(no subject)
Title: How Did This Happen?
Author: serene_ray
Rating: M but NC-17 eventually.
Notes: Addison and Alex-centric with other characters involved.
Disclaimer: I don`t own Grey`s Anatomy, but if I did Addy and Alex would be together.
Summary: The growing dynamics of a friendship/relationship between Addison and Alex.
Chapter 7: Complicated is An Understatement
The first thing Addison did once she got through the door was take off her heels. She dropped her bag on the table and rubbed her hands together.
“Sit anywhere you want, you’ve got a choice of the bed or the couch.” She said mocking enthusiasm.
Alex looked around her hotel room, everything was neat; the room was spotless. Addison went over to the big oak TV stand and opened the sliding doors on it to reveal the TV, she turned it on and threw the remote on the bed. She had a mini bar in the corner, next to a coffee machine, he saw quite an extravagant bouquet of flowers next to it. His eyes fixated on them.
“TV’s on, watch whatever. I’m gonna use the bathroom and then make us coffee.” Addison said, glancing at him as he went to sit on the couch. She walked into the bathroom and closed the door.
Alex sat surveying the room silently, found himself looking again, at those flowers; it was such a detailed and unique arrangement of flowers. He found himself wondering who had sent her those flowers.
Several minutes went by and Addison came out. Running her hands through her hair she made her way to the coffee machine. She proceeded to fix the coffee and let it brew.
“What are we watching?” She asked.
“I don’t know, I didn’t even get the remote.” He replied.
Addison waited near the coffee machine for it to finish. Alex observed her demeanor from her seat. She was carefully twirling a piece of hair around her finger as she watched the coffee pot. His vision blurred briefly as he tried to focus on her again but he felt the alcohol in his veins. He closed his eyes for a moment.
“Wake up.” Addison said about three minutes later, she sounded much closer to him than she had previously been. He opened his eyes, she was sitting next to him on the couch with her knees up, pulled close to her; extending his coffee mug to him. “Here, be careful it’s hot.”
“Thanks.” He said, taking the mug from her.
“It’s black. Helps the pre-hangover better; so you won’t actually get the hangover.” Said Addison smiling.
“I used to drink coffee black in med school.” Said Alex, absentmindedly glancing at the TV.
“Yeah, I did too. This better start saving me shortly.” Said Addison softly as she put her forehead in her hand, referring to her coffee and the slight whirling in her head.
“Hmm, that almost sounds like a little bit of regret.” He teased her lightly.
“Not regret, no.” She said gently.
“So the secret admirer’s got excellent taste.” said Alex suddenly.
“What?” Addison asked confused, she looked over at him, brushing her hair from her face.
“In flowers, that is…” began Alex blandly. And in women, he thought.
“Oh, I know, aren’t they gorgeous? They make the room smell amazing.” She said as she glanced over at her flowers. “Too bad the admirer isn’t much of a secret.” She added half-kidding.
“Well I think that just told me what I wanted to know.”
“And he doesn’t have such great taste. He didn’t pick out those flowers, he never even saw them, the 1-800 flowers guy did all that.” She said flatly, eyeing the beautiful bouquet.
“Did you throw away the note?” Alex asked quietly.
Addison looked over at him, stunned by what he was asking. Completely stunned. Less with the question and more with the fact that she had actually thrown the note away. How had he known that?
Addison tried to downplay the look of surprise on her face. She nodded lightly, “How did you know that?”
Alex glanced at her and shrugged slightly. “I guessed.”
“Really?” She asked inquisitively.
“Yeah, it’s no where around the bouquet, and something about the way he gallivants around the hospital in search of you every 2 or 3 hours, leads me to believe his ego wouldn’t let him not attach a note.” Said Alex.
“Does he really look for me?” She asked him seriously.
“Uh, yeah. I’m your intern, usually people who are looking for you who don’t page you, ask me,” He replied, taking another sip of his coffee.
“What do you tell him?” She asked, sounding interested.
“That I don’t know. Which is usually true anyways.” Alex replied, glancing over at her.
“I have been making myself scarce.” Addison said plainly, looking at the mug in her hands.
“You shouldn’t have to do that.” Said Alex suddenly.
Addison shrugged.
“So you throw out the note but keep the flowers?” asked Alex, still rather fixated on the flowers in general.
Addison seemed to frown momentarily as she looked back at her flowers. “Well, look at them!” She exclaimed.
“Good point.”
Addison continued to look at the flowers, feeling a sense of nostalgia come over her as she thought about the last time someone had sent her flowers, it was one weekend about three months ago when Derek had been at a medical conference in L.A; he’s sent her the most exquisite orchids she had ever seen. The flash of Derek’s face in her mind stung her insides. It had been one of his less than selfish acts and those flowers had created a good memory. She remembered how strong she felt when she received them and how certain, she remembered feeling such hope and faith, that maybe her and Derek would endure. Feeling like maybe they would really make it; that their love was that strong.
Oh, Addy: you were such a fool, she thought to herself.
In the silence, she had been aware of her sadness but hadn’t really acknowledged it, it wasn’t until she felt her eyes burning from tears forming as she quickly blinked them away.
Don’t be that female, Addison. Get it together, she told herself.
The last thing she wanted to do was break down in front of Alex. She just didn’t want to be that girl. Plus extreme emotions breed intensity and her and Alex had compiled enough of that themselves to last a good while. She took a deep breath, lightly rubbing the corner of her eyes discreetly with her fingertips. She was thankful for the hair that was slightly covering her face as she tilted her head.
Alex observed Addison’s frame, she looked almost cold, the way her knees were huddled up near her chin, where her coffee mug was resting on her knees as she clutched it with her left hand. He noticed a slight shake in her shoulders, he wondered for a moment whether it was real or just a drunken dilution. Addison finally ran her hands through her hair and took a sip of coffee, still feeling the alcohol shifting it’s way through her blood stream. Alex saw the sadness on Addison’s face, it was painstakingly clear; she literally looked like, at any moment, she could just start crying. The way her face was trying to conceal it, made him feel instantly lost.
He stared at her for a few more seconds and then got up slowly; catching her attention as he walked over to the TV and turned it off. He turned on the stereo in a CD player next to the TV. A soothing jazz song sprang from the player. Addison watched him from her spot on the couch wondering what he was doing. She almost wanted to ask but decided against it, she thought that in her current state her voice might shake.
Alex walked over to Addison and stopped once he was standing in front of her. She looked at him blankly, wondering what he was going to do. The sadness in her eyes made him pause briefly.
“Get up.” He said lightly, putting out his hand.
“I don’t really feel…” she started to exclaim but he reached down and took her hands, pulling her up.
Addison studied his expression as he put his hand on her waist and put her hand on his shoulder, as he enclosed his other hand over hers, moving her body dangerously close to his.
“Dance.” He said softly, looking into her eyes.
Addison stared at him feeling the firmness of his shoulders underneath her fingertips, feeling the shape of his hand on the small of her back as she felt the strength of his other hand holding on to hers, her legs wouldn’t move. She searched his eyes for some sort of sign or message or something. He repeated himself.
“Dance.” He said smoothly, giving her a look of reassurance.
Addison dropped her head and squeezed her eyes shut as she rested the top of her head on the side of his chin and started slowly swaying to the song. Addison felt positively unglued. She felt as if, if he hadn’t been holding her she would have just collapsed on the floor from surprise, her anxiety and the compiled nerves she’d been sitting on all day, hell, all week. Addison blinked away some tears that had forced there way into her eyes. Addison took a breath to try and keep her tears at bay. Alex felt her tremble slightly against him and he slid his hand across her back bringing her more tightly to him. Addison closed her eyes; feeling the intensity of the moment, which almost overtook her.
Addison opened her palm and flattened it against his upper chest, putting her arm around his neck to fully embrace him. He held her tight, rubbing his hand over her back as he heard her exhale, she felt the tears fall down her face. She held on to him as if her life depended on it as the tears kept coming, she knew he could tell; she so absolutely heartbroken. Addison buried her head in his neck to muffle her cries.
“It’s okay…” whispered Alex as he held her. “You’re okay.”
“I’m sorry,” she began. He shushed her, continuing to rub her back as she cried.
“Look at me.” he said after a while, pulling back a little to attempt and read her eyes. She wouldn’t meet them, looking past him as she placed a hand over her mouth silently, battling her ever-increasing display of demons.
“Hey…hey, look at me…” he pleaded. She finally gave in, looking at him. Alex saw such devastation in her face, in gave him chills. He stared at her for a moment and then gently brushed the tears from her face with his fingers, the care in his approach seemed unparallel.
“I know you feel scared and lost…” he began, placing the hand that was brushing her tears away, gently on the side of her face. “…and that’s okay; but I don’t want you to ever think that you’re alone. Because you’re not alone.”
Addison nodded her head lightly, as she took a breath to calm herself. “I’m sorry…” she began, “You were just trying to be nice and I just break down all over you. That wasn’t fair.” She whispered.
“No apologies, you didn‘t do anything wrong. I don’t want to ever push you to talk about something you’re not ready to discuss but when you are I swear to you I’ll listen to every word.”
Addison stared at him silently, she felt as if she was trying to remember every aspect of his face. The tips of her fingers tingled as his eyes briefly dropped to her mouth. His thumb lightly traced along her chin, as she became more aware of his hand that remained on her waist; she felt his pinkie against the skin of her lower back. Their eye contact continued in a tumultuous dual as they both contemplated their need for the other.
Addison leaned forward slowly as Alex’s hand slid across her neck and into her hair. She stopped when their lips were merely centimeters apart, Alex made no immediate move to close the gap. Addison felt his other hand move up her back bringing her body closer. Alex moved forward suddenly closing the subtle space between their mouths, kissing her softly and purposefully. Addison’s mind was spinning as her mouth responded to his slowly prying lips. Her fingertips grazed through the short hair at the nape of his neck. Addison inhaled through her mouth as he kissed her upper lip and his tongue went searching for hers; Addison felt her breathe catch at the sensation. They continued to slowly kiss as Alex’s fingers ran through her hair; Addison’s lips started in on his with more urgency, feeling his arms tighten around her body she gasped for a breath, tearing her lips from his. Alex briefly kissed her again on the mouth, Addison breathed deeply, trying to catch her breath and regain her composure.
Alex searched her eyes as she shifted her gaze down and closed her eyes.
“I’m sorry…” she whispered.
“Shh…shhh. It’s fine…” he began, his hand still in her hair as he gently brushed his lips against her cheek, and then against her forehead.
Addison’s heart broke. As much as it was everything she wanted at this very moment; she just couldn’t do it.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again, pulling back, trying to catch his eyes. “I just can’t, I hate that I’m doing this. It’s not fair to you.”
“No, no don‘t do that; it was my fault, you were upset, I just…” he trailed off, loosing his train of thought as she bit her lip.
“I know.” She said, nodding her head slightly, “There’s just way too much going on right now with me. I’m such a mess.” She said sadly.
Alex shook his head lightly as he ran his hand down her shoulder and he put more distance between them. He almost didn’t trust himself to be that close to her, one part of him wanted to just protect and shelter her and the other part wanted to have her right then and right there on the floor.
“I’m sorry,” she said again, she kept replaying what had just happened between them in her head and it still made her weak in the knees. Even though he was no longer holding her; she could still feel him. They stood in silence for a moment.
“I don’t want you to be sorry. You don’t need to be. I want you to trust me. I know that you’re going through a lot right now and if I can do anything at all; please let me.”
“You’ve done more than you know already.” She said quietly. “I really didn’t need to be alone tonight.”
“You’re not alone.”
Addison looked away, she couldn’t get pulled back in. She had to be strong, she liked him too much to sleep with him now and complicate her life more than it already was. She knew he deserved more than that and she wanted that for him; even if he did kiss like his entire existence depended on it.
“When I’m ready to talk about it, you’ll be the first to know.” She assured him lightly, trying to convey her appreciation.
“You look tired, maybe I should…” Alex started.
“No, please…stay.” Addison cut him off quickly. “Drink the rest of your coffee.” She finished.
He looked up at her and slowly nodded his head, agreeing to stay.