie: On Repeat
Fifth Lie: More of You
Sixth Lie: Not My Fault
Seventh Lie: Out of Reach
Eighth Lie: Leaving You
Ninth Lie: Hold On
Tenth Lie: Secret
Eleventh Lie: Broken Lovers
Twelfth Lie: Worry About You
Thirteenth Lie: I Won't
Fourteenth Lie: Only My Illursion
Fifteenth Lie: Heavy Damage
Sixteenth Lie: Too Close
Seventeenth Lie: Cutting Ties
Eighteenth Lie: Torn
Osaka was different.
Kazuya stared out of the window of his office in one of the top floors of the building and stared at the colourful lights and all the movement in the streets.
It wasn't different in a bad way, just different from Tokyo, where Kazuya had spent most time of his life.
However, in that one month he had been in Osaka by now, he had started to really like it.
It was almost June by now and spring was nearly over; Kazuya was looking forward to summer to come. By then, he would be able to take off a few days and go on a trip to have some time to himself.
He had spent way too many sleepless nights. Nights, in which he had tried to call Jin, had hung up, before Jin could pick up - or had listened to the steady ringing on the other side of the line, when Jin hadn't picked up.
That had lasted for about two weeks. By now, Kazuya spent sleepless nights at times, but he didn't get weak enough to call Jin.
He had said, he wouldn't give Jin another chance and he should stand by his word.
It would have been easier, though, if Kazuya didn't feel like that break-up had been completely unnecessary and that none of them had actually wanted it. The fact that Jin had kept his reasons from Kazuya was still bugging him and Kazuya couldn't forget like this.
He needed to know to ease his mind, to soothe his heart that ultimately, it had been the right step.
But like this, everything about it just felt so wrong. Like this, Jin was just missing and Kazuya felt - in a way that he couldn't grasp himself - just empty.
The door was knocked and Kazuya turned, looking at Koki who came in with his mobile on his ear.
"Kame", he asked and frowned then, looking away again. "Yes, I am", he said into the phone. "Because we spend every day together and you just give friends nicknames."
Kazuya tilted his head slightly, as Koki looked back at him and rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Kame, could you give me the numbers for the last order you made tonight?"
Kazuya threw him a long look, knowing Koki was talking to Jin. He pressed his lips together and rounded his desk, opening a file and handing Koki a paper.
It was tempting to take the phone from Koki and tell Jin that it wasn't any of his business who called Kazuya by his nickname and that - just for Jin to finally get it into his thick skull - any nickname was better than his arrogant "pretty".
But Kazuya just watched Koki reading out the numbers to Jin.
Actually, as Kazuya had been promoted to be the head manager of the hotel, Jin should contact him about those things. But each time, Jin called Koki instead.
It was okay, as Koki was capable and used to do it before Kazuya had come to Osaka. But, in that very disturbing way, Kazuya wanted to have just some opportunities to be forced to talk to Jin.
It would be nice to hear his voice again - to listen to it and tell from just the sound how Jin was doing.
But, at this point, they were both not ready for that.
"Yeah, sure", Koki said and nodded, looking back at Kazuya. "Yes, Jin, you told me a million times already."
Kazuya sat down on his chair and pretended to be busy reading through some papers, until Koki hung up.
"Seriously", Koki said. "That's what I was saying."
Kazuya gave him a confused look.
"Don't mix up work and private matters", Koki mumbled, as he sat down across from Kazuya. "Now, look at the two of you. It's pathetic."
"I am afraid it really is", Kazuya agreed.
"I can assure you that it is."
Kazuya could smile about that and shrugged. "Still, I don't regret it."
Koki just sighed, as he had known Kazuya would answer something along those lines. "He said he awaits you for the meeting next week", he said then.
For a moment, Kazuya just stared at him. "I thought he'd ask you to attend it in my place."
"You're the head manager here", Koki just said.
Kazuya nodded. "That's not how I meant it. What day is it?"
"Next Saturday at eleven. He said, just as for the other managers, they have a room ready for you on Friday."
"No problem", Kazuya said and saved it to his BlackBerry.
"I have a feeling that it is", Koki commented. "He didn't really sound as if he really wanted you to come."
Kazuya shrugged. "I'm not coming for personal matters, but for work."
Koki nodded. "Jin just tends to make everything a personal matter."
"I won't let him do that", Kazuya answered and gave Koki a confident smile. "Not going would just confirm him that I can't handle it. So, I'll go and handle it."
Koki sighed and turned. "I'm not doubting you being able to handle it. I'm doubting Jin."
Kazuya didn't answer, as Koki left his office and leaned back again, as he was alone.
He didn't think Jin was the only one who wouldn't be able to handle it. They would both have a hard time seeing each other again.
A month hadn't been enough time to get over it - at this point, Kazuya doubted that even eternity would be enough. He wouldn't be able to really get over Jin, as long as he knew that breaking up had not been what any of them had wanted.
He was actually afraid to face Jin and act, as if nothing had ever happened between them. Act, as if meeting Jin wasn't hurting, as if he wasn't longing for him.
But, Kazuya thought and looked out of his window, time would pass and things would get better and the act would become reality.
Eventually, he would forget Jin and live on without him.
Jin looked through the room and nodded to Hagiwara who stood next to him.
"Osho-san informed us that he'll take the Shinkansen in Sapporo at eleven tonight. He'll check in tomorrow morning."
"Did you remember that..."
"We put some extra pillows", she interrupted. "Just as he requested."
With a smile, Jin nodded. "As the main branch we just have to be the perfect example."
"Everything's perfect", she assured him and turned to leave the room.
Jin followed and threw one last glance, before he closed the door. Hagiwara opened a door across and let Jin walk in first.
"Everything is to our usual standards in this room. Kamenashi-san didn't have any special requests."
Jin looked around and went over to the bed, before he went into the bathroom. "Put some extra bathing oils for the tub", he murmured, knowing Kazuya liked to take a long bath at the end of a day.
Hagiwara nodded and wrote it onto a memo. "Anything else?"
Jin shook his head. "Everything's perfect. Kamenashi won't be the one to complain about the service, anyway", Jin added. "When will he arrive?"
"Friday night", she said, after she had looked into a list. "He'll arrive after midnight."
Jin frowned. "Why that late?"
"He said he has some important business until afternoon and will take a plane in the evening."
Kazuya wanted to avoid meeting him, Jin thought. But, perhaps, it was just better that way. "I see."
"I'll get a girl to put the extras in this room, but otherwise, we're ready for tomorrow."
"Thank you", Jin said and got out his mobile, as it started ringing. He nodded at Hagiwara and turned to go back downstairs, while he answered the call.
He stayed at reception for a moment to end the call, as he saw Yamashita. He wore jeans and a simple shirt, sneakers and had his hair tied in a messy short tail.
"What are you doing here already?" Jin frowned.
"I'll be starting in thirty minutes", he answered. "Just wanted to check on you."
Jin shrugged. "I'm fine. We're prepared for tomorrow."
"Having all head managers come over is quite an event. Everything has to be perfect." Yamashita followed Jin into the back office.
"As the main branch, we can't afford a single mistake in front of them", Jin agreed.
"It'll be fine", Yamashita assured him.
"Well", Jin murmured and sat down. "They're all not like Kazuya. He's definitely the only one who won't be searching for any mistakes."
Yamashita smiled slightly. "It's not like he wouldn't see them. Remember how he detected every single mistake here and corrected them in no time?"
"That's why he's head manager in Osaka now", Jin answered. "He's capable."
"I think the fact that he slept with you takes huge part in it, too." Yamashita shrugged. "But, I am sure he really is capable."
Jin gave him a keen look. "He didn't just sleep with me", he commented. "If any of my decisions had depended on that alone, he would still be here; still sleeping with me."
Yamashita sighed. "You're noble, Jin", he said dryly. "If he only knew."
"He knows", Jin murmured. "And he definitely doesn't think I'm noble. He thinks I'm stupid."
"Don't get weak tomorrow", Yamashita warned him. "I can see that you're not over him, so... don't get weak."
Jin gave him a long look. "I won't."
Yamashita nodded. "He's better off not knowing what's going on." He gave Jin a calm smile. "If you were less of an idiot, none of you would have to suffer."
Jin returned the smile. "I'm sorry for being such an idiot. But thanks for reminding me."
Yamashita's look got serious and showed sympathy for Jin. "I'm sorry it had to come to this, Jin."
"Nothing of that involves you", Jin answered. "So, you have no reason to be sorry."
"I wish I could do something to help you, but I am afraid there's nothing I could do."
Jin shook his head. "I knew that one way or the other I would have to pay for it one day. So, I'm paying now."
Yamashita lowered his look. "I just hope Kamenashi won't make it any harder for you than it is already."
Jin managed a smile and laced his fingers. "He's already making it harder for me by coming here." He paused and looked up at Yamashita again.
"But, after all, I am the one who told him to come."
Kazuya closed the door behind himself and bit his lip, before he turned.
He had arrived after midnight and hadn't left his room since then. He had known that Jin wouldn't be there that late - after all, he had a daughter at home and he had to take care of her.
Still, Kazuya had decided to not go to breakfast; just because he had been afraid of running into Jin.
He knew just how big the hotel was and that the chance of running into Jin wasn't that high. But there was a chance and Kazuya rather avoided it.
It would be enough to face Jin now. However, the situation would make it easier. It was about work and there were seven other people, too. Kazuya just had to remind himself of it over and over again.
He took the lift to the 27th floor and straightened his posture, as he got off. The door to the conference room was open and Kazuya could hear voices.
He'd just go in and sit down, greeting the other managers and act, as if nothing was bothering him.
He jumped slightly, as his hand was gripped.
Without turning, Kazuya knew that his whole plan wouldn't work out - because he hadn't actually anticipated that Jin would do something like this to him.
He didn't pull away, as he turned and looked down into Natsuki's face. She held on to his hand, while Mi-chan was in her other one, securely pressed to her chest.
"Kazu-nii", she just said and looked at him with huge eyes.
Kazuya lifted his head and saw Jin standing a few meters away from them, his expression indifferent, as he watched his daughter.
"Natsuki", Kazuya said and his voice came out pressed. He swallowed thickly and got to his knees. "Hey."
She pouted at him. "You said you'd come visit", she said. "Why didn't you come?"
Kazuya mustered a smile and reached out for her to caress her cheek. "I wanted to come and see you this afternoon."
"Really?" She didn't sound as if she believed him.
Kazuya nodded. "Of course." He pulled her in and hugged her tightly. "You've become even prettier", he said then. He had always thought it was a cliché, but apparently, kids really grew that fast.
She chuckled against his neck. "Mi-chan, too."
"Natsuki", Jin said, as he approached them. "Kazuya has to go to the meeting first. He'll come and see you afterwards, okay?" He gripped her shoulder and pulled her from Kazuya.
Natsuki threw Kazuya another look, her eyes pleading.
"I'll come see you afterwards", Kazuya confirmed.
"I'll take her upstairs", Jin just said and led Natsuki to the lift. Kazuya looked after them, before he turned and went into the conference room.
He greeted the other men politely and bowed to them, before he sat down at the table.
Jin came back a moment later and closed the door. He didn't look at Kazuya even once, as he opened the meeting and presented the plan for the upcoming season.
He didn't look good, Kazuya thought, as he watched Jin at the end of the table.
His hair had grown and apparently, Jin didn't bother to get it cut. The tips curled on his shoulders and it didn't look quite bedraggled, but for his appearance as an owner and manager of a hotel, he shouldn't wear his hair that long.
Still, Kazuya remembered, what it was like to comb his fingers through it and for that alone, he wanted Jin to keep it the way it was.
Jin's face looked skinnier than Kazuya remembered it, however. He hadn't shaved for a few days and beneath his eyes, huge shadows showed that he didn't sleep too well lately.
But, he didn't show it off. For everyone else in the room, it might just looked like Jin was trying to change his image. However, Kazuya knew Jin in a different way from the other men in the room. He knew Jin in a way no one else did.
"Kamenashi-san?"
Kazuya blinked his eyes and tore his look from Jin who now looked back at him, and stared at the man next to him.
"Do you agree to that, too?"
Kazuya glanced back at Jin, before he nodded.
"Okay", Jin said and wrote something onto the paper in front of him. "I'll send these out to you as a document for Monday."
He closed the meeting and talked to each manager for a few minutes personally. Jin noticed Kazuya giving him a quick glance, before he left the room. Jin concentrated on his conversation again and tried to ignore it.
Almost thirty minutes later, he left, too and took the lift back upstairs, where he found Natsuki laying in the living room of the manager suite, playing with some of her dolls.
"You didn't bring Kazu-nii", she asked.
Jin frowned slightly. "Hasn't he come to see you yet?"
Natsuki shook her head and dropped the doll in her hand. "He's not coming?"
Jin clicked his tongue, as he turned. "I'll be back in a few minutes, baby", he said from the lift. The lift reached the right floor and Jin got off, using his master key to get into Kazuya's room.
As he opened the door and walked in, he saw Kazuya bend over his suitcase.
"Coward", Jin growled and shut the door.
"You could have had the decency to at least knock." Kazuya rose and buried his hands in his pockets.
"What do you think you're doing, Kazuya?" Jin pointed at the suitcase. "I will have to seriously kick your ass, if you're going to leave like this."
Kazuya shrugged. "I can't do it, Jin."
"You don't get this, do you?" Jin approached Kazuya and stopped right in front of him. "You made a promise and you haven't kept it up until now."
Kazuya lowered his look. "It's not like I want to hurt her."
"She's my daughter, Kazuya", Jin reminded him. "She's my daughter and the most precious I possess. No one will ever love her the way I do and I can't let you hurt her like this."
Kazuya's mouth became a thin line, as he pressed his lips together.
"You'll pull yourself together now and go up there to see her. It's easy to make a promise", Jin said mockingly. "But I am the one who is with her every day and she keeps asking me about why you're not coming to see her or call her or just contact her in any way."
Kazuya looked up. "And it makes it difficult for you, because you just can't answer her that I can't keep my promise, because you stopped loving me and kicked me out of your life."
Jin's expression got a bit softer. "You know that's not how it is."
"But that makes it easier, Jin", Kazuya shot back, enraged now. "It's easier to tell myself you're just not loving me anymore, instead of wondering just exactly what I did wrong and why we can't be together, if obviously, we're in love."
Jin stared at him for a moment.
"I'd rather think you stopped loving me", Kazuya repeated and took a shaky breath. "Or else, I just can't handle it. I can't, Jin."
Jin lowered his look, bit his lip, before he took the last remaining steps and pulled Kazuya in. He wound his arms around Kazuya's shoulders and buried his face at his hair. "It's just as hard for me", he murmured. Kazuya smelled different; he didn't wear the perfume he had used to wear.
Things changed, Jin thought and closed his eyes, as he felt Kazuya's hands at his back. Things changed, time went on - and yet, the pain hadn't healed a single bit.
Kazuya drew back and pulled Jin's arms from his shoulders. "You have to talk to me. You need to tell me what's going on."
Jin slowly shook his head.
"Jin", Kazuya said firmly and gripped his wrists. "If you can't handle the decision you made, I will have to take care of it."
Jin gave him a confused look. "What do you mean?"
"You're either going to tell me now what exactly is going on", Kazuya said in a low voice, "or I will have to take my suitcase, go upstairs, break your daughters heart and hand in my resignation."
Silence stretched between them, while Jin stared at Kazuya in disbelief. "You can't."
"I can't go on like this, Jin. We both can't." Kazuya swallowed thickly. "If you're not going to talk to me, I'll cut all ties."
Jin wanted to - he wanted to spill everything to Kazuya in that second, but he remembered Yamashita's words and he knew, he couldn't get weak.
His features got hard and he pressed his lips together, fighting the urge to pull Kazuya back into his arms.
"That's what you'll have to do then."
Kazuya gave him a long look, his eyes disappointed. "You know I'd do anything to help you, if you let me."
Jin nodded slightly. "I don't want to let go of you, Kazuya", he murmured. "And even if it's just for work, I want to see you."
"Then, tell me", Kazuya murmured.
"Don't resign", Jin just plead; his voice a whisper.
Kazuya wanted to give in. He wanted to nod and assure Jin that things could go on like before. But they simply couldn't. He turned and closed his suitcase, picking it up. "I'll go and see Natsuki."
Jin looked at the ground and closed his eyes, as he heard Kazuya leave the room.
Kazuya wanted to help him; he really wanted to stay by Jin's side and knowing that Jin just couldn't let him, was painful. Whatever he did, he always ended up hurting Kazuya.
He tilted his head back and pressed his fingers onto his eyes, as if he could stop the tears that had built up behind them in that way. Taking a deep breath, Jin tried to calm down, tried to get himself back into control.
He had seriously messed up his life and he couldn't see a way out of that mess.
In his life, Jin had made many mistakes, but each time, someone had been there to catch him, each time, he had had someone to support him through any hardships. No matter what had happened, eventually, he had always found a way and things had ended well.
But now, he had lost Kazuya and he didn't know how he could ever get over it - or how this whole story was going to end well.
The only thing left to do was to make sure Natsuki wouldn't get involved. It was the only thing Jin could do after everything he had been through.
He turned and left the room, closing the door behind himself, before he took the lift upstairs. As he stepped out of it, he saw Kazuya walking towards him and stopped.
Kazuya stopped as well, and Jin saw tears glimmering in his eyes.
"You better go and comfort her. She's crying", Kazuya said. He picked up his suitcase again and went past Jin, into the cabin of the lift. "You'll have my letter of resignation by Monday."
Jin stared at him, his look empty and Kazuya stared back for a moment, before he lowered his look.
"Kazuya..."
The doors slid closed and Kazuya was gone, before Jin could have even put up a fight.
Jin looked at Natsuki, as she had finally fallen asleep. Her face was red, her cheeks still wet, lips swollen.
She had cried and cried and Jin could not have calmed her down. He had cradled her in his lap, had murmured soothing words, while he had wanted to just cry himself.
He knew he wouldn't ever find anyone Natsuki would accept as easily as she had accepted Kazuya. It had probably been love at first sight for these two - what hadn't worked between Jin and Kazuya, had so easily worked between Natsuki and him.
They had had that connection from the very first moment and it would have made it easy for Jin to get Natsuki used to the thought of having Kazuya permanently around.
Jin's head shot up, as his mobile started ringing. He quickly gripped it and rolled out of bed and left the bedroom, throwing looks back at Natsuki to make sure she hadn't woken up.
"Akanishi", he answered the call.
"Kazuya was quick to leave again", a voice greeted him and Jin froze at the door. "He didn't look too happy."
Jin swallowed, making sure his voice would sound. "He just came for the meeting, after all."
"I thought he might have had a painful encounter with you", the caller answered, amusement in his voice. "He could probably need some comfort."
"Stay away from him", Jin said immediately. "You already harmed him."
"It's your fault. You looked a bit too happy around him."
Jin closed his eyes. "Well, you can rest assured. I am far from happy right now."
"Hm", he just got as an answer. "How is your pretty, little daughter? I bet, she would need some comfort."
"Don't you dare even getting close to her", Jin spitted out.
A laugh followed. "Are you threatening me?"
Jin grinded his teeth together. "Leave Natsuki out of this."
"Or what?" The voice got sharper. "If I decide she has to get involved, you won't be able to do anything. One word, Akanishi, and you'll never see her again."
Jin closed his eyes, as he started to tremble.
"But, well." Now, it was soothing again. "For the time being it's enough to see you and Kazuya suffer. He deserved it, too."
"What are you calling for?" Jin looked back into the room, keeping an eye on Natsuki.
"I just wanted to hear your pathetic voice. Sounds like you're really broken." The amusement was back. Jin was about to just hang up on that, when the caller added another sentence: "Oh, and I wanted to let you know that I'll spend some days in Osaka."
"Leave him alone", Jin murmured. "He'll hand in his resignation on Monday, so just leave him be."
The connection was cut and Jin lowered the phone, closed his eyes and leaned against the doorframe.
What was he supposed to do?
He had known from the very first moment that he couldn't protect Kazuya; not, as long as he just had to protect Natsuki, too. And Kazuya had almost lost his life once, just because he had been with Jin.
But Jin couldn't go to Osaka. He couldn't show up - it would make things just even more complicated.
He would just get Kazuya into danger.
Jin tilted his head and watched Natsuki on the huge bed. Her face looked peaceful, her breathing was calm and steady, a hand beneath her cheek, Mi-chan pressed close to her chest.
He strolled over and gently ran a hand through her hair, before he spread a blanket over her body.
Just what exactly was he supposed to do now?
Kazuya stared at the letter in his hand and moved it slightly. He wouldn't be able to hand it in personally, what was quite impolite, but the distance didn't leave him a choice.
Sighing, he put it down and got out a new envelope. He let the first letter slide into it and closed it properly, before he wrote down Jin's name and the address of the hotel in Tokyo.
As someone knocked his door, he looked up and put on a smile for the receptionist.
"Kamenashi-san, excuse me", she said. "Someone's at the counter and wants to talk to you."
Kazuya tilted his head and got up. He was fed up with complaints from the guests lately. But, as always, he would meet them with a smile and with patience.
As he reached the counter, however, he blinked his eyes and stopped. "Nishikido-san", he said in surprise.
"Kamenashi", Ryo greeted him with a slight bow and smiled. "I just checked in and wanted to greet you."
"What are you doing in Osaka?" Kazuya put on a kind smile.
"I'm originally from the area and come back every once in a while." Ryo lifted the key in his hand. "And of course, I am staying at the Redline."
Kazuya nodded. "We're happy to welcome you as our guest."
"Thank you", Ryo answered. "It was nice to meet you."
Kazuya bowed slightly. "Likewise."
He watched Ryo leave and frowned. They had never even been introduced to each other. To Kazuya, Ryo had always just been the guy Jin had use to date, when they had gotten to know each other.
He tilted his head slightly and left reception to get back into the office.
His phone rang and Kazuya hurried inside the room to pick it up. "Redline Hotels, Kamenashi speaking."
"Kame", Ueda greeted him and he froze.
"Why are you calling?"
Ueda clicked his tongue upon Kazuya's reaction. "I'm in Osaka right now and thought, since you're working here now, we should probably meet up."
Kazuya frowned. "Why would I meet up with you?"
"You can bring Tanaka-san", Ueda said. "I have someone to accompany me, too."
"I don't think I have time", Kazuya just said. "And I think I made it clear that I want you to stay out of my life."
"I just thought you probably feel lonely here."
"I'm doing fine, thanks." Kazuya sat down, as his knees got weak. "Don't call again and don't come here." He hung up and put the phone down, before he covered his face with his hands.
Why didn't Ueda finally get that Kazuya didn't want to have anything to do with him? Why was he even here in Osaka?
He leaned back and shook his head.
Things were getting too much. Everything was just getting too much.
He wanted to go back to Tokyo and live the carefree life of a student he had just had last year. He looked at the calendar on his desk. June 24th; more than half a year had passed, since he had gotten to know Jin.
And in those eight months, Kazuya's whole life had changed completely. He had finished university, had gotten his first real job; he had fallen in love, had become the manager for a first class hotel. He had gotten to know the most adorable girl, had broken her heart, had almost died and he had gotten his own heart broken.
Kazuya laughed slightly, a bitter laugh, as all the memories made his heart ache so badly.
He wished none of it had ever happened.
Not even the good parts.
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Thank you so much for reading ♥