(no subject)
Title: How Did This Happen?
Author: serene_ray
Rating: NC-17
Notes: Addison and Alex-centric with other characters and pairings involved.
Disclaimer: I don`t own Grey`s Anatomy.
Summary: The growing dynamics of a friendship/relationship between Addison and Alex and the effects it has on the people around them. Including some Addison/Derek, Addison/Mark, and Izzie/Mark.
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Chapter 23: Somebody Already Broke My Heart
Alex’s mind was on autopilot. He couldn’t think straight for more than five minutes. All his thoughts went straight back to what Izzie had told him. He felt cold and angry inside one minute. He felt doubtful and insecure the next. He couldn’t wrap his mind around if it was true and the possibility of Addison hiding something of such magnitude from him seemed unfathomable. He had even referenced her being in the process of getting a divorce in conversation and he had been given no indication that she was no longer going through with it. He couldn’t believe have racked with emotions he was. He almost felt like he was going out of his mind. He had went home in a rush, not remembering how he even managed to drive safely to his apartment when he turned off the car after parking it. He had went inside, sat down for a total of five seconds before getting up to pace the length of his apartment seven times over. He was a mess. Now he sat back in his car, drumming his finger against the steering wheel as his mind raced. Feeling such a variety and mix of emotions that ranged from doubt, uncertainty, betrayal, insignificance, and dread. Had she really been lying to him this whole time? Had she really been keeping this from him? He absolutely didn’t put it past the indecisive likes of Derek to refuse to sign the divorce papers but Addison? He had felt certain that she was done fighting for something that had been so tarnished, that had been so broken. He had believed that she was over going round for round with Derek and that she now really wanted something unique and amazing with himself. But maybe he was wrong, maybe she really was just using him.
No, she’s not using me. She can’t be using me. Alex told himself angrily. He refused to believe that everything they had shared over the past month had been anything short of the beginning of an intense and overwhelmingly real bond. But Izzie had seemed so certain. There was always a possibility she could be wrong but something about the way she had told him made him feel like she was telling the truth. He couldn’t stand the thought of it. The thought that he’d been spending hours upon hours with this woman who he was beginning to adore so desperately and that she may be hiding the fact that she WASN’T getting a divorce from her husband seemed like something out of a bad movie. It made his skin crawl and his mouth go dry.
This can’t be happening. Alex thought to himself disparagingly as he glanced over at his phone that was sitting in the passenger seat next to him. Addison had called him twice in the past 45 minutes and he hadn’t picked up either time. He had no idea what to say to her, he was so confused. He knew he would have to face her eventually but he hadn’t the slightest clue where to begin. He was such a mix of things, he couldn’t even really get his bearings. He felt a twinge of guilt for not answering her calls which was followed by an immediate desire to hear her voice. He wanted to talk with her so badly. He wanted to believe that there was a viable reason for why she would keep this from him. Why she would purposely withhold this information. She couldn’t be doing it for selfish reasons. He knew she felt things for him. She had to. They weren’t a lie; they couldn’t be a lie. He needed her. He hated the sense of feeling like he was standing her up, he knew she was calling because he was supposed to have been at her hotel almost an hour ago. But he didn’t know if he was truly ready to face her. He was so doubtful, so uncertain, so lost. Before he had time to change his mind, Alex put his keys in the ignition, started his car and pulled out of the parking space and headed towards the hotel.
________________________________________________________________________
Addison silently cursed herself for the way she was absentmindedly staring at her blackberry, hoping that it would ring and Alex would be on the other end. She felt so silly for sitting there in her empty hotel room waiting for him to call her. Something had obviously come up, he’d never been late to come and see her. He’d never not answered his cell when she called him. Something serious had obviously come up. She felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Something wasn’t right.
Stop overreacting, you’re going to worry yourself sick. Addison thought to herself, sighing pitifully as she pressed her temples with her slender fingers. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, silently willing herself to stop staring at the phone. She ran both hands carelessly through her hair as she felt a chill run through her tired body. She started thinking about the amount of time that they had been spending together and it calmed her to a degree. She felt such peace of mind when she was around him. They had shared some remarkable moments together and it had done nothing for her feelings for him but strengthen them to the nth degree.
Maybe he’s feeling suffocated. She thought to herself calmly. Maybe this is all too new and intense for him. Maybe he wants to take things a little slower. She reasoned with herself as she rested her chin in the palm of her hand, her legs were crossed and her elbow lay propped on her knee. A soft knock on the door shook her from her thoughts. She felt an almost immediate sense of relief as she slowly got off the bed and took a deep breath. Addison felt a smile spread across her face as she opened the door. The moment her eyes reached his face, her smile started to dissipate. The look on his face was somewhat almost unrecognizable. She felt something develop in her throat as she tried to rid her face of it’s expression as she stepped back to open the door wider.
“Hey,” Addison offered tentatively as she noticed his eyes wouldn’t meet hers at all as he slowly walked in. She saw the tension in his shoulders, even the way he walked by her made every instinct warn her that something was wrong. He was either upset, angry, devastated or any other range of emotions that leaves you in the pureness self-deprecation. She noticed that he didn’t respond to her greeting and hadn’t even turned around to look at her. “Are you hungry? We-”
“I’m not hungry.” He cut her off plainly. There was no real inflection in his voice. She couldn’t tell what was the matter with him. But it scared her. She stared at his back for a few more moments before walking closer to him. She felt tentative doing so because she felt like he was so overtly closed off.
What did I do? Addison thought to herself as she stopped a few feet away from him. Alex could feel the heat of her body as she got closer. He turned around quickly, angling his body away from her slightly and looked her in the face for the first time. Addison saw the tightness in his jaw, the way the side of his mouth would delicately slant. She was struck with the sadness in his eyes, it reminded her of the emptiness she had seen when he talked about his childhood. He seemed almost vacant. She couldn’t even find her voice for a few moments as she resisted the urge to reach out and touch him.
“What’s wrong?” Addison asked gently. Alex’s eyes immediately left hers as he looked down, slightly shaking his head. Addison felt chills rise on her arms as she briefly closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “What is it? Tell me.” Addison finished lightly. Alex felt his heart pounding faster, he bit the inside of his lip as he continued to look at the floor. He looked up at her again briefly and felt his heart ache at the thought of what he was about to start.
“There’s this rumor going around the hospital.” Alex started lightly. “People are saying that you and Derek are going to get back together.” Addison felt an instant sense of relief and even smiled, rolling her eyes, she reached out to put her hand on his arm.
“You should know that all hospital rumors are not the truth. Is that really what this is about?” Addison asked seriously. She felt the muscle in his arm tense underneath her hand.
“Just tell me the truth, Addison.” Alex implored her levelly. He felt his emotions rising at the confused glint in her eyes.
“The truth?” Addison questioned. “About me and Derek? I’m not going back to him.”
“Why haven’t you signed the divorce papers?” Alex countered plainly. Addison felt as though she had just gotten the wind knocked out of her. She couldn’t even find her words for a response. The look on his face was heart wrenching. She didn’t know what to do, what to say, what to think. She was spinning out of control. Alex slowly shrugged his arm away from her hand.
“Look, Alex I don’t know what you’ve heard but…” Addison started unsteadily.
“You haven’t have you? You really haven’t.” Alex cut her off again. Addison was becoming increasingly frantic and frustrated. He rarely cut her off.
“I’m still getting a divorce Alex.” Addison said calmly.
“But neither one of you have signed the papers? Are you kidding me?” Alex asked, the elevation in his voice was unmistakable. He took a few steps back from her, her closeness was becoming overwhelming. “I expect it from him, because he’s just an indecisive, selfish asshole but you? You?” Alex asked bewildered. Addison could feel the panic set in as her eyes burned with the tears she desperately didn’t want to shed.
“I-I..” Addison stammered as she quickly ran her hand through her hair, trying to make sense of this. Trying to search her mind for some explanation that would make this right for him. Some explanation that would make him believe her. Make him trust her.
“You’re just using me.” Alex said simply. He was noticeably upset. The sadness and anger that he was emoting made her hands shake. The way his eyes wouldn’t focus on hers for more than five seconds at a time caused her such a sense of dread and defeat.
“I am not using you.” Addison exclaimed firmly.
“Sure you are.” Alex affirmed as he shook his head. “That’s exactly what you’re doing. I’m not stupid, Addison.
“I am not using you.” Addison repeated. “What you and I have is real.”
“Yeah, real convenient.” Alex quipped back. “You were just testing me out for a trial run, you have every intention on going back to him when the time suits you.”
“Stop,” Addison replied, she crossed her arms in front of herself to minimize her shaking. She blinked away her tears as she tried desperately to get a grasp on her emotions and his obvious sense of betrayal. “That’s not going to happen.”
“So then why haven’t you signed the papers? If you’re gonna stand there and tell me that there’s a reasonable explanation for you not signing them other than you buying time, just save it.”
“I know it may seem that way but I swear to you, it’s not.” Addison assured him.
“But it is, Addison.” Alex lamented sadly. “It is like that.”
“I promise you, it’s not.” Addison replied, feeling the tightness in her throat return. She forced it down as she quickly wiped the corners of her eyes to catch the tears there before they escaped down her face.
“You lied to me about it.” Alex exclaimed urgently. “You lied. We laid in that bed, right there, together and you lied. You made me believe you were getting a divorce and you’re not. We made love how many times? And you just let me believe I had a chance with you. You let me believe I had a shot. Why would you do that? Why would you lie?”
“I’m sorry.” Addison whispered lightly.
“You’re sorry?” Alex asked stunned. “What are you sorry for, Addison? For lying.? For using me? For letting me make a fool of myself for your benefit? What exactly are you sorry for?”
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t honest. I’m sorry that I kept this from you.” Addison replied. “But Alex, that doesn’t mean I didn’t mean what I said to you, or how I felt with you. I don’t want to be with Derek. I want to be with you.”
“You know what? I really, really want to believe that. I want to believe that more than I want to take my next breath.” Alex replied as his eyes fixed on hers. He felt his insides tear apart as he saw the sadness on her face. Her expression matched exactly what he was feeling. “But the truth is, I don’t. I don’t believe it.”
“Just tell me what to say.” Addison pleaded. “Tell me what to say to make this go away.”
“Why haven’t you signed them?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s not an answer, you do know. You wanted to test the waters. But you wanted to have the safety net of your marriage beneath you. I’m nothing more than a diversion.”
“That is not true. You are so much more than a diversion. I admit it, I haven’t signed the papers. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to and it doesn’t devalue everything I feel for you and what we mean to each other. I am not using you, Alex. You have to believe that.”
“Not signing them just gives him fuel to fight you on it more aggressively. Because it shows him that you’re not actually serious about getting it. If you haven’t signed them, then why should he?”
“He’s just doing that to get under my skin, he knows just as well as I do that we can’t be married any longer.”
“But you are married still, and you’ll stay that way if neither of you makes the first move to sign on the line, I guess it was my fault for thinking I was more than enough incentive.”
“Stop doing that. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, I have to handle my problems with Derek. It has nothing to do with me and you.”
“It has everything to do with me and you. Because it seems to me that the only reason there is a me and you is because you’re selfish. You didn’t care how it would make me feel to be lied to, how it would make me feel to be the scapegoat out of and then back into your marriage. You just cared about getting what you wanted. And God knows what that is.”
“I know you’re angry.” Addison tried to reason with him as she took a step closer to him for the first time. Alex noticed it and almost immediately tensed up. This conversation was becoming more and more like emotional Russian roulette.
“I’m not angry,” Alex sighed sadly. “What I am is threw.”
“Threw?” Addison questioned, the panic in her voice was evident.
“I’m sorry, Addison. I just can’t do this.”
“No, no please don’t say that.” Addison begged as her voice broke, she closed the remaining space between them as she neared him. “Please don’t do this.” Addison implored as she meet his dejected eyes. She felt herself starting to panic inside, she couldn’t fathom what she would do if he really broke things off with her. He had, in such a sort period of time, become her rock. He was her stability. He was her sense of purpose. He couldn’t just snatch that out from under her. He wouldn’t.
“I’m sorry.” Alex repeated as their eyes burned each others. He saw a tear run down her face and felt his stomach twist in knots.
“Please don’t go.” Addison implored as she hastily wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. Alex gently put his hand on the back of her neck, breaking their eye contact and bringing her in close to his chest. Addison’s arms automatically clutched him to her and she felt certain that she wouldn’t let go. Alex felt her body trembling in his arms, as he squeezed his eyes shut and prayed for the strength to walk away from this woman. He didn’t know if he could.
“Don’t make this harder then it already is.” Alex reasoned with her softly as he smoothed down her hair with his hand, he clung to her with almost the same force that she so desperately held onto him with. He knew the next few moments would only be more difficult than the previous. He knew she was crying, he could feel it. He felt his eyes sting at the thought.
“Don’t do this.” Addison murmured into his neck. Alex slowly grazed his lips against her temple and pulled away from her, trying to dodge her arms as they reached out to him again.
“Stop, stop.” Alex said as he finally disconnected them and cleared his throat. “I have to go.”
Addison bit her lip to keep her sobs at bay as she resisted the urge to just throw herself onto him to make him stay. The room became blurry as tears filled her eyes and clouded her view.
“Alex, please don’t go.” Addison begged one final time before Alex brushed quickly past her and hurriedly left her hotel room.
Author: serene_ray
Rating: NC-17
Notes: Addison and Alex-centric with other characters and pairings involved.
Disclaimer: I don`t own Grey`s Anatomy.
Summary: The growing dynamics of a friendship/relationship between Addison and Alex and the effects it has on the people around them. Including some Addison/Derek, Addison/Mark, and Izzie/Mark.
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Chapter 23: Somebody Already Broke My Heart
Alex’s mind was on autopilot. He couldn’t think straight for more than five minutes. All his thoughts went straight back to what Izzie had told him. He felt cold and angry inside one minute. He felt doubtful and insecure the next. He couldn’t wrap his mind around if it was true and the possibility of Addison hiding something of such magnitude from him seemed unfathomable. He had even referenced her being in the process of getting a divorce in conversation and he had been given no indication that she was no longer going through with it. He couldn’t believe have racked with emotions he was. He almost felt like he was going out of his mind. He had went home in a rush, not remembering how he even managed to drive safely to his apartment when he turned off the car after parking it. He had went inside, sat down for a total of five seconds before getting up to pace the length of his apartment seven times over. He was a mess. Now he sat back in his car, drumming his finger against the steering wheel as his mind raced. Feeling such a variety and mix of emotions that ranged from doubt, uncertainty, betrayal, insignificance, and dread. Had she really been lying to him this whole time? Had she really been keeping this from him? He absolutely didn’t put it past the indecisive likes of Derek to refuse to sign the divorce papers but Addison? He had felt certain that she was done fighting for something that had been so tarnished, that had been so broken. He had believed that she was over going round for round with Derek and that she now really wanted something unique and amazing with himself. But maybe he was wrong, maybe she really was just using him.
No, she’s not using me. She can’t be using me. Alex told himself angrily. He refused to believe that everything they had shared over the past month had been anything short of the beginning of an intense and overwhelmingly real bond. But Izzie had seemed so certain. There was always a possibility she could be wrong but something about the way she had told him made him feel like she was telling the truth. He couldn’t stand the thought of it. The thought that he’d been spending hours upon hours with this woman who he was beginning to adore so desperately and that she may be hiding the fact that she WASN’T getting a divorce from her husband seemed like something out of a bad movie. It made his skin crawl and his mouth go dry.
This can’t be happening. Alex thought to himself disparagingly as he glanced over at his phone that was sitting in the passenger seat next to him. Addison had called him twice in the past 45 minutes and he hadn’t picked up either time. He had no idea what to say to her, he was so confused. He knew he would have to face her eventually but he hadn’t the slightest clue where to begin. He was such a mix of things, he couldn’t even really get his bearings. He felt a twinge of guilt for not answering her calls which was followed by an immediate desire to hear her voice. He wanted to talk with her so badly. He wanted to believe that there was a viable reason for why she would keep this from him. Why she would purposely withhold this information. She couldn’t be doing it for selfish reasons. He knew she felt things for him. She had to. They weren’t a lie; they couldn’t be a lie. He needed her. He hated the sense of feeling like he was standing her up, he knew she was calling because he was supposed to have been at her hotel almost an hour ago. But he didn’t know if he was truly ready to face her. He was so doubtful, so uncertain, so lost. Before he had time to change his mind, Alex put his keys in the ignition, started his car and pulled out of the parking space and headed towards the hotel.
________________________________________________________________________
Addison silently cursed herself for the way she was absentmindedly staring at her blackberry, hoping that it would ring and Alex would be on the other end. She felt so silly for sitting there in her empty hotel room waiting for him to call her. Something had obviously come up, he’d never been late to come and see her. He’d never not answered his cell when she called him. Something serious had obviously come up. She felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Something wasn’t right.
Stop overreacting, you’re going to worry yourself sick. Addison thought to herself, sighing pitifully as she pressed her temples with her slender fingers. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, silently willing herself to stop staring at the phone. She ran both hands carelessly through her hair as she felt a chill run through her tired body. She started thinking about the amount of time that they had been spending together and it calmed her to a degree. She felt such peace of mind when she was around him. They had shared some remarkable moments together and it had done nothing for her feelings for him but strengthen them to the nth degree.
Maybe he’s feeling suffocated. She thought to herself calmly. Maybe this is all too new and intense for him. Maybe he wants to take things a little slower. She reasoned with herself as she rested her chin in the palm of her hand, her legs were crossed and her elbow lay propped on her knee. A soft knock on the door shook her from her thoughts. She felt an almost immediate sense of relief as she slowly got off the bed and took a deep breath. Addison felt a smile spread across her face as she opened the door. The moment her eyes reached his face, her smile started to dissipate. The look on his face was somewhat almost unrecognizable. She felt something develop in her throat as she tried to rid her face of it’s expression as she stepped back to open the door wider.
“Hey,” Addison offered tentatively as she noticed his eyes wouldn’t meet hers at all as he slowly walked in. She saw the tension in his shoulders, even the way he walked by her made every instinct warn her that something was wrong. He was either upset, angry, devastated or any other range of emotions that leaves you in the pureness self-deprecation. She noticed that he didn’t respond to her greeting and hadn’t even turned around to look at her. “Are you hungry? We-”
“I’m not hungry.” He cut her off plainly. There was no real inflection in his voice. She couldn’t tell what was the matter with him. But it scared her. She stared at his back for a few more moments before walking closer to him. She felt tentative doing so because she felt like he was so overtly closed off.
What did I do? Addison thought to herself as she stopped a few feet away from him. Alex could feel the heat of her body as she got closer. He turned around quickly, angling his body away from her slightly and looked her in the face for the first time. Addison saw the tightness in his jaw, the way the side of his mouth would delicately slant. She was struck with the sadness in his eyes, it reminded her of the emptiness she had seen when he talked about his childhood. He seemed almost vacant. She couldn’t even find her voice for a few moments as she resisted the urge to reach out and touch him.
“What’s wrong?” Addison asked gently. Alex’s eyes immediately left hers as he looked down, slightly shaking his head. Addison felt chills rise on her arms as she briefly closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “What is it? Tell me.” Addison finished lightly. Alex felt his heart pounding faster, he bit the inside of his lip as he continued to look at the floor. He looked up at her again briefly and felt his heart ache at the thought of what he was about to start.
“There’s this rumor going around the hospital.” Alex started lightly. “People are saying that you and Derek are going to get back together.” Addison felt an instant sense of relief and even smiled, rolling her eyes, she reached out to put her hand on his arm.
“You should know that all hospital rumors are not the truth. Is that really what this is about?” Addison asked seriously. She felt the muscle in his arm tense underneath her hand.
“Just tell me the truth, Addison.” Alex implored her levelly. He felt his emotions rising at the confused glint in her eyes.
“The truth?” Addison questioned. “About me and Derek? I’m not going back to him.”
“Why haven’t you signed the divorce papers?” Alex countered plainly. Addison felt as though she had just gotten the wind knocked out of her. She couldn’t even find her words for a response. The look on his face was heart wrenching. She didn’t know what to do, what to say, what to think. She was spinning out of control. Alex slowly shrugged his arm away from her hand.
“Look, Alex I don’t know what you’ve heard but…” Addison started unsteadily.
“You haven’t have you? You really haven’t.” Alex cut her off again. Addison was becoming increasingly frantic and frustrated. He rarely cut her off.
“I’m still getting a divorce Alex.” Addison said calmly.
“But neither one of you have signed the papers? Are you kidding me?” Alex asked, the elevation in his voice was unmistakable. He took a few steps back from her, her closeness was becoming overwhelming. “I expect it from him, because he’s just an indecisive, selfish asshole but you? You?” Alex asked bewildered. Addison could feel the panic set in as her eyes burned with the tears she desperately didn’t want to shed.
“I-I..” Addison stammered as she quickly ran her hand through her hair, trying to make sense of this. Trying to search her mind for some explanation that would make this right for him. Some explanation that would make him believe her. Make him trust her.
“You’re just using me.” Alex said simply. He was noticeably upset. The sadness and anger that he was emoting made her hands shake. The way his eyes wouldn’t focus on hers for more than five seconds at a time caused her such a sense of dread and defeat.
“I am not using you.” Addison exclaimed firmly.
“Sure you are.” Alex affirmed as he shook his head. “That’s exactly what you’re doing. I’m not stupid, Addison.
“I am not using you.” Addison repeated. “What you and I have is real.”
“Yeah, real convenient.” Alex quipped back. “You were just testing me out for a trial run, you have every intention on going back to him when the time suits you.”
“Stop,” Addison replied, she crossed her arms in front of herself to minimize her shaking. She blinked away her tears as she tried desperately to get a grasp on her emotions and his obvious sense of betrayal. “That’s not going to happen.”
“So then why haven’t you signed the papers? If you’re gonna stand there and tell me that there’s a reasonable explanation for you not signing them other than you buying time, just save it.”
“I know it may seem that way but I swear to you, it’s not.” Addison assured him.
“But it is, Addison.” Alex lamented sadly. “It is like that.”
“I promise you, it’s not.” Addison replied, feeling the tightness in her throat return. She forced it down as she quickly wiped the corners of her eyes to catch the tears there before they escaped down her face.
“You lied to me about it.” Alex exclaimed urgently. “You lied. We laid in that bed, right there, together and you lied. You made me believe you were getting a divorce and you’re not. We made love how many times? And you just let me believe I had a chance with you. You let me believe I had a shot. Why would you do that? Why would you lie?”
“I’m sorry.” Addison whispered lightly.
“You’re sorry?” Alex asked stunned. “What are you sorry for, Addison? For lying.? For using me? For letting me make a fool of myself for your benefit? What exactly are you sorry for?”
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t honest. I’m sorry that I kept this from you.” Addison replied. “But Alex, that doesn’t mean I didn’t mean what I said to you, or how I felt with you. I don’t want to be with Derek. I want to be with you.”
“You know what? I really, really want to believe that. I want to believe that more than I want to take my next breath.” Alex replied as his eyes fixed on hers. He felt his insides tear apart as he saw the sadness on her face. Her expression matched exactly what he was feeling. “But the truth is, I don’t. I don’t believe it.”
“Just tell me what to say.” Addison pleaded. “Tell me what to say to make this go away.”
“Why haven’t you signed them?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s not an answer, you do know. You wanted to test the waters. But you wanted to have the safety net of your marriage beneath you. I’m nothing more than a diversion.”
“That is not true. You are so much more than a diversion. I admit it, I haven’t signed the papers. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to and it doesn’t devalue everything I feel for you and what we mean to each other. I am not using you, Alex. You have to believe that.”
“Not signing them just gives him fuel to fight you on it more aggressively. Because it shows him that you’re not actually serious about getting it. If you haven’t signed them, then why should he?”
“He’s just doing that to get under my skin, he knows just as well as I do that we can’t be married any longer.”
“But you are married still, and you’ll stay that way if neither of you makes the first move to sign on the line, I guess it was my fault for thinking I was more than enough incentive.”
“Stop doing that. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, I have to handle my problems with Derek. It has nothing to do with me and you.”
“It has everything to do with me and you. Because it seems to me that the only reason there is a me and you is because you’re selfish. You didn’t care how it would make me feel to be lied to, how it would make me feel to be the scapegoat out of and then back into your marriage. You just cared about getting what you wanted. And God knows what that is.”
“I know you’re angry.” Addison tried to reason with him as she took a step closer to him for the first time. Alex noticed it and almost immediately tensed up. This conversation was becoming more and more like emotional Russian roulette.
“I’m not angry,” Alex sighed sadly. “What I am is threw.”
“Threw?” Addison questioned, the panic in her voice was evident.
“I’m sorry, Addison. I just can’t do this.”
“No, no please don’t say that.” Addison begged as her voice broke, she closed the remaining space between them as she neared him. “Please don’t do this.” Addison implored as she meet his dejected eyes. She felt herself starting to panic inside, she couldn’t fathom what she would do if he really broke things off with her. He had, in such a sort period of time, become her rock. He was her stability. He was her sense of purpose. He couldn’t just snatch that out from under her. He wouldn’t.
“I’m sorry.” Alex repeated as their eyes burned each others. He saw a tear run down her face and felt his stomach twist in knots.
“Please don’t go.” Addison implored as she hastily wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. Alex gently put his hand on the back of her neck, breaking their eye contact and bringing her in close to his chest. Addison’s arms automatically clutched him to her and she felt certain that she wouldn’t let go. Alex felt her body trembling in his arms, as he squeezed his eyes shut and prayed for the strength to walk away from this woman. He didn’t know if he could.
“Don’t make this harder then it already is.” Alex reasoned with her softly as he smoothed down her hair with his hand, he clung to her with almost the same force that she so desperately held onto him with. He knew the next few moments would only be more difficult than the previous. He knew she was crying, he could feel it. He felt his eyes sting at the thought.
“Don’t do this.” Addison murmured into his neck. Alex slowly grazed his lips against her temple and pulled away from her, trying to dodge her arms as they reached out to him again.
“Stop, stop.” Alex said as he finally disconnected them and cleared his throat. “I have to go.”
Addison bit her lip to keep her sobs at bay as she resisted the urge to just throw herself onto him to make him stay. The room became blurry as tears filled her eyes and clouded her view.
“Alex, please don’t go.” Addison begged one final time before Alex brushed quickly past her and hurriedly left her hotel room.