Fic: Off the Stage (5/14)
Title: Off the Stage (5/14)
Author: gradgirl (aka Ali)
Rating: PG-13 (eventually NC-17)
Characters/Pairings: Van Hansis/Eric Sheffer Stevens
Summary: Future fic. What happens off the stage when Van and Eric meet again?
Warnings: RPS. If you are offended by the idea, please do not read this story.
Disclaimer: Complete fabrication, never happened, never expect to happen. There are no intentions to offend or cause harm.
Author’s Notes: The whole thing (credit and blame) goes to cherimola. Without her, I never would have attempted to write this. Thanks to my amazing beta, reilaroo, I cannot post without and thanks also to slayerkitty for insisting I post. Comments are appreciated and loved. Thank you ~Ali
Previous Chapters: { Chapter 1} { Chapter 2} { Chapter 3} { Chapter 4}
Chapter Five
Rehearsals went well, and Van and Eric were finally able to get together for dinner: the “date” they had set up. Van found a quiet restaurant he liked to frequent. Sitting over a couple of beers, Van started asking Eric those million questions he had.
Eric tried to keep up, answering as much as he could, but sometimes he would stop, being caught up in Van again. The younger man had always, always talked. Eric and Van hadn’t spent too much time together outside of the studio, not like Van and Jake, but the times they did spend together, Eric often felt that silence scared Van or made him uncomfortable. The younger man always felt the need to fill the quiet space between them with words. Now, he was still doing it, and Eric wasn’t sure what to think.
Finally, the older man held up his hand. “Please stop.”
“I’m sorry. I talk too much, right?” Van noted. “Jake used to ask me where the stop button was.”
Eric chuckled gently.
“I guess, I just…” Van tapped his hand against the table. “Seeing you again, it brings back a lot of memories of the show ending and how difficult that was. And it’s been enough time that I’m doing better, but then when I see you, I think about all that time that has passed…” He stopped. His gaze meeting Eric’s chin, not quite ready to see those eyes, to admit what he was thinking. “The thing is, I want to know everything that happened, because I keep thinking that I need to know it, because there could be a time when its gone again.” His head lifted and his eyes met Eric’s. “Or maybe I just like to talk.”
A small laugh bubbled from Eric’s mouth, grateful to break some of the tension. He didn’t realize how much he missed Van either, until they were working again, until he was seeing Van act, and even sitting with him and having dinner. It was odd for a moment, thinking about how much he missed Van. Eric was reminded of a line from the play, about missing something he never had. It had been years and Eric honestly wasn’t anywhere near the same person he was. Now he was trying to find a way to reconnect with Van, and he didn’t know if he was ready or even able to do that. He knew he was having dinner with an old friend, becoming reacquainted with his costar, but something in Eric was a little off. This dinner made him uncomfortable, and he couldn’t figure out why.
“Jake,” Eric said, jumping on to a topic he felt at ease with.
“Good, you remember names,” Van said with an indulgent smile, like Eric was a child and Van was his parent.
Eric laughed and shook his head. He’d always loved the humor and fun Van brought to everything. “I meant how’s Jake doing, I assume you guys haven’t lost touch.”
“Yeah. Jake’s still my best friend. And he’s very happy in LA. He went out there and got a show right away. He’s been back here a few times. Remember that movie he wrote?”
“Oh, yeah,” Eric replied, nodding his head. He couldn’t recall the name off the top of his head, but Jake’s enthusiasm for the project had been contagious.
“Well, he has really found a calling with that. In between jobs, he’s made more films, done the circuits with them. We’ve done a few together, parts he’s written for me. It’s been great. And Jake is very happily married.”
“Wow,” Eric murmured.
“Yeah, this gorgeous girl named Peyton. They met on the first show he did out in LA. They’ve been married about…” his voice trailed off as he quickly did the math in his head. “God, it’s been three years. They had a baby girl almost a year ago.”
“What?” Eric’s jaw fell open. He was trying to reconcile the young guy he knew with the role of husband and father.
Van quickly pulled out his phone and pressed a couple of buttons. “Yes, here she is, my goddaughter, Beth,” Van noted, holding up the phone for Eric.
The older man was careful when he reached for the phone, not wanting his hands to linger too long on Van’s. It was a picture of the blonde with a beautiful little girl. Van had this look of complete wonder and joy. “Goddaughter?” Eric checked.
Van nodded his head. “Yeah. I wasn’t exactly surprised when they asked, but… Well, she’s my girl.”
The redhead handed the phone back to Van. “Tell him I said hi, okay?”
“Sure.”
There was a lull in the conversation, and Eric was surprised. He opened his mouth but quickly closed it when he looked at Van. A cloud had come over the younger man’s face, and he was nervously playing with his silverware.
“I’m sorry,” Van finally said.
“For what?”
“Your divorce. I remember how happy you and Jenny were.”
“Oh, Van,” Eric instinctively reached out and tapped his hand against Van’s. “It’s been quite a while. And Jenny and I are fine. We were always great friends and that’s what we realized, we could still be friends, just not married. And…” He shook his head, and when he realized that he was still holding unto Van’s hand, he pulled away. “You know she’s remarried now. We have the kids and they’re great. As great as any 14- and 10-year-old can be.”
Van chuckled softly.
“You know, I did tell Nate I was working with you again. The first thing he said? That guy with all the comic books?”
The blonde laughed again, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so much. It was great to reconnect with Eric and in a way develop a relationship that they’d never had before. He was looking forward to that. “Well, tell Nate I still have plenty.”
“You’re kidding,” Eric said incredulously.
“I know, I’m almost 35, what am I doing with comic books? But I gave them to my mom when I went out to LA and she never throws anything away. So if he wants, I’d be more than happy to pass them along and Sarah too. Well, I don’t think she’d remember me, but-”
“No.” Eric shook his head. “Nate has enough. But he will want to see you again. They both will.”
“I’d like that,” Van noted with a smile. “So, enough about me. What have you been up to?”
“Oh, a couple of shows. But I always go back to the stage, the first time I ever acted in a play, it was like…”
“You were meant to be there,” Van finished for him.
“Yeah,” Eric agreed. “I love doing theater.”
“And do you still supplement your income with carpentry?”
Eric paused for a moment, surprised that Van still remembered that. “Yeah, luckily I’ve been working pretty steadily and if I do anything, it’s for myself.”
Van leaned in closer. “I used to think that was kind of hot,” his whispered breath brushed against Eric’s face. The older man found himself frozen in place. He looked into Van’s eyes, seeing a gleam, a tease, a flirt: words always associated with Van. But why was he doing it with Eric? Why was he doing it now? Was he even…
Eric shook himself out of his thoughts and ignored his own sweating palms. He was a grown man; he shouldn’t feel this way. He shouldn’t think about anything other than a chance to catch up with an old friend.
“Are you seeing anyone?” Van questioned. He really didn’t want to know. He liked keeping the idea of Eric single and free in his mind. The selfish part of him was slightly thrilled to learn that his friend’s marriage was over. It wasn’t as though Van had a chance now, he realized, but he liked to keep the possibility alive.
The words filtered through Eric’s jumbled thoughts and it took him a moment to realize Van was once again filling the silence with inane chatter. “Um, what?”
“Dating? You said you and Jenny…well, I was just wondering if you’re seeing anyone?”
Eric’s mouth opened to automatically respond, but he wasn’t sure what to say or if he could admit everything that had happened between his divorce and now. Van had confessed that he felt a constant need to talk, to make up, and some sort of fear of losing track again. But why would that happen? And why would it be such a big deal if they lost track again?
Too many questions and doubts started to flood Eric’s mind and a small friendship renewal dinner was making him feel things and think about…think about something he didn’t want to acknowledge. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t ready, and he was so scared. What was it about Van that made Eric feel…it was too much, too soon, too… everything.
“Eric?” And there was the concern and the hand holding again. Was Van always so free with his affections? Eric could rarely recall any times off the sound stage in which Van had touched him, it was always about Luke and Reid. Eric knew Van was affectionate, Jake was as well. The two men often hugged or put an arm around one another, best friends, an ease between them. Maybe if Eric had worked with them longer, he and Van would have developed that, but mostly they kept to themselves, a professional distance was best. But not everything about tonight felt professional.
“There have been a few relationships, but…” Eric’s voice trailed off, his gaze drawn to the hand that was resting on top of his. There was warmth and strength in Van’s grip. “There was someone,” he finally confessed. “And I could have…I could have been very happy, but I was too scared to go after what I wanted. But that’s over now.”
Van’s heart hurt and his hand started to rub over Eric’s a few more time, mindless movement. Eric’s voice made a part of Van break inside. He remembered feeling that way during filming the last few months on the show, scenes that were too much: so intense and falling to pieces, yet feeling safe that he was with someone that he could fall to pieces with. It had been so long since he’d felt that way. It hurt almost as much as it did the first time.
“I’m sorry,” Van murmured. “I… Well, my last relationship ended almost a year ago, and it was too…” He shook his head. “No words right?”
Eric smiled gently and nodded his head. “Now, that I’ve completely depressed you…”
Van shook his head and gently smiled. “We’ve all been there. Just be glad I’m not in a new relationship, those first few blissed out weeks where everything is wonderful and you’re having sex all the time.”
The older man shifted a little uncomfortably, images of what that would be like, of what it could be like with Van, came unbidden to his mind.
“Sorry,” Van muttered, feeling a little uncomfortable himself.
They quickly settled the bill and walked out of the restaurant. The cool air was a welcome relief to both of them. They stood on the sidewalk for a moment. Van shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at Eric. “So I’ll see you next week?”
“Yeah.”
“Um, thanks for…” He shook his head, feeling like a nervous teenager. He was 35. This was completely ridiculous.
“Well, yeah, because having dinner with you is such a hardship,” Eric replied dryly.
“I’ve heard worse,” Van admitted.
“You won’t from me,” Eric assured him. The words were easy and quick to come, most of all, they were honest. He looked at Van, watching the emotions play across the younger man’s face. Van expressed so much with his eyes and a simple grin. And what Eric saw made his stomach twist. He hadn’t seen that look in a long time, and he was afraid he’d revealed one of his own…
With a determined shake of his head, Eric decided his only option was escape. “Thanks for inviting me to dinner,” he replied truthfully. “It was good to catch up and I know we still have… We’ll do this again.”
“Yeah,” Van agreed. His hands came out of his pockets, and he hesitated for a moment, not sure what to do.
Eric leaned closer and gently patted the younger man on the back. Van returned the hug for a moment before pulling away. “See you next week,” Eric noted and headed in the opposite direction.
Van watched him walk away, wondering if he’d done or said something to make Eric feel uncomfortable.
*
Eric was exhausted and he felt a slight chill. He and Van had just finished filming an emotionally draining and intense day of shows. Noah had finally gotten his surgery and in true soap fashion, there were complications. The scenes were powerful, angry, and immensely sad. Eric had known that Van was talented. He’d known that since they first worked together. Today was different, though, each emotion-anger, fear, pathos-Van inhabited all of them. They had rehearsed the scenes, blocking, getting the words, the looks just right, but once the cameras started rolling, the switch in both of them was complete. They weren’t actors, they weren’t Eric and Van, they were Reid and Luke, two devastated men who needed each other and in the final moments had come together.
His hands shook as he touched Van’s trembling face. Then there was a gasp when the younger man’s mouth touched his own. It was like finally, finally, Eric/Reid was no longer fighting, and denying what he wanted, what he needed, his own devastation over not being perfect. There was a lifeline, someone who depended on him and who was pulling him along: Van/Luke. He needed to be in his arms, he needed to hold him and touch him, the ease in which the other man’s mouth fit with his, open and close, breathing together, a gentle hand on his neck, his own hands gripping the blonde’s waist, bodies pushed together, the press of buttons on his bare chest. In the midst of all of that, a voice called out, “And cut!”
A moment passed, and then the hands were pulled away from Eric’s hair a gentle breath crossed his own lips. He looked at Van, who appeared a little shell-shocked, his eyes were still glassy from the unshed tears.
“Great you guys!” the director called again. “You’re done for the day.”
Eric tried to catch his breath, and he felt a chill, remembering that “Reid” had just come out of the shower when Luke showed up. The gentle hand that was guiding his head just a few moments earlier, was now buttoning the shirt Eric was wearing. “You must be cold,” the words were murmured, concerned, and a little distant, as though Eric was coming back to reality.
“Thank you,” the redhead responded automatically.
Van smiled gently, his hands falling away. “I’m exhausted,” he admitted, “and kind of invigorated.”
Eric smiled in return. He knew the feeling, and he’d missed it. He often felt it when he was on the stage and they’d just had the last curtain call. Although it would be weeks before they heard any kind of audience feedback, instead of the smattering of applause.
And that’s when he heard a clap. Eric turned and saw Jake. He hadn’t realized their co-star was still in the studio. He came up to them as the crew quickly moved, going to shoot the next scene.
“Hey guys,” Jake greeted them, placing a hand on Van’s back, and rubbed slightly. Eric watched as the blonde instinctively leaned into the touch, and Van pressed his head into Jake’s shoulder.
The three men stood for a few moments. Eric knew they would have to get going and he was ready to get off the sound stage, move out of the emotion and the feel of the scenes.
“Do you want to get dinner?” Jake asked.
Eric hesitated for a moment, not sure who Jake was talking to.
“I figured you’d be drained from the scenes today,” Jake continued. “So Van and I were going to get dinner. Do you want to join us?”
A part of Eric just wanted to say no, find a hairdryer and head home, but he didn't want to bring his family into this. He was not quite ready to let go of the scenes and dinner with these two sounded like a good idea. “Yeah,” Eric agreed. “I just need to get out of these clothes, dry my hair.”
Both men chuckled. “Yeah, me too,” Van noted. He turned to look at Jake. “Give us ten minutes and we’ll meet you downstairs?”
“Got it,” Jake said.
Van looked at Eric for a moment. “You were…I have no words, and Jake will be the first to tell you how rare that is,” he commented.
Eric smiled softly and he felt his hand bounce, anxious for him to say or do something. “You too,” he finally murmured.
The blonde nodded his head and turned, finally ready to leave the stage.
Within an hour, the three were sitting down to dinner. Jake was talking about his film, filling some of the silence, waiting for the two men. Usually Van could turn off playing Luke but the scenes were powerful and the feelings he had, they were still with him. Listening to Jake, he tried to focus and he was beginning to feel normal again, but then he’d glance over at Eric’s hands, and be reminded of the shaky way his thumb and fingers touched his cheek and he’d be in that moment again, on the verge of falling apart until Eric/Reid kissed him and he found a strength he didn’t know he had.
“So…” Jake sighed. “Van will tell you I’ve been talking his ear off about Stuffer for like a year now. I’m sure he’s sick of hearing me discuss it.”
“Yeah right,” Van said, his hand reaching over and patting Jake’s. “You know I’m insanely proud of you. I’m like his dad or something.”
Eric chuckled.
“So how’d the scenes go today?” Jake asked. “I got down to the set for the last minute. The kiss was great. Noah will be pissed when he finds out, though. But how’d it go with the two of you? Van going to get another Emmy nomination out of this?”
Van shook his head. “That’s when he turns into my dad,” he explained to Eric. “I’ve been nominated a few times and-”
“It’s a crime he hasn’t won,” Jake said solemnly.
“And,” Van continued. “Jake is happier for me than I am. But you know, I’m working with one of the best here,” Van said nodding his head in Eric’s direction.
The redhead shifted in his chair and shook his head. “No. You were amazing today. The writing, working with you, it was a good day. But, yes, incredibly exhausting.”
“Yeah, Van and I were talking about the scenes a few days ago,” Jake admitted. “We get together for comics and coffee every week, and we’d just gotten the scripts.”
“Comics and coffee?” Eric questioned, making sure he’d heard correctly.
“Oh, yeah, Van’s got quite the collection.”
Van blushed. “Your son probably reads them, right?” the blonde noted. “I’ve been meaning to get some for you to give him. If he hasn’t gotten started yet, then we need to introduce him.”
“Bring him into the club,” Jake replied with an extreme amount of seriousness and Eric had to bite his lip to stop from laughing, but then he noticed Jake’s gaze caught Van’s and the two men shared another laugh.
Eric watched them for a moment. The ease and affection was evident from the start. Eric briefly wondered if the show hadn’t been canceled if he would develop a similar relationship with them. Sometimes he felt like he and Van were on the way to doing so, and it helped, especially as Reid and Luke were moving away from their prickly beginnings. If Eric had had any anxiety about the scenes, about kissing a male co-star, they weren’t there. He felt comfortable with Van and enjoyed working with the young man. In their scenes together, Eric felt like he was feeding off of whatever Van had to give.
Their food had arrived, and Jake gave Van a few fries, and Van handed Jake his tomato. It briefly reminded Eric of his relationship with Jenny. Smiling to himself, he decided to finally let what had happened on the sound stage leave him.
-------------------
So the guys finally got their dinner “date.” I hope you enjoyed it. ~Ali
Onto Chapter Six...