Fic: Matters of Medical Necessities (Transformers 2009/Star Trek 2009 Crossover)
Title: Matters of Medical Necessities
Author: Gixxer Pilot
Summary: Crossover with Transformers 2007/2009. Leonard McCoy thought he'd seen just about everything space had to offer in the years he'd been stationed on the USS Enterprise. But when Kirk orders an away mission that brings back a strange visitor with ties to 21st Century Earth, McCoy wastes no time in both picking his guest's brain…and pissing him off.
Rating: PG, mainly for McCoy and Ratchet's potty mouths.
Author's Note: This is, as you have probably guessed, a healthy serving of crack. But, there's also a plot here, and I hope it won't disappoint. It is, however, my first attempt at writing the Star Trek reboot characters, so I hope they're in the ballpark. I just loved Karl Urban's McCoy from the, "I might throw up on you," line and have since jumped on the Bones bandwagon. In either case, I couldn't resist this one when the idea popped into my head the other night. Thanks to Anasazi Darkmoon on FF.Net for help with the title, and for being a sounding board. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own neither Transformers nor the Star Trek Reboot. JJ Abrams and Michael Bay are cool. I am not. Please don't sue.
========
Chapter 1
========
"Could someone tell me exactly why Ensign Wiles' nose is currently located two inches away from the center on his face? Because I can assure you gentlemen, in my professional opinion, that's not where it should be." Enterprise physician Leonard "Bones" McCoy none-too-gently poked at the Ensign's face, each touch eliciting a sharp intake of air or a flinch of the damaged face. Turning his back to the patient momentarily, McCoy asked the assembled, non-injured group, "Well, anyone?"
The three upright ensigns trolling through the medical bay with their friend each shuffled and looked down at their feet. There were several unwritten rules aboard the ship, but the most prominent was, 'Avoid McCoy's wrath at all costs.' The snarky, cantankerous physician was a source of fear for many new crewmembers that were not named James T. Kirk. Subsequently, no one had any great desire to be the doctor's next victim.
After hesitation, one of the men finally muttered, "We, uh, were playing…tennis, sir."
McCoy nodded, truly unconvinced. "Tennis? Gentlemen, I did not just fall off the shuttle transport yesterday. If you're going to lie, at least do it with some conviction! Now, what is it you' were really doing?"
Four sets of eyes shifted nervously, each asking the others a silent question. Deciding it was best to cough up the truth, Ensign Haise finally supplied, "Playing football, sir."
McCoy crossed his arms over his broad chest. He scoffed. "Oh. Football? As in the annual football tournament we hold on this ship?"
The Ensign on the biobed, Wiles, piped up. "Not…that football, sir."
"And what other 'football' would there be, other than the one that involves kicking a round ball into one of two large goals on opposite sides of the field?"
Wiles sighed. There was no getting out of this one. "We were playing that old American football, sir. You know, the one that involves tackling and whatnot?"
Bones had to suppress the urge to throw something. "American football? You mean the nearly ancient one that was outlawed 100 years ago because it was so barbaric? That American football?"
The four Ensigns looked down, shamed, and in unison said, "Yes, sir."
"Please tell me you were at least wearing pads."
The four men shook their heads to side to side, indicating the answer to the negative.
McCoy began to pace. "Well, that's just terrific! And how many others have been playing this game? Should I make room for them, too?"
Before his mouth's filter had time to catch up with his brain, Ensign Stevens said rather matter of factly, "Well, sir, the game is played full contact with eleven players a side, so yeah, that might be a good idea."
McCoy narrowed his eyes. "How long, exactly does this game last?"
"And hour, sir. Four, fifteen minute quarters."
Bones continued to pace. "Uh, huh. And what quarter were you in when Ensign Wiles' nose was smashed to space dust?"
There was an uncomfortable pause in the medical bay. No one dared answer. Finally, Wiles bit his lip and answered the question. "The warm-up, sir."
McCoy was incredulous. But before he could truly tear the strips off the young officers, Spock's voice sounded over the comm.
"Bridge to Doctor McCoy."
"McCoy here," the Doctor barked, louder and harsher than was specifically necessary.
"Doctor, we are picking up a strange reading from surface of the planet Aures II. The Captain has ordered me to assemble an away team, and he requests your presence."
"Of course he does." Bones slammed his hand down on the comm. button, effectively hanging up on Spock. He grabbed his kit and checked the supplies. Satisfied, he turned toward the young men in his medbay. "Now, I'm leaving you four morons in the capable hands of Nurse Chapel. When I get back, we're all going to have a nice, long discussion with the Captain about appropriate games to play, and ways to keep your sorry asses out of my sickbay!"
McCoy turned on his heel and strode out the door before any of his charges could say a word. As soon as he was clear, Wiles said, "Do you think we should have told him Captain Kirk was coaching the other team?"
The next time Chapel made her way back to triage for check ups, Ensign Wiles' nose was bleeding anew, his three friends were nowhere to be found.
========
McCoy took the turbolift up to the main level and strode coolly onto the bridge. Kirk was already there, seated in his customary Captain's chair. Bones was none too pleased at being dragged away from his work for yet another field trip at Jim's request, but the man was the Captain. It didn't mean McCoy had to like it, and he wasted no time in making his displeasure abundantly clear.
"Dr. McCoy reporting as ordered, Captain. To what curiosity do I owe this honor?"
McCoy was probably the only man on the ship who could get away with blatant insubordination to the Captain. Spock had once theorized it was because McCoy had to put up with Kirk as a patient when the man was sick or injured. Spock's logical, Vulcan mind figured fair was indeed fair, and Bones dished out the verbal snark as good as he got.
Kirk, sitting with one leg up on his chair and eating an apple, pointed one finger in Uhura's direction. He gave her a nod that clearly said,' Go ahead.'
"We were passing over the planet Aures II when I picked up a strange signal emanating from the planet's surface. It's one I've never seen before, so I had Sulu circle back around. I heard it again on the last sweep. I recalibrated the instruments and then I reanalyzed it, and I'm sure it's not just gravometric interference. There's something down there, sir."
"So? Run another scan and figure out what it is. I don't see the reason to have my atoms scrambled once again because of some whim," Bones grumbled.
"Doctor, perhaps you should take a moment to contemplate what the Lieutenant just said," Spock carefully admonished.
"And I'm telling you I heard her the first time. What's so different about this particular scan that you think we need to go traipsing through some backwater planet in order to find what you think may be an item of interest?" McCoy snapped back.
Uhura bristled and sat up straighter in her chair. Though she truly did care for the doctor, she often wondered how a man with absolutely no tact could end up in the medical field. His beside manner must be appalling. "I informed the Captain, Doctor," she started, "because the signal wasn't from any kind of life form in our files. It simply puzzled me, that's all."
McCoy, pushing aside his sarcasm for a brief moment, asked, "Aures II is an M class planet?"
Uhura nodded. "Correct, sir. It's also, according to Federation data, supposed to be uninhabited, which makes this more interesting."
Kirk finished his apple and tossed the core in the recycler. Pacing around his chair, he announced, "And that, ladies and gentleman, is precisely why I'm leading an away team down to the planet to find out what exactly is going on."
"Captain, it is not logical, nor is it necessary for you to go to the planet's surface. We have very little data about Aures II, and as the Lieutenant mentioned, it is unpopulated. There is no need to take such risks," Spock's smooth voice broke the silence from his position behind Kirk, once again reminding him of regulations.
Kirk strode up to Spock leaned over to address his second in command in a quiet tone. "Spock, how long have I been the captain of this ship?"
"Just over one Earth year, Captain."
"And in that time, how often have I listened to you about not leading away missions?" Kirk responded.
"Never once, sir."
The young Captain smiled and clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Why start now?"
"Indeed." The Vulcan turned and addressed his console.
Turning from Spock's console and departing the bridge, Kirk called over the comm to his chief engineer. "Scotty!"
"Scotty here!"
"Meet me in the transporter room. The good doctor and I will be beaming down to Aures II."
"You got it, Captain."
========
"Remind me to kick you in the ass when we get back to the ship."
McCoy hated away missions, especially ones involving long hikes through barren wasteland. He was a born and bred Georgian. He hated snow and he hated cold, both of which were in abundance on Aures II. If someone had told him that this godforsaken place was an ice planet before he'd beamed down to the surface, McCoy would have flat out refused to go. Picking his way through the ass crack of the frozen tundra was not his idea of a good way to spend the day. Between the simply egregious amounts of layers it took to keep him warm and the general thickness of the snow gear, Bones was sure he was doing a damned good impression of a waddling penguin as he moved from one place to the next.
Kirk swiveled around to face the CMO. His face was slightly obscured by the Starfleet issued hood he wore, but the smirk was unmistakably present. He couldn't resist having a little fun with his friend and fellow officer. "What's the matter, Bones? You don't like this place?"
At the adamant glare McCoy threw in his direction, Kirk knew the man was ready to lobotomize him. But, he couldn't help it and continued to needle the doctor.
"We're getting fresh air, enjoying the countryside, and exercising. What's not to like about this place? It's beautiful!" Kirk gestured with his gloved hands to the glaciers and snow-covered mountains surrounding them. "Besides, the last time I was on a planet like this, I had just been marooned by Spock and was being chased by giant snow creatures with really, really big teeth. Don't complain. The cold won't kill you."
"Says the kid from the Midwest. I'm from the South. 'Cold' to us is 40 degrees. We panic. Things shut down. People start to hoard food. No, Jim, this is most certainly not my idea of fun!" McCoy knew he was dangerously close to the line that distinguished 'bitching' from 'pouting,' but by this particular juncture, he was too cranky and cold to care.
"Aww, buck up, old man. It's not that bad."
Bones, irritated, snapped back, "I'm not that old."
Kirk threw back his head and laughed. "Yeah, you are." He trotted easily back to his struggling friend put his arm around the CMO's shoulders. "Come on. Let's go check out these readings so we can get you back to your nice, warm medical bay."
"Right." McCoy took a deep breath. 'Be a Starfleet officer,' he told himself. Out loud, he asked, "Now, where did Uhura say those readings were coming from?"
"Around here, though she said she couldn't pinpoint it like normal. Something with the planet's core was giving the long range sensors trouble." Kirk answered. He looked around in a circle. All he saw was ice forest and glacial walls. With the whipping wind and unforgiving temperature, nothing would survive out here unprotected for long. Squinting, Kirk saw a cave mouth in the distance, hidden by an outcropping of rocks. Whacking Bones on the arm, he pointed. "But I'll bet, if there's anyone alive out here, they're probably tucked up in there."
McCoy mentally judged the distance from his current spot to the cave as Kirk took off ahead of him. Again. It was easily a couple of kilometers over some rough, slippery terrain. Muttering an, "Unbelievable," under his breath, McCoy tried as best he could to catch up with Kirk's easy gait.
An hour later, the two men finally reached the entrance. Kirk poked his head in and took a brief survey of the area, his energy level still high. Bones staggered in, panting and coughing from the exertion and collapsed at the first, safe solid piece of ground he came to. Yes, McCoy was definitely going to kick Jim Kirk squarely in the ass for dragging him down here…once he had the energy.
Kirk took off his glove to study the cave's entrance. "Bones, are you seeing this?"
"Seeing what? Stars?" McCoy, having managed to catch most of his breath, heaved himself to his feet. His eyes still adjusting to the rather dim light, Bones asked, "What is it, Jim?"
Kirk ran his hand along the cave's entrance. "This place is new. Feel all these rocks? They're sharp, like something just went right through it. Caves like this on a planet this type should have rocks that are worn and weathered. Smooth."
McCoy's curiosity was piqued. As much as he hated admitting it, the Captain was right. The cave was in a completely random spot. There was no river or lake nearby to have created it, and the entire planet was basically covered ice. The cave itself was round and seemed to go straight back at a slight downward angle, as if something had fallen into it.
"Do you have that extra light in your medkit?"
McCoy fumbled around a bit with his gear, having some significant trouble freeing himself from the layers of clothing around him. Finally able to use his hands again, Bones snapped the case open and procured two small, yet powerful flashlights from within. He handed one to Kirk and reserved one for himself. "Yeah. Right here."
Taking the light from the CMO, Kirk flipped it on. His eyes widened at the sight before him. The cave did go back and down relatively far, probably fifty meters or so. And, it had to have been made by something other than nature, as the design was simply one long corridor. The Enterprise captain began slowly venturing down into the cave to see what was at the bottom.
"Jim!" McCoy hissed, planting his feet in place. "Where are you going?"
Kirk stopped and spun around. Pointing toward the depths of the cave, he replied, "Exploring, Bones. That's what we're here to do."
"Didn't you just get done reminding me what happened last time you were on a planet like this? What if there's something down there with 500 eyes and hideously large teeth?"
"And what if there isn't? Come on. Let's just get this done."
As Kirk walked away, Bones cursed his own luck. He picked up his medkit all while mumbling, "Of all the stupid, reckless idiotic captains in Starfleet, I get stuck with this one. Why me?"
From down in the cave, Kirk's voice floated out of the darkness. "I heard that!"
"Of course you did," he answered to no one in particular. Bones walked, alternately cursing Kirk and then cursing himself for signing up for Starfleet in the first place. He was engrossed in his internalized argument with himself that he didn't realize as short bit later that Jim had stopped. McCoy walked into the back of his best friend and nearly fell over.
"Dammit, man! Would you tell me when you're gonna stop like that?"
When Kirk didn't reply, Bones kept going. "I mean, you drag me down here, to this cold excuse of a planet, away from my medical bay and into a cave--"
McCoy's mouth only stopped moving when he realized what Kirk was staring at. In front of the two men was a large, grey mass. Almost metallic in nature, it mimicked humanoid features with two arms, two legs and a head. It was almost in a sitting position, with its arms wrapped up around its knees. From the two humans' perspectives, it appeared to be…huge.
"What the sam hell is that?" McCoy asked, stunned.
Kirk inched up to it carefully and reached one hand out. His fingers inches away from what appeared to be the alien's face, McCoy ran up and snatched Jim's hand down.
"Jim, no! You don't know what that thing may do to you. I don't even know if it's alive!" McCoy, ever the physician, had positioned himself between Kirk and the unknown alien.
Kirk laughed. "Well, then scan it, Bones and tell me if it's going to bite my hand off."
The doctor grabbed his tricorder and ran a passive scan. "Whatever this is, we can be sure that it's the same thing giving off the readings Uhura picked up. The scan is the same." McCoy continued his work, walking around the creature to gather data. "It's giving off a signal still. It's weak, but it's there. I'm not sure if that means it's alive and hurt, or if it means it's just resting."
The captain tilted his head inquisitively, studying what appeared to be the creature's face.
"But, whatever it is, it's probably not going to kill you. All scans are clear."
"Great. What is it?"
Rolling his eyes, McCoy groaned. Jerking his thumb in the newest discovery's direction, Bones quipped, "Jim, I'm a doctor, not a mechanic. Turning this thing on looks like Scotty's area of expertise, not mine."
Both of their backs to their newest discovery neither Kirk nor McCoy saw light ring around the azure blue optics of the alien creature sitting before them. Before their brains could register the sound of moving and clanging parts, a deep, sarcastic drawl bit through the cave.
"And I'm not a veterinarian, either. You two animals are standing on my foot."
Though they would never admit it, even under pain of death, Kirk and McCoy, at that very moment, both screamed like little girls.
========
Next Up: Kirk hatches a devious plan with the Enterprises' newest guest, and Bones finally gets a taste of his own medicine.
Onwards! To chapter 2.
Author: Gixxer Pilot
Summary: Crossover with Transformers 2007/2009. Leonard McCoy thought he'd seen just about everything space had to offer in the years he'd been stationed on the USS Enterprise. But when Kirk orders an away mission that brings back a strange visitor with ties to 21st Century Earth, McCoy wastes no time in both picking his guest's brain…and pissing him off.
Rating: PG, mainly for McCoy and Ratchet's potty mouths.
Author's Note: This is, as you have probably guessed, a healthy serving of crack. But, there's also a plot here, and I hope it won't disappoint. It is, however, my first attempt at writing the Star Trek reboot characters, so I hope they're in the ballpark. I just loved Karl Urban's McCoy from the, "I might throw up on you," line and have since jumped on the Bones bandwagon. In either case, I couldn't resist this one when the idea popped into my head the other night. Thanks to Anasazi Darkmoon on FF.Net for help with the title, and for being a sounding board. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own neither Transformers nor the Star Trek Reboot. JJ Abrams and Michael Bay are cool. I am not. Please don't sue.
========
Chapter 1
========
"Could someone tell me exactly why Ensign Wiles' nose is currently located two inches away from the center on his face? Because I can assure you gentlemen, in my professional opinion, that's not where it should be." Enterprise physician Leonard "Bones" McCoy none-too-gently poked at the Ensign's face, each touch eliciting a sharp intake of air or a flinch of the damaged face. Turning his back to the patient momentarily, McCoy asked the assembled, non-injured group, "Well, anyone?"
The three upright ensigns trolling through the medical bay with their friend each shuffled and looked down at their feet. There were several unwritten rules aboard the ship, but the most prominent was, 'Avoid McCoy's wrath at all costs.' The snarky, cantankerous physician was a source of fear for many new crewmembers that were not named James T. Kirk. Subsequently, no one had any great desire to be the doctor's next victim.
After hesitation, one of the men finally muttered, "We, uh, were playing…tennis, sir."
McCoy nodded, truly unconvinced. "Tennis? Gentlemen, I did not just fall off the shuttle transport yesterday. If you're going to lie, at least do it with some conviction! Now, what is it you' were really doing?"
Four sets of eyes shifted nervously, each asking the others a silent question. Deciding it was best to cough up the truth, Ensign Haise finally supplied, "Playing football, sir."
McCoy crossed his arms over his broad chest. He scoffed. "Oh. Football? As in the annual football tournament we hold on this ship?"
The Ensign on the biobed, Wiles, piped up. "Not…that football, sir."
"And what other 'football' would there be, other than the one that involves kicking a round ball into one of two large goals on opposite sides of the field?"
Wiles sighed. There was no getting out of this one. "We were playing that old American football, sir. You know, the one that involves tackling and whatnot?"
Bones had to suppress the urge to throw something. "American football? You mean the nearly ancient one that was outlawed 100 years ago because it was so barbaric? That American football?"
The four Ensigns looked down, shamed, and in unison said, "Yes, sir."
"Please tell me you were at least wearing pads."
The four men shook their heads to side to side, indicating the answer to the negative.
McCoy began to pace. "Well, that's just terrific! And how many others have been playing this game? Should I make room for them, too?"
Before his mouth's filter had time to catch up with his brain, Ensign Stevens said rather matter of factly, "Well, sir, the game is played full contact with eleven players a side, so yeah, that might be a good idea."
McCoy narrowed his eyes. "How long, exactly does this game last?"
"And hour, sir. Four, fifteen minute quarters."
Bones continued to pace. "Uh, huh. And what quarter were you in when Ensign Wiles' nose was smashed to space dust?"
There was an uncomfortable pause in the medical bay. No one dared answer. Finally, Wiles bit his lip and answered the question. "The warm-up, sir."
McCoy was incredulous. But before he could truly tear the strips off the young officers, Spock's voice sounded over the comm.
"Bridge to Doctor McCoy."
"McCoy here," the Doctor barked, louder and harsher than was specifically necessary.
"Doctor, we are picking up a strange reading from surface of the planet Aures II. The Captain has ordered me to assemble an away team, and he requests your presence."
"Of course he does." Bones slammed his hand down on the comm. button, effectively hanging up on Spock. He grabbed his kit and checked the supplies. Satisfied, he turned toward the young men in his medbay. "Now, I'm leaving you four morons in the capable hands of Nurse Chapel. When I get back, we're all going to have a nice, long discussion with the Captain about appropriate games to play, and ways to keep your sorry asses out of my sickbay!"
McCoy turned on his heel and strode out the door before any of his charges could say a word. As soon as he was clear, Wiles said, "Do you think we should have told him Captain Kirk was coaching the other team?"
The next time Chapel made her way back to triage for check ups, Ensign Wiles' nose was bleeding anew, his three friends were nowhere to be found.
========
McCoy took the turbolift up to the main level and strode coolly onto the bridge. Kirk was already there, seated in his customary Captain's chair. Bones was none too pleased at being dragged away from his work for yet another field trip at Jim's request, but the man was the Captain. It didn't mean McCoy had to like it, and he wasted no time in making his displeasure abundantly clear.
"Dr. McCoy reporting as ordered, Captain. To what curiosity do I owe this honor?"
McCoy was probably the only man on the ship who could get away with blatant insubordination to the Captain. Spock had once theorized it was because McCoy had to put up with Kirk as a patient when the man was sick or injured. Spock's logical, Vulcan mind figured fair was indeed fair, and Bones dished out the verbal snark as good as he got.
Kirk, sitting with one leg up on his chair and eating an apple, pointed one finger in Uhura's direction. He gave her a nod that clearly said,' Go ahead.'
"We were passing over the planet Aures II when I picked up a strange signal emanating from the planet's surface. It's one I've never seen before, so I had Sulu circle back around. I heard it again on the last sweep. I recalibrated the instruments and then I reanalyzed it, and I'm sure it's not just gravometric interference. There's something down there, sir."
"So? Run another scan and figure out what it is. I don't see the reason to have my atoms scrambled once again because of some whim," Bones grumbled.
"Doctor, perhaps you should take a moment to contemplate what the Lieutenant just said," Spock carefully admonished.
"And I'm telling you I heard her the first time. What's so different about this particular scan that you think we need to go traipsing through some backwater planet in order to find what you think may be an item of interest?" McCoy snapped back.
Uhura bristled and sat up straighter in her chair. Though she truly did care for the doctor, she often wondered how a man with absolutely no tact could end up in the medical field. His beside manner must be appalling. "I informed the Captain, Doctor," she started, "because the signal wasn't from any kind of life form in our files. It simply puzzled me, that's all."
McCoy, pushing aside his sarcasm for a brief moment, asked, "Aures II is an M class planet?"
Uhura nodded. "Correct, sir. It's also, according to Federation data, supposed to be uninhabited, which makes this more interesting."
Kirk finished his apple and tossed the core in the recycler. Pacing around his chair, he announced, "And that, ladies and gentleman, is precisely why I'm leading an away team down to the planet to find out what exactly is going on."
"Captain, it is not logical, nor is it necessary for you to go to the planet's surface. We have very little data about Aures II, and as the Lieutenant mentioned, it is unpopulated. There is no need to take such risks," Spock's smooth voice broke the silence from his position behind Kirk, once again reminding him of regulations.
Kirk strode up to Spock leaned over to address his second in command in a quiet tone. "Spock, how long have I been the captain of this ship?"
"Just over one Earth year, Captain."
"And in that time, how often have I listened to you about not leading away missions?" Kirk responded.
"Never once, sir."
The young Captain smiled and clapped a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Why start now?"
"Indeed." The Vulcan turned and addressed his console.
Turning from Spock's console and departing the bridge, Kirk called over the comm to his chief engineer. "Scotty!"
"Scotty here!"
"Meet me in the transporter room. The good doctor and I will be beaming down to Aures II."
"You got it, Captain."
========
"Remind me to kick you in the ass when we get back to the ship."
McCoy hated away missions, especially ones involving long hikes through barren wasteland. He was a born and bred Georgian. He hated snow and he hated cold, both of which were in abundance on Aures II. If someone had told him that this godforsaken place was an ice planet before he'd beamed down to the surface, McCoy would have flat out refused to go. Picking his way through the ass crack of the frozen tundra was not his idea of a good way to spend the day. Between the simply egregious amounts of layers it took to keep him warm and the general thickness of the snow gear, Bones was sure he was doing a damned good impression of a waddling penguin as he moved from one place to the next.
Kirk swiveled around to face the CMO. His face was slightly obscured by the Starfleet issued hood he wore, but the smirk was unmistakably present. He couldn't resist having a little fun with his friend and fellow officer. "What's the matter, Bones? You don't like this place?"
At the adamant glare McCoy threw in his direction, Kirk knew the man was ready to lobotomize him. But, he couldn't help it and continued to needle the doctor.
"We're getting fresh air, enjoying the countryside, and exercising. What's not to like about this place? It's beautiful!" Kirk gestured with his gloved hands to the glaciers and snow-covered mountains surrounding them. "Besides, the last time I was on a planet like this, I had just been marooned by Spock and was being chased by giant snow creatures with really, really big teeth. Don't complain. The cold won't kill you."
"Says the kid from the Midwest. I'm from the South. 'Cold' to us is 40 degrees. We panic. Things shut down. People start to hoard food. No, Jim, this is most certainly not my idea of fun!" McCoy knew he was dangerously close to the line that distinguished 'bitching' from 'pouting,' but by this particular juncture, he was too cranky and cold to care.
"Aww, buck up, old man. It's not that bad."
Bones, irritated, snapped back, "I'm not that old."
Kirk threw back his head and laughed. "Yeah, you are." He trotted easily back to his struggling friend put his arm around the CMO's shoulders. "Come on. Let's go check out these readings so we can get you back to your nice, warm medical bay."
"Right." McCoy took a deep breath. 'Be a Starfleet officer,' he told himself. Out loud, he asked, "Now, where did Uhura say those readings were coming from?"
"Around here, though she said she couldn't pinpoint it like normal. Something with the planet's core was giving the long range sensors trouble." Kirk answered. He looked around in a circle. All he saw was ice forest and glacial walls. With the whipping wind and unforgiving temperature, nothing would survive out here unprotected for long. Squinting, Kirk saw a cave mouth in the distance, hidden by an outcropping of rocks. Whacking Bones on the arm, he pointed. "But I'll bet, if there's anyone alive out here, they're probably tucked up in there."
McCoy mentally judged the distance from his current spot to the cave as Kirk took off ahead of him. Again. It was easily a couple of kilometers over some rough, slippery terrain. Muttering an, "Unbelievable," under his breath, McCoy tried as best he could to catch up with Kirk's easy gait.
An hour later, the two men finally reached the entrance. Kirk poked his head in and took a brief survey of the area, his energy level still high. Bones staggered in, panting and coughing from the exertion and collapsed at the first, safe solid piece of ground he came to. Yes, McCoy was definitely going to kick Jim Kirk squarely in the ass for dragging him down here…once he had the energy.
Kirk took off his glove to study the cave's entrance. "Bones, are you seeing this?"
"Seeing what? Stars?" McCoy, having managed to catch most of his breath, heaved himself to his feet. His eyes still adjusting to the rather dim light, Bones asked, "What is it, Jim?"
Kirk ran his hand along the cave's entrance. "This place is new. Feel all these rocks? They're sharp, like something just went right through it. Caves like this on a planet this type should have rocks that are worn and weathered. Smooth."
McCoy's curiosity was piqued. As much as he hated admitting it, the Captain was right. The cave was in a completely random spot. There was no river or lake nearby to have created it, and the entire planet was basically covered ice. The cave itself was round and seemed to go straight back at a slight downward angle, as if something had fallen into it.
"Do you have that extra light in your medkit?"
McCoy fumbled around a bit with his gear, having some significant trouble freeing himself from the layers of clothing around him. Finally able to use his hands again, Bones snapped the case open and procured two small, yet powerful flashlights from within. He handed one to Kirk and reserved one for himself. "Yeah. Right here."
Taking the light from the CMO, Kirk flipped it on. His eyes widened at the sight before him. The cave did go back and down relatively far, probably fifty meters or so. And, it had to have been made by something other than nature, as the design was simply one long corridor. The Enterprise captain began slowly venturing down into the cave to see what was at the bottom.
"Jim!" McCoy hissed, planting his feet in place. "Where are you going?"
Kirk stopped and spun around. Pointing toward the depths of the cave, he replied, "Exploring, Bones. That's what we're here to do."
"Didn't you just get done reminding me what happened last time you were on a planet like this? What if there's something down there with 500 eyes and hideously large teeth?"
"And what if there isn't? Come on. Let's just get this done."
As Kirk walked away, Bones cursed his own luck. He picked up his medkit all while mumbling, "Of all the stupid, reckless idiotic captains in Starfleet, I get stuck with this one. Why me?"
From down in the cave, Kirk's voice floated out of the darkness. "I heard that!"
"Of course you did," he answered to no one in particular. Bones walked, alternately cursing Kirk and then cursing himself for signing up for Starfleet in the first place. He was engrossed in his internalized argument with himself that he didn't realize as short bit later that Jim had stopped. McCoy walked into the back of his best friend and nearly fell over.
"Dammit, man! Would you tell me when you're gonna stop like that?"
When Kirk didn't reply, Bones kept going. "I mean, you drag me down here, to this cold excuse of a planet, away from my medical bay and into a cave--"
McCoy's mouth only stopped moving when he realized what Kirk was staring at. In front of the two men was a large, grey mass. Almost metallic in nature, it mimicked humanoid features with two arms, two legs and a head. It was almost in a sitting position, with its arms wrapped up around its knees. From the two humans' perspectives, it appeared to be…huge.
"What the sam hell is that?" McCoy asked, stunned.
Kirk inched up to it carefully and reached one hand out. His fingers inches away from what appeared to be the alien's face, McCoy ran up and snatched Jim's hand down.
"Jim, no! You don't know what that thing may do to you. I don't even know if it's alive!" McCoy, ever the physician, had positioned himself between Kirk and the unknown alien.
Kirk laughed. "Well, then scan it, Bones and tell me if it's going to bite my hand off."
The doctor grabbed his tricorder and ran a passive scan. "Whatever this is, we can be sure that it's the same thing giving off the readings Uhura picked up. The scan is the same." McCoy continued his work, walking around the creature to gather data. "It's giving off a signal still. It's weak, but it's there. I'm not sure if that means it's alive and hurt, or if it means it's just resting."
The captain tilted his head inquisitively, studying what appeared to be the creature's face.
"But, whatever it is, it's probably not going to kill you. All scans are clear."
"Great. What is it?"
Rolling his eyes, McCoy groaned. Jerking his thumb in the newest discovery's direction, Bones quipped, "Jim, I'm a doctor, not a mechanic. Turning this thing on looks like Scotty's area of expertise, not mine."
Both of their backs to their newest discovery neither Kirk nor McCoy saw light ring around the azure blue optics of the alien creature sitting before them. Before their brains could register the sound of moving and clanging parts, a deep, sarcastic drawl bit through the cave.
"And I'm not a veterinarian, either. You two animals are standing on my foot."
Though they would never admit it, even under pain of death, Kirk and McCoy, at that very moment, both screamed like little girls.
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Next Up: Kirk hatches a devious plan with the Enterprises' newest guest, and Bones finally gets a taste of his own medicine.
Onwards! To chapter 2.