Turtle Story: The Butter story Part 2

[g33kg1rl]

 
A loud moan burst from Mikey as Leo’s fingers dragged across that something inside of him again that not only made stars burst before his eyes, but made his whole body want to curl and writhe desperately in the amazing pleasure of it all. “Leo~o!” he cried out.

Comments

[lvsinsanity]

Okay, I like the thought process behind this story. It's never an old topic for stories.

But, I do need to point out a few things with you.

You need to pay better attention to your grammar. Your words seem to get mixed up, like... when you switch so that the characters are thinking, you need to do something that alerts the reader of the switch. Such as italics, or one of these ~ or * ya know?

Also, *grimaces* I don't like how this one part ended. It's too abrupt, and a mistake made easily with new writers. To keep the story flowing smoothly, you should have slowly weened out the chapter.

Perhaps had Raph growling, saying something along the lines of maybe "Fine, I'll take a damn shower, a cold shower, but that door better damn well be open when I get back, ya hear

[micaturtle]

*twitches at a few of lvsinsanity's comments

[g33kg1rl]

I'll be the first to admit that Grammer kicks my ass everytime. I still don't understand it (honest to goodness, i'm just unable to comprehend how grammer fits together, and I tried VERY hard in school (because even back then i wanted to be a writer) and I even bought several of those 'grammer assisting' books; but it still hasn't clicked in my head how it works). So I'm never surprised when anyone points out mistakes. I welcome those comments actually as long as they are specific because then I learn from my mistakes and slowly build from there

[lil_black_bird]

*Salutes you from behind mound of slightly bloody tissues* You are an amazing writer, you make my head spin! I love all of your work, from funny to angsty to smut-tastic...

I luvs you *goes to read more*

[scoopgirl79]

This was very hot... :) loved it... I competely understand about spelling, and grammer... I still do that myself and need to go over it a few times, and have at least two people as well edit my stuff...
But other wise I love your detail, and what your doing with the story... Awesome work...:)

[aloneindarknes7]

Oh Donnie, why didn't you open the door? You could have had just as much fun as Leo and Mikey did! Wonderful chapter. *purr*