stuff, whatever, things

[georgiamagnolia]

I am not as smart as you think I am, for if I were, I would not just understand my own psychology well enough to know the why of my doing things I would also be aware enough in the moment of my doing to change my actions and not repeat my patterns into infinity as I am doing and have done and will do and always have for all these forty years.

Comments

[jaybohmer]

Wow. Quite the brain dump there kiddo. If you figure it out, let me know.

[georgiamagnolia]

well, I may never figure it out, but i keep tryin'

[georgiamagnolia]

ILY2 *hug*

[verdine]

I love it when you write like this, even if you are writing about pain. You should write it out more often. I feel privileged to get this view into your noodle. (P.S Oh, and - what you said. Yeah. Love can be all about the fear and cynicism sometimes, can't it?)

[georgiamagnolia]

love is all about fear right now, I fear pain and so I fear love as a result, it sux.

[jagfanlj]

If weren't for knowing it tears your soul, I would rejoice in your ability to phrase your pain so well. It is beautiful, the 'terrible beauty' of shards of crystal sparkling in a pool of crimson blood.

This part I understand and share:
...crippled I won't let myself even feel the first glimmer of any of it because the anticipated disappointment is so much more painful than the real thing might be and so much more known than the possibility of success even for a moment, which would really be stunning, if only for that moment. So instead I shy away from exactly what I want because nothing lasts and the very idea of it ending keeps me from starting it...

You have put into words the futility that shades my every thought and action, and I love you for it even while I agonize for you and weep for us both.

[georgiamagnolia]

*hugs you lots*

thank you, really.