FIC: What If? 2/7
Title: What If?
Rating: PG
Pairings: Lily Evans and James Potter and Lily Evans and Severus Snape
Warnings: None
Genre: Drama, Supernatural, Bit of Romance, Bit of Angst
Length: 13,137 (total fic)
Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognise. J K Rowling retains all copyright.
Summary: What if Lily had the chance to live her life over again with the knowledge of what had happened before? Inspired by the fabulous do-over novel Replay by Ken Grimwood.
Third Time Lucky?
Lily was back in the hotel room again.
She leapt from the bed and sprinted to the mirror. The green eyes stared back at her from the eleven year old face.
She had another chance…only this time she’d try things differently.
James and Sirius hadn’t believed her because of all the times she’d tried to convince them of Peter’s duplicity when they’d been at school. So this time she’d not try that method.
She knew it would be no use in leaving Peter to go the same way as he had before without warning the others…that would just end in the same result as the first time around.
But perhaps there was another way…
Just maybe she could keep him from ever joining Voldemort.
“Lily, are you up yet? You don’t want to miss the train on your first day!”
“I’m up,” Lily called back absentmindedly as she busied herself with gathering her belongings whilst simultaneously considering how best to go about her plans for Peter.
“Mum says to hurry up,” Petunia said as she put her head round the door a few minutes later.
“I’ll be right there,” Lily replied with a grin. Maybe this time she’d be able to salvage her relationship with Petunia as well.
The shock and disbelief she’d felt for the first few days the last time were not present and she hoped she had the presence of mind to save their friendship this time.
-o-xXx-o-
For the next few years Lily spent more time with Peter than she had in the last two lives combined.
Even before she was friends with James, Sirius and Remus, Lily was friends with Peter.
She spent almost as much time with him as she did with Severus, though she was careful to keep the two boys from becoming too friendly. She didn’t want Peter to be any closer to the admirers of the Death Eaters than she could help.
She wondered if she could try to keep Severus from them as well but just like before, he’d been sorted into Slytherin and was far nearer the bad influences than Peter was.
Besides which, she reflected, she didn’t even know whether Severus had joined the Death Eaters. She had believed him to be heading down that path but once they’d left Hogwarts she’d heard nothing further about him…not in either of her lives.
She could have been wrong in her judgement of Severus, just as she’d once been wrong in her judgement of Peter. For all she knew Severus may have lived a quiet, secluded and Death Eater free life.
He may have had the sort of life that she and James had only dreamed of.
She told herself that this was third time lucky and somehow she’d find a way to keep Peter loyal to his friends.
She wasn’t so lucky with her efforts regarding Petunia. Her sister’s jealousy seemed to have been sealed from the moment she’d received her Hogwarts letter. Lily suspected that unless she refused to go to Hogwarts at all then there was nothing that she could do that would entirely repair their relationship.
But the problems with Petunia took a back seat to the ones with Peter as Lily devoted more and more of her time and energy to keeping him from joining Voldemort.
Her main problem was recognising the signs in Peter that would show which side he was actually on. They’d never suspected before and she had no way of knowing if her plan was working now.
-o-xXx-o-
Lily was enjoying the last months of freedom before Dumbledore told her and James about the prophecy.
She remembered the exact date he’d come to her; at the time he hadn’t even know if it was about her son or Alice Longbottom’s. He’d not wanted to make any move until Voldemort had made his but with the knowledge of what was to come Lily was anxious to ensure the safety of her family as soon as the word came.
In the meantime she’d returned to the childhood playground where she’d once played with Petunia and where she’d first met Severus Snape.
They’d grown apart once more…Severus had never understood her decision to start dating James. Even though this time around she had forgiven him after his late night apology following the incident after the DADA OWL, his jealousy of James had driven a wedge between them and he’d not spoken to her since the day that he’d found out that she was seeing James.
She wondered whether he’d returned to Spinners End or whether he’d left the place forever as he’d longed to do.
Before she’d even had time to consider what she was doing her feet were carrying her in the direction of Severus’s old home and she was banging on the door.
“Lily!” There was an expression of complete and utter shock on Severus’s face when he opened the door. He made no move to invite her in and looked as though he wasn’t sure whether to believe she was even there.
“Aren’t you going to invite an old friend in?” Lily asked with a hesitant smile. He didn’t return her smile but he did step back to allow her entry.
She walked past him and into the familiar living room. The furnishings were shabbier than she remembered, time had taken its toll on the house as surely as it had taken its toll on Severus.
The young man looked paler than he’d ever been and she could see his hands were shaking slightly as he closed the door and gestured to one of the seats. He sat down opposite her, stiff-backed and frowning. He didn’t speak.
“So how have you been?” Lily asked, the silence unbearable.
Severus shrugged but didn’t answer her question. “Why are you here?” he asked instead. The frostiness in his voice was to be expected; it had been there since the moment he’d found out she was seeing James.
Why was she here?
To visit an old friend?
To catch up on news and gossip?
“Did you become a Death Eater?” she finally blurted out, cursing her impulsive tongue even as she saw the familiar expression of guilt on the face of the man before her.
“Is Peter one?” she asked, even as she resisted the urge to bolt for the front door. She was sitting in the house of a Death Eater. She should be afraid for her life but it was Severus…he’d been her friend…he was her friend…wasn’t he?
“Peter?” Severus asked, confusion on his face.
“Peter Pettigrew, from school?” Lily asked.
“I don’t know,” Severus replied with a shake of his head. “I don’t…we don’t…there are many I’ve never met.”
“Is there any way of finding out for sure?” Lily asked, shifting in her seat as her unborn son moved inside her.
“No,” replied Severus curtly. He seemed to look at her then and realised her slight discomfort. “Are you unwell?”
“No,” Lily replied with a smile. “He’s moving about, that’s all.”
“He? You’re having a baby?” Severus’s jaw dropped momentarily before he regained his composure.
“He’s due in July,” Lily said as she undid the ties of her coat and settled back. She looked up and smiled at Severus before realising that what little colour he had in his face had gone entirely. “Severus? What is it?”
“You’re expecting a baby boy in July?” he whispered.
“Yes,” Lily replied and her confusion started to clear. “I see you’ve heard about the prophecy.”
“I was the one who reported the prophecy to the Dark Lord,” Severus whispered, dawning horror in his eyes.
Lily felt the room begin to sway beneath her as the implications of his words registered in her mind.
-o-xXx-o-
She felt the cold dampness against her cheeks as she came round after her faint. Severus was leaning over her with the wet cloth, concern on his face. She couldn’t help herself; she recoiled from his touch. She ignored the hurt in his eyes as she pushed him away and staggered to her feet.
“Did you know it was my son when you told your master the prophecy?” Lily hissed as she glared at the increasingly distressed young man.
“Lily…” he faltered. “Please…I didn’t mean…I didn’t know…Lily?”
“All this time I blamed Peter for betraying us to Voldemort when it was you who gave him the reason to kill us,” Lily shouted.
“It might not be you,” Severus pointed out desperately. “You don’t know…you’re talking like it already happened.”
“It has already happened!” Lily yelled. “Your Dark Lord has already murdered me and my husband twice leaving my one year old son to face him! Leaving my son to die!”
“Lily, you’re not making sense,” Severus said as he slowly and cautiously edged his way around the room to block her exit. He wasn’t quite quick enough though and Lily rushed for the door.
She hurried down the road as fast as she could, stopping only when Harry reminded her that her exertions were not good for either of them.
It was some time before all that she’d learned sank in.
Severus was the reason her family had been targeted.
Severus was the reason her family had died.
All she could do was hope that this time Peter was not in the pay of Voldemort.
-o-xXx-o-
Lily never spoke to anyone about her conversation with Severus. She was ashamed that she’d misjudged him so badly and that James and Sirius had been right all along. Until she’d seen the confirmation with her own eyes, a small tiny part of her had always held onto the hope that he’d not followed the rest of his friends into the ranks of the Death Eaters.
When the time came for the Fidelius Charm to be performed and the Secret Keeper to be chosen Peter seemed less confident than he had been previously. She hoped that his lack of eagerness might be an indication that he was not Death Eater.
To be on the safe side she still expressed some doubts to James and Sirius when they announced their plan. They took even less notice of her than they had done before, pointing out that of all of them it was she, Lily, who’d been most friendly with Peter all along.
-o-xXx-o-
He’d still betrayed them.
Lily felt the pain of the killing curse, saw the flash of green light.
She woke with a scream.
Part 3
Rating: PG
Pairings: Lily Evans and James Potter and Lily Evans and Severus Snape
Warnings: None
Genre: Drama, Supernatural, Bit of Romance, Bit of Angst
Length: 13,137 (total fic)
Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognise. J K Rowling retains all copyright.
Summary: What if Lily had the chance to live her life over again with the knowledge of what had happened before? Inspired by the fabulous do-over novel Replay by Ken Grimwood.
Third Time Lucky?
Lily was back in the hotel room again.
She leapt from the bed and sprinted to the mirror. The green eyes stared back at her from the eleven year old face.
She had another chance…only this time she’d try things differently.
James and Sirius hadn’t believed her because of all the times she’d tried to convince them of Peter’s duplicity when they’d been at school. So this time she’d not try that method.
She knew it would be no use in leaving Peter to go the same way as he had before without warning the others…that would just end in the same result as the first time around.
But perhaps there was another way…
Just maybe she could keep him from ever joining Voldemort.
“Lily, are you up yet? You don’t want to miss the train on your first day!”
“I’m up,” Lily called back absentmindedly as she busied herself with gathering her belongings whilst simultaneously considering how best to go about her plans for Peter.
“Mum says to hurry up,” Petunia said as she put her head round the door a few minutes later.
“I’ll be right there,” Lily replied with a grin. Maybe this time she’d be able to salvage her relationship with Petunia as well.
The shock and disbelief she’d felt for the first few days the last time were not present and she hoped she had the presence of mind to save their friendship this time.
-o-xXx-o-
For the next few years Lily spent more time with Peter than she had in the last two lives combined.
Even before she was friends with James, Sirius and Remus, Lily was friends with Peter.
She spent almost as much time with him as she did with Severus, though she was careful to keep the two boys from becoming too friendly. She didn’t want Peter to be any closer to the admirers of the Death Eaters than she could help.
She wondered if she could try to keep Severus from them as well but just like before, he’d been sorted into Slytherin and was far nearer the bad influences than Peter was.
Besides which, she reflected, she didn’t even know whether Severus had joined the Death Eaters. She had believed him to be heading down that path but once they’d left Hogwarts she’d heard nothing further about him…not in either of her lives.
She could have been wrong in her judgement of Severus, just as she’d once been wrong in her judgement of Peter. For all she knew Severus may have lived a quiet, secluded and Death Eater free life.
He may have had the sort of life that she and James had only dreamed of.
She told herself that this was third time lucky and somehow she’d find a way to keep Peter loyal to his friends.
She wasn’t so lucky with her efforts regarding Petunia. Her sister’s jealousy seemed to have been sealed from the moment she’d received her Hogwarts letter. Lily suspected that unless she refused to go to Hogwarts at all then there was nothing that she could do that would entirely repair their relationship.
But the problems with Petunia took a back seat to the ones with Peter as Lily devoted more and more of her time and energy to keeping him from joining Voldemort.
Her main problem was recognising the signs in Peter that would show which side he was actually on. They’d never suspected before and she had no way of knowing if her plan was working now.
-o-xXx-o-
Lily was enjoying the last months of freedom before Dumbledore told her and James about the prophecy.
She remembered the exact date he’d come to her; at the time he hadn’t even know if it was about her son or Alice Longbottom’s. He’d not wanted to make any move until Voldemort had made his but with the knowledge of what was to come Lily was anxious to ensure the safety of her family as soon as the word came.
In the meantime she’d returned to the childhood playground where she’d once played with Petunia and where she’d first met Severus Snape.
They’d grown apart once more…Severus had never understood her decision to start dating James. Even though this time around she had forgiven him after his late night apology following the incident after the DADA OWL, his jealousy of James had driven a wedge between them and he’d not spoken to her since the day that he’d found out that she was seeing James.
She wondered whether he’d returned to Spinners End or whether he’d left the place forever as he’d longed to do.
Before she’d even had time to consider what she was doing her feet were carrying her in the direction of Severus’s old home and she was banging on the door.
“Lily!” There was an expression of complete and utter shock on Severus’s face when he opened the door. He made no move to invite her in and looked as though he wasn’t sure whether to believe she was even there.
“Aren’t you going to invite an old friend in?” Lily asked with a hesitant smile. He didn’t return her smile but he did step back to allow her entry.
She walked past him and into the familiar living room. The furnishings were shabbier than she remembered, time had taken its toll on the house as surely as it had taken its toll on Severus.
The young man looked paler than he’d ever been and she could see his hands were shaking slightly as he closed the door and gestured to one of the seats. He sat down opposite her, stiff-backed and frowning. He didn’t speak.
“So how have you been?” Lily asked, the silence unbearable.
Severus shrugged but didn’t answer her question. “Why are you here?” he asked instead. The frostiness in his voice was to be expected; it had been there since the moment he’d found out she was seeing James.
Why was she here?
To visit an old friend?
To catch up on news and gossip?
“Did you become a Death Eater?” she finally blurted out, cursing her impulsive tongue even as she saw the familiar expression of guilt on the face of the man before her.
“Is Peter one?” she asked, even as she resisted the urge to bolt for the front door. She was sitting in the house of a Death Eater. She should be afraid for her life but it was Severus…he’d been her friend…he was her friend…wasn’t he?
“Peter?” Severus asked, confusion on his face.
“Peter Pettigrew, from school?” Lily asked.
“I don’t know,” Severus replied with a shake of his head. “I don’t…we don’t…there are many I’ve never met.”
“Is there any way of finding out for sure?” Lily asked, shifting in her seat as her unborn son moved inside her.
“No,” replied Severus curtly. He seemed to look at her then and realised her slight discomfort. “Are you unwell?”
“No,” Lily replied with a smile. “He’s moving about, that’s all.”
“He? You’re having a baby?” Severus’s jaw dropped momentarily before he regained his composure.
“He’s due in July,” Lily said as she undid the ties of her coat and settled back. She looked up and smiled at Severus before realising that what little colour he had in his face had gone entirely. “Severus? What is it?”
“You’re expecting a baby boy in July?” he whispered.
“Yes,” Lily replied and her confusion started to clear. “I see you’ve heard about the prophecy.”
“I was the one who reported the prophecy to the Dark Lord,” Severus whispered, dawning horror in his eyes.
Lily felt the room begin to sway beneath her as the implications of his words registered in her mind.
-o-xXx-o-
She felt the cold dampness against her cheeks as she came round after her faint. Severus was leaning over her with the wet cloth, concern on his face. She couldn’t help herself; she recoiled from his touch. She ignored the hurt in his eyes as she pushed him away and staggered to her feet.
“Did you know it was my son when you told your master the prophecy?” Lily hissed as she glared at the increasingly distressed young man.
“Lily…” he faltered. “Please…I didn’t mean…I didn’t know…Lily?”
“All this time I blamed Peter for betraying us to Voldemort when it was you who gave him the reason to kill us,” Lily shouted.
“It might not be you,” Severus pointed out desperately. “You don’t know…you’re talking like it already happened.”
“It has already happened!” Lily yelled. “Your Dark Lord has already murdered me and my husband twice leaving my one year old son to face him! Leaving my son to die!”
“Lily, you’re not making sense,” Severus said as he slowly and cautiously edged his way around the room to block her exit. He wasn’t quite quick enough though and Lily rushed for the door.
She hurried down the road as fast as she could, stopping only when Harry reminded her that her exertions were not good for either of them.
It was some time before all that she’d learned sank in.
Severus was the reason her family had been targeted.
Severus was the reason her family had died.
All she could do was hope that this time Peter was not in the pay of Voldemort.
-o-xXx-o-
Lily never spoke to anyone about her conversation with Severus. She was ashamed that she’d misjudged him so badly and that James and Sirius had been right all along. Until she’d seen the confirmation with her own eyes, a small tiny part of her had always held onto the hope that he’d not followed the rest of his friends into the ranks of the Death Eaters.
When the time came for the Fidelius Charm to be performed and the Secret Keeper to be chosen Peter seemed less confident than he had been previously. She hoped that his lack of eagerness might be an indication that he was not Death Eater.
To be on the safe side she still expressed some doubts to James and Sirius when they announced their plan. They took even less notice of her than they had done before, pointing out that of all of them it was she, Lily, who’d been most friendly with Peter all along.
-o-xXx-o-
He’d still betrayed them.
Lily felt the pain of the killing curse, saw the flash of green light.
She woke with a scream.
Part 3