...you misread "herbal infusion" as "lethal injection."

Be grateful I'm not a chef.

So, my parents were telling me that they watched a DVD at the weekend and didn't understand the plot at all.

After listening to them telling me how there were just 3 voices saying "and look, there's the moon rover, that thing was only a foot long" etc, I realised they had been listening to the audio commentary instead of the dialogue.

*sigh*

So, today's google mail random website suggestion was "GoDaddy".

I can't cope.

How surprised should I be that I received the strip with 666 at the top?

Wonder what I'll win?

Never, ever forget that your mum put EGGS in your backpack.

There are ANTS stuck in my doorstep paint.

...I am Lizzie Bennett. If she ever wore trousers and listened to Spock's Beard.


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Never mix making dinner and doing the laundry.

I have just dropped my underoos in the curry.

It's safe to say neither are now edible.

In Ye Olde Argos today, I was looking on their store-searchy-thing for a toilet-roll holder. There were none in stock, but I was exhorted to press enter to see an alternative which might be useful.

It offered me a hosepipe. Of the garden variety.

I declined.

At a National Trust property once inhabited by Churchill, I discovered a wonderful WWII kitchen sign, a fridge magnet of which is now gracing my cooling appliance:

"NOTICE TO STAFF

Will ladies please rinse out teapots, then stand upside down in the sink.

On no account must hot bottoms be placed on the worktops."

Magic. :)